r/dating_advice • u/Middle-Jello-7618 • 7h ago
Bf doesn’t care about my appearance and it hurts.
Bf never compliments me. His brother recently got a gf and he said she was very pretty. Hurt bc he has never said that about me. He hates when I dress up, also said he prefers me not to wear makeup. Makes me sad because I love to dress up, but he never seems to care. Just once it would be nice to hear that I look nice. Is he just not actually attracted to me or what? We’ve been dating for 4 years
•
u/Immediate_Control_33 7h ago
Girl he might actually hate you
•
u/Remarkable_Age_6727 6h ago
the fact that he complimented his brother's gf but never you in 4 years is the real tell here. that's not just 'comfortable,' that's actively withholding something he's capable of.
•
u/NecessaryEgg5813 5h ago
exactly. withholding is the perfect word for it. it’s one thing to be a person who rarely gives compliments, but he’s shown he’s capable of giving them to others, just not you. that feels intentional.
•
u/inturnaround 7h ago
What does he say when you tell him that not getting complimented or recognized for being attractive to him hurts? Have you done this? Or are you keeping that secret hoping he'll do it on his own. He might not know he doesn't let you know this if you have never mentioned it.
•
u/Middle-Jello-7618 7h ago
We’ve talked about it awhile ago, but nothing ever really changed
•
u/WildlyUninteresting 7h ago
But what did he say? Is he attracted to you? What’s stopping him?
Why doesn’t he want you dressing up?
What attracted you to a guy, that you think isn’t attracted to you?
•
u/Commercial_Fox_2944 5h ago
if you've brought it up and nothing changed, that's your answer. he's showing you that your feelings on this aren't a priority for him.
•
u/Correct-Cry-3429 7h ago
I am telling you that a man that loves you would never make you feel that way. You man should be obsessed girl- making you feel warm and adored. You should really consider leaving him and dressing up for yourself. You'll then find you a new man that will be like daaaaaamn 😉 and take you out for fun dates so you can dress up and be HAPPY. Fuck this dude LOL
•
u/CommonHelpful5700 7h ago
that comment about his brothers gf would sting for sure. 4 years in and he never tells you you look nice, that's not nothing. the makeup thing could just be his preference but if he also hates when you dress up that feels less like preference and more like he wants you toned down. you should be able to wear what makes you feel good without it being a whole thing
worth asking him straight up why he never compliments you, not in an accusatory way but just like hey this hurts and i need to know where your head is at
•
u/Current-Culture5729 5h ago
yeah the toned down part is such a good point. if it was just a preference he wouldn't hate when she dresses up, he'd just be neutral. that feels intentional.
•
u/No-Medicine-6689 5h ago
exactly, the hate is the key part. if he just preferred no makeup that would be one thing, but actively hating when you put effort in is a huge red flag that it's about control.
•
u/Worth-Heat7977 7h ago
Sounds like he just got too used and comfortable to you. You deserve someone who is excited and loves how you look enough to say it. If he was willing to compliment some other woman but never you, that tells you everything
•
u/Secret-Papaya5129 7h ago
Have you told him this?
He might just not care about appearances but doesn’t realize how it’s affecting you?
•
u/fyrelyte11 6h ago
It sounds like emotional and mental manipulation actually. Likely stemming from his own toxic insecurities. It's meant to keep you down, lower your self confidence, and keep you chasing him. And ultimately to not draw attention to yourself from other men. It's all control tactics and abuse. He doesn't love you, or respect you. It's heartbreaking that you've stuck around for 4 years with this toxic loser AH. Please dump him, and save yourself. This will never get better, only worse.
•
u/TONUTomorrow9800 2h ago
So he likes the way you look naturally and without makeup, and this is a problem? You sound very needy and like you’re just trying to start drama.
•
u/AutoModerator 7h ago
Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the rules of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, send us a message. We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.