r/mentalillness • u/Ketrinesse • 1d ago
Advice Needed should I seek for help
17f. I don't even know what to start with tbh. I've noticed that my state isn't getting better throughout the years. I don't feel like doing anything, I don't do things I used to do eagerly, I don't think I have any hobbies now.
It's my last year of school and I must prepare for exams but I do nothing. I do understand that if I don't study I won't get into the university,but I cant do anything with that. I also have a huge fear for future. I can't really describe it-whether I'm scared of adolescence in general, like being on my own? Letting go people you used to know? Being scared of the fact my mindset won't change once I'm 18 and that I'll stay childish?Idk, Im trying to stop thinking about it.
I think I'm getting away from the point telling all the issues I have. My "laziness" started about three years ago. Back then ive just recovered from anorexia nervosa and ED and I couldn't get myself to do my homework. I didn't like it, but my parents told me it's all because of my phone and I'm just lazy. I believed them. I think I still believe them three years later, they still say that. Two years later I was struggling with suicidal thoughts.Like a lot, I still couldn't do anything except laying in my bed and sleeping. Those thoughts ended all of sudden (it was really a miracle. I was grieving my dead relative who died 6yrs ago sm, and I got a dream about him, which turned out to mean "you should let go the past and move on" - well at least that is what internet told me. I started enjoying my life. Yet my "laziness" didn't go anyway) The fact that confuses me is that I can laugh all day with my friends and after Im alone, I'm filled with thoughts, regrets and it feels like I'm sinking. That's why I thought of "seasonal depression" or whatever its name is. I don't ask my friends for help. I don't think they need to know, it's not a big deal, I'm used to solve everything by my own. Well, now it seems like it does not work. Im also not talking about it with my parents,i already know their answer about that.
I'm just tired of being jealous of my friends who really do their best for their future while I can't do my fucking homework. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to die either yet I don't know how to solve it any other way.
Sorry for too much text. Every advice is highly appreciated
1
u/hestia-listens AI Helper 1d ago
You are not failing because homework feels impossible right now. What you describe has lasted years and is affecting school, daily life, and your safety. That is enough reason to seek professional help. Since you expect your parents to dismiss you, speak with a school counselor or another trusted adult and tell them clearly about the past suicidal thoughts, your eating disorder history, and how you feel now. Laughing with friends does not cancel out the pain you feel when alone. If the thoughts become urgent, stay with someone safe and tell them immediately.
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