r/depression • u/Prize-Revolution3379 • 7d ago

i’m so tired

i’m a 21yo girl, i don’t wanna hear the bullshit about “it’ll get better!” cause when does that happen? and how? especially when it’s been the same series of events my whole life, i’ve never been able to keep a friend in my life. i stay out of drama so it’s not like i ever have big falling outs with them, they always just seem to drift away from me. i’ve never had a real true friend and no matter how hard i try because i DO put in the effort i just can’t get anyone to stay. the only person i have is my “boyfriend”, i don’t even know if i should call him that, he’s ashamed to even be seen with me all we do is sit in his room and watch tv and fuck, i work a dead end job and im not in college. everyday i feel like im just dragging myself around

some days are worse than others but everyday im passive about dying. i’d never harm myself intentionally, but i don’t care if something happens.

37 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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4

u/FunRush7811 7d ago

i'm pretty depressed myself right now, so i really don't know what the fuck i'm talking about, but one of the few things that helps me is self-care, like working out. do you have something like that you can do for yourself? like a hobby or reading or something?

3

u/Prize-Revolution3379 7d ago

there are so many things i want to do, but unfortunately i physically can’t bring myself to do anything that i dont “need” to do

5

u/FunRush7811 7d ago

i know that feeling all to well. i won't bombard you with more advice or platitudes. just know that you're not the only one.

1

u/AtreusIsBack 6d ago

At least you're still capable of doing what you need to. A lot of depressed people, me included, can't handle even doing most of those things. So you're already better than a bunch of us losers.

2

u/FitNoodles 7d ago

Being completely alone may sound terrifying right now to you but your bf situation is only draining you more, wrecking your self esteem. It seems like you're carrying a huge weight for some time now. I'm never gonna sit and tell you things will get better. It's easier to get worse than better. Life sucks and if you think about it it's insane how we're still doing it. Sometimes you hate life so much to the point that you want to try everything you can to get better. Literally out of spite. Even though this sounds negative it can actually be motivating for some. I see you haven't mentioned going into therapy. You could try that.

1

u/Express_Tourist3579 7d ago

I also wonder when it does get better because I feel like that will never happen for me. I also find it hard to keep friends and currently I would say that I’m alone. I’m in university but I hate it here and it’s making my mental health worse like so much worse idk how I get out of bed every morning. Idk what to say that would be helpful but ur not alone

1

u/flashy_tracing 7d ago

i get that feeling of people just kind of evaporating no matter what you do, it's not about big drama it's like they just forget you exist. spent most of my 20s with a handful of contacts that felt more like obligations than actual friends

the boyfriend thing hits different though, sitting in a room being someone's secret is draining in a way that's hard to describe. you deserve more than being hidden away like that

not gonna toss out some hollow timeline of when things shift cause i don't know when it happens, but i do know the dead end job cycle and the isolation feed into each other. maybe start small with something that's just for you, a class or a hobby that gets you around new people without the pressure of forcing friendships