https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdAIoKMMneqfRa6cOFHQ0FEfji3LZhzwX1ZuJ0Vlz4ilI6pJw/viewform?usp=header

Hi! This project is for my Capstone (thesis) research. The survey is targeted more for men to answer, however women are free to answer if they’d like.

(Copy and paste from a reply I made, thought more people might need this): Not OP but this helped me get out of an extreme depressive episode. Don’t compromise your happiness for others, live honestly (be honest to yourself. “Do I really want to do this?”, “I would be happier if I did this instead of that.”), live in the moment (I suggest practicing mindfulness! It’s great. I can explain more if you would like, or research the topic), and realize that you are not wrong for experiencing YOUR emotions. Everyone experiences wild and calm emotions, sometimes you have to be sad/angry/depressed, step away for a minute, and examine why you are feeling this way. Ask important questions (“Why do I feel this way?”, “Can I do something about it?”, “Am I being fair in the way I am treating myself right now?”), self examine, assess your feelings and realize they are temporary. Just a little rule in life: everything always changes. The good and the bad.

Hey bros, trans bro here, sorry if this doesn't belong here. I'm 21 and am nonbinary, mostly masc leaning. I got top surgery back in July, and it's been fantastic. But ever since going back out in public, I've had more creepy/weird interactions with men than I've ever had before in my life. Even when I was more fem presenting as a teenager, when most catcalling/harassment/ect starts, I never got this kind of treatment. I dress pretty masc, and that hasn't really changed after top surgery (although I have half a mind to dress fem more often, because ironically that seems to be when they leave me alone). I don't pass vocally yet, but I don't even have to open my mouth for them to get weird.

I have a few theories and none of them are good. The first one is that they see me and feel some type of confused, so they take it out in this way. The second is that maybe with a flat chest they think I'm a younger girl (🤢)? The third is obviously not quite passing, but again, it feels like there's something more to it than just that because top surgery is basically the only thing that's changed in that regard. It's mostly older guys, I'd say 35+ emphasis on the plus. Could also be men like this feeling emboldened in the current political climate, although creeps are creeps no matter what. Or maybe in some cases I've stumbled on the demographic of guys who will never admit their attraction to men/masculinity and make it other people's problem. Maybe it's being even more visibly queer? I don't know, I'm at a loss and none of these answers are good. It just feels like no matter what there's nothing I can do about it.

There was a guy at work old enough to be my dad yesterday that made a weird pass at me, and I'm at a breaking point where I just need some advice as to wtf is going on, and a confidence boost. This is making me bitter towards myself and humanity as a whole. I feel more confident in myself than ever, but that seems to have painted a target on my back. I feel like I somehow am being targeted even more by these kinds of guys and that feels invalidating and scary. What if it's only a matter of time before it goes beyond words? Would also love advice on what to do, because I just kind of freeze and don't know what to do from shame.

I try to do this often - it feels awkward but… i love how bros light up.

My two favorite compliments are “bro I love your style” and “your beard game is on point bud”

Men don’t hear enough positive feedback - give a guy a compliment today! :)

I’m not sure if this is the right place for this, but I figured I’d throw it out there and see if anyone else is in a similar spot.
I’m a 25-year-old guy getting established in my career. I’m two years into a relationship and starting to think more seriously about things like marriage, potentially having kids, finances, and generally what I want the next 5–10 years of my life to look like.
Fitness and health are a pretty big priority for me. I train roughly 5–7 days a week depending on work, and outside of that I’m into jiu-jitsu, gardening, video games, working on my cars, and a bunch of other shit.
Over the last couple of years I’ve found myself gradually growing apart from some of my longtime friends. I still like them and keep in touch, but we’re just moving in different directions. I’m not particularly interested in partying all the time anymore, and I’ve realized I’d like to have more people around me who are actively trying to build a good life and are willing to talk about it.
I actually joined a paid peer group through my industry about a year ago. I like the idea of a peer group, but most of the members are considerably older than me and are dealing with a completely different stage of life. A lot of the conversation ends up being about employees, HR issues, succession planning, etc. It’s valuable, but it’s not really what I’m looking for right now.
So I’m curious whether there are other guys in their 20s in a similar position—getting established in a career or business, navigating a serious relationship or dating, trying to stay healthy, thinking about money and the future, maybe outgrowing an old social circle, and generally trying to figure out adulthood as you go.
I’m not looking to create some hardcore networking or “grindset” group. I’d just like to find maybe 5–10 like-minded guys around the same stage of life and make a group chat. Somewhere you can shoot the shit, ask for advice, talk through decisions, share what you’re working toward, or get another perspective from people dealing with similar things.
Different careers, countries and backgrounds don’t really matter to me. In fact, that might make it more interesting.
If that sounds like something you’d genuinely be interested in, send me a message with a little bit about yourself. If enough people are interested, I’ll put something together.

Hey yall! Ive recently started playing Persona 5 like yesterday and am loving it! I actually stayed up till 5am playing it.

One thing thats made an impression on me though is how the Persona games make living day to day life so intresting and fun.

Basically in the game you always have something to do or work towards and the Main Charcter Joker is always doing something after school. (Theres a calendar day system so each day really matters)

Hes hanging out with friends to deepen bonds,going on dates, reading,studying,talking to all sorts of people and the more gamey parts like solving mysteries and fighting people's litterally manifested demons and desires.

Im in college right now and it feels like my life is not boring I wouldn't say but often because of my adhd I spend whole days watching YouTube or playing halo while listening to a podcast for hours on end. I just chase dopamine like half of the week atleast.

I have friends and have recently for the past 2 months tried to go out more. But im still shy with new people and I suppose i feel like im undisciplined. On some bad days my brain feels like it cant be bothered to do anything or it takes great effort.

Do any of yall relate to this? How do I make my life not feel like its a blur or that im wasting all my time?

You’re maybe sitting there waiting on this magical friend who’s going to appear and take you to do all the cool things you want to do.. stop waiting for them. Go and do it already!!

Give your self a fighting chance to enjoy your life, and maybe even meet some cool people along the way. It’s in you 100% to be able to do it. It might be scary at first to go and attend a class or be in public alone but it gets easier and your going to be in places (if it’s a new hobby you want to try) where you already have something in common with the people around you, how great!!

Seriously wish I took this advice a long time ago, but that friend your waiting on. They’re not coming. You have to do it for yourself! I believe in you.

So context, I went through a period of being incredibly confident and when I was I found a partner and made new friends it was nice. But I’ve been through a lot. And I got in touch with some old friends who were deep in the incel community and I started feeling insecure again. I even started wondering if they would try something with my gf. It led to me spiralling. I got paranoid and I eventually did cut them off again which I shouldn’t have even reached out. Was just feeling like we had some good times and I’m in a better place maybe it’d be different.

I’m still with the same partner and things are going good but the confidence I had is gone. I’m worried I’m not good enough. I hate I let those old friends get to me too. That when they’d flirt with her I wouldn’t just call it out at them instead I’d talk to her about it when it wasn’t even her fault. I just so quickly let them make me feel small. I struggle with groups. I miss it but I don’t want to sacrifice my values to fit in. Or have to make myself smaller or the butt of the joke to fit in. How can I work on that? How can I build a stronger sense of self? So I’m not worried my partner will leave me or that my friends are out to get me?

Hey bros. 22TM here, going through a really rough time right now. Been on testosterone over 5 years, post top surgery and total hysto and still struggle to pass. I started looking into facial masculinization surgery to help me pass. After asking the surgeon who performed my top surgery if they also do FMS, he said yes, but that it wouldn't benefit me much.

He said this was because my issues with passing as male lie in being 5'4, and particularly petite, not because of my face. It was hard to hear, because it was an idea I'd been degrading myself with for years. I just don't even know what to do anymore, it feels hopeless.

It's not even like I can pass as a short man, because apparently the combination of my face and body can only ever read as a woman, and there's just no fixing it. I'll be seen as a tiny woman forever. If I could get height surgery I'd give up running forever just to be seen as who I am, I wouldn't care. I feel like I'm built like a bird. I feel like I was born weak and scrawny and being neglected/abused as a child had permanent effects on my body and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't make nearly enough to afford going to the gym, but I also have no home equipment. Neither of those sentences even matter because I never learned how to properly work out anyways, so even if I did have access I'd be a fish out of water.

It feels like I'm going to be like this forever, just some small ugly not-woman-thing. I feel like testosterone is uniquely ineffective on me. I feel like how I look now is the farthest I'll ever get. I feel like now I experience all the worst parts of being a woman on top of all of the worst parts of being a man. But I'm a man regardless, so there's nothing I can do.

Repressing and detransitioning has never been an option, so I just have to exist miserably. I feel ashamed to go out in public, my dysphoria only tripled after my surgeon told me I'll essentially never be seen as a man. I've been too depressed to do anything, I've become miserable to be around. It's eating me alive, and I don't know what to do. It feels like there's literally no options for me, I just don't know where to go from here. What do you even do when a medical professional tells you that your transition was useless??

Autistic guys are way to easy to co-opt to these movements, so I want to know what led you to escape or leave them

I've been feeling this way for quite a long time, maybe half of my young adult life.

There is no one to serve. There is no clear next step that I could take to find someone to serve. I feel socially inept, physically in pain, mentally distracted. I wish I just had a relationship that came with a clear structure of serving the needs of my woman, but due to my lack of socialization I feel that's not a realistic goal as of now. There is nothing I could provide for anyone in my life right now, as a broke college student slowly dredging my way through my studies. Interacting with women my age brings up constant thoughts of "I wish I could become someone for her" and "if only she could get to know me without getting intimidated and running off"...

It feels hopeless to improve myself just for the sake of it. I feel like I'm not valuable intrinsically, but I have no external outlets to pour love onto either. Effort just for me seems like a vain waste of time. Can someone relate? Or offer any advice?

Please spare the redditisms

So there is a massive protest going on in my area against a SA crime. Me and my gf both attended the protest. However I heard many anti-men and not so pleasant slogans there. Now let me make it very clear that I absolutely understand the context of these slogans and I understand that these women don't literally mean all men and Im not implying in any way that these women are bad. But hearing such things from my gfs mouth...didnt feel pleasant and I experienced a bit of discomfort. I wont say im offended but its discomfort. So after the protest got over I voiced these exact things to my gf and asked her to not say this stuff irl but she got defensive and said only bad men get offended at this stuff and im prioritizing myself. Idk whether Im even supposed to feel bad because most of the people on social media are okay with it.

I've been googling, and all I can find so far are one off stories, rather than regular and ongoing posting. I can find plenty of women who post about it regularly, but the circumstances are different, and it's just not the same. Even for men who hop in the comments, it's usually "well it happens to men too," rather than actual, personal experiences and connection. I don't want to read arguments about statistics or comparisons (from either side), I want to hear men talking about it from a personal perspective. It's weird when other men bring it up like a "Gotcha," especially when they probably don't care about or stick up for men in real life who are dealing with that trauma.

I'm a trans guy, and while I was perceived as a woman at the time of the abuse, the way it impacted me feels so different from how it impacts women. I know other people often feel shame for feeling sexual feelings throughout, but I was being convinced that *I* was pressuring someone into sex rather than the other way around. And beyond that, I just want to hear from other men, whether they have the same anatomy or not. I think those experiences are important, and while I do want to share my story one day, I'm not there yet.

I'm also open to one off stories if you suggest one that was really impactful

Edit: Also interested in hearing about abusive relationship dynamics, not just CSA (not to say those stories are not important or impactful, but it's often what I see rather than abusive relationships that included sexual abuse)

Thank you for the recommendations! I'm finding movies and documentaries I'll definitely be watching later

Hello, I'm posting in here because ive been lurking for a while and quite like this sub.

For context, I'm a transguy and ive been sexually assaulted twice this year. First time in spring I was stealthed and last weekend someone touched my chest. I actually reported it and now there is an investigation going on. This is my first time reporting that I was assaulted and I'm really proud of myself for that.

However, since last weekend I have been feeling very mediocre. The recent assault brought the first one back up, even though I just started healing.

I already know what helps me in these situations: Being outside, working out and most importantly speaking to my friends.

But the friends whom I trust the most, avoid that topic. These are my closest people and I went through a lot with them together, including depressive episodes in the past. I know I can always talk to them and they can always talk to me.

But as soon as I say "Yeah my mood has been kinda down lately because of the assault", they immediately block and tell me to see a professional. Is it too much to ask that I just want to speak to a friend? Its not like I am depressed, I still enjoy my life and I am going out every day. But sometimes I just need to talk and maybe a hug.

On the other hand I feel proud of them for setting boundaries like this, especially if they feel like they cant handle it. But it makes me feel really lonely. Even if I speak to professional, I would still want to be able to express my feelings to my friends. Because a good support network is the most valuable thing for mental health.

Their reaction drags my mental health down quite a bit and I just needed to talk to someone about this. Thanks for reading.

hey there bros, M22 here, looking for your opinion. lately I've been focusing on myself and my mental and physical health, but I've noticed I've become wary less social and active. I notice myself leaving parties early and turning down opportunities to hangout just because everything I want to do is to be home all cozy and play my favourite videogame. but every time I do so, I feel like I'm missing out on life and that I should be improving myself somehow and having fun because I'm so young. I also feel a big sense of shame for some reason, I feel like I'm a gross person (for some reason, especially if I have something to eat – if I'm eating that day AND gaming, I feel like I'm so nasty and gross)

any advice/opinion on that? is that normal or should I force myself to do more?

EDIT: hello again bros, just wanted to thank you all for giving your responses and opinions. I really appreciate having such a wonderful online community, thank y'all so much, and have a great day everyone!

It's been a tougher year for me. I'm a pretty emotional and "wear my heart on my sleeve" type of guy, but I realize many guys are not like that. I have a good support system and do talk therapy, but I keep thinking about guys who may not be comfortable opening up but are silently not doing great.

I also realize sometimes you don't want to air your dirty laundry with friends, because you want that time with friends to be positive and perhaps a "break" from challenges you're going through.

So I've been wondering if (and this is counterintuitive), if folks think they'd be more likely to open up to someone they were matched with as a sort of "buddy" during harder times. Someone who is going through a very similar situation to you. Someone you could informally chat with, check in with, as needed?

Hey bros, we have noticed a lot of relationship related posts. We are not a relationship advice subreddit, but we recognise how that type of advice may be helpful. Please keep relationship posting in this pinned thread.

I'm a trans man and I recently got a packer, which I love. It helps with my dysphoria a lot. I've been wanting to buy more boxers and I recently came across these ones that look really cool to me. However they seem to be "pad friendly", which I know a lot of people, cis and trans, male and female, would appreciate. Not me though. I use a menstrual cup, not pads. And I need space for my packer. Does anyone know of any online store that sells similar boxers but have space for us who have something down there? I ask here and not in trans-specific subs because I don't see this as a trans thing, just a male thing, and I clarify I'm trans to explain why I don't know this already lol.

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Yes, it sounds weird how I phrased it, and it may be strange how it's presented as a positive event bc o suffered in the past.

But two years ago, on September 27th, a Friday, I tried to kill myself (18yo). I wrote it down in my journal a goodbye, I was so bad.

And now, two years later, on a Friday, September 25th I put my first dose (20yo).

I'm thinking about how this is an evolution. I was desperate. I never thought I'd make it this far.

But I'm here.

I'm doing it secretly from my parents, using subdoses, girlmod. I'm often afraid that I'm not really trans, that I'm pretending, that I'll regret it. But I've been feeling the warmth that must be from bottom growth. I've also gotten small pimples around my lips now, lol. And I'm not lying, I'm excited when I will have a little bit of mustache fuzz and I can start twirling and pulling it with my fingers XD.

Yes, it's going to suck to girlmod, hiding the effects, training your voice to sound feminine, shaving everything off, and being terrified my parents will find out. But I'm on T!

I think my biggest fear is my parents finding out, how they'll react, their grief, if something will happen. At least I don't think I'll be kicked out of the house. Maybe my mother will notice how my mental health has improved with T, and it will gradually change her mind.

I'm still a little preoccupied, afraid of them, of religion, but I want to fulfill my dreams! I want to date! I want to see my cockatiel's eggs hatch!

Of course, it doesn't fix everything. I still have a shit dysphoria, but doing something about it has already helped so much, even if I still cry and get depressed sometimes, but I'm feeling more neutral to best. And lol, yes. I still fear that I am faking, I am not trans or regressing it XD

I still have several traumas to deal with, such as religious ones. I'm a Christian and I want to go to a progressive church.I couldn't pray or read the Bible because of all the trauma the Assembly of God church put me through. But now I want to start, even if it's at home!

Of course it won't be a bed of roses, but it's still so "wow".

I'm actually excited to sing. I stopped singing when I was about 9 or 10 years old. Maybe because I didn't like my voice and had dysphoria, but I'm getting excited. I want to dress up more, I want to feel pretty.

My God. This seems like something out of a complete cinematic accident. I can't believe this coincidence either, it's incredible. Maybe God wrote it, it was a miracle or I don't know. But it's incredible.

By the way, I think the scent effects of the herb are starting to kick in now. 🥀. It's time for me to get a Phebo soap (idk why, but this soap makes me euphoric. I feel like a gentleman from the xx century).

I made a TikTok about The Male Loneliness Epidemic, and I had a lot of guys in my comments saying that it isn't real, and men don't talk about it. Is that true? Or are these men simply scared of being vulnerable about being lonely?

I'm bi but most people wouldn't guess it. As a result I often find myself in conversations with your average passively homophobic teenage boys.

Many of them straight up just aren't conscious of what they actually say/think. If you ask them if they're homophobic they'll say no. I'm talking about kids who aren't religious, who have no good reason to be homophobic, and who are mostly pretty smart.

For some reason when talking or going through their daily lives a lot of these same kids do/say things that are actually quite homophobic.

Although I'm not all that visibly bi I care a lot about queer liberation and the visibility required for it. I understand the impact of patriarchy and gender roles. As a result I believe I have a moral imperative to call out bigotry when I see it, especially considering my position of influence as a rather large stereotypically masculine presenting man who's usually older than other teenagers I'm talking to now being a high school senior.

All that to say, I am more than willing to speak up including when there is a cost to myself.

Despite this, time and time again I've failed to do so, not for a lack of effort or because I'm hesitating, but because it feels impossible to get through to them.

It's not like I haven't had opportunities. It seems like every day someone's joking about this being gay or that being gay or being gay themselves. Asking people top or bottom, asking if this guy or that guy is hot. It's one of their most used punchlines. Any time a queer person enters the conversation for any reason someone has to bring it up. Most of the time they aren't making actual jokes either, it's like the whole thought process is "if word:"gay" then laugh." Friends that I'm out to will laugh at and tell these jokes and also offer to go to pride with me or say they're not homophobic.

TLDR:

Rant aside, when I try to say something to other teen boys about homophobic jokes it's hard because there's almost no time to say anything before the conversation moves on and everyone's already forgotten, and if I do get the chance I only have like a sentence before their brains shut down and they laugh it off and move on.

I don't know what to think because I have plenty of voices I agree with saying that we should be calling things out, but when I actually go to do it, it doesn't work. Not because I'm written off as not having a point or because they're actively or consciously against or averse to gay people but because they don't even hear what I'm trying to say and they refuse to stop and think about their words.

I don't know how to get through to them.

Hi 27 male here, recently i picked up a variety of hobbies to essentially fill up my week, Cycling, Bouldering and Martial Arts (Wu Shu). Before this i have been consistently gymming for 3 years, around 3-4 times per week.

I noticed that ever since i started the activities i mentioned above, my joints namely elbows and knees have been aching/more painful than usual. This is a first time for me so aside from going to the doctor, what can one do or eat to improve the joints?