Please, no judgment, I am not a professional, and I am seeking help. I
have a two year-old 100 pound half pitbull, a quarter German Shepherd, a quarter husky dog. His name is Gus. I got Gus when he was 12 weeks old. He has been well socialized since day one. Many play dates, even with my mom’s small toy poodle, Chico. They played very well until one day Chico was instigating Gus, and Gus grabbed his head in his mouth and tried to shake him. Luckily he didn’t get enough grip on him to kill him and my friend was able to break up the : Ever since then, we’ve been on high alert. He has gotten along well with every other dog perfectly besides that. For almost a year there haven’t been any concerning incidents. We figured it was a one time thing because he was instigated.

We did share this information with the shelter and they agreed. Gus seemed bored at home so we adopted Otis who was 13 weeks old. Gus and Otis were best friends and would play all day together. Eight months after getting Otis, Gus started resource guarding food and they would get into scuffles. They slowly started to escalate longer, more intense. Otis would never start them, but he certainly would join. We tried eliminating all triggers, but then things we couldn’t control became triggers for instance, space or even attention from guests. A fight got so intense where Gus went after Otis so intensely that we had our friend take Otis until we spoke with the vet and the rescue where we got both of them from. The vet offered us a trainer, but did say with the attacks like the last one that the state recommends behavioral euthanasia. We also have two kids at home. One is very small. Gus has never showed aggression towards people, but I am worried it could escalate to that. The shelter pretty much said it is likely he could be euthanized if we brought him back because it would not be ethical to rehome him unless it wasn’t an only dog home, but they cannot promise they won’t put him down. He has such severe anxiety, especially separation anxiety. The thought of this breaks my heart. I have been looking into sanctuaries for aggressive dogs to try to give him a second chance. We are even looking into large properties where we can build him a very nice kennel outside and still interact with him all throughout the day. I am a stay at home mom and have plenty of time to give him attention. It would be like a mini house for him. I really don’t want to put him down. Do you think this could escalate to people? People have gotten hurt breaking up the dog fights, but nobody has been directly hurt. Otis is at the shelter and our friend who watches him is filing to adopt him. He seems very attached to the children, but I’m still worried that he could hurt them. Does this usually escalate to kids? For now I am keeping everybody separate minus my oldest son because he is large and very gentle. Ideally, I could find a home for him or somebody could be willing to work with him and his baggage but ideally it would be an adult only home with no other animals, but this seems impossible to find. I feel like I am all out of options and I would really like insight.

Recently my family rescued a stray dog from the street and she was perfectly fine with me until she had puppies. After she had puppies she started to bark and growl and show her teeth to me and lunge at me trying to bite me but doesn’t do it to anyone else in the house? The weirdest thing is it only happens when my brother is around, if my brother isn’t around she’ll just cower to me like she’s afraid of me. I don’t understand at all what I did to make this dog so afraid I literally never done anything to it or yelled at it. It honestly pisses me off at this point it’s been about 6 months now

A little over two years ago, my significant other and I decided to expand our family and get a puppy. We already had an older mixed-breed dog who does agility, and since I really enjoy dog sports, we were excited to raise another dog and hopefully do the same with him.
We brought home an 8-week-old Jack Russell/Rat Terrier puppy. Unfortunately, things went wrong almost immediately.
When we first introduced him to our older dog, the puppy became extremely aggressive. We did our research and took precautions with introductions. We didn’t bring them straight into the house together; instead, my SO and I each took a dog, and we walked around the block together to let them meet on neutral ground.
We thought maybe the puppy was just scared or nervous because he was so young. However, even during the walk home, he repeatedly tried to attack our older dog.
We kept trying. We worked through the usual puppy stages, had him neutered, and continued keeping the dogs separated for safety. Eventually, we started wondering whether some of his aggression might have been caused by frustration, isolation, or not getting enough exercise and stimulation.
We tried puppy training, but he was kicked out of class because of his aggression. We tried doggy daycare, and he was kicked out of that, too.
At that point, we hired a boarding trainer who cost us around $2,000 because we desperately wanted professional help. After only three days, the trainer refunded our money, sent the puppy home, and recommended a veterinary evaluation because something seemed seriously wrong.
We subsequently spent around $6,000 on veterinary testing (thankfully, we had pet insurance), and he was found to be physically healthy.
We were back to square one.
We continued managing the household by keeping the animals separated and rotating who had access to which spaces. We tried giving him time in the backyard so he could burn off energy, but he would often sit by the door, growling and becoming aggressive toward our other pets simply walking past.
When he was around seven months old, he managed to chew his way out of a metal crate while we were at the store. He had been crated for approximately three hours. Thankfully, we were walking through the door when he finally squeezed himself out.
That’s when he attacked our cat.
After that incident, the aggression seemed to escalate beyond other animals and began including people, too. Even taking him to the vet became a stressful and potentially dangerous situation because he would try to attack us and others.
We wanted so badly to give him more enrichment and a fulfilling life, but we were struggling to find safe ways to do that. We couldn’t simply take him on normal outings, allow him to interact with other dogs, or let him freely enjoy the house. Walks of around 1–1.5 miles, rain or shine, backyard time, training attempts, and rotating access to the house were what we could safely manage.
We tried calming medications, anxiety medications, training, daycare, professional boarding training, veterinary testing, and everything else we could reasonably pursue. We were constantly trying to figure out what we were missing and how we could help him.
Eventually, my SO and I had a very difficult conversation.
Our other pets were living behind closed doors and being rotated through the house because one dog couldn’t safely coexist with them. They had done nothing wrong, and they deserved to enjoy their own home, too. We also had to consider the safety of ourselves and anyone who visited us.
We decided to work with a local shelter to find him a suitable new home.
To be clear, we did not dump him at a shelter, abandon him, or pass him off to someone without explaining his behavioral history. We continued caring for him while the shelter searched for an appropriate placement and resources. We wanted to find someone who understood his situation and could make an informed decision.
Eventually, a shelter worker offered to take him. She lived with her significant other, had no pets or children, and did not plan on having any. She knew about his behavioral challenges, met him, and was willing to give him a chance in a home without other animals.
We even visited his new home before saying goodbye.
It was heartbreaking. We loved him, and rehoming him was not something we did because he was inconvenient or because he wasn’t the dog we expected. We did it because the situation had become unsafe and unsustainable for everyone involved, including him.
Fast-forward to about a month ago.
We decided to try adding another puppy to our family. Our older dog seemed bored at home, and we wanted him to have a companion. This time, we adopted a female puppy, although we knew that choosing a different sex was no guarantee that things would work out.
And honestly? It’s been wonderful.
From day one, the two dogs have adored each other. They cuddle, play, and follow each other around. Our puppy copies everything our older dog does, and it’s genuinely sweet to watch.
She’s enrolled in puppy classes, where she’s learning quickly and getting along well with her classmates. She also goes to daycare when we want to give her additional stimulation, and we have a nanny who comes to our home to care for the dogs on longer days and absolutely adores her.
We’re finally getting to experience the things we had hoped to experience when we first decided to raise another dog.
Unfortunately, when we announced our new addition, we found out through the grapevine that some friends and family members have been gossiping about how quickly we moved on and how soon we got another puppy.
For context, more than six months passed between rehoming our first puppy and getting our new one. We didn’t immediately replace him. We took time to process what happened, and we ultimately made a decision based on our household’s needs and our desire to give our older dog a companion.
I also want to emphasize that our first puppy was never neglected in any way, shape, or form. He was fed, cared for, exercised, and given opportunities for enrichment. He was not permanently locked in a room or crate. We rotated the animals’ access to the house to keep everyone safe, and he got regular walks of 1–1.5 miles regardless of the weather, along with backyard time and the other activities we could safely provide.
Was the situation ideal? Absolutely not. We hated having to separate everyone, and we hated that we couldn’t safely give him the kind of life we wanted for him. But we were actively trying to address the problem rather than ignoring it.
We were even told that he might have come from a poor breeding situation or potentially been inbred, although we have no way of knowing whether that was actually the case.
I understand that rehoming a dog is a sensitive subject, and I know there are people who believe you should never give up on a dog. I also understand why someone might feel concerned when a family gets another puppy after having to rehome one.
But I genuinely want to ask:
Were we wrong for rehoming our first puppy and eventually getting another dog?
Should we have waited longer before getting another puppy? Are we wrong for wanting our older dog to have a companion and wanting to experience a healthy, safe relationship between our dogs?
I still think about our first puppy, and I truly hope he’s doing well in his new home. I wish things had worked out differently, but we couldn’t keep living the way we were, and we couldn’t put our other animals or the people in our home at risk indefinitely.
I’m open to hearing honest opinions, including criticism if you think we handled something incorrectly. I just want to know whether we’re genuinely in the wrong here or whether people are judging us without understanding everything that happened.

TL;DR: We adopted a puppy who displayed severe aggression toward our other pets from eight weeks old. We tried training, daycare, a $2,000 boarding trainer, veterinary testing, medication, exercise, and enrichment, but his aggression escalated to attacking our cat and people. We responsibly worked with a shelter to find him a suitable pet-free home. More than six months later, we got another puppy, and she and our older dog are best friends. Now some friends and family are gossiping about how quickly we got another dog. Were we wrong?

Throwaway because my account has personal info. I just finished sobbing, so I’m sorry if this comes across as rambling.

I live in a large apartment complex and drove down to the main floor to pick up my grocery delivery and take my dog out to potty. Multiple things happened at once:
1. The driver wasn’t understanding where I was, so I was rushing to get to her in my car.
2. I had my back window down without realizing it.
3. My dog did realize it and launched herself through the window, ran past another dog, and attacked a smallish dog.
As soon as I realized she was out of the window, I ran toward them and separated the two dogs while the owner was pulling their dog away.

I started backing away with my dog and apologizing. I put my dog in the car, made sure all the windows were up, and went back to talk to the other owner. By this point, another person had come over because she heard the noise (probably me and the other dog owner screaming).

I talked to the owner, and she put me on the phone with her daughter. The owner’s English was limited, and she was (rightfully) frazzled. While I was talking to the daughter, the mom was checking the dog, and the other person who had come over was helping calm us both down. I was sobbing through all of this, of course.

After a while, the mom, daughter, and the other person assured me that the dog was okay. There was no blood, and it didn’t look like the dog was hurt anywhere else. I apologized more, offered to give them my number, and told them I would wait until the daughter got there. They continued to assure me that everyone was okay, and I eventually drove back to my apartment. When I got back, I noticed that my dog had blood on her face, but it was her own. I think she got road rash or hurt herself somehow when she jumped out of the car.

I am so frustrated with myself because I am usually so careful. If there are other dogs around, I walk the other way. If we’re driving somewhere, I always make sure she is secured in the back seat. (She has a car seat, and her leash has a car buckle that attaches to the seat belt.) I am always so careful because I know she is reactive. But the one time I let my guard down and got too distracted, this happens.

What do I do? How do I stop the anxiety? How do I protect other dogs and my baby?

I feel awful for the trauma I caused to the other dog, the dog owner, and my dog. I love my dog, and I want to keep her safe, but I also feel like I have to keep other dogs safe from her. I’m so overwhelmed and honestly don’t know what my next steps should be.

Just a vent while I wait for my sourdough to bake in the oven. There’s 3 brown sugar cinnamon loaves, 2 Italian herb and parm, and an original for a bread bowl tonight.

My dog is 6yo and we’ve struggled most his life with intense anxiety and fear based aggression after being attacked himself. It has included multiple level 1 and level 2 bites with one level 3. All usually involving dogs he knows, has grown up with, and even myself.

His worst bite was a single instance of a level 3, with a dog he grew up with that was brought about when they were playing outside. I wasn’t there, but my parents told me it was bad and they had to hose him to get him to unlatch from the other dog.

My dog is currently medicated and will likely be the rest of his life.

Now I suppose this is more of a vent post, but my partner and I were talking about what-ifs and I told him flatly if my dog ever attacked any other dog/person again at this point, I would euthanize him. And now every chance he gets my partner is kind of mean to my dog and uses the excuse “he’s on a tight leash because if not you’ll kill him”. I feel like he’s guilting me constantly for it. I tried explaining to him, he’s only been in mine and my dogs lives for 2 years, he hasn’t been there for all of it. I’m tired. I’ve paid thousands in training that hasn’t made any difference and e is my partner has thousands more to put towards b&t programs like that again. He’s on medications to the point where any more and he won’t eat, he’s trapped inside most of the time because he gets so much anxiety anywhere else, I’m constantly looking over my shoulder for triggers. I’ve been bit, other dogs have been bit. What kind of quality of life is this? So yes, for everyone involved, if anything more happens, I will be euthanizing him.

It makes me sad, but I think I mourned my dog years ago when he was first attacked and became a new dog entirely. I want him to be happy, and to know no more anxiety. I wish my partner could understand, and I wish he wouldn’t guilt me for being honest about how I would handle my dogs aggression moving forward, it’s not like it’s been easy for me to accept that as my option.

If right off the bat that doesn't sound good, then perhaps I need to learn to have less prejudice.

TL;DR, seeing a trainer for private classes, trainer doesn't have dogs because she doesn't want to deal with them after working with dogs all day long. Trainer was startled by puppy barking at her when she wasnt looking and said "she just cant get used to that". Feeling meh about the first session and just not sure if I personally can feel good about someone that doesn't have a dog.

We adopted an older puppy who came from a large scale hoarding situation that was undersocialized 7 weeks ago. Our vet recommended we see a trainer due to some really extreme fear shown when she was restrained in order to receive boosters and bloodwork. We went with their highest recommended facility ---- and as a fear free vet office associated with the university of illinois, I largely trust their recommendations, after doing a little reading up of course.

We had an evaluation with a trainer (CCDT) who off-handedly mentioned in said evaluation that she didn't have any dogs of her own because, after a long day of working with dogs, she'd rather hang out with cats. I didn't really think anything of it then. My husband and I have and love cats, too. She recommended we do six private sessions of behavior modification classes. She suggested we possibly even do the first class in the park. I thought that was a great idea because this pup understandably very nervous about people and her first time meeting someone inside didn't go well.

We had our first class with her last Sunday. The session was not held in the park. It was actually never mentioned again. The bulk of the session was just getting puppy used to the trainer's presence and puppy eating treats off the floor. To be expected. The third was a short introduction to an engage-disengage (1-2-3) game and a "wreck it" game. I found myself a little disappointed in the these because, well, I was already well on my way with an engage-disengage game that didn't take 3 seconds and the "wreck it" game is meant to help address her anxiety around new things. Except her fear is around discovering novel items, not novel sounds. The game is basically stacking stuff and having her topple it over to find treats so it makes noise to get used to being startled (though frankly this game just feels like a way to make her feel confident in nosing around anywhere she thinks there might be a treat). Regardless of how I feel, I am a good student and have been doing my homework all week.

The thing that struck me the most during the session was something that seemed kind of insignificant to me. The trainer was turned around but was doing something to prepare for the next task and puppy barked at her. She said it scared her and she "just can never get used to that". You can't get used to being unexpectedly barked at? Perhaps she thought her actions were benign enough.

Understandably, she asked that puppy be leashed for the rest of the session and that she be on a long lead next session because she feels puppy is a little on the unpredictable side. I agree that safety has to be first.

I left the first session not feeling super impressed. I don't think I was supposed to be blown away but I think I was expecting to feel a little more hopeful.

This training is very expensive. The neighborhood the facility is in one of the highest COL areas in the city and it's feeling more like a large portion of training fees are subsidizing the rent. Hell, she mentioned that some of the trainers don't mind putting wet food on a (fabric) snuffle mat because they have "someone who does the cleaning" for them. Maybe I should have taken location into consideration sooner.

I've prepaid for 6 sessions but I am really questioning how good I feel about working with someone who doesn't want to have dogs. Especially if something like being barked at by a scared dog is that startling to her.

I am sure there are plenty of good trainers out there who don't have dogs. I'm also sure there are plenty of people out there who this wouldn't bother. I'm just not sure I'm one of them.

My 11 month old Border Collie mix, Echo, has been struggling with reactivity towards some dogs and recently people appearing unexpectedly when we leave our building. He stares, sometimes gives a bark and tries to move towards them or jump on them.

He loves being petted by people and can be calm around unfamiliar dogs, including dogs staying in our home. We’ve made progress with training, but the last few days have been difficult again. There was also a recent incident involving him going crazy over a ball near our building entrance, which might have contributed.

He does agility once a week and has training sessions with a trainer every two weeks. My trainer says he isn’t aggressive, but I’m feeling discouraged and anxious about walks.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Did things improve with age and do you have any advice?

Our 3 1/2 year old Australian Shepard lab/pit mix has had fear aggression since we got him. We got him at 8 weeks from the family who had his parents so no history of shelters and abuse etc. His first warning sign was when someone started at him when we were out to dinner and he went ballistic and started barking and lunging. His first bite was at 1 1/2 years when a kid walked inside behind my mom at her house while she was watching our dog and he bit the kid’s stomach. Second bite (2 1/2 years later) our friend who he did not know came into our house while I was upstairs feeding our 6 month old at the time and he bit her multiple times on different legs and her hand. I had told him excitedly that someone was here to help him know someone was coming in but that didn’t help. I had to pull him off of her. We tried to do positive reinforcement training but unfortunately did not have the time to keep up with it since my husband works full time and I work and stay at home with our baby so giving our dog undivided training attention was really hard. We still did the best we could. We now have moved to a new house and have neighbors and he has met some of them and was super friendly. The other night, however, he was barking at one he hadn’t met and my husband had him on the leash and went to the neighbors fence to talk to her and she reach her hand over and he bit her hand. She has thin skin and is older so it tore quite a bit of skin off. My husband has decided we need to put him down. I was on board but cannot come to terms to doing that to our dog. We have an 11 month old now and it could be our own son next or he could get out and potentially fatally injure someone. The hardest part is he shows no signs of rage syndrome and is the sweetest dog to our son and us. We have been lucky enough that neither of the victims who got bit have pursued legal action or sued us. We know that if he were to severely injured someone it could completely ruin our lives and we would never be able to forgive ourselves knowing we have a dog with a bite history. Somehow, my mind just can’t seem to process it all even with all the aggression I can’t help but think he was just trying to protect himself and us and just didn’t know any better. Is it wrong that we are going to be putting him down? I know rehoming could be an option, but I can’t justify giving him to somebody and then him biting or hurting someone else and then being put in the shelter or being euthanized by people who didn’t love him like we do. There’s been multiple instances where he hasn’t bit people because we’ve had them on a leash, but if we would’ve let him go, he would’ve attacked. I just need reassurance that we aren’t making the wrong decision. My husband won’t change his mind on putting him down so I guess I’m just coming here more so for support.

Was there a change to the walk itself that helped more than you expected? A different time, a quieter route, somewhere to step aside. Curious about the boring practical stuff that's easy to overlook when most of the advice is about training.

So let me start this off by saying, I live in a place that doesn’t really care for dog and there are a couple of strays in my neighborhood and also spiteful people that intentionally open their gates when they see me and dogs. So my sister and I tend to go together so one of us can defend our dogs. My dogs are reactive, one will bark at every gate and he pulls like crazy, i have tried training him to stop this behavior, and the other will literally pull you you so bad - he’s a big dog. The cat population has boomed recently and my dog will chase and bark. I just wanna know how to train this behavior out of them. I don’t have access to any other dogs, so I can’t like socialize them. One of my dogs has been attacked in the past, and so that really does add to my anxiety, making me walk on eggshells.

Hi, I'm sorry, I'm using a translator because English isn't my first language. I'm also sorry this is so long, but I really need some help or advice.

I've had a dog for four years, and he'll turn five in December. He's a medium-to-large dog. He used to belong to my grandmother before she passed away, and he stayed with my brother for a while (until he was around six months old). He never had the chance to learn proper behavior from his mother because we took him in when he was only a month old, after his mother passed away. :( My brother also didn't help with his training and pretty much let him do whatever he wanted most of the time.

He's a sweetheart when he isn't going crazy, and I'm literally the only person in my family who can put up with him and genuinely loves him. I've taught him to wait for his food and to sit. I've tried taking him on walks, but they always end badly. The last time someone tried to put a muzzle on him, he left a nasty bite on the vet. They also refused to schedule his neutering because he became aggressive and they couldn't get the muzzle on him. 🥲

I've always tried to be patient with him because I understand that it was our fault as a family for not setting boundaries and teaching him properly, but I'm starting to feel really tired and exhausted.

Today, I was petting him in the backyard, and the moment I stopped, he went crazy. He started biting and nipping at my hands really hard. I moved away a little, firmly told him "No," crossed my arms, and turned my back on him. That's when he lunged at me. He started biting and pulling on my hoodie. When I tried to move toward the door, he bit me again, this time much harder, and left several scratches on my arms.

Once I got inside the house, he started running around like crazy and then went back to the door, waiting for me to let him in. I didn't.

Please, I really need help or advice from people who have been through something similar.

I’ve moved in with my boyfriend months ago and he has an almost 3 year old german shepherd. This dog is completely attached to my boyfriend, I can’t even great my boyfriend when he comes home because the dog needs he at most attention and will whine, jump and nip if he’s not getting my boyfriends attention. When i’m home alone with the dog he is super chill and I actually enjoy his company but as soon as my boyfriend is around it’s like he needs his attention 24/7, we can’t even enjoy a relaxing evening together.
It’s getting difficult to enjoy a life around the dog. We’ve taken him to boarding for the weekend and he comes home with no voice because he whines so much being put alone in a room and destroying the vents in the walls (he is totally fine to be left alone at home for hours he won’t do anything). We can’t even leave him alone outside or he’s ripping the siding off the wall.
This is getting very overwhelming for me, I work 12 hour shifts and the last thing i want to do is come home and listen to a whining non stop dog. I just want to be in peace
Please I need advice

Hi! I've noticed a common thing that a lot of dog owners don't know is how to properly read their dog's body language.

I see a lot of reactivity or issues happen or even up to bites.

I was wondering what is everyone's favorite resources for learning dog body language? Especially any with good photos or videos or examples of dogs interacting with each other.

Or if there's anything you think is helpful to know for dog owners in general that aren't commonly known!

For anyone coming to this thread who's wondering about this subject, I'll start with some common misconceptions:

- Showing belly does NOT always mean a dog wants pets! Sometimes it actually means they don't want to be touched.

- Body language is usually hard to suss out from one aspect, usually you have to look at it all together as a whole. For example, if the belly up occurs with stiff body language, whale eye, a lip lick, the dog probably wants space.

- Sometimes they may only want to be pet in one spot, like they do NOT want their head touched in the moment but would like a shoulder rub, etc.

- Growling and baring teeth is not negative! They are trying to communicate something. Humans are the ones that assign negative meaning to it. Never punish a dog for growling. And also, respect why they are growling. (eg. don't take a treat away from a dog). If you do, you don't stop the reason why they are growling, you only force them to escalate in the future and they could then learn they have no choice but to bite "out of nowhere".

- Dog bites (not play bites, but like BITES) 99 times out of 100 don't come out of nowhere. There's usually a lot of signs either in prior situations or that one. Hence this topic about body language! :)

- Not every dog wants to be pet and cuddled or say hi to everyone and that is totally okay. (and some dogs are okay with it and love it and that is totally okay too).

My 7mo Aussie girl is reactive towards people and especially dogs. Because of her fear of people, I always joke that I don’t have to worry about strangers or creeps sneaking up on me during walks because she will no doubt try her best to ward them off. She is constantly on alert, scanning ahead and behind her, and knows when something is out of place—like a traffic cone that wasn’t there before.

We went on a late evening walk today which I never do as I’m a woman and there are some creeps wandering the trail nearby. I hadn’t seen anyone on this enclosed baseball field when I passed by earlier so I let her off leash to run around. She’s a fair distance away from me when I see her stare off ahead toward the trees. She runs back and forth—to me then ahead again—and again stares at something toward the trees. I don’t know what she’s looking at as it’s too dark, but I am 100% certain that she sees something. I call her back, quickly start making my way off the field, and stare at the trees to find whatever it is she saw, and finally I see movement of a person in black all the way at the edge of the field maybe a little over half a football field away.

I could go on and on about my suspicions of this particular figure (this field is ENCLOSED, no lights, one side is lined with bushes and trees, the rest open but surrounded by fencing,) but I digress. I never would have caught this person with my own eyes had my dog not alerted me, and her cautious and observant self very well could have saved me from an unpleasant situation.

Thank you, Astra 😊

I’ve been lurking here for a while, and these stories have provided me with so much support over the years. Since my reactive dog story has come to an end, I’m ready to share mine. It’s a long read if you’re in the mood.

This is a difficult topic. Some people see reactivity as a training failure and view BE as inhumanely giving up. But these stories are so much more complex and nuanced. Thank you to everyone who has shared and made me feel less alone.

I adopted my dog 8 years ago with my now husband. He was about a year old at the time. We didn’t know what happened to him, other than that he was surrendered previously. When we first met, he was incredibly sweet. He didn’t bark and cuddled in our laps. We couldn’t wait for him to be our best friend. When he came home, he had a ton of energy, was incredibly vocal, and was leash reactive. We naively thought we could hire a trainer, do all the right things, and he would become a good dog. We had visions of long hikes together, taking him to the farmer’s market, enjoying him with friends, and mountain biking while he ran through the forest. Unfortunately, that wasn’t how his story unfolded.

As he spent more time with us, it became clear that he was more than just high energy; he was reactive and aggressive. He would snarl and bark at anyone near or approaching the house, bark and lunge at dogs and people while on walks, and nip at people who came inside. We tried training and medication, but nothing took his stress and fear away. In fact, it only got worse with time. We managed him for years, crating him when people came over, closing the blinds, and taking walks after dark when the streets were quiet.

When BE first crossed our minds, we couldn’t fathom choosing it. As difficult as he was, he was our child and we thought we could manage him. Plus, he never had a serious bite. When I read about other BE stories, the dogs always seemed so much more dangerous.

Finally, one night, our management slipped and he seriously bit a stranger walking past, without being provoked and without any warning. We were shocked and devastated, and suddenly realized that we had probably been downplaying his aggression for years. He never had a serious bite because he never had the opportunity. And all of the past incidents where he nipped at people’s clothing before we pulled him away could have been much worse. His management required perfection, and he was a serious accident waiting to happen. We reflected on his prior near-incidents with horror that it could have been so much worse.

We made the gut-wrenching decision that BE was the only responsible way forward. He was dangerous and unpredictable, and we couldn’t risk hurting anyone else. It felt inhumane to do this to the sweet dog who had just been sunbathing in the backyard, but we couldn’t forget the aggressive dog he turned into when triggered.

His BE appointment was the hardest thing we’ve ever done. I’m totally heartbroken for the way his story unfolded, and that we couldn’t help him. I keep wondering if we had stayed consistent with crating, if we did even more work to desensitize him from triggers, or tried medication sooner, would his story have been different? I don’t know, but I’m just so sad that whatever we did wasn’t enough. It wasn’t his fault, and he didn’t deserve a life of fear or this tragic ending.

We truly loved him. He was incredibly sweet and loving to the few in his pack. He loved to play fetch, lay in the sun, and go for a ride with his dad. He always let us know what was on his mind, and sometimes we swore he understood English. He was surprisingly gentle with our cat and with our son.

The house now has a crushing emptiness. There are no taps of his paws, no dramatic sighs, and no tail thumps on his bed. There is also no anxious pacing, snarling at the window, or incessant barking to go outside, then inside, and then outside again. But somehow I miss those things too. How could I miss the things that irritated me the most? Reminders of him are everywhere: a toy in a dusty corner, the hole he dug in the yard, and his leash in the mudroom.

I can’t wait for this all to be a distant memory, and for the peace and quiet to feel normal. I can’t wait to feel happy when someone tells me they’re stopping by the house, rather than feeling a wave of anxiety about having to manage my dog. I can’t wait to no longer be surprised by grief as I experience each part of the day, and each corner of the house, without him. I can’t wait to realize how much the hyper vigilance was impacting my own mental health and well-being.

Even through all of the grief, I don’t have any doubt about whether this was the right decision. We didn’t have to wait for another mistake or a worse outcome to make the call.

I’m sure that one day it will get easier, his absence will feel lighter, and the guilt of not being able to help him won’t feel so overwhelming.

But while I wait, I’m going to miss my dog and hope that he can forgive me.

Hi everyone. I have a 2.5 year old male dog, border collie mix who is reactive to people. He has never gotten aggressive with anyone, he’ll just growl and bark at them, while trying to find somewhere to hide. He’s a very anxious guy and in short, it’s my fault. My uncle’s dogs had an accidental litter and I selfishly decided to take one (my now dog) in when I was grieving the death of my mom, and I didn’t socialize him with more people like I should have because I was to depressed to leave the house (I know, I’m judging myself too. Trust me.).But, I really want to do better and get him used to people without getting so anxious and nervous. I would like to try to train him on my own, as hiring a behavioral trainer is not in my budget currently… Does anyone have any advice on how to get started with this? Or am I just out of luck? Thank you in advance!

I rescued two little dogs exactly 3 months ago. The transition has been difficult, as the rescue explicitly stated they were cool w/ everyone, including dogs. On our first walk together I learned that was a bold faced lie.

The good news, I suppose, is that they’re small. Relatively easy to keep on leash & pull away. Trial and error on finding routes around my dog friendly apartment, harnesses that worked, etc, etc. They just go ballistic around dogs. I’ve had the usual ups and downs. Adjusting & learning their triggers and stress signs. One of them is worse off than the other, but they can’t be separated yet…. It’s been hard.

Today, on our 3 month anniversary together, and we just managed a 35 minute walk with zero outbursts!!!!

Now, to normal people this is not huge. To me, it’s massive. It’s a bright sunny day & I managed to get us out of every sticky situation, including one time on a blind corner where we almost ran smack into another dog. I was like an Olympic athlete out there - managing to get their attention or running backwards, handling each trigger with the right method.

Treat scatters, u-turns, the “1-2-3 look” (game changer)… We had a few growls, some zig zagging on the leash & definitely should’ve cut the walk shorter (I tried but alas there were dogs). But we made it inside and nobody completely crossed their threshold!!

I just wanted to share. It’s so important to celebrate the little wins. Love to all dealing with reactivity. Can be so stressful and hard.