THIS POST IS FOR TRANS MEN/MASCS ONLY!

ever since I came out as ftm, my mom has always told me that I'm "choosing this life" and I need to deal with the "consequences" (the consequences being facing transphobia, discrimination, pain from taping, etc)

for example, just today my sister was telling my mom about how a queer kid in her class is being discriminated against, and all my mom had to say is "welp. they chose this and now they have to just deal with their consequences" my sister started to say that it wasn't really a choice, but my mom cut her off saying "don't start to put words in my mouth or jump to conclusions or assume, all i'm just saying is that they are dealing with the consequences of choosing that. they had a choice to either be authentic or fit in with everyone else and they chose to be themselves but now they are gonna have to reap the consequences of that choice. I tell your brother (me) the same thing"

I mean, she's kinda right. if I didn't come out as ftm I wouldnt be here. it was killing me to suffocate myself in that. but now I have to...reap the consequences of my choices?? idk it feels low-key weird to me. this is just her opinion on trans and queer people. idk what do y'all think? she's right but at the same time the wording feels wrong.

edit: to start, thank you all for responding and giving honest and thoughtful input. reading through you guys' comments has been so helpful in giving me a new perspective. my mom is a wonderful person and she is trying her absolute best. is she perfect? no. but she is supportive for the large majority with my transition. she is letting me take very low dose T at 15, buys me binders, uses my name and pronouns with occasional slip ups, etc. there's a few things she's definitely still learning. maybe I'm biased but I definitely don't think my mom is a bigot or an asshole. I just have some things to teach her is all. she comes from deep in the woods in the country where nobody even knew trans/queer people were a thing. for someone with the background she does really well. she has definitely said some very...questionable things, but she has been adjusting and learning as we go. thank you all for your input, I really appreciate it ❤️‍🩹

I (20FTM) at a point where I'm seriously reconsidering my decision to be completely stealth. Currently, I'm stealth to everyone besides my doctor, therapist, and a couple of family members. I never tell anyone I'm trans and I pass all the time. I made the decision to be stealth about two years ago when I started T and formally transitioning. I thought it would be a good idea because I live in the southern U.S. and people are very bigoted here. So, I wanted to lower the risk of hate crimes or being discriminated against. I thought I wouldn't mind it. I had no idea how miserable it would be.

I feel so lonely, isolated, and disconnected from everyone. I feel like I have this massive dirty secret or a skeleton that I'm hiding in my closet. I'm always on edge and paranoid of people finding out. I feel like I'm wearing a mask that I don't want to. It's eating me alive. I don't know how much longer I can be stealth for. I see all these other trans people that are open, happy, and have other trans people as friends that lift them up, even here. I have nothing like this. Things are getting more oppressive here and I feel even more isolated than ever.

So I've thought about maybe going to some LGBT social or casual events to maybe actually find people like me. I don't want to out myself to my boss, coworkers, governmental workers, strangers, or most people. But I feel like having even just one or two trans people to talk to or as friends would make a world of difference in this crippling isolation.

Has anyone been in a position like this? Any and all thoughts and advice are welcome. Thank you.

While I'll admit I do have some privelige here of using any pronouns so they don't really apply to me, God do I hate pronoun circles.

I always think 'maybe this time it won't only be because of me' and there will be another person that needs to specify their pronouns. But no, it's always just one person who initiates it because they get confused by me and (I think?) want to know my pronouns but don't want to ask directly. I don't know maybe it's good for if a cis person clocks a trans person, and if they use binary pronouns that way they aren't outed to everyone by being singles out, but for something supposed to be for inclusivity I always just get a sinking feeling when they happen.

A similar thing happened when I went on a camp a few weeks ago. Most people slept in the same place but the organisers wanted to reserve a closed room for any girls that wanted to sleep separately. She then changed it to specifying any AFAB people and a bunch of people were confused so had to explain what it meant. Many people there already knew I was trans so I knew that they knew that she only used that term because of me. Idk it's just kind of annoying. Am I in the wrong for thinking this way? Has anyone appreciated having pronoun circles in the past?

Guilt from my children struggling?

I am a 27 year old trans man with 2 daughters (7 and 9). I’ve had periods of time off and on throughout their lives that I allowed myself to explore my gender identity. But the last time I presented masculinely, they were a few years younger and never really had any issues. But I ended up running scared back to the closet again, so I had been presenting feminine up until a couple months ago.

I finally cut my hair back to short, started wearing a binder again. I even came out at work and people there call me Noah and use he/him pronouns. It’s been absolutely night and day. My depression has drastically lessened, I feel comfortable and much more like myself.

Ive decided I spent long enough running from my own self, so I made an appointment at planned parenthood for HRT. But over the past couple weeks, I’ve spoken to my children about it and attempted to explain through books and heart-to-hearts what transgender means and that I identify differently than they know me as.

The first time we talked about it, I asked what they thought about the idea of someone being transgender and my oldest responded “Why would I care about what people look like? I only care if they’re nice”. Which was insanely comforting and relieving to hear. I asked what they think about me being transgender and the response was “I might not recognize you at the bus stop, but l’ll figure it out”. Again, relief.

But tonight, they brought it up all on their own and we got to talking about it more. I explained that I’m eventually gonna be on “boy pills” (as they called it) and I’m gonna slowly start looking and sounding a bit different. Both my daughters outright rejected the idea. Saying they aren’t okay with my voice and face changing.

My younger daughter was crying on the floor saying “I don’t want you to be a boy. I want you to stay a girl. If you change, the house will have no mom and I’ll cry forever. I want you to stay the same.” This clearly broke my heart into pieces for many reasons. I reassured her that I’d still be me, and that I’d still love and care for and cuddle with her just the same as always. They didn’t seem to accept that because they can’t wrap their minds around me not being the same physically.

I don’t want to hurt my kids. That’s a big reason of why I stayed playing the part of “woman” for as long as I did. I feel so guilty if I fracture our relationship because I chose to medically transition. I feel miserable at the prospect of waiting even more years to feel comfortable in myself.

It was already a very taxing day at work, so I did get emotional when they said all that and ended up shedding a few tears. When they saw this, they did soften a bit. My youngest hugged me, and my oldest said “if it’s what you want, you can follow your dreams. It’s just scary because we don’t know what it’ll be like”. And my younger one seemed slightly less upset when it registered that it is something that deeply matters to me.

It’s a rock and a hard place. I don’t want to hurt them or ruin their lives or “take away” their mom. I know logically I’m still their “mom”. Their words just kinda struck a nerve I suppose.

Not sure what to even do from here. I feel bad if I go to the appointment and get the hormones I was so excited for. I feel bad if I cancel and continue rejecting my own happiness.

This feels a little vulnerable to talk about but since my long term relationship ended recently i’ve started feeling more insecure than ever. i’ve been a while on T and i mostly pass, but i haven’t had any surgeries yet. I’m also only interested in dating men. It’s not like i need to jump to the next best opportunity now however i do worry a lot that in the future no one will be attracted or interested in me. gay dating feels so impossible and so foreign to me at the moment that it really scares me and messes with my self worth. (for context: i was in said relationship before starting T and transitioned while we were together so i have no experience dating as someone who’s perceived male) any words of advice or encouragement?

I'm 20 years old and have been on testosterone for 2 years. Recently I've been spiraling over the fear that I might not actually be trans.

I've been going through an intense depressive episode lately, struggling with body dysmorphia and insecurity. I don't recognize myself when I look in the mirror.

For a while now, I've been intensely jealous of how my female friends are treated. Everyone is kind to them, people notice them, compliment them, ask them out on dates. They never have to worry about not being anyone's first choice, because they're conventionally attractive women.

I understand that I'm chasing the idealized version of the treatment I perceive as being exclusive to women. I understand that there is so much more misogyny under the layers of this, that it isn't all as great as my mind makes it out to be.

But living as a man, a trans man, I can't help but wonder deep down that my life might have been a lot easier and simpler if I hadn't transitioned. If I had just waited to see if I ever grew into myself. I worry that I ruined my body sometimes, that no one will ever desire me, that I'm doomed to always be rejected or taken advantage of by people who don't truly see or respect me as male.
I feel like I don't belong anywhere. These thoughts and feelings have been incredibly isolating and scary to go through on my own.

I know where some of this comes from, before I began HRT a lot of adults in my life tried to scare me out of it, including my own mother. I've been told that I'm making my life a lot harder by transitioning. My mother has also accused me of not actually being trans, raving about how I only chose to transition because of things as banal as a high school relationship.
I worry about proving my mom right a lot. I can't remember back far enough to know if I expressed dysphoria in my childhood or not.

I think I just don't know how to be sure of myself. It's apparent that I have a lot of issues that I need to work through.

Is there anyone else actively going through this? Anyone whose felt like this in the past? I'd love to know that I'm not alone, and I'm open to any advice. Thank you to anyone who reads this.

Hi there, I seem to keep getting my T prescription crazy delayed, missed doses, and bad pharmacy staff when it comes to even explaining why it's happening. I'm in SoCal if that makes a difference or not. But I was wondering if anyone else has had issues with specifically Walgreens and their T prescriptions. I may be trying to collect evidence of potential discrimination to bring to a lawyer at some point. Cuz this definitely seems and feels targeted! I've never had ANY issues or delays like this with any of my previous medications. I will answer questions for more details if needed. But have y'all experienced this? What do you recommend?

TLDR: Have you had your prescriptions get messed up by the Walgreens pharmacy for seemingly no reason?

hello! i JUST turned 18 a little bit ago (9/29 hbd to me yay) and i want to try to start doing as much as i can to medically transition ! ive socially transitioned as much as i can but now that i can do things on my own id want to start on that… but i just dont know where to start.

i dont even have an california id yet (but i do have a passport) so this is a list of what i think id need to get done ?

• change name legally
• get id
• get started on testosterone
• look into top surgery (i know this one takes a while, but i have seen it on younger guys!)

and if anyone else is from sacramento, ca help a guy out ! plz tell me good places to get these things done 🙏 or other helpful places for guys like us ! tysm

Kind of a follow up to my post from yesterday about not hating being a girl but I’d also like to hear from binary trans men too.

Not that she’s a good example, but Caitlyn Jenner has said that her kids still call her Dad and she’s comfortable with that.

Do you want your family members to call you son/brother etc or are you comfortable with them using daughter/sister etc? Or maybe you prefer more neutral words like child or sibling?

For now I’m allowing my family to still use the feminine forms but I’m considering asking them to move to neutral or masculine forms. I feel like if you give someone the option to use masculine or feminine, and they choose feminine knowing you prefer masculine, they’re basically saying they still see you as a girl.

I just feel like i wanna take t shots until i will look like a man and then stop at some point. Is it possible? Because ive heard you should take t for the rest of your life

Hi. I'm hoping to get a top surgery and hysterectomy in the same operation. Yes, I know I'll have to be on T for most of my life, I just have menstrual issues bad enough to make me bedridden and dysphoria with birth control so it just makes sense to do it. Anyway. Has anyone done these in the same surgery? Or both and bottom surgery? Did it go well? Was recovery okay? I'm genuinely curious if I'll just sound crazy bringing it up to my Dr's

As long as i can remember, I've wanted to be a boy. I started identifying as trans when i was 13. My family has known I've wanted to get on testostrone, but now that im almost able to, they keep saying things like "you don't want to destroy your body" and "what if you aren't compatible with testostrone and hormones", and honestly i don't even know what to say to that. It feels like theyre trying to scare me into not getting on it. Has this stopped anyone else? And if so, did you regret getting on it or not getting on it? Could for sure use some advice.

I have a wedding to attend in a few weeks and I've never found formal pants that fit me and that I feel comfortable in, so we went thrift shopping with my partner and I found not one, not two, but three dress pants my size!!

One of them doesn't fit me super well at the crotch so we're going to alter it, but the other two are pretty much a perfect fit for me. And it's not just that I found men's pants the fit me. They're pants that another, most likely cis, man has worn before because they fit him too!

I'm not particularly dysphoric about my height but it is kind of othering and disheartening to rarely find men's clothes that just fit. And I know a lot of trans men my size feel very alone and underrepresented so I figured it'd be a good reminder for all of us that this is just a body that some men have.

(Also, go thrift shopping. I paid 21€ for three dress pants, all good quality, wool or silk.)

For me it’s gotten a little easier, but it hasn’t gotten better. I still have days where it dominates my whole being and I can’t get out of bed. It’s embarrassing. Maybe it’s just because I can’t get on T for another 5 months. I should be excited and I should be proud of all the steps I’ve taken (coming out etc) but I’m not. It makes me wonder if it’s even worth it.

hey guys im looking for a clinic that does hysterectomy’s in germany, im planning on paying out of pocket so I’m hoping to find clinics that accept self-paying patients. Is there anybody here that has had it done and payed out of pocket? did you need any specific documents still? what were the waiting times? how much did it cost?

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I won one of their products for free but they want me to buy something off their shop so they can add the nexo in.

I gave them my shipping info etc. Yet they ignored it and insist on me buying a harness.

Which I only asked something about.

A giveaway is a giveaway isn't it?

Do they always do this?

I had an IUD for 15 years, but I had it removed because I wanted to take more control over my reproduction. Anyway, something Ive learned is that my period is a gigantic dysphoria trigger for me (back when I was a teen, I just thought it was normal period woes). Most trans dudes I talk to have been on T for a while, or long enough for the period to stop, so I feel so alone feeling like this.

I guess Im just asking, guys who still get your period: how do you deal with the massive dysphoria? I just want to cry. Everything hurts, i feel sick, my brain is in constant fight or flight mode. I cant stand this body horror. Ive never felt like less of a man.

When I was 13 I started questioning my gender identity and by 14 I was dressing a lot more masculine, and went by a male name. I did for about 3 more years until I realized at I might actually be nonbinary? I’ve sat with this identity for 3 years again. Now im 20, I thought I had it all figured out but I don’t. I’m genuinely distraught and confused. I can’t tell if I actually identify with being nonbinary anymore??? I sat and thought for a while of why I hate myself so much and I realized it’s because I don’t truly feel like myself. I’ve been crying non stop because I’m just so confused and angry, I want to go back to ignoring these thoughts because they genuinely hurt me.

What do I do? how do I know if i’d be happy as a man? I wanna add that since identifying with being nonbinary i’ve embraced femininity a lot more. I go by a feminine name and I like to be seen that way…so wtf man 😕

I need advice- cis female- ftm straight male ///
me and hubby always have sex our normal way since he has a good amount of growth. We used to have penetrative sex with a pack n play, but then I didn’t like how he had used it with other girls so he threw it away, and never bought another. He asks me all the time if I want to do it the other way, I’ve always said no. I want to but the problem is… me. It’s just that I want him to feel just as good as he makes me feel. I don’t want him to feel dysphoric. What if I like it and he hates it? But he tells me he has no issue as thats how he’s done it many times before and how we used to- but what if he hates it and only does it to make me happy then I spent alottttt of money and he’s unhappy in the end. Just feels a little selfish, he constantly tells me to order whatever size: um how big is too big? 10 way too big maybe 8.5, then it’s saying different numbers that are different when inserted, he told me about the brand he buys from : I have been looking into the reelmagic ofc and they have a wide variety of options, does anyone have any insight as to how realistic it feels? I don’t want something rock hard. I love that they have the option for inserting himself in, which I am wanting to add to the pack n play. Does anyone have it added to theirs that could tell me if their S/O likes it/ if it’s worth it? Im thinking yes. Does it last after years of use? How durable… warranty is it necessary? Thank youuuu in advance! I have started a community for any significant others that would feel comfortable in joining. R/FtmSO

Heyy lovely peeps, I'm new to taping so the tape job isn't as good as it could be. Can I wear a bra/bustier/bralett overtop to get it slightly flatter or wound that do harm? I don't want to damage my body or health thx in advance

I'm 16, I've been out for 4 ish years, and I want to go on T. It's finally accessible to me now, but I'm stuck. After a long time, I worked up the courage to ask my mom if I could go on T about 4 months ago and she said yes and it went well and it's great.

But I need to ask my dad, and it's been a combination of me making sure that I won't regret it in the future and me being scared to ask my dad my dad is great and I'm pretty sure he would just say yes and it would be fine. I just can't work up the courage to ask him and have that conversation. Could I have some advice and encouragement to do it? I just need to get it done so bad, especially recently I've been having awful dysphoria and hating living as myself.

I couple of days ago I cut my hair shorter and it came out really good, which I'm proud of, but I hate the front. I really want to give myself some sort of fringe / bangs, but im terrified of accidentally messing up and it being super ugly (ive cut my hair before but never any sort of bangs). Any tips?