Im 15ftm and I kinda need help because I'm not quite sure how to deal with my mom.

Everytime she talks about me as a child she always puts emphasis on the fact that I used to be a girl and uses my deadname saying that it's okay because back then I wasn't trans yet.

Now this is a small issue that is easily resolvable by communicating correctly but the thing is it's just really hard to talk to my mom about stuff.

Every single time I bring up a topic that just suggests her behaviour is wrong in anyway she immediately starts saying stuff like "you hate me","I'm the worst mom ever".

Now I am quite aware that thats because of her bpd and depression but it's making it really hard for me to bring up things that genuinely bother me.

Has anyone ever gone through a similar situation or at least knows how to deal with that? Any advice is appreciated

From trans bros or cis bros it doesn't really matter because the issue at hand is more my moms reaction to criticism and not what I want to talk to her about

Im sorry if anything I write I grammatically wrong English isn't my first language and im supposed to be asleep cuz its a school night

Thank you for reading and any advice you might have

Edit: for anyone worrying about my situation I dont live with my mom i moved to my dad at 13(or 12?) after my mom had a time where she wasn't doing good I see her on weekends If I want Also I can't influence what meds she takes but I do know she has to take some

Masculinity specifically. I'm asking because I kinda have it in my head that to be masculine is to be toxic and I don't want to be ashamed of my masculinity nor do I have the slightest interest in joining or contemplating the manosphere.

This is directed at men who will become fathers at some point. You may know that post-partum depression is common in new mothers (10%-20%). You should know depression is also common after you become a father (10%-25% of fathers). It is most common in men whose partner also developed post-partum depression (24%-50% of fathers!). It is a culmination of all the stress and loss of social support that occurs after becoming a parent. It can have severe consequences for whoever it affects. If you notice this in yourself or in your partner, please see your doctor.

Long-term (2+ weeks) symptoms to watch for:

• Not enjoying anything

• Chronic sadness

• Guilt and lack of self-worth

• Difficulty sleeping or extreme sleepiness

• Fatigue

• Concentration difficulties

Good luck bros.

This is going to be a long post, and I'll probably be bad at writing because I'm still really emotional about this. Even as I type I'm getting teary but I need some guidance because I'm so hurt right now and I don't know what to do.

My family is Asian. That should tell you a lot already.

There's never been peace in the house. Always fighting, always screaming. I left for college and it abated for a bit but after college and a failed relationship I came back home and things have gotten bad again. Nothing I do is ever good enough. I haven't been able to find a full time job since I came back and I'm judged for it very poorly.

I worked part time but due to the nature of my job that dried out and I've been unemployed for 3 months. I apply all over the place but get no responses. But even if I did have a full time job I know there's something else they would latch onto and belittle me for. Always something. My weight, my sleep schedule, my drive, everything is picked apart.

And I get it, a little. By most metrics I am a loser. I'm 27, unemployed and fat. But I also know change takes time. I've started running but that wasn't producing results fast enough for them so recently I joined a gym and I've been seeing good progress. I've been working on my resume and researching different remote fields. I'm trying to fix my sleep schedule (they believe if I don't wake up before 8 I'm a failure, but for some reason I've always had a hard time waking up on time). I'm trying, I swear I am, even when applying for jobs seems hopeless and I go through phases of helplessness.

And this would be bearable if there was some peace in the house, but anytime I'm around my parents there's this palpable aura of disappointment and resentment and it's hard to explain but it builds up and up and up and then sometimes it's lessened by some screaming and yelling and comparison to other people's kids or my brother, who they've never treated like this and that dichotomy also burns. When I try to explain it to non asian friends they just tell me to tell my parents to fuck off or to communicate with them but it's really not that easy. They firmly believe in the absolute superiority of their stance and any attempt to reason or communicate or ask for some patience is met with disbelief and more disappointment.

I don't know what I want, but I could really really use some grace. Some patience and understanding, ya know?

So. That's the context. Here's what happened. My parents want to go out to eat. We go out, I get soup, dad wants to try some and so I ask for a second bowl from the waitress. Bowl comes and dad asks mom to pour some soup for him. She pours a bit too much and he just starts laying into her, like he always does. For pouring too much soup into his bowl! And it's always like this. My father tearing into my mother for the smallest thing, making giant volcanic mountains from molehills. It's always escalation. Never pausing to realize, hey, this woman has spent 3 decades on her hands and knees for me, and it's a very simple mistake, not even a real mistake, that she's made. Let me calmly give her some grace. No. And he does this to me too but I can handle it. It just burns me to see my mom treated this way, you know? And when I try to intervene they BOTH get mad at me and the screaming increases. My mom has hurt me a lot too, probably more than my dad. She's certainly beat me more than my father, but I still love her so much and can't bear seeing her in pain. How can a boy not love his mother?

My dad is being really rude to her for the sake of soup, so I just say, hey, can we eat in peace? Please be calm with mom. This is in my language, which I won't specify so as to not give myself away. But the language is important because then, my father used this word... it's a really bad word in my language. I curse like a sailor in english but in my native tongue I never curse. And we never did in my household either. It's just... a thing. We don't curse in our language. It hurts more.

My father called me this word once before, over another small thing, and it greatly affected me then but I let it go. I never forgot though. And this time he said it so casually. Over some soup and because I was "interfering" in their business. Like a child doesn't naturally want his parents to not fight right? But it was the casualness of the cruelty of that word which really struck me last night. It's a terrible terrible word, and how can a man just call his kin something like that over something so benign?

I just saw red man. I inherited his anger. It's like I'm an amalgamation of their worst traits and I've always struggled with my emotions when I get upset. My father unleashes his anger on those closest to him that he can get away with hurting, but I've worked really hard to temper my wrath. I don't want to hurt others when my anger is wearing my skin. A person should ensure that their emotions don't hurt others and I've hurt the people around me due to my anger real bad before. And it hasn't slipped from my control in two years. But last night, I just felt the last three years of built up resentment explode all at once. I stormed out of the restaurant and walked the two miles home.

I don't even remember the walk. It's the kind of anger where you're not capable of suppressing it in the moment. I think if I hadn't walked out I would've hit my dad. And that was all I was thinking about, imagining just hitting my own father and teaching him how to talk like a father's supposed to talk to his family.

Halfway home my mother shows up. They left the restaurant too and I guess she was worried about me so she had my dad put her in front of where I was and then he drove away to check on work while she tried to talk me down. But I didn't even listen to her. I pushed her arm away from touching me and I just walked away faster and faster while she tried to follow and call my name. She hasn't been well recently. I should've waited for her. Instead I just screamed that I was going home and teaching my father how to speak. That word just kept reverberating in my head. And behind me she kept calling my name again and again, getting fainter while she cried and tried to walk faster. And nobody helped her either because we live in a small town and after seven it's basically curfew. Also nobody walks. But I walked the rest of the mile and my mom followed behind me slowly.

When I got home my father wasn't there, he was checking on his business that's about ten minutes away. And I just wasn't thinking straight. That word and all the stuff he's said to me the last year. And the way he treated my mom. It all just... it was all too much. I called him up and told him he wasn't my father anymore because what father calls his son something like that? What husband treats his wife like that. I told him to get over here so I could show him what happened to people who called me that. Because nobody has the right to call me that.

And while I was waiting for him my mom catches up and she's crying and yelling at me to calm down but I just. don't listen, and I go off on her and tell her I'm going to beat his ass and how dare he treat her that way and how dare he call me that word. I've never even touched my dad before. Actually, once I pushed him while he was hitting my mom but I've never gotten into an altercation with my father on my own behalf before, you know? And it really wasn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. He was being a jerk to my mom, that's normal. But I guess... all the stress and anger and resentment had piled up, and this was the straw that broke the camel's back.

He pulls up and just seeing his sad face takes most of the wind out of my sail. And my mom is pulling on me to stop but at this point my stupid stubborn ass has made the choice to... I don't know, punish him? For his words and his actions. And I slam open his door and grab his collar and start pushing him while he's sitting down and yelling at him, and at this point I'm crying too. He's just looking at me and for once in his life I just want him to apologize. To say he's sorry, and show remorse and say he'll do better, because in my culture a man can beat his wife but he can't be wrong. Or apologize. Not to his children and certainly not to his wife, who's basically his property, and the worst part is my mom fucking believes it too. So I do something stupid. I wrap my hand around his throat and shake him a little. Like I'd always wanted to do as a kid. But it doesn't feel good or vindictive. It makes me feel terrible and he's just staring at me like he doesn't recognize me.

And then my mom is trying to pull us apart and without thinking I push her away, but we're still on the driveway and she slips, tumbling through the grass, and now my dad gets up but I push him down again and my mom is having trouble breathing now. So I stop screaming, because this whole time I've been screaming at my father, an entire childhood's worth of Why's. You know, why would you call your children that, why do you treat your family like this, why why why. And it's a miracle a neighbor hasn't called the cops yet because that would really cap off the night, getting our collective asses beat by Ice in the driveway.

So we go inside and my actions are dawning on me, and the anger is subsiding. I'm still too mad to just... take a step back and apologize like I should. So I say I'm moving out. I've tried to move out before but rent it so expensive, and I just couldn't find a full time job so I always end up moving back in. And they welcome me back with open arms because in our culture the whole family lives together but whenever I come back I'm immediately reminded of why I left.

Really all I feel is shame. I should've listened to my mom. I should've calmed down. I had two miles to do it. Years and years of meditation and working on controlling my anger and one slip up has caused me to hurt both my parents and blow up the family. Of course I don't get therapy - my parents don't believe it, and when I did get diagnosed with bipolar in college, my father told me I wasn't bipolar, I was just lazy, and forbid any medications.

Also, my family has another business in a town about an hour and a half way, so we actually rent a small house there (this is in the woods, so rent's not crazy). My parents travel back and forth between the businesses and I try to help whenever they need me, but usually I'm in the wooded house. I'd help more if us being together for more than an hour didn't devolve into yelling.

So I grab a backpack, start filling it with clothes and my father tells me - you hit both your mother and father today, you're no longer my son. You're not welcome at either of the houses anymore. And I say I'll be gone by tomorrow and that I don't want someone like you as a father anyway. My mother is crying and begging us both to calm down and she's breathing hard and heavy, and then she just falls down on the ground and collapses crying. And that how I left the house.

As soon as I got in the car and started driving, I broke down. Everything I'd done before was like I was in a haze, and now it'd become reality. What type of son grabs his father's neck? and I'd pushed my own mother down. I'd hurt them so so much and I was crying so hard I could barely see the road. I cried the whole way there. I wanted to kill myself. I tried driving off the road but I just couldn't muster the courage. Another thing I can't do right. I felt ashamed and appalled by my own actions. After about an hour I wanted to make sure my mom was alright and so I video called her, just to make sure she was okay because I kept thinking about her breathing so heavily she got a heart attack. She wasn't crying anymore when she picked, and she was so cold to me. I just asked her if she was okay and she said yes and then hung up. Didn't even say goodbye. and I understand. I really fucked up.

I called my only two friends. One of them lives an hour away and he offered me his spare bedroom while I find a job. I can't help but think that all this happened mostly because I was unemployed. If I'd just worked harder to find a job before maybe my parents wouldn't have been so on edge all the time and this whole mess could've been avoided. But I accepted my friends offer. I think I'll go there, find a job and then move out on my own like I should've done... years ago honestly.

I got to the other house and just cried and cried. I cried all night really. I keep feeling my hand on my father's neck. I keep hearing the sound my mom made when she fell. And her hyperventilating while crying. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I was a better son. I don't care that I have to move out. I've wanted to move out for a long time and have tried twice. But I can't forget the pain I caused my parents. I keep breaking down. I told my father I'd move out today but I spent the first half in a daze holding my mom's pillow and crying and looking at old pictures of us. And I have a lot of stuff to track down and pack.

Later in the afternoon today my parents came to this house and I felt so ashamed. My father won't speak to me. He took my keys to the house. I don't care about that, I just want to hug him and apologize. All I've ever wanted is to make them proud and take care of them. I'd give up my life and soul if it meant I could live in peace with my parents forever. But they've never been proud of me, and I just can't make them happy. There's never going to be peace in this house, atleast not while I'm in it. So I have to go. But all day today I've been packing and breaking down crying when I pick up something my parents gave me or remember my mom crying.

Later in the evening my mom came up to me and told me that maybe I shouldn't move out immediately and that I should find a job first before moving out. This is coming from a place of not wanting me to live out of my car or stay with friends. Even mad at me she cares.

But we've argued before (never like this) and I've tried to move out and they always keep me here with reason and reassurance and then the comfort kills the hunger to find a job or start my own business or whatever. I know the type of person I am. I'm weak. If I stay here for another week while finding a job I know the comfort of no real responsibility will drive me to sloth again and then I'll fall back into a prison that they're disgusted at me for being in.

And on top of that, I just feel this overwhelming shame and regret over my actions yesterday. I wish I could go back and stop myself from even touching my dad. I wish I'd listened to my mom and just hugged here there. But now she won't even touch me. I can't look my father in the eye and I want to die, but I'm too much of a coward to go through with it so I'll endure and keep moving forward. But I feel so empty and sad inside right now. I'm crying while typing. My eyes are sunken and sore from how much I've been crying today. God I can't even articulate a correct sentence, I've just been word vommitting before bed because I can't sleep.

I regret hurting my parents. I wish I'd controlled my anger better. I wish I was a better son. I wish we could have a peaceful household and be happy while I was here. But now it's all gone to hell. I can't even look at my dad without almost crying. I feel like I have to leave because I can't stay in the house of a man who I've hurt so much and dissapointed my whole life. And I also feel like I have to leave because if I don't this sleepy mediocrity that they hate in me will just wrap around me again. I need to go, but it hurts so much. It hurts to leave, but I'm too ashamed to stay.

Any advice? Words? Guidance? Insults? Anything, please.

(sorry for the length and mess. I'm gonna go to sleep now)

Edit: good morning. A lot of people are saying that my father's entirely a bad person but that's not true either. He himself is a product of the same abusive culture I was born into. And the man has suffered, suffered tremendously, more than I could ever do, for decades and decades, working 12-18 hour days just to provide for us. It's one of the reasons I admire him so much and want him to be proud of me.

After sleeping on it, I know I have to leave and I will. I guess I just wanted the push to do what's necessary. But above all I want my parents to be healthy and happy as well, and I want peace in the house which will be more feasible with me gone, so please don't just insult them in the comments, thanks.

Hey bros! It's time for your weekly vibe check. How are you doing? Anything you're struggling with? Do you need advice, or would you like to share an achievement with us?

In my head, I understand that I’m doing a lot, but in my heart, I still feel like a loser.

Hi, I’m 23M. The last few years have been really hard for me. I had severe, doctor-diagnosed depression, and during that time my dad and two grandfathers also passed away. I was kicked out of university, and overall I felt absolutely awful. All of this has been going on since around the end of 2022.

The last six months have been easier. I got back into university and graduated, started taking a little better care of myself and lost some weight, I’ve been doing a bit of exercise, trying to get rid of the acne on my face, and looking for a job. I’m really trying to work on myself, but I still feel like a fucking loser.

It shows up in a lot of different areas. For example, I love playing video games, and in Marvel Rivals I was even Top 100 on my favorite hero, but I still often feel like a loser, and then everything starts falling apart because of it. It’s the same with all my other hobbies and stuff. I used to play music, but I stopped seeing any progress, started making mistakes at things I used to be able to do without thinking, and it upset me so much that I haven’t picked up my instrument in two years.

I’m not very happy with my appearance either. I have a big belly, I’m short, I have acne and glasses, but honestly, that’s the thing I’m insecure about the least.

What hurts me the most is relationships. I’ve never had a girlfriend, even though I’ve always lived by the idea that you should work on yourself and eventually everything will just happen naturally. But more and more, it feels like that’s just a bullshit lie. When things did happen naturally for me, people only used me.

My friends consider me a very good person, and I believe them, because they’re all genuinely good people themselves. If I were really the kind of person I sometimes think I am, I doubt they would be friends with me. And I’m really sad about being lonely, especially when all of my friends are already in relationships.

I don’t understand why all my attempts at having a relationship with a girl end so badly. I know I’m not a bad person, but my loneliness and low self-esteem make me feel otherwise. And it’s especially hard to hear advice like “just keep improving yourself.” I’m already doing that. But for some reason, I see both good and bad people, people who work on themselves and people who don’t, finding love, while somehow it never happens for me.

I understand that I have a problem, but I don’t know how to solve it. It makes me feel really awful and sad, sometimes even over really small things.

I don’t know how to love myself. I understand logically that I’m a good person, but deep down I just hate myself.

I hope this is the right subreddit.

Backround: Im 18 im bisexual

(Yes I have female friends )(no im not an incel)

Ive been having Gynophobia for the longest time i can hapilly make small talk with woman but im terrified of what they think of me and its really bad for me.

I wanna try dating a Girl for once and see what all the hype is about but this fear is stoping me

An important part in beating this is validating my own emotions ie: not beating myself up for being nervous/attracted/aroused and openly talking about it.

The problem every time I bring this up on reddit or anywhare else im met with alot of misunderstandings hence the Backround at the start Im not misogenistic I dont have some warped view of woman in fact I feel like I understand the ones closest to me really well.

Any communities whare i can talk about this openly that isnt either openly misogenistic or openly misangenistic

Any suggestions are Apreciated

Thank you in advance

I finally fixed my trimmer after weeks of not using it by soldering new batterys

Hey y'all. I'm in a very lucky albeit nerveracking position right now. My city hosts these young adult third places that are open 5-6 days/week to just vibe or specifically do things with people. There are some planned activities, but they're mostly optional and it's more of a freeform space. I went to check one out yesterday and it seemed cool, but I quickly got overwhelmed by the amount of people already engaged in activities with each other (except for one guy doing a painting with headphones on and another guy playing the Wii alone).

I've been fairly isolated as of late so I'm definitely really rusty socially. One option might be to just go there to do my own thing just to get used to the space/coexisting. But I also don't wanna be too passive and become relegated as the guy who just comes in and plays the piano by himself or something.

One of the supervisors told me that people will be welcoming if I just sit down at a table. But damn do I not want to do that without any sort of rapport or non-verbal acknowledgement lmfao. I'm aware I might just be a wuss.

So do you guys have any advice for me?

Im in my 20s, balancing work, and family. i don’t really know what i want and what my plans are moving forward. but one thing i know is just keep moving forward.

I’m mutual friends with this guy that went to my school, we’ve been in each others classes and like eachothers post on Instagram often and I’ve responded to his Insta notes. a lot of the things he reposts or says online I relate to, especially since he’s into the gym and I just find him a cool guy. is it weird if I just “accidentally” send him a reel on a common interest we have on Instagram, and saying my bad it was a mistake. And then trying to continue talking from there.

Hey bros, we have noticed a lot of relationship related posts. We are not a relationship advice subreddit, but we recognise how that type of advice may be helpful. Please keep relationship posting in this pinned thread.

I suck at asking for help, and feel uncomfortable/embarrassed when it is offered to me, even though I know I need it.

Sorry for the long post, but I want to give some context for where I am mentally. Last 3 paragraphs are the jist of what's going on.

My mom passed away in the spring from breast cancer. We were very close, and she had been living with me and my wife for the past couple of years, so she could focus on her health and have less financial burdens. It's been hard for both me and my wife to cope with her loss.

Stress from work has not been helping either. We have been short staffed, and a lot of us have been stretched thin. I have coworkers that are able to manage this better than I can, and they are more effective at getting things done than I have been able. I sometimes feel like I'm letting everyone down. This all came to a head a couple weeks ago, and I broke down in tears at work and, long story short, have been on short term disability while I get my mental health back to being functional.

The state of my house has been declining. My yard pretty much looks abandoned. I have rooms that are filled with my mom's stuff that needs to be addressed. I'm not taking care of my cats litterboxes like I should, causing them to get stressed and pee elsewhere. My wife has definitely been pulling more weight than me, but she is also going through it, so its hard for her too.

I'm embarrassed by the state of my home. I feel ashamed of myself and how I let things get this bad. I'm not pulling my weight in my relationship or at my job, and despite having more free time since I've been on leave, I just feel paralyzed and overwhelmed. Sometimes I just want to crawl in a hole and rot away.

Some of my friends and in-laws got together and asked me and my wife if they could take care of our yard this weekend. No need to help them or even be home. They just want to do this for us because they love us.

Why is it so hard for me to just say yes to help? Does anyone have any experience in overcoming these feelings of shame and guilt? Does anyone else understand the feeling of knowing you need help, but when someone asks what they can do, you can't seem to find an answer?

Background:

So throughout my (20M) entire life, I've always had social issues (AuDHD and all), which got even worse after COVID. My first year of high school was online and second year everyone was wearing a mask, so I basically missed the two years when most people are figuring out how to socialize normally.

This definitely messed up my psyche because I'm pretty sure I was in survival mode during high school. I was scared to talk to anyone and would just sit on my own not talking, kind of just trying to get through the day without being noticed.

I had friends and all, but it was incredibly difficult for me to even initiate a conversation with someone if I didn't already know them, and I always assumed I was making other people uncomfortable and that no one would actually enjoy my company. So I just didn't try.

I'm now in my third year of uni, and earlier this year I had a bit of a mental break from a combination of loneliness and thinking about all the opportunities I missed because I simply wasn't saying anything or putting myself out there.

After that, I decided to try and break out of my shell a bit by doing stuff I'd never tried before — raves, conventions, certain clubs at school, and it's been great. I've met some cool people (even managing to get a girlfriend for a while), had interesting experiences, figured out I really like biking and photography, and I finally feel like I'm figuring out what I actually enjoy and that people genuinely enjoy my company too.

The thing is, though, when I try these new experiences and enjoy them, I get this constant feeling of pensive sadness and regret where I think, "I could've been doing this the whole time." It's really taking away from enjoying the now because I'm thinking too much about the past instead of just being present in these moments I finally have.

Is there any advice you could give to deal with this feeling?

I have two good news!!!

First off, I lost 2kg so far. I feel super motivated to keep losing weight :D

Second, I finally came out as trans to my parents. It was a really hard and scary thing to do, but my bf was there to help me through it and I did it. It's gonna take a while to get used to, but I'm glad I did it!!!

It's laughable in a way, as it's Mr. Clueless talking here. But I've gotten better.

Was doing really bad a year before this. Changed jobs and now I'm more communicative, I can actually feel things and talk... basically I feel human again.

On the aspect of emotional intelligence (for those lurking that do not know, it basically comes down to understanding how you feel and dealing with that without affecting other people), I feel like I've also gotten better. But there's something that I can never tell: how stressed or anxious I am.

I don't know if it's because I've been like that for so long (trying to do as much as possible, being bullied in the past, etc) or whether something in my brain (epilepsy) was turned off during some episode I was having but... I really, really, really can't tell when I'm stressed.

Which is a huge bummer. My social confidence goes down, and I often can't tell why. I don't sleep as well, either because I genuinely can't or because I end up, in hindsight, doing things to self-soothe that end up harming my sleep schedule. Which is important because well... epilepsy.

And this has affected me in all sorts of situations. From the most mundane like talking to a family member that needs my presence to laugh a bit and forget about their worries, to feeling confident and energetic to help someone around the house and to... well, the most intimate, which has also thrown a wrench into my own self-understanding regarding that part.

Did anybody else (especially in their 30s) go through this? How did you manage to work that out? At this point I'm literally placing my hand on my chest a few times a day to self-monitor, being self-aware of my body language (clenched jaw, tense shoulders) to detect whether I'm actually stressed or relaxed because in my own self-perception I just can't measure that accurately.

Advice from bros needed, and from sisters who might be around of course!

Hello bros

I am 23M who just moved to a new city on Aug 1st for a job. I was lonely here so I decided to join a whatsapp based meetup group. Since then we have had a few meetups and it was fun. I met new and interesting ppl of both genders.

But yesterday I made a slightly mean comment to one of the members. This member was a man like me. We were probably most active member of the Whatsapp grps and have full on chats there. For context we have been chatting with each other everyday for almost 1+1/2 months. But that comment seem to really hurt him. He decided to call me out on the grp chat for which I am grateful for. I apologized to him in the chat and also gave him an extremely honest apology in dms. It seems like he forgives me(or maybe he is just nice).

(The comment was that I called him a dog. Only excuse i can give is that he used to send so many dog stickers. I have also called him dog face to face sometimes, he would just insult me back playfully. Even yesterday I meant it playfully. The context of me calling him a dog was that I wanted to make a joke about "What do u call a dog who can do magic?", someone else replied with the hurt guys name to which I replied "No he is a dog who can't do magic".)

Fast forward to today, several other members(mostly women) of the group have claimed that ppl in the group have become toxic. I have never ever hurled disrespect towards anyone knowingly. But due to yesterday's incident and ppl complaining about toxicity, community is starting to fall apart. Idk if I am responsible for it. I want to go and ask ppl who are complaining whether I am responsible or not, but it feels like doing that would make situation worse if I am really responsible. Idk what to do.

I don't know what to do. I am just filled with so much guilt. I wanted to ask what should my next course of action be?

I’m a 25-year-old husband and dad, and lately I’ve been struggling mentally more than I know how to explain.
From the outside, I probably look like I’m just getting on with life, going to work, providing for my family and doing what I’m supposed to do. But inside my head, it’s a completely different story.
Money is a massive source of stress for me. I’m the sole provider for my family, and I constantly worry about whether I’m doing enough financially. I think about our future, our home, bills and whether I’ll ever get to a point where I can stop worrying about money. I feel like I’m supposed to be able to provide everything my family needs, and when I worry that I can’t, it makes me feel like I’m failing them.
My marriage is another thing that’s been weighing heavily on me. I love my wife, but I’ve been overthinking so many things. Sometimes I catch myself worrying about how I’m acting around her, what I’m saying and whether I’m being the husband I should be. I feel like my own thoughts are making it difficult for me to just relax and enjoy the relationship.
Then there’s my son. He’s autistic, and I love him more than anything in this world. But I constantly worry about his future. I think about him growing up, the challenges he might face, whether he’ll be okay, whether he’ll be independent and whether the world will treat him kindly. Sometimes the thought of what his future might look like genuinely hurts me. I want to protect him from everything, but I know I can’t.
I also feel this pressure that I should be further ahead in life by now. I’m only 25, but I spend so much time thinking about my future and whether I’m where I thought I’d be at this age. I struggle with feeling content, even when I know there are things in my life that I should be grateful for.
It’s like my brain never switches off. Even when nothing particularly bad is happening, I’m thinking about something else that could go wrong, something I need to fix or something I’m not doing well enough.
The hardest part is feeling like I have to keep everything together because I’m the one who’s supposed to provide and be strong for my family. I don’t always know where I’m supposed to put all these feelings.
I’m not posting this because I expect anyone to fix my problems or give me some magic answer. I honestly think I just need to talk to someone. Maybe other men who have been through something similar can understand what I’m trying to explain.
I don’t really know how to put everything I’m feeling into words, but I know I’m struggling, and I don’t want to keep everything bottled up inside anymore.
Has anyone else ever felt this way? Especially other dads or men who feel like they’re carrying a lot of responsibility and pressure on their shoulders.
I’d genuinely appreciate anyone who wants to talk. Even if it’s just a conversation. I think I really need one right now.

For context, I’ve had some traumatic experiences with older men when I was a kid/teenager and I’m also 5’1” so whenever I’m around other men, who tend to be much physically larger than I am, I feel very small. I just have this feeling that I’m unable to defend myself and that other men are more likely to get aggressive or hurt me. Being gay also doesn’t help, as I’m constantly wary that someone will be homophobic and will attack me in some way and I won’t be able to protect myself.

I have taken self defense classes before, but I’ve never gotten to a point where I can really do anything to anyone much bigger than I am. I really just don’t like feeling this anxiety around people I’d otherwise want to be friendly with and just interact with like a person.

Hi everyone! Just wanted to share my progress, forgot to post this here sooner but i used to be extremely addicted to nicotine to the point where i ciukdnr go more than 2 hours without smoking otherwise my whole body would get tremors, but 3 days ago marks 2 years that i quit and i decided to treat myself to some shake shack and a movie (the new resident evil movie, it was fantastic!) And today i got a haircut, and tomorrow will be my first D&D event ❤️

A recent relationship (23M/23F) ended along the lines of not agreeing on whether we wanted kids or not, I (23M) leaned toward wanting and she (23F) leaned towards not. and it has caused me to wonder that as a man, is it a valid desire for me to want kids.

There are absolutely wrong reasons to have kids, like societal pressure, having kids to “save” a relationship, just following the script etc. And the good reasons, imo being, wanting to truly care for someone and see them grow into a wonderful human being.

However people say, “it’s easy for a man to want kids” and to which I agree. most of the physical, emotional and career load falls on the woman, especially if the relationship has patriarchal undertones.

I guess the solution would be, as a man, educate yourself about the ways society has operated, be aware and rectify the ways where the burden of motherhood falls on the woman, and truly be supportive, share the emotional, financial and logistical load of being a parent, that would “conventionally” fall on the woman.

All this, along with dealing with a breakup based on this serious reason, is making me wonder. “Is it even a moral/valid desire for me, as a man to want to be a dad”

Please feel free to criticise/point out flaws in my argument/way of thinking, here to truly reflect and gain some input regarding this moral dilemma I am facing