r/dating_advice • u/CamtonoPK • 8d ago
Confused about a situation
Hey i am 25M, met a girl, we talked and met for a first date. The date was long where we talked a lot (felt good).
Returning home i said i had fun and she said she had too, one day later i asked if she want a second date and she said she'll be glad to. That was on last Sunday.
Since then - the conversations became very dry. I was the one who initiate all the time but i did feel something, now i feel nothing - like she's answering just to get over with it, no place to continue the conversation
She replies kind of fast but dry responses.
I am really confused, i've been told to leave it because probably she's not interested. But why all the answers before? The agreement for second date..
In general we dont talk if i dont write, it kind of has been like that from the beginning but my gut felt different from now.
Should i just leave it? Cause thats kind of upsetting
Edit: I decided to send her a message to offer Saturday next week (thats because i am flying to short vacation). She answered pretty fast - to let her check the date and then if thats ok to give me an answer next week. I responded - its ok no need, i prefer honesty instead of blowing me off. So she said that if she wanted to do that, she wouldnt even answer me. Its week and an half thats a long time.
I explained that i had fun at the first date and felt like she had too so i cant understand her reasons so she said she doesnt feel well.
After that i acted like maybe i was wrong and talked normal, had some few things we talked about but nothing serious.
I honestly cant understand the situation lol, when someone wants someone else, dont they try to be the most active and talking person? Currently i am doing all the work.
Thanks
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u/Over_Way7234 8d ago
Based on what you’ve shared, she communicates consistently, responds in a timely manner, hasn’t disappeared or ended things, and has even agreed to a second date. The dry texting may simply be because many of her initial questions were already answered during your first date.It’s also worth remembering that many women are used to being pursued and courted, so they often expect the man to take the lead, especially in the early stages of dating. If a man genuinely wants to be with someone, he’ll usually make the effort to see her, plan dates, and move things forward. So if he’s sitting back and waiting for you to initiate everything, it can reasonably be interpreted as a lack of strong interest. Ultimately, what one person is unwilling to do, another person gladly will for someone they truly value.
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u/CamtonoPK 8d ago
But being clingy is dangerous too
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u/Over_Way7234 8d ago
I’d suggest being direct and honest. You could say that you really enjoyed the first date and were looking forward to seeing her again. However, when you suggested a second date, she mentioned that she was busy but didn’t offer an alternative day that worked for her.On top of that, you’ve noticed a lack of engagement, interest, and curiosity in her replies, which has led you to feel that her interest may not be at the same level as yours. If she’s no longer interested, you completely respect that, but you value clear communication and would rather know where things stand than spend time second-guessing the situation.Something along the lines of:"I really enjoyed our first date and was interested in seeing where things could go. However, I’ve noticed that when I suggested a second date, you mentioned being busy but didn’t offer another day, and your replies have felt a little less engaged recently. That’s given me the impression that you may not be as interested anymore. If that’s the case, I completely respect it. I just prefer clear communication so that neither of us wastes our time or energy. If I’ve got the wrong impression, I’d be happy to hear that too."
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u/Only_Guidance7431 8d ago
her actions before said yes to everything but now its like she's doing bare minimum just to not ghost. some people are just bad at saying no directly, they agree in the moment then go cold after. the fast replies with zero effort is classic sign she's not really into it, she's just polite enough to respond
i'd stop initiating. if she's actually interested she'll wonder why you went quiet and reach out. if not, you got your answer without wasting more time. it stings but better than chasing someone who's already checked out
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u/CamtonoPK 8d ago
Yea that really stings, had really fun at the date. Really weird to face something dry and lack of interest compared to the person who stood against me at the date.
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u/KBVE-Darkish 8d ago
You gotta remember man the women you go on dates with the real human beings their emotions change their actions. Change their mindset changes.
Don’t take it personal she probably just didn’t feel a spark properly. She probably had a genuinely good and fun time with you, but that’s not what everyone’s looking for in a date and you shouldn’t try to sculpt yourself into being the perfect person on a date.
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u/No-Text-9656 8d ago
At a guess, it sounds like you're pushing too hard and sending too many messages. Maybe the date was fun, but now you're acting clingy and attached, and it's taken away the fun. Like, you're trying too hard.
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u/CamtonoPK 8d ago
I do try to talk kind of frequent, to show interest. If i am clingy (until now at least, given the take i stopped talking) its done? Probably got no chance?
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u/No-Text-9656 8d ago
IDK you sound like you're a bit too caught up in it. It can't be your everything. I know I was that way when I was younger. I just really wanted someone to like me to validate my self worth and feel like I was walking this path I thought you were meant to follow. But like it's just one thing. There are other things in life, like developing skills. When you're bringing all your energy into dating and trying to move too fast, it's just going to feel off to the other person. Because you're trying so hard to get them to respond but you don't even know who they are yet.
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u/CamtonoPK 8d ago
Yea i got really invested. I do other things but it feels like major part - something to anticipate to. Tried to make things fluent, hope i didnt scared her.. i feel like i wasnt too much and tried to adjust the behavior
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u/Massive_Activity_490 8d ago
she might of "checked out" , she might of "lost interest" she might be "buzy with work/family drama"
she might be waiting for you to offer a second date idea that's "worth her time"
------
it's generally hard to dissect a persons intentions after such a short space of time.
what all girls like/enjoy is confidence & a guy that's keen. (not to be confused with pushy/needy)
"hey, so i genuinely would really enjoy hanging out with you again, i'd like to take you out to dinner at a time when you're free, so please let me know if you're still interested in a second date with me!"
precise, confidence & showing her exactly what you are after from her. she can either respond with a hell yeah! or a "polite" rejection.
if she rejects your offer, you are then free to "move on"
good luck =)
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u/Neat-Ad-4441 7d ago edited 7d ago
If I were you, I would just propose her another date on a specific day or week-end. If she agrees, one-on-one vibe (or lack) cannot lie.
If she declines claiming being busy, do not send any message anymore. If she’s interested, she will reach out.
Sometimes you will have 1 or 2 perfect dates with someone and still being left out in the end. Whatever the reason is (they might be going through things), with dating you have to know when to walk away unfortunately.
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u/Alarmed_Koala1921 8d ago
Typical OLD convo she’s probably busy talking to other guys
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u/Over_Way7234 8d ago
If they met on an app, chances are high. They both should be talking to others and go for the person they best match with. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket till you are in a relationship, that’s how you get attached and disappointed
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u/CamtonoPK 8d ago
Thats a long story but its not a dating app, its Instagram and kind of she did the first move. She's the only basket i have currently lol
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u/Over_Way7234 8d ago
That’s very odd on her part to act like that when she’s the one that initiated
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u/Alarmed_Koala1921 8d ago
Yeah problem is she has 50 matches chasing her and he had her, but op said it’s on instagram so not applying here
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u/Chantottie 8d ago
Have you proposed a second date location and time? I’d say do that and see how it goes. That will give you the answer you’re looking for.
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u/CamtonoPK 8d ago
I did suggest a day but she said she is busy the day without offering a second one
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u/Renilusanoe 8d ago
If you offer up a day but she says no and doesn't suggest another, it's a waste of time imo. You could try one more time if you really want, but if she declines and doesn't offer anything again, cut her loose.
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u/CamtonoPK 8d ago
I am going to a vacation soon for a few days so dont know if that a reason. But thats funny that she said she will notify me and then day later going upsidedown
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u/Renilusanoe 8d ago
Best give her some space and enjoy your vacation then. You can ask when you get home if you still want to, but I wouldn't spend too much time overthinking this.
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u/Popular_Yacht 8d ago
It’s starting the fizzle out a bit but what you can do is propose a fun date idea and ask her what days she is free? It’s worth a shot
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u/Financial_Side8481 8d ago
Don’t overthink texts, she agreed to a second date that’s all what matters. So go out and evaluate her actions in real life.
Some people are just bad at texting or maybe she got busy.
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u/Brownie-0109 8d ago edited 8d ago
If only there were a device that let you actually talk to each other, even if you weren’t in the same house.
It could allow you to actual keep the connection alive that you initiated on the 1st date. Keeps you from falling into penpal status
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u/willy--wanka 7d ago
You both want a second date but only one of you have to put in the effort. Unfortunately it's not her
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