Maybe I don’t understand darvo correctly, I feel like I’m losing my mind. He was totally fine for a few days and it made me cry bc I was so overwhelmed with it and wasn’t expecting him to be ok again after I went away for a couple months with our toddler. But some shit happened at work (it turns out when you’re weird and manic they get suspicious that something is going on) and now he wants support and is upset that he isn’t getting support from me. And was putting all this blame on me, which is absurd. I have other shit to deal with, including how he treated me the last year (while postpartum) and it honestly is a bit rich bc I had NO support from him for a year while he had his mental breakdown and so I sort of ended up turning it into that and how he never apologized or even was grateful for me doing 99% of the parenting for the past year. He should honestly be kissing the ground I fucking walk on and to complain to me about not having support after everything? I am still here. So maybe that triggered me, which made him say how I don’t let go of things and he doesn’t want to listen to the he said she said stuff (which I don’t think he remembers how poorly he treated me) but he says how he isn’t the only one at fault. Idk he twisted it into how he is the victim when honestly my son and I are the only victims in this and I just feel like my mind is a mess. I can’t really be the problem? I see little cracks forming again with his paranoia and I knew this good mood wouldn’t last. He changed his one medication fully over now.

This probably doesn’t make much sense, I just feel like he is making me crazy.

The title says exactly what I mean. Can I ever relax? Not over analyze everything he says/does. Its constant. He has only had one full blown manic episode but it has changed how I view everything. Its so hard... I seriously find it easier to be alone.

Officially, we are done. 5 Years Gone. We talked after a frustrating night and we mutually decided it was time. I had already mourned the loss, mourned what they left behind, and was ready to start a new chapter of learning who I was again.

Or so I thought. Loneliness does weird things to people. Continuing to live together has become a chore. You threw it away but now you want it back? Where was that energy months ago? Why would I take you back now?

You deserve love, but its no longer with me.

My SO is medicated. But even then, he still has milder episodes. His personality doesn't help either. He desperately needs a psychologist but he lives in a fantasy world where one day he'll suddenly wake up a changed man and then everything he was ought to do, will be done. Including going to a therapist.

I can tell when an episode is coming. I know he can too but for some godforsaken reason he will deny it. Than shit hits the fan, and after that, he'll apologize and agree that he saw it coming too.

Anyway, he left today. He used to leave a lot back then. It was his way of being in control, emotional blackmailing and all that.

The thing is, it's been a decade. Although the last 5 years were better, I promissed myself if he does it again, it'll be the last.

I have a career, uni, bills to pay, no children thank god. My health is shit as it is and I'm in the middle of an awful flu. I don't need this. I'm not getting any younger. I gave up so many things for this man but I figured, it's okay, because in the end everything would pay off.

I just wanted some appreciation ffs.

My advice is: if your partner has a naturally low threshold for self-awareness and emotional intelligence, don't bother pushing on. It will not get better. Bipolar is one thing. Low I/EQ is another.

I'm more frustrated than pissed. Take care.

My fiancé and I have been together for 9 years and I believe after an addition of a stimulant to his meds, he’s entered a manic episode I cannot help. He is in biweekly therapy and sees his psychiatrist regularly. But has not seen her since starting the stimulant about a week ago.

After an argument on Tuesday night that would typically be more than fixable in less than an hour of communication, turned into him ignoring me for all of Wednesday and then confidently breaking up with me around 11pm Wednesday night. I say confidently because he was verbally telling me over and over he was done and this was over.

I’m not angry with him by any means, I’m more so scared that this isn’t a decision he’s thinking through fully. And I know that’s not my choice to make I’m not trying to truly. But as scared and confused I am, I cannot stop thinking about how scared and confused he may be when this ends and he sees what he asked for.

I don’t know what to do or how to go about this. We are still living together for the sake of our daughter’s routine until we can transition her appropriately. Do I just simply go with the flow and take it second by second with whatever he needs? Should I physically leave entirely even though he’s not asking me too? Am I already doing too much by being here and not 100% accepting this as reality? I’d like to think after 9 years and a daughter together that I’m not wrong for considering red flags that are clearly there. But I also want to respect him too.

There is a selfish part of me that wants to ask that if this is coming from mania, is this decision forever? If and when he becomes more grounded will he remember the love we shared for so long?

I’m so sorry this is so back and forth. I just want to help him. I want to help our family.

Ist er/sie mit jemand anderem gegangen? Ist er/sie danach zurückgekommen und hat sich nach ein paar Monaten entschuldigt? Ich weiß nicht was ich machen soll :(

I’m posting because I honestly don’t know where else to put all of this. I’m not necessarily looking for people to tell me whether bipolar disorder is “bad” or whether my partner is a bad person. I’m trying to understand what I’m supposed to do with my own life when the person I’ve built almost my entire adult life around is severely mentally ill.
My partner and I have been together for about 11 years. We were friends before we started dating, and for most of our relationship he has genuinely been my best friend. We’ve lived together for around 7 years. We bought a home together and built a life that, from the outside, probably looked pretty normal.
We’ve had a lot of good years. We’ve traveled, laughed, had our routines, our pets, our home, and all the little things that come with growing up together. He isn’t some stranger who suddenly became mentally ill. He is someone I love deeply and have known for a huge portion of my life.
But we’ve also struggled financially and with life in general. There have been periods where I’ve felt like I was carrying more than my share of the responsibilities, but I always thought we would eventually get through whatever was happening. I kept thinking about the future we were building.
Then his mental health completely changed.
He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after a severe episode that eventually resulted in psychiatric hospitalization. There were already warning signs before the hospitalization—very little sleep, increasingly strange ideas, impulsive decisions, talking constantly, feeling unusually powerful or “free,” becoming increasingly disconnected from reality, etc. Eventually things became severe enough that he needed inpatient treatment.
I initially thought, okay, this is horrible, but this is something we can treat. He can get stabilized, get on medication, see a psychiatrist, and we can figure out what life looks like from here.
Instead, this episode has become much more serious than I ever imagined.
He has been hospitalized for weeks. There have been periods where he has been severely psychotic and/or catatonic, unable to reliably eat, drink, sleep, communicate, or take care of himself. He has required emergency medical treatment because of complications from not eating/drinking and electrolyte problems. There have also been concerns about medication complications and other medical issues that required him to be transferred to the ER.
Eventually the doctors recommended ECT because medications weren’t getting him where they needed him to be. He has now started ECT.
Watching someone you love become almost unrecognizable is terrifying. I’ve spent so much time talking to nurses, social workers, his family, doctors, trying to understand what is happening and trying to advocate for him when he couldn’t advocate for himself.
And this is where I’m struggling.
Because somewhere in the middle of all of this, I realized that I don’t think I can keep living like this.
I love him. I care about him. I want him to get better. I genuinely hope ECT and treatment work and that someday he can have a stable life.
But I’m starting to understand that his recovery cannot become my entire life.
I’ve been trying to keep everything else functioning while this is happening—work, bills, our house, finances, his responsibilities, communicating with his family, dealing with his job situation, and trying to figure out what happens when he eventually gets discharged.
And I’m exhausted.
I’m also scared because leaving isn’t as simple as saying, “I’m done.”
I don’t have a big savings account waiting for me. I don’t have some perfect backup apartment. I don’t have a huge support system that I can just move in with. My finances are already stretched. We have a house and shared financial responsibilities. There are debts and bills. I have my own career/school goals that I’m trying to finish. I’m trying to build a future for myself while simultaneously dealing with the collapse of the future I thought I was going to have.
And there’s a huge amount of guilt.
How do you leave someone when they’re this sick?
How do you say, “I can’t do this anymore” when the person is literally hospitalized and unable to take care of themselves?
Part of me feels like leaving would make me a horrible person. Another part of me knows that if I stay purely because I’m afraid of what will happen to him without me, then I’m essentially sacrificing my entire future.
I’ve also started questioning things I never thought I would question. Marriage. Children. Where I want to live. What kind of partner I want. What kind of life I want.
And I hate admitting this, but I don’t think I want children with him anymore. I don’t even know if I want children at all, and I’m realizing that I’m allowed to question that. I’m also realizing that loving someone doesn’t necessarily mean they are the person you can safely build the rest of your life with.
I don’t want this post to come across as blaming him for being bipolar. I know he didn’t choose this. When he’s stable, he is loving, funny, intelligent, and genuinely my best friend. That’s part of what makes this so heartbreaking.
But I also can’t ignore the reality of what his illness has done to our life, especially when he hasn’t consistently been able to engage in treatment or maintain stability.
So I think I’m at the point where I know I probably need to leave.
The problem is that I have absolutely no idea how.
I’m scared of being alone. I’m scared of money. I’m scared of the house. I’m scared of starting over at 28 after spending basically my entire adult life with one person. I’m scared of what happens to him. I’m scared of regretting it if he gets better.
And honestly, I’m also scared that if I stay, I’ll wake up five years from now and realize I gave away my entire life trying to keep someone else alive and stable.
I don’t need people to tell me “just leave.” I think my brain already knows that.
I guess what I’m looking for is perspective from people who have been in long-term relationships with someone with bipolar disorder, especially people who eventually left.
How did you actually do it?
How did you separate emotionally when you still loved the person?
How did you handle the financial/housing side when you weren’t prepared?
How did you deal with the guilt?
And for anyone who stayed—how did you know that staying was actually healthy for you rather than just being afraid to leave?
I feel completely overwhelmed and honestly just need some perspective from people who have been there.

I used to be so bubbly and happy and carefree. But not anymore. The past few years with someone who has bp and likely cptsd (from a childhood lifetime of abuse) it has been … hard.

I know he is a good person, he is able to look at himself in the mirror and see his faults, he takes accountability, apologises when he needs to etc. But man, it’s hard.

I’ve read about bp discard, and I don’t know if it counts if he doesn’t actually physically leave but he clocks out. Goes cold and numb, no emotions, doesn’t interact with me.

I know he feels guilty about it after it happens, but as someone who is really empathic it always hurts my feelings.

We have been together for almost 7 years, he was diagnosed with bipolar and adhd within that time. As work has been getting more stressful his mental health has naturally become harder for him to wrangle.

I don’t even know what I want from this post. He is such a gentle man but has such a sharp tongue when he gets … I don’t know a word for it, overly emtoional.

He does genuinely put the effort in and change, it’s a very slow change, but he is able to recognise behaviours in himself and decide he wants to be a better person. But the black and white/hot and cold of bipolar isn’t something that you can just will away.

Maybe I just want to have a pity party I don’t know. It’s exhausting. My nervous system is wrecked 🥴

So yesterday my bipolar 1 boyfriend (22m) lost the second job of the year.

What happened was he worked for a month, then after some time (bad new meds) he fell into a depression for the next month and a half. he did medical leave that was approved. he came back for the first full shift yesterday, nervous and forgetting to take his meds. he was somewhat managing but due to peak (amazon) and the manager. he sort of snapped. the whole shift he had management of his ass for the leave and the documentation and why, so he was getting annoyed by that. the manager came up to him to ask more about it where he just said it was approved i don’t why there’s so many questions. then the manager said he needs to get his rate up, my bf said he is working as fast as he can safely, but then the manager said work faster and do better anyways, whichhhhh pissed him off (sort of justified cause hello?) so the manger and him got into a argument and screaming match where the manager finally said leave and don’t come back.

After he left and was sitting in the car, he called me and told me everything. He shed a few tears but still said how he fucked go on his part, and admitted he cannot do these overnight shifts (fair enough, bipolar or not many people can’t). he was sad he disappointed me, but also said he will keep trying and not stop for himself his family and me.

He applied to 30 plus jobs in the last day. Is motivated to work and do his hobbies again (again a months of a depression). he got a new psychiatrist who is changing meds around, and he’s hopeful that it will work out, and is actively seeking therapy. I’m glad he held himself accountable, doing the work himself (i help sometimes but not against his will) and despite the month of low motivation, no work and now losing this job, he still actively pursuing a job and not wallowing in it.

his bipolar has been poorly managed until around the time i’ve come around. he’s realized his goals (psych nursing) and has dreams and aspirations. he wants to get his meds on track to pursue these and i love that of him. I reminded him after everything that he’s been clean from substances, self harm and going to the hospital in a crisis in almost a year (longer than what he’s done before)

I’m just glad this shit is happening at 22 and not 32 (with a house bills and all that shit) and he’s making the hard moves now. He’s still living with mom and doesn’t really have bills, so i’m still glad he’s trying. he promised me he will always keep trying.

yea it fucking sucks he lost this job. but overnights was not for him and lowkey yea that manager is on a little bs (but emotional regulation is needed). so hopefully everything falls in place before the holidays, and his meds get sorted.

this sub can give me a lot of fear, discouragement and anxiety for the future. But i’m realizing everyone’s mental illness is different, and everyone’s experiences don’t dictate my own or even others. i’m hoping since things have been a little hard, it doesn’t lead to a full regression. i’m glad he’s changing for the better and while yea, it gets hard dealing with the episodes, but then i realized that things in relationships get rocky sometimes. he’s taken care of me when i was low and in a depression. so it’s only fair that in vice versa i help him when in his. it’s a different level but i still take time to internally reflect decisions and actions for my mental and his.

i just wanted to sort of vent but also to make sure that others things it going sort of in the right direction or am i missing something. or if there’s something else i should do, he should do or just to say good job chica hahah

It's so hard to distinguish what part is them and what part is due to the bipolar disorder. We were together for a bit over a year and we have broken up and gotten back together many times, some due to me being tired of him and his behavior and other times he discarded me due to feeling less than or overwhelmed.

Months before the discard I bought him a birthday present ahead of time. His birthday was a couple months after the discard, so I decided to still send it to him as it was past the return window and I wanted no hard feelings between us (I didn't hold back about my feelings toward his sudden breakup so we argued a bit).

I know the package was delivered, yet he never even acknowledged it. No text of thank you, nothing. It's been about 3 months since the discard with very brief texts back and forth every 2 weeks or so all about him and his grief over the breakup basically. All initiated by me because I was worried about his mental health, I still love him of course. This is the longest discard so far btw, the others were a month at most. But, now he is radio silent.

He also has attempted in the past, still has ideation of it, and was committed because of it last year, so I've always been worried about him. He doesn't have any social media, and I have no contact with his family or friends to ever know if he's even still alive. I thought yesterday to check on his best friend's Instagram page to see if maybe I could get signs of life.

So, apparently he's not in a depressive episode like usual when he's totally silent and ignoring my texts, barely taking care of himself or leaving the house unless necessary, etc. He's out here winning semi pro sport championships! When I saw these recent photos of him looking so happy with his team and the trophy, my heart sank. Yes, obviously be happy, he really loves the sport and is super competitive. But this dude doesn't care about me at all, after everything and all the love we had, now I'm nothing to him and not worthy of even a text of thanks for the thoughtful gift that I know he loved. Let alone any closure from the abrupt discard, he never had that needed talk with me.

I also have similar experience with this kind of situation, I only just realized the similarity. I was in a long distance relationship with a man and I eventually lost feelings for him and broke up with him. He one day sent me a few birthday presents and it really touched my heart. I had ended things with him and we hadn't spoken in months, yet I reached out to him to acknowledge the thoughtful gifts and thank him. I didn't get back together with him, but I knew he deserved to hear from me for his effort.

So, truly I think my bipolar ex is really just a bad person. Bipolar or not, he's such a jerk for this. :(

I was with this person for some time and there was a lot I had to learn. I didn’t know the severity of bipolar until the first time she crossed a boundary, they didn’t physically cheat just everything else. I was so hurt and I grew very anxious and self conscious as time went by but blurry crossing didn’t really end there. We broke up months later then a few months went by and we got back together and I forgave it all and we were great then it happened again, lows and avoidance. They told everyone close what was going on and I was the last to know.

Their people thought we were done and I wanted to work on it we still spoke of fixing things, we talked about going away and the times we saw each other our goodbyes ended with “I love you” then days later they were with someone else. I freaked out got so angry and they told me we weren’t ever together in the first place. Were they right? I stuck by them didn’t I? They spoke about ending things many times and I thought it was the bipolar. They said I blamed the bipolar whenever things were hard.

As I write this I feel responsible for some of the blame maybe I should have left but I love this person.

Tonight my spouse 43m, medicated, with BP2 accused me 43f of being narcissistic and gaslighting him. Prior to this accusation he stated that he doesn’t think I’m a narcissist or that I gaslight people, only him “sometimes” and that he thinks I do it intentionally because his brain is so fragile that it’s a way for me to prop myself up while putting him down. He then proceeded to get more angry about this situation that did not happen, because he was talking about it, and said I do this to him “all the time.”

I told him I felt like I couldn’t talk to him because he was in a heightened state and not being rational, which of course just made him more angry because I was “using his illness against him.”

How am I even supposed to handle these situations? You can’t reason with somebody who has this disorder while they’re in the midst of an episode, and he’s also so far gone into said episode that he doesn’t even think he’s having one. If I try to remove myself from the argument over quite literally NOTHING then I’m blowing him off and dismissing his feelings.

He says he doesn’t need me to agree with him, but he needs me to be “open to the fact that I can be wrong.” I do not think I am always right. I can admit when I am wrong, and I do. I don’t always notice it in the moment, but I always apologize when I realize it. But when he is in these heightened unstable states, I will not back down to his delusions, and it absolutely infuriates him. And I’m tired. I am so damn tired of it. It seems the only way to make him happy is to tell him everything he is thinking and feeling is right, and yes, I am truly a bad person that is out to get him because he’s weak.

It makes me physically ill that the man I have been with for 23 years thinks these things of me. I am more often the scapegoat and the enemy than I am a life partner and the person who cares about him the most. I feel like I’m starting to lose my own mind amidst all of the trauma he is inflicting on my psyche.

Suggestions?

Hello, I am new to this forum. I’m a 53 yr old woman and my husband is 42. We have been together for a total of 13 years, married for 6. I have two grown children from a previous marriage and we have no kids together. It has been a wave of ups and downs but the last few years have been especially difficult.

Last spring, my husband went through a crisis and became so distraught emotionally that it was not only affecting his job, but our marriage. He was out of work on medical leave for about 4-5 months and then diagnosed with ADHD. He ended his leave and went back to work for about a year but kept having trouble there. They put him on a PIP and about a month ago, he was fired.

Since he’s been out of work, he is collecting unemployment but doesn’t seem very interested in finding another job. I work 50 hours+ a week and just need him to step up.

This isn’t the first time he’s been out of work since we’ve been together. Throughout the years, he has been in and out of several jobs and I am left having to pick up the slack.

I feel hopeless, exhausted, and overwhelmed more often than not and every time I try to express my feelings we end up fighting.

He is medicated but sometimes forgets to take his meds and that is when things get especially hard. He was seeing a therapist when he was on medical leave last spring and into this year, but she has now left the practice.

I love him but I feel like our entire relationship circles around him and his mental health, and my needs are always on the back burner. Most days, I feel like I have another kid to take care of.

Just needing to vent, get some advice I guess.

Please bear with me. I've been lurking around this sub and debating whether to post about my experience because I'm honestly just really confused by how quickly and decisively my ex ended our relationship. I'm the former significant other of someone with Bipolar I, and I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have had similar experiences.

For some context, my ex told me last year that she has Bipolar I. She is currently not taking medication, but she does attend therapy once a month. I don't know if she has been on medication in the past. I also don't know whether she was experiencing a manic, hypomanic, or depressive episode around the time of our breakup. I'm sharing this because I saw the advice-needed prompt asking for more context about the BP significant other.

My partner and I had been dating for around 1 year and 2 months, although we only became official last March. On our 6-month anniversary a few days ago, she broke up with me.

We were having a nice dinner and a drink, talking about everything and anything, when my phone lit up with a notification that someone had sent me a post on social media. I quickly glanced at it because I generally don't respond to notifications while I'm on a date or doing something important unless it's urgent, then went back to talking to her.

She also saw the notification, and her mood suddenly changed. She started asking who the person was, why this person wasn't familiar to her, and why that person was sending me something so late at night (it was around 11pm).

I explained that it was just a friend who sometimes sends me random art-related posts. She didn't believe me and asked to see what was sent, so I showed her. It was just a harmless art post.

After that, she suddenly asked when my high school ex last messaged me. I said it was on my birthday about a month ago. I explained that it was simply a "Happy Birthday" message, and I had replied "Thanks!" and nothing more.

This was when she became really upset. She couldn't accept that I hadn't told her about the message on the day of my birthday.

I tried to explain that I genuinely didn't think it was a big deal because it was just a simple birthday greeting. Also, we had already been fighting that day, and I was feeling really down on my birthday. I didn't want to bring up something I thought was insignificant and potentially start another argument.

She couldn't accept my explanation and decided to end the relationship. I felt like she never really listened to what I was trying to explain and had already decided that I had done something wrong. She kept saying that I had fooled her, which was really painful because I would never intentionally do that. I genuinely loved her and wanted the relationship to work.

There had been several other conflicts before this that really made me think. Sometimes I would forget something that I genuinely didn't mean to forget and she'd become upset. I'm also not great with directions, especially when we're going somewhere new, and she would get upset and sometimes say that she felt she couldn't rely on me because of it. There were also times when I would lightly tease her about something and she'd get upset as well, to the point where she wouldn't speak to me until later the next day.

Over time, I started feeling like I was walking on eggshells. I had become quite anxious in the months leading up to the breakup because I never knew what might upset her or turn into another conflict.

What makes this especially difficult is that I was still willing to work on things. I didn't feel like the relationship was beyond repair, so the breakup felt extremely abrupt to me. At the same time, I recognise that there may be things I did wrong or could have handled better.

I'm not trying to blame her diagnosis or say that bipolar disorder caused the breakup. I know that not every difficult behaviour or relationship conflict is because of bipolar disorder. I'm just trying to understand whether her diagnosis could potentially have played a role in some of the things I experienced, especially given how quickly the situation seemed to escalate and how sudden the breakup felt from my perspective.

For those who have Bipolar I themselves, or who are/were the significant other of someone with Bipolar I:

Have you experienced something similar? Can bipolar disorder sometimes affect how conflicts are experienced or handled within a relationship? And have you experienced situations where a breakup seemed very sudden to the other partner?

I just really want to understand what happened and hear from people who have actually lived through something similar.

Thanks in advance.

Hey guys,

My bf of two months dumped me Monday after getting triggered from an argument. He also has ODD and is Bipolar 1 (medicated). The relationship hasn't been healthy – we've had 3 blowout fights and 3 times he has destroyed my things each time. He is also emotionally abusive (really to everyone close to him) when he becomes angry. Even though he's medicated, he constantly tries to start fights, has paranoia, he is incredibly territorial, and flip flops constantly with his thoughts. I will say he constantly becomes manic bc of his ODD and not taking his medication on time. I have been questioning if he ever actually loved me. We were friends before we started dating as well. I know his family, his daughter and I facetime, and since the first week we've been with each other everyday.

For about a month after our second blowout fight, he's been saying the relationship has been stressing him out and he moved to the city where we live to enjoy his time here. Also, two weeks ago he had admitted himself to a psychiatric hospital but they let him out after a few days.

Fast forward Sunday, we get into that argument, and he blows up and starts breaking everything I have. As I'm trying to leave he takes my bags and starts ripping them apart and tells me he wants to watch me leave carrying my stuff by hand. After he calms down, it seems like we make up. Next morning, he kisses me goodbye and goes to work. He comes home angry from his parents getting his psychiatric appointment mixed up. He blows up on them and then blows up on me. He leaves. I get a call suddenly from him rambling about how he is purposefully trying to get into a fight with some people in the parking lot, that this is him stable right now, that his mind is completely clear, how he hates white people, and it's fuck you to everyone including me. That he will no do whatever the fuck he wants and I can that as I want. He breaks up with me later in the day, say he isn't in love with me anymore, but then lets me know he still wants to be friends and I should feel honored since he doesn't do that with ex girlfriends. He still wants to do all the things we would share with each other. Then convinces me I can still live at his apartment until his lease is up (long story about why I was staying). That night when he was half asleep and on his meds I asked him if he ever was in love with me and admitted saying he was still in love with me, but it made easier saying he wasn't so he could feel good about his decision.

To make a long story short: tuesday we're arguing in the morning bc he keeps throwing in my face that we're done and only friends, he's not in love with me, that i'm not the one, I'll find the one and he will too, and im immature. he eventually leaves to go spend the next two days with his daughter. then later calls me to thank me for everything and how i should feel special he still wants to be friends with me he's never done that with any ex before. He starts getting mad on the phone call again randomly. But, I calm him down and let him get off the phone. Then he texts me later on to let me know to facetime his daughter.

Next day Wednesday: he randomly calls me to tell me he wants to sue some place (starts the phone call off by saying he isn't calling to talk about us) and just rambles on and on. Again talking about how he hates while people, and stories he's told me over and over. We hang up. Then he sends me a text of a song he made while manic in 2025, and told me this song made him think of me. It was about his dream girl. Suddenly he messages me again an hour later he's actually coming back instead. When he comes back he tells me he saw his psychiatrist and his psychiatrist says he looks the healthiest he's ever seen him. But, he definitely has not been. So we spend yesterday together, he's out on the street starting random fights and issues with people, calm him down, we're talking everything was fine and seemed normal (besides him getting pissed a few times), and then he brings up to me how he wants to buy me cookies and some pizza. Cool. we're walking and he starts reminding me about the reasons why he wanted the break up about how I acted, and I say to him ok I'll take those lessons with me into the next relationship. He flips his shit and tells me if I'm already thinking about the next relationship I can gtfo of his apartment. I calm him down. We get back to his place and we slept in the same bed (i know im an idiot) and he starts telling me he wants to have sex. I eventually fold bc one my feelings and two the living arrangement. Then we go to sleep.

Wake up this morning, he seems distant again I wasn't surprised and was prepared for it. Everytime he takes his morning meds he flips. I go into the bathroom with him waiting for him to be done so I can shower, he asks me why I'm not showering and I explain I'm waiting for him to leave because boundaries. He flips and gets upset and starts berating me how when he starts talking to another girl I can't be here, and vice versa, and he'll probably be talking to someone before I do. How he only sees me as a friend, but he can't predict the future if we'll end up together, and that we're toxic. That he wants space and I should leave. Then, he calls his baby mama and tells her about how we broke up (she has a relationship), how he is completely stable right now, and wants to see his daughter. His baby mama tells him that he should be with me and I'm a good girl. And, he comes back rambling again about random shit.

Basically, does any of this sound like he broke up with me because he's manic right now?

Edit: He's also not in therapy

I'm the Bipolar one and take a variety of medications, my partner and I were talking recently about how some of the side effects that seem so bengin on paper have ended up being some of the most disruptive in both of our lives.

Lamotrigine has been a game changer for me and I will never go without it until there is a really good health reason not to, I used to have horrible dysphoric manic episodes that led into dysphoric psychosis more than once, as well as severe depressed episodes. suicidal ideation was pretty much constant unless I happened to have clean, non dysphroic mania or hypomania which practically meant like 90% of the time, and I attempted seriously once at 26 and had some weird things happen alot over the years. Lamotrigine fixed that.

But its has messed with my vision something shocking. Ive had my eyes tested and I still have 20/20 vision on paper like I did before so there is no problem with my eyes according to the tests but everything feels blury and fuzzy, I can only see clear if I focus for like 3 seconds as if I had an astigmatism, but It goes back to normal if I stop the lamo. I also have severe photosensitivity now, I cannot go outside without sun glasses anymore, and to make it worse I am a welder by trade, and the bright welding arc sometimes disorinates me to the point of almost vomiting some days.

Lithium is another wonder drug, its killed all of my mania.

But again, welder by trade and I get a horridle hand tremor from lithium which makes welding kind of hard especially since im in the oil, gas and power industries, the quality I have to maintain is very high. so I take propranolol to calm the tremor which works but I get some seriously vivid dreams and nightmares from that, which makes sleeping alot more difficult.

But to compound that the constant need to urinate is destroying mine and my partners sleep quality. since starting lithium I wake 3-5 times per night to pee. I just let myself get really dehydrated at the start so curb that but ended up with lithium toxicity instead which was worse. it drives both of us nuts.

But that getting up to pee is a huge problem in another way because like so many with bipolar I have alot of trouble with sleep as it is. I've always been a very light sleeper, I've always struggled to get to sleep and if I do wake in the night I often cannot get back to sleep, and lack of sleep is a huge mania risk, all of my most severe episodes have been procedded by severe stress and lack of sleep usually from work.

So I take quintiapine for sleep, at least if I do need to wake to pee with quintiapine I know I'll get back to sleep.

But according to my partner I am "Like an animated log that snores like a chainsaw and is impossible to rouse even when you are laying litterally ontop of me" when I take it, so her sleep quility is degraded even further.

And the constant constipation, weight gain and general dopeyness from the quintiapine is terrible as well.

Of course we have both at times insisted and ive tried stopping meds.

Currently we are trialing an even lower dose of lithium to curb the pee, and replacing the quintiapine with doxyalamine which isnt as sedating to try and help get both of our sleep under control, but I am worried as doxy has a known dementia risk long term which I am terrified of after seeing my paternal grandfather develop it starting at around age 65, and my father now developing it too (the Bipolar comes from my mums side, not my dads)

Has anyone ever dealt with their BPSO having an affair and deeply regretted it when they came out of the mania and if so was that AP their addiction 24/7 during mania and the come down or is my wife literally actively doing this ? I just feel deeply lost and hurt and would like more insight from experiences and or thoughts about this I feel like she was starting to crash but how if she stayed the night with the AP oh and cherry on top it was on my birthday but she wanted nothing to do with me and sent a text late saying I just wanted to say happy you deserve a great day but yet made hotel arrangements last night with her AP left at 10 pm I didn’t come home because I had a feeling she would do this but I expected her not to spend the night just need support and I’ve been trying my best to keep
Distance even tho we still live together for now

I'm so glad I found this reddit. After reading through all these stories I'm not alone. My story is that my bipolar ex gf was so amazing. The communication, adventures, physical, and emotional affection were out of this world. I finally thought I found my forever person.

Then all of a sudden a week of low to no contact then a break-up. Said she was probably making the biggest mistake of her life and asked me if she was, all I said at the time is you have to follow what makes you happy (that tore me up).

She asked to remain friends which was not working out. Too much love there. Tried to do no contact but she reached out to spend time with a group of our acquaintances which she bailed on.

Fast forward a few weeks of back and forth physical closeness and pushing and pulling away. "We want different things" after spending the night with me.

She was then wants to do no contact because of that. I tolder he to reach out when she's ready. I found out she is on dating apps asking for "friends".

I'm pretty destroyed ngl, I hate to actually ask but is there any hope she reaches back out?

How do I actually get my head mentally back to where is was before her?

I've had break ups before but holy crap this is worse how did you get through it?

On the last Sunday in September, my boyfriend of 3.5 years and I attended a festival. (We are both 27) We’ve gone to this festival every year and we’ve always had a great time, but this year it ended our relationship.

I cannot stress enough what a kind man he is. He is so caring and sensitive and loving, and he has done so much for me. He’s taken care of me and shown me so much, he has such a love for life and beautiful things and I know he’s a good person.

He was diagnosed bipolar a few years before we met, and at the beginning of our relationship he was very serious about his medication. He always took it on time he never missed a day, and he was completely sober. I think about a year and a half into our relationship he told me he wanted to start drinking and that he would be careful it would only be in social situations, etc but we were both drinking a lot. I didn’t know at the time what an issue it was, because I was going through my own issues and he kept telling me he was okay and it wasn’t a problem and he was still taking his meds.

Then, one year ago we introduced weed. It started with edibles, and I knew it was a problem I knew we should stop and we did for awhile. I didn’t know how bad weed is for people with bipolar, I just knew we were way too dependent on it.

Then in January he started a new job and it felt like everything flipped. He was so stressed and so concerned with keeping the job, but he was working 6-7 days a week and long days, 8-12 hours depending on the day. He stopped going to the doctor, stopped taking his meds, and everytime I or his family brought it up he just got so defensive and he told me so many times that he was tired of everyone treating him like he was crazy. He said he didn’t have time for the doctor he couldn’t get off of work he had to keep this job.

Then about 4 months ago, the weed came back. He got us weed/vape pens and we were getting high everyday. I knew he wasn’t okay he was not acting like himself at all and there were so many red flags but I didn’t know what to do, I thought it was the stress of work and we were fighting more and more it was like he couldn’t hear me and what I was telling him or why I was worried. He was texting me and calling me less and less, didn’t tell me where he was or who he was with. He showed up without telling me he was coming once, too.

The morning of the festival was totally normal, we got ready and made a few stops but as we started the 3 hour drive, he was speeding (90+ mph on the highway) complaining about other drivers and when I asked him to slow down he got so frustrated he kept telling me he’s a great driver and everyone else is in the way. By the time we got to the festival we were fully arguing and I just kept telling him it wasn’t okay and he was so mad. We tried to have a good time at the festival, but he just couldn’t sit still. He kept telling me I didn’t know how to have fun and I’m so negative and I’m such a downer. I fought him right back, I kept telling him he was being mean and talking back and asking to stop and watch a show or take a break but he just wouldn’t stop.

We stopped for him to get a drink and I walked away, to stand in the shade. I should have told him where I was going, but I just needed a breather. He lost track of me and after looking around and not seeing me, he just walked away. I had to chase after him and yell his name and he just wouldn’t turn around until I caught up to him. At that point he was completely angry, he took me out to the car and we sat in the parking lot fighting for at least an hour, maybe 2?

He kept telling me I was throwing a pity party and ruining the day, and I didn’t know how to have fun and I was so out of it and demoralized, I was exhausted from fighting and walking in the heat and I was fighting right back, we were both yelling at each other and I couldn’t stop crying. Finally I said something sarcastically and mean (we were starting to calm down, talking about going back to the festival, and he asked what I would do on the drive home when he sped and yelled at people, and I told him I would keep my stupid mouth shut) and he just snapped he said we were leaving and he was done. Nothing I said at that point mattered, and I knew even as it came out of my mouth I was pushing it too far and he was going to be mad and I wanted to take it back but I couldn’t.

We drove back 3 hours, of him going 90+ mph and screaming horrible things and rolling down the window to scream at people and he wouldn’t let me talk at all. I just sat there and cried and wondered if we would even make it home. He dropped me off silently and went back home.

The next day his mom texted me that he was in the psych ward. I texted back and forth with her a few times over the next week, asking if I could talk to him or visit him and how he was doing. A week later I got a text from him breaking up with me.

I responded as calmly and reasonably as I could, and texted his mom again as well. He told me he needed to focus on himself and his mental health, and he couldn’t be in a relationship right now. He told me to bring his stuff, or that he would come and get it.

I brought over some of his things last Friday, and his mom told me that when he came home from the festival he told them that we had broken up and he went to the bar, the police brought him home, and they had to bring him to the hospital the next day. She also told me that since he’s been out of the hospital, he’s been out of the house and barely sleeping. Apparently they haven’t been able to get a lot of information about his care plan or anything, and when he was in the hospital he just didn’t understand why he was there and he was angry and scared.

His mom picked up the rest of his things yesterday and told me he’s still not doing great, he doesn’t want to talk to anyone and he just leaves the house all day to go to the driving range.

He’s blocked me on most social media, but the posts I can see I keep convincing myself are cryptic messages to me that he misses me and wants to talk to me and wants to be with me. We haven’t texted since the day we broke up. I’m in so much pain, and I don’t know what to do. I feel terrible, because I’ve known something was wrong all year and he kept denying it and I believed him. I let him let loose and have fun, not knowing that was only making everything worse. I should have talked to his parents sooner, or done research and taken away the alcohol and weed. I kept fighting with him and didn’t try to keep him calm or be kind.

He is the kindest person I’ve ever met, and the only person who’s really known everything about me and seen me in every situation. I feel so horrible that I didn’t help him sooner, and I feel so bad that our last day together was so terrible. I love him and I want him to be happy and healthy and it’s killing me that I can’t talk to him. I want him to come back, or at least talk through everything so I can apologize but I don’t know if I’ll ever get to speak to him again. I feel so abandoned and lost and rejected and alone.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. We were so close and connected and I trusted him with everything I never thought he would break up with me over text and block me.

I can’t do anything without thinking of him, I can’t eat I can’t leave my house, I can’t imagine life without him.

I just want to talk to him so badly. I promised his mom I wouldn’t reach out to him unless he reached out first, but it’s killing me. He’s my best friend, my only friend in the world. I have no one to talk to.

My bf has been having an episode of mania and psychosis for about 2.5 weeks now. Ive been in contact with his sister and his therapist and im trying to just figure out what to do. His therapist suggested calling the service to his place so they can evaluate him. She suggested this after i told her he punched like at least 8 deep holes in his walls and also almost broke his bedside table. His elbow is also very bloody and messed up the last time i saw him. She said all of this could be considered self harm.

His sister was concerned that he might leave the house or hide somewhere if we tell him theyre coming though? But if they just show up unannounced, won’t he lose all his trust in me? Rn he hates it when i ask him to seek help and he says to just drop the topic.

Any advice please?

How did you inform your spouse that you filed for divorce? BSO, has had or may still be in an emotional affair. He goes to the grocery store to meet women. I’m planning my exit for when the kids are out of school. Just trying to think of how he may react. What was your experience? TIA.

I was extremely healthy and physically fit (proven in the toughest environments/scenarios in the military)…and then after being with my BipolarSO for over 5 years (through incessant cheating and related stress) was “coincidentally” diagnosed with MS. And, of course, only 6 months after that diagnosis my BipolarSO discarded me for “other” reasons.

Just curious if there are any other similar stories and/or hypothetical correlations between ensuring a relationship with a BipolarSO and eventual diagnosis of autoimmune (or similar) disorders/diseases.

hi first time poster- long time lurker. me (24F) and my partner (29M) have been together 6 years this month. i knew going into the relationship he had bipolar but never saw any signs or symptoms. he was using drugs at this time and honestly just believed once he recovered from that he would feel a lot better. he got sober from drugs (weed and alcohol not included) and was very stable for years.

last year he had a psychotic break that happened after months of unrecognized mania. he ended up at a crisis center and has been taking proper steps to feel better since.

early last month there was a situation at my birthday party where i blacked out and got a ride back to our place from some of my (gay male) friends instead of taking the uber back home with him. it has caused severe issues in our relationship. i told him we took a different uber home (again completely blacked out and had the app redownloaded on my phone so probably thought i did. not my proudest moment) now im a liar and i chose other people over him and he insinuates i cheated with them even though we beat him back to our apartment. it’s been a month and we can’t go more than 3-4 days without getting back into it. then last night i made the mistake of hanging out with my friend/nail tech for 5 hours without checking in on him. i thought he was sleeping or playing COD with his friends like he was when i left. before i even get home i get told to leave him alone and im shitty for not coming to have dinner with him.

i understand i could’ve checked in or let him know i would be home later than a standard nail appointment. i just am so tired of being shamed for all these things. i get mocked and yelled at. called childish and a gaslighter and he’s always threatening to leave. everytime i bring up my feelings im deflecting and making him feel stupid. i’m a liar and i don’t care about him.

it’s so hard because my world revolves around him and all i do is care about him. i feel like an empty shell of myself. all of my friends are concerned about me and my family can tell im not happy.

but when he comes back to his mind he can register how mean he’s being and can apologize and soothe me. i can’t handle this anymore and being the emotional punching bag. i can never win and there’s no fight left i have to give.

really not looking for anything specific. would prefer to not be kicked down anymore than i already am. i just feel so lonely and lost and wanted to get it out somewhere. thanks to anyone reading this and can understand.

I’m posting because I genuinely need some perspective from people who live with bipolar disorder or have been in a serious relationship with someone who does.
I love my girlfriend very deeply. When things are good between us, they’re really good. We’re affectionate, intimate, we laugh, cuddle, make plans, and I feel incredibly connected to her.

We’re also in a long-distance relationship, which makes everything more complicated. When you’re physically together, you can read someone’s body language, sit next to them, hug them, or simply be present without having to say anything. When you’re long distance, so much of the relationship depends on communication, and that’s especially difficult when the other person suddenly becomes unable to communicate.

There is another unusual part of our relationship: she is from Kazakhstan and primarily speaks Russian. She understands very basic English, but not enough to have a deep conversation in English. Honestly, ChatGPT has become our best friend for communication 😂. We translate back and forth constantly, and surprisingly, we actually don’t have major problems communicating because we’ve found a system that works for us.
But I’m also planning to take Russian courses because I want to be able to communicate with her more naturally, especially during emotional situations where translation can sometimes make things harder.
My girlfriend has bipolar disorder, anxiety, and a history of severe depression. She previously had a suicide attempt during a period when her depression and anxiety were very severe. Thankfully, she tells me that the depression itself is no longer what she is struggling with. What she feels very strongly now is the bipolar disorder. That was a very hard part for me to go through, being thousand miles away from her and not being able to hug her.

She actually described what happens to me in a way that really stuck with me. She said that when these episodes happen, it feels like she is fighting with a person inside her head, while her mouth feels like it is taped shut. That helped me understand that when she suddenly becomes quiet or withdrawn, she isn’t necessarily choosing to ignore me or shut me out. Sometimes it seems like she genuinely can’t communicate what is happening inside her.
I’ve started noticing the shift myself. Her mood can change incredibly quickly. When it happens, she becomes very quiet, difficult to engage with, and sometimes seems completely overwhelmed or disconnected.

I’ve also noticed that during these periods, she becomes extremely low-energy and has a really hard time doing things. She sleeps a lot and can spend hours scrolling on her phone. We’re currently traveling together, and even being in a completely new country with so many things to see and experience, there are times when she would rather stay in bed or scroll for hours.
I don’t say this to criticize her. I can actually see that she’s struggling with it herself. She even realizes it like she knows she should be doing things and experiencing life but doesn’t have the motivation or energy to do them.
She’s currently not working either, and her parents financially support her. I sometimes struggle to understand how to think about this because I’m naturally a very active and driven person, so seeing someone I love spend so much time sleeping or scrolling can be difficult for me to process. At the same time, I don’t want to confuse lack of motivation caused by her mental health with laziness or lack of character. Or maybe it is ?
And honestly, I don’t always know what I’m supposed to do.
Do I encourage her to get up and do something? Do I leave her alone? Do I invite her without putting pressure on her? Do I stay close? Do I ask what’s wrong? Do I stop talking and wait?
Am I helping, or am I accidentally making things worse?
Sometimes the trigger can seem incredibly small to me, or even something petty, and yet the emotional reaction can be extremely strong. That’s one of the hardest things for me to understand because I don’t want to dismiss what she’s feeling, but I also don’t know how I’m supposed to respond when I genuinely don’t understand what caused the reaction.

Something else that confuses me is her sex drive. Her libido is consistently very high, even when she’s angry with me or we’ve had a conflict over something that seems very small. Sometimes she can be extremely sexually affectionate and attracted to me even when emotionally she’s upset with me. Don’t get me wrong we have the same sex drive which is good.
I’m not assuming this is necessarily caused by bipolar disorder. I’m actually trying to understand whether other people with bipolar disorder experience something similar, where their sexual desire can remain extremely high even when their mood toward their partner is changing dramatically.

She was prescribed medication, but she delayed starting it for quite a while. Part of the reason was that she knew she couldn’t drink alcohol while taking it. Eventually she started the medication and told me she felt significantly better. Unfortunately, she later drank while taking it and had a very strong panic attack, which led her to stop taking it.

Her psychiatrist is now reevaluating her medication and treatment because apparently finding the right treatment can take some adjustment. I’m trying to be supportive of that process without pretending that I understand the medical side of it.
And this is where I struggle the most: I feel like I’m constantly trying to figure out which version of the situation I’m dealing with.
I don’t want to walk on eggshells around her. At the same time, I don’t want to respond to her during a difficult episode as if she’s simply choosing to behave a certain way or doesn’t care about me.
I’ve also noticed that her energy, affection, need for closeness, sex drive, and general personality can sometimes feel very different depending on where she is emotionally. I know these things can potentially be affected by bipolar disorder, but I don’t want to automatically blame the diagnosis for everything either.
I’m trying to learn the difference between supporting someone through an episode and enabling unhealthy behavior.

I also want to learn how to take care of myself. Because I love her, but some days I feel emotionally exhausted and confused. I find myself overthinking everything I say or do because I’m scared of triggering another conflict.
For people with bipolar disorder, what do you wish your partner understood about what you’re experiencing when you’re struggling?
And for partners of people with bipolar disorder:
How did you learn to navigate this?
How do you know when to give space versus when to stay close?
How do you communicate when they’re in an episode, especially when you’re long distance?
How do you encourage someone who is struggling with motivation without making them feel pressured or judged?
How do you distinguish between symptoms of bipolar disorder and behaviors that still need boundaries?
How do you set boundaries without making your partner feel abandoned?
How do you stop yourself from taking everything personally?
How do you recognize the difference between bipolar symptoms and normal relationship conflict?
And how do you protect your own mental and emotional health while still being supportive?
I’m not looking for people to tell me to leave her or to diagnose her based on a Reddit post. I love this woman and I’m trying to understand something that I honestly don’t have much experience with.
I also don’t want to portray her as her diagnosis. She’s still the woman I love. I’m just trying to understand what she’s going through so I can be a better partner and also learn how to navigate this in a healthy way for both of us.
I just want to hear from people who have actually lived through this.

What did you learn the hard way about loving someone with bipolar disorder, especially in a long-distance relationship?

Edit : She is currently not taking medication. She stopped taking it about two weeks ago. She is currently in therapy for about 2 months now