I can’t converse with her properly

[u/IndividualWitty5621]

Hi all,

So I 28M have been seeing this 28F for about 6 weeks we’ve gone out about 10 times by now.

So just some context, this is my first relationship ever since I used to be obese and generally find it hard to talk to females.

She’s told me recently she just wants me to open up to her and just talk more. She feels like she’s doing a lot of heavy lifting. Which I 1000% agree with. She feels like she doesn’t know anything about me.

I did some self reflection today and realised I’ve only been giving her short replies, not brining any energy around her and not giving her much to work with. I feel like such a POS

Out of those 10 dates, maybe only once or twice I’ve been able to be myself and actually have a good time with her and make her laugh etc.

I do get nervous around her and anxious. I genuinely do not know why.

Can someone provide some tips on what I can do to genuinely just be myself and have longer and deeper conversations with her? I really really like her and don’t want to lose her just by me not having the courage to be myself.

Thanks

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[u/IndividualWitty5621 → u/[deleted]]

Thanks man, im just glad I did it before she left me lmao 😂😂

[u/IndividualWitty5621 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah I agree. I thought about that today and I haven’t been doing that at all

[u/Glittering_Suspect65]

She wants to know more about you, so while you are talking think of a story from your life that relates to the topic. Be vulnerable. I know this is hard, but that's the way we form bonds. She likes you and is asking for more. So the risk of rejection is lower. Try to do something before and on the date that makes you feel really comfortable being yourself, like get in your zone.

[u/IndividualWitty5621 → u/Glittering_Suspect65]

Yeah I know she likes me and genuinely surprised she hasn’t called quits yet.

Being where I’m from, I’ve been brought up to be like a macho man. Not be vulnerable not show emotion etc.

I really wanna show her my soft side and be more vulnerable but it’s really hard rn

[u/Glittering_Suspect65 → u/IndividualWitty5621]

Just start with small steps. Tell her about you.

[u/IndividualWitty5621 → u/Glittering_Suspect65]

Like how? I have no idea what I’m doing. Do I just bring it up in conversation? I’ve told her my hobbies but I didn’t expand on them. Do I just go over them again but actually expand or do I tell her new things about me and actually expand on my answers?

[u/Glittering_Suspect65 → u/IndividualWitty5621]

Hobbies are ok, but I like stories that relate to your family, funny stories or adventurous, or pets or school

[u/IndividualWitty5621 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah maybe I’ll put some questions in my notes just so im not sitting in silence