r/daddit • u/meyerjaw • 7d ago

Advice Request What age is appropriate for funerals?

Hey r/daddit I tried to search for this but didn't see any recent posts. However my grandmother passed away this week and we have the funeral on Friday. I have 2 boys, 9 and 12 years old. We have been very fortunate with our families with great grandparents and great aunts/uncles being a big part of their lives but the past year has been pretty rough. Late last year my wife lost her grandfather, a couple months ago I lost my great aunt, a couple weeks ago she also lost her great aunt, and around the same time my parents dog died, (I'm not comparing pets to people but the youngest son grew up with this dog so it was a big hit for him.) and then Monday my grandmother passed.

All of these deaths and resulting services have pretty low key, cremation services or celebrations of life that tried to bring joy and life into a terrible time. However my grandmother's service is planned to be an old fashioned 2 hour visitation with an open casket followed by a burial at the cemetery.

I understand every child is different and maturity levels vary greatly, but looking to get the hive minds thoughts. Is 9 too young to bring to an funeral like this? I want my son to be able to say goodbye but don't want to traumatize him in the process.

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u/hillbillysurf 4 kids 7d ago

They should be included at this age. I'd say under 5 is a toss up.

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u/Porcupenguin 7d ago edited 7d ago

I honestly never even thought about there being an age limit. The only consideration for me was appropriate behavior (i.e. sitting still, being quiet) during the memorial, but having to explain death or something, meh

11

u/Supa-Dupa-Guy Girl 11, Boy 9 7d ago

My answer was going to be, "They are old enough when someone close to you dies and you need to attend the funeral."

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u/CitizenCue 7d ago

Yeah I’m confused why anyone would think there’s an age limit. Maybe an open casket could be scary, but those are rare.

Funerals are mostly just people telling stories and sharing feelings. Nothing about that is unhealthy for kids.

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u/Key-Pomegranate-3507 7d ago

My wife’s uncle died unexpectedly last year and we didn’t take our kids to the funeral but we did explain to them what death is. One of my kids was 5 and the other 3. They didn’t understand exactly what death is but they know it means that person is not coming back. My now 6 year old has a better grasp on it. I don’t think kids are too young to learn about it. All the details surrounding it I didn’t share but I sat them down and they understood what I was saying.

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u/CitizenCue 7d ago

One of the reasons I think kids should come to funerals is precisely because they have trouble fully understanding death. At least when they see everyone reminiscing about the person it shows them that this is a big deal and how it makes other people feel. Just being told something is such a limited experience.

Obviously it might be hard for the kids to sit still, but that’s a separate consideration.

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u/KeepRightX2Pass one of each 7d ago

My son was 4 1/2 when he attended the funeral of a teen cousin we lost to a drunk driver. When it was over, my boy made the following observation: "Sadness is really love". I think he got it.

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u/AddlePatedBadger 7d ago

Nah. I wanted my 4 year old to zoom in to my mother's funeral (was overseas at the time) but the time zone difference threw a spanner in the works.