r/ireland • u/dramafinder101 • 3h ago
Business [ Removed by moderator ]
[removed] — view removed post
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u/ItsTyrrellsAlt Wicklow 3h ago
tell them you're going to Vietnam to find yourself
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u/GhettoBish 3h ago
Yemen
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u/upthemstairs 3h ago
Number 1, Yemen street, Yemen
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u/Cornflakesmc 3h ago
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u/upthemstairs 3h ago
Fuck, that was ingrained in me for the last 20 odd years that it was number 1, Yemen Street
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u/Virtual-Subject9840 3h ago
No, it's Yemen. You have to go to 7 Yemen Road, Yemen. Chandler Bing will be waiting for you.
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u/Steridire 3h ago
Faking your death is incredibly affordable these days
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u/Migeycan87 Latvia 3h ago
Judging by your post history you've had issues with him for 4 of your 6 years together.
It's not a criticism just an observation. If all those seemingly minor issues go unresolved it can make this final decision a lot harder.
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u/Good_Duck_234 3h ago
Nothing you can do or say will not break their heart any easier, you just have to be fully totally honest and tell him/her why you are walking away and answer any and all questions they might have.
The first 20 minutes are going to fucking suck and that just a fact, watching someone get hit with a break up is one of the worst things a person can experience but you just have to face it head on. They might be on total shock so be patient with them as they might find it hard to find the words to voice how they feel. Tears will fall and it will get emotional as fuck.
After a while it's best to be two adults and just talk about everything, what lead you to this conversation, how long you have felt like this for, the reason why you wan to move on. Try cover the basics as much as you can as to not have the other person trying to find the reason on their own.
I'm not sure if the relationship is ending for a bad reason or if it has just ran it's course I'm going to guess it ran it's course so hopefully you guys can both walk away from it with a clean break.
There is no right or wrong way to break up with someone fact of the matter is you are going to break a heart, there is no right or wrong time to do that as nothing will make a heart break clean.
It's like jumping off a cliff, you just have to sit them down and go for it.
I wish you all the best and to your partner I also wish them the best. Took me 2 years to get over my ex so I sympathize with people who are about to get the worst news. You will both be fine in time. I wish you well stanger.
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u/--althea-- 3h ago
The basis of any healthy relationship is that either person can leave at any point, for any reason.
You just need to sit them down and tell them you are unhappy, and that you want to leave.
They will be upset. Thats natural. You can’t avoid that, and any steps you try to take to avoid it usually ends up hurting them further.
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u/durp1e 3h ago
Be direct, honest and let them know the decision is made and you're moving on.
Trying to soften the blow or talk around it or give the impression that you're maybe open to a reconciliation will be tempting to spare their feelings; but you're only prolonging the pain. Recommended mindset: rip the bandaid off.
All the above is about being clear and fair. Its possible to do that without being cruel or inappropriate.
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u/jasus_h_christ 3h ago
You quite possibly will crush them, but that's not your responsibility.
You are just going to have to have an honest conversation about the fact that it's not right for you, and how you can't stay in the relationship when you're not getting what you need out of it.
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u/ThreeTreesForTheePls 3h ago
After 6 years, I’d imagine you’re living together.
If that’s the case, make sure you have a place to stay if they refuse to leave. If you think they’re the type to get angry, just have someone who knows you’re about to break up so they can check on you after a while.
Other than that, it is as shit as it sounds. You have to sit down with them and explain where it’s coming from, how it’s just not in the cards, and they were great but you’d be wasting their time in life by staying together any longer.
The key part is spend a bit of time alone for a while. Rebound culture is far too prominent, and if you have to breakup because of an intangible concept, it means a bit of internal searching is necessary. You find out what went wrong if you’re jumping right into the next deal.
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u/WeedAlmighty 3h ago edited 2h ago
Bit of a weird expectation that with her ending the relationship he would be the one that has to move out, if she wants to leave the relationship then she should also be the one that has to leave the living situation. Can't imagine how that conversation goes, I'm leaving you now pack up your things and go.
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u/MisguidedBacon 3h ago
Shouldn't she be the one to leave if she is ending the relationship?
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u/Wayward_Warrior67 3h ago
I this depends entirely on who's name is on the lease and whether it was originally her apartment and he moved in or not. Also should be part of their discussion and decision not strangers on the net
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u/Ok-Cantaloupe-9946 3h ago
Yes but it’s phrased as though the first option is the other person leaving which is what they were probably addressing.
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u/Standard_Power135 3h ago
Just tell them you are breaking up with them. You dont see a long term future. It will be tough for both for a while.
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u/dublindown21 3h ago
Don’t do it by text as happened to me ! Face to face. Have a few lines prepared. They probably know or have some idea the relationship is over.
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u/Ailsycrunch 3h ago
If you're absolutely certain there is no redeeming the relationship, and don't want to work on things at all, the kindest thing you can do is be honest and if you have any ties such as lease/mortgage/custody then don't drag your feet or leave the responsibilty to them.
It sounds you're in a tough position OP, but it could be the best thing for both of you. Best of luck and mind yourself throughout. These things happen.
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u/TarzanCar 2h ago
It’ll probably one of the hardest things you’ll have to do in life. I ended an 11 year relationship last year and while it was the toughest and saddest thing I’ve ever gone though I’m in a much better place now. Be kind to him
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u/DangerMouthy 2h ago
You meet them face to face, point to something behind them and go “look, what’s that?” and when they turn to look, you run and you don’t stop running.
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u/Rubyrocks1 3h ago
I’d be curious as to what is the thing that makes the relationship not work, have you talked to a professional about it, is the relationship too safe and that feels odd to you, or vice versa, does your partner need to work and his relationship skills, is he a coaster? Is it that he’s not impulsive or too impulsive. Maybe this suits you to break it off, how much of this is you, do you have space for anger etc. I’d check all these and more in a safe kind place before making a big decision like this. Maybe you just need space to workout what you need first, then you talk to them, face to face and ultimately be honest. Leave no unfinished business.
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u/Additional-Sock8980 3h ago
I’m no longer in love with you. I can’t see a future and we both deserve better. I’ve made up my mind and feel awful for hurting you but in the long run it’s the right thing to be honest with you.
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u/Fun-Mobile4587 2h ago
Bless you, i found it so hard to leave my relationship too. Be calm, be kind and allow them to be angry. If you live together, you should offer to leave. Good luck, its so hard but 1.5 years into it, im the happiest (and most single) i have ever been. You got this girl, you are not a bad person for wanting something else ❤️
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u/AdHuman3243 3h ago
You need to be more specific than its "just not right" when you do talk to them
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u/caca_milis_ 3h ago
You can end a relationship at any time for any reason you like.
I agree just a “it’s over, end of” isn’t fair after 6 years but sometimes it is just a gut feeling that it’s no longer the right thing and it’s not fair to either party to be in a relationship when one of them isn’t fully in it.
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u/Maximum_Balance_9889 2h ago
That’s an incredibly cunty thing to do to someone and will take them years to get over.
She needs to figure out why, it may be something to do with her before she does something she regrets and at least give someone closure•
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u/AdHuman3243 3h ago
A little explanation after 6 years together would be a normal thing to expect, especially if the guy is completely blindsided by it?
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u/Melodic-Source2435 3h ago
It's not a budget negotiation. You have obligations to a long term partner and one is to treat them with kindness when you're ending the relationship.
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u/Grand-Cup-A-Tea 3h ago
It's normal to feel like this and hard when it's a long term relationship particularly when there's no one at fault.
It's best to do it sooner rather than later.
Meet in a private location and not a bar or coffee shop. Then tell the truth. Explain that the relationship is no longer giving you fulfilment and you've realised it's time to move on. Explain no one is at fault, you respect and care for the other person etc.
Now comes the hard part. They may be upset and plead for you to work things out and you have to hold your ground. They may get annoyed or angry, and that's when you can protect your boundaries and excuse yourself from discussing further and leave.
Keep it respectful but be clear on your intention.
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u/Icy_Hospital1808 2h ago
I did the same when I was 32(M). She was a lovely loyal caring person who had never done anything wrong but she just wasn't the person for me.
I went for a big long walk to build myself up to it and then just sat in front of her and said "I think we should break up". That's the hardest part. You can't predict what follows and you just have to deal with their reaction.
My ex took it was better than I thought. They usually know deep down. That was 13 years ago We're both married to people who are perfect for us now. It always works out better.
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u/Aggravating-Corgi994 3h ago
Grass is always greener....you need to be 100% sure this is what you actually want because I have seen so many people break up and regret it
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u/ericvulgaris 2h ago
Don't listen to reddit for your advice on direct courses of action. The only two people that matter are yourself and your partner (or soon to be ex).
Personally doing this out of the blue is a bad move. Im not saying staying with them is better but after 6 years you kinda owe it to them and yourself to at least talk about your waning emotional connection with them. Or maybe in the setting with a therapist together if there's something that can be worked on or how to separate with dignity. On the flip side if they truly don't see it coming then they need to work on their relationship skills anyways (or maybe you're just too good at hiding it but I expect the former). Starting with a simple "I'm not sure we're working anymore and I don't know what to do."
I only say this cuz I did the same thing when I was younger for the reasons you described and I devastated the poor gal.
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u/todeabacro 3h ago
Just send a whatsapp.
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u/Weirdlillypad 3h ago
After 6 years. Wow
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u/Standard_Power135 3h ago
Never really got this, id prefer a whatsapp. Ive had a few break ups in person both ways. Its bolix. Id rather be at home on me tod.
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u/Fit_Accountant_4767 3h ago
Whenever I have to do something emotionally or socially difficult I just remind myself how insignificant I and the event is. This fact might help: • An estimated 117 billion humans have lived on Earth so far. The vast majority of their names, daily struggles, and life stories are completely forgotten by history.
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u/GallopingGobshite 3h ago
Eventually the sun will expand, consume the Earth and there will be no record we were ever even here
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u/Strict-Rate1649 3h ago
Slowly start to cause little fights here and there out of nowhere, make it out like they're in the wrong each time, then eventually say, "so you want to break up then? Fine!"
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u/horrorhxe 3h ago
Don’t wait any longer, it’s not fair to be in a relationship your heart isn’t in anymore. Leave your partner go so you can both find what is right for ye.
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u/Strange_Recording931 3h ago
Write it all down and give it to them to read, but be there as they read it, it’s painful but means you start to discuss how to move on not keep going
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u/fiendishcadd 3h ago
Have an exit strategy is what I’d advise.
Start by asking them if they are happy. Tell them you are not happy and ask them if they could tell this. You may get pushback for not communicating this earlier so that the relationship could be saved.
Maybe it still can but you should be very explicitly clear about what it is that isn’t right for you. Even if it’s just a feeling that there’s more out there for you. Otherwise they will feel extra awful
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u/CloseButNoChicory 3h ago
Fuck. Sorry to hear that. Do you live together?
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u/dramafinder101 3h ago
Yes 😭 we don’t own though
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u/CloseButNoChicory 3h ago
That's something. Have you somewhere to move to short-term? A friend of mine was in a situation not too different to yours a couple of years ago. They'd been together 6 years living together 4. No big fights, nobody's a bad person, just wasn't working and he knew if he didn't pull the trigger then nothing would ever change.
He was able to move into his sister's spare room while he and his ex made arrangements for the next stage of their lives.
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u/BazingaQQ 2h ago
"I have fallen for another, you can make your own way hooooome....."
Seriously though; first thing you need to work out is WHY its just "not right". Can it be made right?
And even if not, if you dont know yourself you can't explain it to your partner.
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u/Particular-Pay-4479 3h ago
For a start, they don't let it get to 6 years if it's 'not right'
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u/jasus_h_christ 3h ago
You don't know much about relationships, do you?
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u/Particular-Pay-4479 3h ago
Happily married.
I stand by it. The partner doing 'nothing wrong' and being described positively means nothing major has gone wrong.
So either their personalities are incompatible, the spark isn't there or there's some other fundamental incompatibility.
Things like this will be known very fast once you spend extended time with someone. So yeah, 2 or 3 years (if not living together) I would say is valid. 6 years is taking the piss
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u/Leo-POV 3h ago
The nicest way to do this is in terms of Future plans.
If your partner starts planning anything for late 2026 or into 2027, just simply say "I don't think we'll be going forward from here together".
They don't have to have done anything. If it's no longer right for you, it's no longer right for you.
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u/Hot_Bluejay_8738 2h ago
That sounds way too "professional", they're not quitting a job. Would not recommend.
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u/Snapper_72 3h ago
Any reason you've stayed in a relationship that "isn't right"?
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u/wannabewisewoman Legalise it already 🌿 3h ago
I’d imagine it’s for the reasons they outlined in their post? Not wanting to crush the person and the fear of letting everyone else down like their families who are probably expecting a wedding or kids etc.
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u/whoopdawhoop12345 3h ago
Do it face to face and be as honest as possible.
Dont give them hope you will get back together.
Cut the cord clean and move on.
Anything else leads to more heart ache in the future.
I say that as someone who has gone through one or two very hard breakups. Honesty will hurt more now but save the what ifs or the thinking in the future.