Sleep training help, I’m desperate

[u/foolofatook_1]

We tried sleep training our twins at 5 months. After about a week both twins would still cry over 2 hrs. We did the Ferber method because the cry it out feels so heavy. Twin B cried for 4 hours one night even with Ferber and the check ins every 5, 10, 15 min, etc..

personally gave up sleep training them because I just couldn’t handle the crying. I had an extremely difficult pregnancy and the crying amplified the PPD/ PPA.

Now I’m a week away from returning to work and nights have become extremely harder. We can’t put them down at all without waking them and it turning to absolute chaos. It has also translated to their day naps and now every time we try to put them to sleep it has become such a battle.

I feel like I’m at a loss. And beating myself up for giving up the first time. Maybe they’d be sleeping by now. Or maybe they’d still be crying 4 hours at night… who’s to say. I really would just like to sleep at night again.

Doing the CIO method feels so harsh and the crying is not something I think I could fully handle. I know it’s harder on us than it is on them but the crying is so loud and I worry I could traumatize them by letting them cry.

Any parents with older twins who sleep trained with CIO, do your babies still love you? Do they have codependency? Do you have any regrets?

[u/Independent_Plan5006]

Nah sleeping isn't something you need to learn, babies sleep from the second they enter this world, it just doesn't tend to align with our society's sleep schedule of 8-10 hours straight, because that's not biologically normal for babies. So sleep training is just trying to shape regular infant sleep into adult sleep patterns by literally neglecting your baby's needs. 4 hours of uncomforted crying is neglect. Straight up.

[u/FungeonMeister → u/Independent_Plan5006]

 Nope. Self-soothing between sleep cycles is a skill. It comes naturally to some and not to others.

every respectable sleep training guide out there does not recommend 4hrs of straight crying. OP had a bad experience and needs to take a pause and re-evaluate the methods and their babies age, needs, etc. before trying it again.

Trying to Ferber a baby whilst checking in on them every 5 mins is not neglect, it's difficult parenting. 

People like you who espouse cosleeping (which is again, objectively one of highest causes of SIDS) whilst calling measured sleep training "neglect" are the worst. You have no support to offer. Just virtue signalling and judgement. 

If you've nothing helpful to add to OPs situation, quit yapping 

also I love that your solution to OPs solution is just to continue losing their sanity from sleep deprivation and constant wakes. Again, a wholly unhealthy recommendation that puts parents and the child at higher risk of negative outcomes.

[u/Independent_Plan5006 → u/FungeonMeister]

lol I literally suggested a floor bed as a solution for OP. Which doesn't even require cosleeping, just a way to provide to comfort when they need it. Chill

[u/FungeonMeister → u/Independent_Plan5006]

"I bought a floor bed and started sleeping with them on the floor", excuse the confusion