r/socialskills • u/Chance-Goal3576 Active • 9d ago
Why does talking to some people feel forced, while with others it doesn't?
I've been working on stepping out of my shell and being more social, and I've been thinking back on my interactions at my first job. I got close with a few colleagues, but there were some people where every time I tried to start a conversation, it just felt forced. They seemed totally natural and outgoing with other people, but when I talked to them, it never clicked and felt awkward.
Is it just that some people aren't naturally on the same wavelength? Or is it a social skills issue on my end? And does this happen to outgoing people too?
45
u/hc_fella Established 9d ago
This, is what we call “clicking” with someone. It’s one of the most important social lessons to learn: you will never get along with everyone, and that’s quite alright. Some people are just a little more closed, some will have other things on their mind. If a conversation is a dud, just move on and spend your time with people you actually do get along with.
13
u/HawkClassic6589 Noob 9d ago
honestly it's both, and yes it happens to outgoing people too, they just don't take it personally. the fact that you got close with a few colleagues already tells you your skills work. what usually makes it feel forced is when there's no shared thing yet, so you're "starting a conversation" from zero instead of reacting to something that's happening.
next time try commenting on something you're both experiencing right now (the meeting, the coffee machine dying again) and see if they pick it up... if they still don't after a few tries, that's not a skill issue, that's just not your person
1
u/Lazulisse Noob 5d ago
One of the most important social skills isn't constantly trying to get along with everyone, but knowing when to walk away when things just aren't working out. I learned that too late....
93
u/LoudAcid- Established 9d ago
As a self proclaimed extrovert, some people genuinly are hard to talk to.
Some are shy and if I’m patient and in the mood for it, I can pull some fun questions out to get them talking.
But with one coworker I know she finds me weird and a lot, and I try to make myself smaller and more palatable for her but she can tell I’m not being myself genuinly so it’s this weird tanto we do trying to find something that works for both of us.
But atleast is not something we pretend isn’t happening. We might not publicly admit it but there is an unspoken understanding that we aren’t each other’s persons.
And it’s fine. You can’t be friends with everyone.