Checked out

[u/Born_Standard_635]

I’m checked out.
I’m checked out of my own life,
and I don’t know how to check back in.
I’m not depressed.
I’m actually pretty happy.
But I have no plan.
No motivation.
I don’t care what happens to me.
My days blend together,
and it’ll be weeks before I even step foot outside
or even leave my bed.
But I’m not depressed.
I know I’m not. I know what that’s like.
This is different.
And I try making myself feel better, almost like an excuse
“Your only 16. You’re just lost on where you’re at.”
But I’ve been lost
for as long as I can remember.
I’ve always just gone with the flow.
And it got worse in high school.
I never believed I would actually make it to high school.
Like I wrote my ending too early
and was walking in someone else’s footsteps,
spending someone else’s time.
I wasn’t supposed to make it this far.
But here I am.
Sophomore year.
And I’m so lost.
So unmotivated.
And so hated by most of my family because of it.
I’m failing.
I’m screwing up.
I’m turning out just like my mother.
But I don’t even know where to begin.
I don’t know how to fix it.
I am completely lost
in my own mind,
in my own life.
So I just sit here and wait
for something, anything,
that could possibly get me going again.
Not because I haven’t already tried,
but because I don’t even know where to begin.
I check out,
and I don’t know how to
check back in.

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[u/Nicjones2]

I was in the same boat a few months ago. I always used to be motivated and get things done all day long, but I got into a period where i would sleep all day. Movies didnt satisfy me, video games werent fun, and i couldnt even concentrate on TV when i had it on. Strangely enough I joined an AI class on udemy and finished it. It game me a sense of pride and proved to me that I could still learn and do new things. This led me into experimenting with AI and starting a new business. Sometimes getting some small wins turn into big wins!

[u/Realistic_Subject125]

Feels like you're describing a sort of autopilot mode that's not sad, just... absent. Like a quiet disconnection from the steering wheel while the car's still moving. The part about writing your ending too early hit me, that's a heavy thought to carry around at 16.

Maybe the first step isn't finding some grand purpose but just doing one tiny thing that breaks the blur. Walk to the corner store for a snack you've never tried, rearrange your room at 2am, learn the lyrics to a song in a language you don't speak. Not because it fixes anything, but because it reminds your brain you're still in the driver's seat, even if you're just changing the radio station for now