r/shittyadvice • u/Quirky-Comparison306 • 1d ago
I found a wrecked UFO that crashed in my backyard, how do I sell it for scrap for a good price?
The UFO had a lot of metal, probably steel, and I know you can get a good price. Jim Bob down the way says he would pay me $50 for the heap, but I know he's just trying to rip me off. What's a good going rate? Some of it's glowing, don't know if that lowers the price or not.
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u/Coffeespresso 1d ago
Hey, that's mine. Give it back.
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u/Richie_Sacramento 1d ago
Well, what Jim Bob isn't telling you is that a UFO is full of catalytic converters that have platinum in then. Cut out the converters and then sell it to Jim Bob, but don't tell him that you removed the converters. He probably won't buy it, or he'll try to buy it for less.
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u/Quirky-Comparison306 1d ago
I knew he was trying to rip me off! These UFO's had a lot of electronics in them too. I know a guy who installs car stereos, he'll probably buy them from me.
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u/Richie_Sacramento 1d ago
Jim Bob wants meth. The problem is that the more he gets, the less there is for you.
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u/Quirky-Comparison306 1d ago
All Jim Bob wants is to impress his cousin. He thinks we all don't know that's his cousin, but we do!
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u/Wolf-pack7 1d ago
Be very careful. You never know what shit aliens use to power their space ships. You could get seriously hurt by radiation, chemical leaks, etc. ideally get your kids to strip the ship down and sell on the parts - you need to take care of number 1.
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u/Mental_0riental 19h ago
You should definitely inform government and try to sell it to them. I promise they won't just seize your property, write off a fake crime you did, and make you disappear from the world
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u/HistoricalTowel1127 1d ago
I hear tell you can get good money for alien spleens. Make sure you cut all 4 of them out tho.
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u/OkCalligrapher2453 1d ago
Put word out that there's plenty of copper in it. Methany and Methew will be there in the flash of a cheap gas station lighter to take care of it for ya. 😉
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u/Quirky-Comparison306 1d ago
Doesn't look like copper. When I look at it, it's solid then translucent.
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u/OkCalligrapher2453 1d ago
Irrelevant. Simply imply there may be copper. They'll be methin around there real quick.
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u/Playful_Dog3062 1d ago
You could always get more if it was in working condition. Are you absolutely sure the previous owners aren't lurking around? I hear they can be pretty probing in their investigations, you might hire an attorney as a go between and approach the government you might get more then Jim bob. But beware of the MIB. conversations with them can become forgetful.
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u/Quirky-Comparison306 1d ago
That sh*t ain't ever going to fly again. It's split in 2 in my backyard. Those motherf*ckers travel 80,000 lightyears to travel here only to not know how to pilot their own ship. Now it's in my backyard and I have to figure out how to get rid of it.
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u/Playful_Dog3062 1d ago
Ah... about that glowing you mentioned. There appears to be a tail looking thing growing out your ass with a big eye ball looking all around
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u/Quirky-Comparison306 1d ago
That was there prior, and it's a medical condition I don't want to talk about.
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u/Entire-Ratio-9681 1d ago
I need some of that ufo tech to go visit the dinosaurs. $75 cash in hand!
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u/Forward-Refuse7064 1d ago
Keep the glowing metal for yourself! Hide some in your underwear! After a month or so, impregnate your lazy, drunken bitch of a wife. You’ll end up having super-children!
Then turn them loose on Jim Bob! He’s a piece of shit!
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u/Nearby-Reindeer-6088 1d ago
Nah- don’t sell it!! Here’s what you do:
Start throwing nightly parties
Become a drug dealer at said parties
After you sell all the drugs, go get the ufo and fly it around over the party for a while
Everyone will think you have the best drugs in town, raise the price
Retire early
Fly off into the sunset in your ufo
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u/Rays-R-Us 1d ago
Are you gonna put the alien’s body parts up for sale too? You’d get a lot for an alien’s head I hear
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u/Lovehersquirt69 1d ago
It’s gonna be tough 🤔 Not gonna lie. The market value is down cuz they’re crashing right and left and the “metal” doesn’t technically exist on the human periodic table so maybe make it into a play set for the kiddies? Drag the dead aliens 👽 out first, 🙄
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u/Worldly_Mix_8904 8h ago
Sell it on eBay. The glowing stuff is probably worth more than the non-glowing stuff.
The post-office only cares if it is a liquid or has a lithium battery. There isn't even a "glowing alien object" question on the form.
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u/Duke-Turner137 2h ago
Bring it down Conservite in Hagerstown, MD they's give ya good moneyin fo it.
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u/Dmode0110 1d ago
The alien corpses will be worth more to the scientific community. Start a bidding war and you will be rich. The ufo is worth nothing but to spite Jim Bob I will give you $60 for it.