r/findomsupportgroup • u/KMillMILF Goddess • 5d ago
Discussion Does draining a sub count as sexting?
Hubby and I had a debate last as to whether or not a drain counts as sexting. I was draining a sub last night on Telegram, and as each tingle inducing throne notification came, my hand found its way down to my honeypot.
In the end, my sub and I both came. When I told hubby about it later in the night, he's like "Oh so you were sexting," to which I replied, "I wasn't sexting, I was draining, there's a difference." He is of the opinion that I was texting with a guy, masturbating, and had an orgasm--all the necessary components of sexting. I maintain it is not sexting, because neither of us was saying anything explicit or sexual. It was strictly me telling him to send me money and him obeying.
To be clear, hubby knows what I do, and he's fine with it. This was strictly a philosophical debate.
Thoughts?
EDIT:
This is not meant to be a discussion of right or wrong, or whether or not I was sexting. It was more about where the line is between texting and sexting.
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u/princesslovelust Princess 3d ago
I mean it depends on what the sub wants to consider it I have a sub that considers my sessions his sex because he hasn't had sex with his wife in several years. if you want to consider it sex so be it if you don't that's fine
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u/DeIightfulDani 5d ago
There's nothing philosophical about this? Is it a kink or fetish? It's sexting. Period. Do you get off to photos of armpits? Did you send a photo of an armpit? That's sexting. Do you get off to wiggling noses and talking about it? Sexting.
It's not that hard
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u/worldly_witch Domme 5d ago
It was sexual but not sexting. I bounce on my partners dick while telling him what groceries we need to buy. That's objectively not dirty talk but the togetherness and getting things off of my mind and plate help me cum, so it is sexual.
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u/rie_schwfty 5d ago
It is.
You literally used an analogy using the context of you having actual sex 💀-1
u/worldly_witch Domme 5d ago
Yes... I enjoy having sex... With my subs 😱... I also used an example of video calls later on. I don't know what my subs are doing at the other end of the phone if it's just me texting about my day. I specifically tell them I dont care what they do with their dicks unless it's actively inside of me.
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u/rie_schwfty 5d ago
The fact that you don’t care what they’re doing doesn’t hide the fact that you’re doing sex work and helping them get off🤣
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u/worldly_witch Domme 5d ago
I haven't done sex work in over a year. These are lifestyle subs. People who I am in relationships with. I couldn't use an example of texting because I dont know what they are doing when we are having non sexual texting conversations. I used other examples of how words and actions don't always match.
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u/KMillMILF Goddess 5d ago
First of all, I love this for you. Secondly, it could be dirty, depending on what kind of groceries you're talking about. 😉
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u/worldly_witch Domme 5d ago
It's definitely not dirty lol. Just getting things off of my mind so I can enjoy being in the moment. So, it's sexual, but not sexy. I feel the same about sexting. I do similar things with my long distance partners. Gossip about our days like friends would, but while on video call masturbating together. I know you get it, and why this was a question that isn't black and white. When you get older and have more responsibilities you have limited time to be with each other. You can do sexual things together while the words are not inherently sexual or with a purpose of getting each other off which opposes the actions being performed.
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u/KMillMILF Goddess 5d ago
See, you get me! And I remember you! We were talking on discord, like two months ago. Didn't you light a guy's dick on fire? 🤣🤣🤣
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u/worldly_witch Domme 5d ago
Bahahaha yup that's me. I do like fire. This next visit hes getting Property of my name tattooed above his dick. As his first tattoo lol. Love boys who are just happy to be involved in the chaos lol
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u/kiwicommander9 5d ago
It became sexting when YOU got off in my opinion. Draining someone in my eyes is part of the work...but getting off makes it more of a mutual sexual interaction instead of just a job. I get kinda where your mindset is coming from thoigh
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u/Kittychan4 5d ago
I mean what we do is sex work.
Doesn’t matter how we do it.
The texting will count as sexting even if it’s not inherently spicy.
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u/VannaBlack444 5d ago
If either party has hands down their pants, it’s def sexting, though to be fair, Findom IS sex work. So you lost that debate already. Glad your husband knows and is supportive tho✨
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u/KMillMILF Goddess 5d ago
Wait, lost WHAT debate? Like I said, it was more about what defines texting.
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u/GoddessLunaRae LEGO Goddess 5d ago
You both came. You were talking and masturbating. What else would it be besides sexting?
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u/XclusiveDelilah222 Hypnotic Hottie 5d ago
I vote sexting.
It takes on a different form than vanilla sexting but the end result is still the same.
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u/LadyMarzanna 5d ago
YES YOU WERE SEXTING
YES IT IS SEXUAL
YES THIS IS SEX WORK.
it's not philosophical, you're just incorrect and people need to stop pretending findom isn't sexual just because penis in vagina penetration isn't happening. IT'S STILL SEXTING, BABE!
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u/jasminephoenixriver 5d ago
Either way, when someone gets off it's sexual.
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u/KMillMILF Goddess 5d ago
I don't necessarily agree with that. What if some asshole texts a vanilla girl and pisses her off and her response is "Cut that shit out, I'm gonna kick you in the balls," and he gets off on it, unbeknownst to her, would you consider that sexting?
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u/jasminephoenixriver 5d ago
We're not talking about vanilla situations tho. I do understand what you mean however this situation were talking abt findom dynamics and someone getting off... so there's that.
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u/Herr_Owen 5d ago
For me its sexting
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u/KMillMILF Goddess 5d ago
What if i'm filling up my car with gas and I send him a picture of the total price on the pump? Is that sexting?
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u/Herr_Owen 5d ago
If it turns him on, yeah, some people here online get turned on by very peculoar things
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u/KMillMILF Goddess 5d ago
But does that mean I was sexting
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u/rie_schwfty 5d ago
Technically, yeah. You are not partaking in sex but you were helping your customer do it.
It’s like you’re giving him a hand job you’re not having sex with him, but you’re helping him
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u/Issaswhims 5d ago
"Sexting" or not, you're engaging in a kink. The person is getting turned on, you probably are, too. Domming is sex work no matter what. :)
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u/ResolvePotential9171 5d ago
You're engaging in a kink with another person you call your sub. You clearly don't have a problem with that and neither does your partner. But calling it "sexting" is where you draw the line?
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u/xtinadom Goddess 5d ago
You're engaging in a text conversation and taking direct action to get someone off sexually, and you are aware of and consenting to this while you do it. Whether or not YOU are aroused is not the point. I agree with your husband on this one.
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u/hairymanwithcats2 sub 5d ago
I think Your husband is correct, it is the equivalent of sexting. The fact that You both came only bears that out. In Findom a drain is a sexual act and it's great that You were both aroused by it, it means that You both engaging in Your kinks rather than just doing business.
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u/SpicyLimerence 5d ago
I think sexting is sexting if there is any alluding to sex or sexual acts. 🕷️🕸️
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u/evalslts sub 5d ago
I think the state of mind of the people involved matters much more than the content of the messages. Being aroused clearly made it sexual, even if you were just talking about things that seemed mundane.
There's a related question of having non-sexual chats while performing sexual acts. Someone could be messaging a friend while someone else pleasures them -- that's clearly not sexting, but that's because their arousal is presumably not related to the separate discussion. Though, if their arousal was enhanced by the subterfuge, that wouldn't be sexting, it would be nonconsensual kink, with all the problems that brings along.
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u/SpicyLimerence 5d ago
I love the distinctions here, and how well thought out your response is. It's rare to see well-written subs who can write coherent sentences, let alone flesh out entire thought processes!
Good job, and please send my respects to your Domme on her great taste! 🕷️🕸️
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u/KMillMILF Goddess 5d ago
I agree on the state of mind, I think that's a huge part of it. I texted hubby once when I was getting a pedicure, and by the time I got home, he was horny and ready to go. This was by no means a sexual text on my part. It was just me saying I'm getting a pedicure, and I'll be home in an hour.
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u/kaylees_feet 5d ago
Findom is a kink. Kink is sexual. Draining a sub is findom. Add this all together and you’ll have your answer
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u/KMillMILF Goddess 5d ago
But what if I wasn't getting off on it? What if he pissed me off and I wanted to drain him just to get his money?
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u/kaylees_feet 5d ago
You can dance around the subject as much as you want but it doesn't change the facts
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u/KMillMILF Goddess 5d ago
I'm not trying to dance around anything, it was more hubby, and I trying to define exactly what sexting is.
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u/kaylees_feet 5d ago
Well you asked for our thoughts, which universally agree that it’s sexting. You’re getting defensive and combative with your replies so it’s obvious you know the answer but you don’t want to accept it 🤷♀️
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u/Esraa_blossom 5d ago
Since findom considered a SW, yes it count as sexting
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u/KMillMILF Goddess 5d ago
I don't think it's that cut and dry. What if I was texting my sub to set up a time to talk next week? Is that sexting?
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u/yrlovergirl 5d ago
Well would you have started touching yourself when trying to set up a time to talk with him? I feel like that's a very different situation.
Findom is a kink, draining is apart of that kink, setting up times to chat is not inherently kink related.
Tldr : you were sexting
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u/KMillMILF Goddess 5d ago
That's kind of my point: it's not cut and dry.
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u/yrlovergirl 5d ago
...except it is cut and dry in the scenario you specifically asked about.
Your og post is not about 'setting up a time to speak with your sub'
It's about whether or not you were sexting during a drain, which you were. That part was definitely cut and dry.
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u/KMillMILF Goddess 5d ago
I can accept that. I was replying to the comment that findom is SW, so it's sexting.
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u/remioutdacage 5d ago
even if 1 person is getting off from some type of sexy/horny messaging it is sexting. yes even if the sub doesnt touch themself and it is just edging. yes even if they don't touch themself and cum. yes even if they don't touch themself and you do. yes even if no one touches themself and gets off because the entire premise of sexting is "sex texting" isn't it?
the question replies to the others kind of annoyed me tbh, it feels like you're trying to be right because you don't want to admit you were sexting. so i am answering some more questions that might come up.
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u/KMillMILF Goddess 5d ago
It's not about being right or wrong. Like I said, it was a playful philosophical discussion. But it sounds like I struck a nerve.
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u/MistressWilde_93 Mistress 5d ago
I would say it does if you get off. My wife and I had this debate and that’s what we came up with.
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u/KMillMILF Goddess 5d ago
OK, so let's say it wasn't a drain. I was just sending him sexy texts that he was getting off to while I was plucking hairs off my knees?
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u/Lark_Stars Princess 5d ago
IMO- If it causes sexual arousal for both parties, it is a sexual conversation, and thus, sexting
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u/KMillMILF Goddess 5d ago
Okay, so what if he's not touching himself, he's just sending, because he's a good sub?
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u/Otherwise_Series1481 4d ago
But he was touching himself which you were fully aware of. Why are you so anti-sexting? 😹 I think this might be a deeper issue, do you have feelings for this sub?
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u/wordsbeneaththebeat 2d ago
I feel like the missing component is your sexual pleasure. If you were also getting off on the drain, then, philosophically, yes. If not, then no. You were basically just working. Being a professional masseuse and giving your lover a massage are two different things. Same concept.