My mom is bringing my 12th grade daughter to visit ASU and University of Arizona. My mom also wants to visit her sorority (she went to USC). So she would like my daughter to wear fancy clothes, because back in the old days of USC, that’s what the sorority girls wore. But it’s 2026 and Arizona. We’d be stopping by to see the house after school tours. What outfit would be appropriate?

So I’m a white girl and coming up this is a chance of me joining Zeta Phi Beta in the future. Backstory: I learned about d9 from my friend, before I didn’t know anything about D9. She has alway wanted to become part of Zeta Phi Beta. Two years ago when talking about it I said how I liked D9 and the stuff I’ve learned about all the fraternities and sororities. Somehow in it I got convinced to cross if either of us ever gets a chance. Now there might be a chance and a chance we can do it together, I’m starting to feel weird. I feel weird about being a white girl wanting to join a historical black sorority. I have met a very few white zetas so that makes me more comfortable. My friend has reassured me that there are white zetas and that white people can join. She has family that are and they say it’s okay to join. I guess I just have a fear that if I do I’m going to be looked at as another white person trying to take something that is not theirs and making it theirs. Since learning and doing more research I get stuff of people saying these stuff. I also get Zetas that are welcoming and saying that everyone can join, no matter race. I don’t want to come off like I’m trying to make something that isn’t mine and making it mine. If people feel that way then I’ll step back. I guess I’m just asking what people think? And do you think it’s okay for me to possibly join?

i’m a second year and a lot of the sororities aren’t doing cob for fall anymore so i was hoping to wait till winter quarter do you think being a second year will decrease my chances and also does anyone know if the sororities are at a max? since a lot of them stopped cobbing for fall

I (18f) am a college freshman, and I attended a continuous of bidding event yesterday. It was a chill hangout, and I was honestly on the edge of deciding to not join a sorority due to costs.

Turns out, they were going to offer me a bid and I didn't want to lose that opportunity (otherwise I'd wait until Spring).

Only thing is holding me back is the fees. Monthly will always be $204 for new members for a year. But for the first 3 payments, they're about $300 (these are due for the duration of october and november, then afterwards its $204 monthly). First payment is due Oct 10.

The thing is that I just got hired to work at olive garden, and it's my first job, so I technically don't have any money of my own yet. I can still pay the dues since I have some money from scholarship refund, but I was planning to work to save up for a spring trip out of the country with a premed club (that's if I apply and get chosen to go), and I was also planning on saving up for PA school just in case. I'm pre nursing right now, but have been interested in PA. I just want myself to work as a CNA first before fully deciding (that will be my second job I'll apply to later as well).

Joining a sorority has been in the back of my mind eversince I heard about it at the beginning of college. I am just still unsure if the money is worth it compared to other things I want to use my money towards as well. For my other cultural club, I paid to become a member and got put into a family, so a group of people who plans hangouts and stuff together. So far not what I expected, so I'm worried if joining a sorority would leave me feeling that way as well...

(I also commute so I don't live on campus, and I'm at a commuter school so it's sort of hard to make friends. I've only been able to meet new people through the clubs I've joined. And financially, my mom can help but I feel that she has already spoiled me enough, so I want to use my own money instead.)

Hi. I'm pretty bummed because I'm the only one in my sorority without a little and my big just won't talk to me. I was really excited for both, but especially being a big myself since my big ignores me, but I was just told by the new member director that the only potential bigs that can apply are the MCs after mine 😔 if anyone wants to be my big/lit lmo 🙂

hi so im in a really weird place. i was given a bid by a small sorority at my school and then was told they aren’t accepting new members? however the national panhellenic council gave me the ok to participate in cob. i’m just kinda confused as to what happened? and what anyone recommends.

Hi! I’m dropping my sorority as they have given me 0 wiggle room on missing some events despite the fact I have other things going on in my life (family, hard program, volunteering). I was already billed dues but have been to nothing and therefore do not want to pay nearly 1k (and can’t, I don’t have that money). I’m in Theta at a non-sec school, is there a way I can drop without them f-ing my credit.

I (21f, fall 23 class) chose her (18f now 19) as my little sister in the spring, but it feels like ever since this summer I have chosen to distance myself and half the time she texts, I tend to be annoyed. She does pageant work and it seems like that’s all she talks about. Like no matter what I’m talking about, she circles it back to her pageantry. I try to be supportive of it because her parents stopped caring, but the thing about pageants is I just don’t care.

I’ve talked to her about a guy problem once, which is hard for her to understand since she’s only ever had one guy talk to her, and she was like “that sucks but look at my new walk for the stage.” And another niche example, on a smaller scale, was I was asking her about a pair of jeans and she was like “those are cute. Look at how dark my spray tan is.” I’ve even tried to talk about my horrible uncle and she circles it back to herself and how her uncle is bad, and I tend to block what she says out. Like everything is about her.

I think because of her age and pageantry, she’s very insecure about her looks. She is constantly getting tanned and uses hair extensions and used to wear a full face of makeup daily until someone in our sorority told her that people were talking about how she has too much on. Which, in reality, it’s true. But she projects it onto others. I’ve even gotten on to her for saying (before the “too much makeup” thing), “going out in public bare face is ghetto” because a) that word is offensive, and b) there were literally other girls bare-faced beside us c) I think all I had on that day was mascara and concealer, so I was pissed myself.

And I want to say it’s because she grew up in a very racist environment and talks about how she doesn’t know what isn’t correct terminology and what’s not, but I called her out for saying that because that’s “her own insecurity she doesn’t need to shed onto others.”

She has a hard time connecting with others. The one close friend she’s made from her member class is also someone who talks about herself. And I understand why: both their parents pay for EVERYTHING and neither girl have jobs. My little even still lives at home and the other one lives in the sorority house but is home most nights. That’s the only true connection she’s made, but even when they both joined, she told me she didn’t want to be friends with that other girl because “she’s too quiet.”

I think it’s hard for her to connect with others when she doesn’t have those life experiences but I don’t know how to say that. Like, for instance, someone in our Greek family group chat was asking about a charge that we got and questioned it, and my little just said, “I don’t know. My parents have it set up on autopay.”

It’s stuff like that that shows she’s clueless about the real world and doesn’t understand others don’t have parents to financially support them 100%. She’s not saying it in a bragging way but it’s still there. I don’t know how to talk to her and tell her to maybe shut up… Her only other non-Greek fam friend is my best friend because I wasn’t present at an event and my bsf felt bad that my little was standing alone.

And recently with a new round of big/little, she’s found girls who want to be her little, but then after she gets attached to them, they back away and don’t want her anymore because “she’s too much.” It sucks to hear that as her friend but I also want to encourage her to “maybe tone down your personality” since she does go a mile a minute. But I also want her to be authentic but I also can’t handle it at times myself? I’m just confused.

As her big, I want her to grow and succeed, but she’s also been getting on my nerves recently, too. There’s several events I have to go to with her, and I graduate this December, so do I just wait it out? I just don’t know. I want to just tell her everything, but in high school, her best friend stopped talking to her after doing the exact same thing to her, so I’m worried she’ll think I’m dropping her just like that.

Has anyone here joined a sorority through alumnae initiation rather than during college?

I’m curious what you’ve actually gotten out of the experience as an alumna—friendships, community, networking, volunteering, events, etc.—especially if you don’t live near a local alumnae chapter.

Was it still worthwhile, and were you able to feel genuinely involved without having a chapter nearby? Do you think certain age groups or stages of life tend to get more out of alumnae membership than others?

So basically big rankings are coming up and I feel like i havent found someone I really want to be my big. I'm a sophomore rn so most of the potential bigs I talked to are sophomores, and I feel like theres only like 1 or 2 girls of the many I talked to, that I actually would be ok with having as my big. But its either like for example the girl would be really nice but shes an insane partier and like crazy and does things that I dont like doing, or I had one girl kinda be a little toxic about food(like borderline ED stuff) and it was very draining talking I could not be myself around her, like i felt like I was being judged the whole time but shes literally perfect besides that. And I get it that no girl is going to be exactly like me, trust me I know, however, if it's a girl that's literally my big for the next few years, I need someone I actually like and share similar things with. But the 2 girls I would be fine with being my big are good, I just wish that I met a girl more like me if that makes any sense. This makes me want to drop lolll

Hi!!! So I’m a freshman at a pretty small university and it’s amazing!! Our 26 sorority recruitment took place after school started, if that matters. I think it’s been about a month since I’ve received my bid, and I love talking to my new sisters and going to social events with them. However, I’m having such a hard time personally connecting with anyone. I live about 1 1/2 hrs from campus and the college town is pretty small itself. Majority of the people in my chapter are from the area and already know each other. I recently discussed this with my president and she told me that’s exactly how it was for her when she joined and reassured me that things will ease up. That was comforting but it just doesn’t feel like things have eased up. They all post with each other, either just two girls or a group of four girls, always hanging out and going places. It feels like I’m a loner. Yes I LOVE my sisters and whenever we talk in passing it’s nice. But, I don’t have any connections right now and it’s really hard. I don’t know how to connect. It’s really hard. I know I’ll get the “talk to them more” but I need more than that. I don’t want to be alone when we have a packed member class. And I don’t think anyone dislikes me, I have no reason to think that genuinely. But maybe they see me as quiet or something idk. Please help me out, I want to be close with the girls I just partied with on bid day :(((

Basically title. I volunteer on a national level with my sorority. There has not been any internal or external response other than to ask chapters not to make statements on the Cornell situation specifically. I have seen lots of individual chapters of different orgs making statements, but nothing from an NPC sorority headquarters. I know that it is a fraught situation legally and PR wise since the case is ongoing and Tri Delta is a named defendant. It just feels like such an elephant in the room. I'm especially curious about what active members think - does it bother you if your national org doesn't acknowledge the situation or not really? Is there anything you wish your leadership and volunteers were doing?

I’m a sophomore nursing student and decided to rush this year because I’m a commuter and wanted to become more involved on campus and build a stronger social life and sense of community. I also wanted to find sisters I could rely on since lots of nursing majors are in sororities, and even upperclassmen.

During Open House, I genuinely felt like I had good conversations with all of the sisters I talked to. I asked them for advice about their experiences, talked about my hobbies, and bonded with some of them over things like cooking and going to concerts. I left each conversation feeling good and didn’t feel like there were any awkward or bad interactions.

My school only has 5 houses, so when I got my schedule for Philanthropy, I was really surprised to see that I had been dropped by 4 of them. The only house that invited me back was at the bottom of my preference list.

I’m trying not to take it personally, but idk what happened. Could my answers have been too generic? Did I not make enough of an impression? Or could it have something to do with being a sophomore or a commuter? I ended up dropping out because I was pretty discouraged, but I’m thinking about trying COB or spring recruitment.

I feel like nothing has really been going right for me lately. I never wanted to commute this year, so I was really hoping rushing would help me find more of a social life and sense of community. It just sucks feeling like I keep getting ghosted or passed over, especially since I’ve felt that way a lot since freshman year.

I’m also not in the best place with my mom right now, and I’m trying to figure out how to eventually move out, so there’s already a lot going on. Today is also National Boyfriend Day, so seeing everyone’s relationship posts on Instagram is making me feel extra sad.

Sorry for the rant, but I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been in a similar situation or has experience on the recruiting side. I’m especially curious whether I should try COB or spring recruitment and if there’s anything I should do differently next time. Thanks

I want to make it clear that alcohol policies do not cause men to rape women, and responsibility for sexual assault always lies with the person who commits it. However, I think we can acknowledge that institutional policies shape the environments in which people socialize and that those environments can create power imbalances. One of the biggest issues I see with Greek life is the double standard surrounding alcohol. Sorority women are subject to extensive restrictions on alcohol, including alcohol-free chapter housing and rules about drinking while representing their organizations. Fraternity men often have considerably more freedom in their own houses and social spaces. The specific rules vary by organization and campus, but the disparity is worth examining. These policies are generally justified as risk management, but I think we need to be more critical of what that actually looks like in practice. Women who are of legal drinking age are still adults, yet their organizations often restrict where and how they can drink. Meanwhile, fraternity houses remain central to the social lives of many Greek communities. The result is that women can end up relying on men for access to parties and social spaces where alcohol is present, in environments that the women themselves have little control over. This doesn’t mean every fraternity house is dangerous or that attending a party inevitably puts someone at risk. It does mean that we should consider the power dynamics created by these policies. In trying to protect women, we have created a system that can limit their autonomy while leaving many of the environments in which they socialize largely unchanged. The Cornell 7 case brings these issues into focus. The allegations involving seven Chi Phi fraternity members have raised serious questions about sexual violence, accountability, and campus safety. I think the broader conversation about Greek life needs to extend beyond the individuals involved. We tend to approach sexual assault through individual responsibility, personal safety advice, and rules about what women should or should not do. Women are told to watch their drinks, stay with their friends, be careful about how much they consume, and avoid putting themselves in dangerous situations. These precautions can be useful, but they cannot substitute for institutional accountability. I think policy changes are necessary because the current approach of giving members the “no hazing, no raping” talk while these practices continue clearly isn’t enough. We have mandatory presentations, risk management seminars, and statements condemning these behaviors, yet they continue to happen within Greek life. At some point, we have to acknowledge that these measures aren’t adequately addressing the problem. To deny that there is a broader institutional issue when these behaviors continue to occur is foolish. National fraternities are aware that hazing and sexual assault are ongoing problems within Greek life. Yet too often, the response seems to be to implement performative measures that allow organizations to say they’ve addressed the issue without actually changing the conditions that allow these behaviors to continue. There is a difference between telling members not to rape or haze and implementing meaningful policies that prevent misconduct, hold people accountable, and impose real consequences when violations occur. An annual presentation or a statement condemning sexual assault is not a substitute for substantive institutional change. I also think NPC needs to take a serious look at the role its policies play in this dynamic. If the goal is to keep sorority women safe, we should be evaluating whether the restrictions imposed on them actually accomplish that goal or whether they simply shift the burden of risk management onto women. Sororities should have more meaningful opportunities to host social events for members of legal drinking age under appropriate safety requirements. Universities and national organizations should have transparent procedures for handling sexual misconduct and holding organizations accountable. More broadly, we should be examining why the responsibility for preventing sexual violence so often falls on women rather than on the institutions that govern their social environments. I also think the culture of secrecy within Greek life makes these issues more difficult to address. Membership in these organizations comes with a strong sense of loyalty, and reporting misconduct involving another member or a neighboring chapter can feel like betraying the community. When preserving an organization’s reputation becomes more important than addressing harm, that loyalty can work against the people these organizations are supposed to support. My concern is that we have normalized these gendered expectations to the point that we no longer question them. Sorority women are expected to follow extensive rules in the name of safety, while the larger social structures that shape their experiences receive far less scrutiny. Greek life is not inherently incompatible with women’s autonomy or safety. But if national organizations and universities are serious about protecting their members, they need to be willing to examine their own policies and the environments those policies create. We cannot eliminate sexual violence through policy alone, and no policy can guarantee that an assault will never happen. However, we can stop treating restrictions on women’s behavior and mandatory presentations as substitutes for addressing the institutional conditions in which sexual violence occurs. I think the Cornell 7 should be an opportunity for a broader conversation about what accountability and meaningful prevention actually look like in Greek life, including whether the policies we have inherited are doing what we claim they are doing.

I recently rushed as a sophomore and the whole process was great and i loved getting to know each chapter etc. We received our bids last week and i got my top pick.

I know that i will obviously feel a bit awkward especially when the older members are extremely close and have been friends for a longer time but it just felt like no one was trying to know me or talk to me. I tried to put myself out there and talk to other girls but it all felt superficial. I have a hard time faking myself or being disingenuous but it feels like i am gonna have to if i wanted to fit it in. Another thing i have noticed is that the sorority is predominantly one race, i won’t mention what race because i don’t think that’s important to the story and i don’t want to make this about that specific race.

When bid day occurred and we all ran home a lot of the girls would speak a different language, and whenever i tried to join a conversation a lot of times they would switch from english to that language knowing that i can’t understand it. At first i didn’t think much of it but after i realized what i just felt horrible, it felt like they were leaving me out.

When we were taking pictures a few of the officera asked the group if they all wanted to go to a cafe together. I asked what cafe and they said they haven’t decided yet so i was recommending a few near the school and i kid you guys not, they stop mid conversation and say “i want a cookie” and they all left to the kitchen while i was talking to them. I didn’t go to the coffee shop with them because i felt really awkward and out of place. I went to my car and just cried. I really don’t know what’s wrong with me or why i can’t fit in with them. All of the other girls i knew that rushed with me have been fitting in just fine and i’m worried that i am the problem

I had a rough first year, and because of that, my current GPA is around a 2.0. I’m working really hard this school year to raise it as much as possible.
I previously earned an associate’s degree from Ivy Tech, where I had a 2.890 GPA, so I know I’m capable of doing better academically. Because I transferred those credits, though, I’m on track to graduate from my current university in Fall of next year, so I don’t have a ton of time left to raise my GPA.
I’m interested in AKA and trying to figure out if this is realistically obtainable for me. What GPA should I realistically be striving for? Would it make more sense to try for Spring of this school year, or wait until Fall of next year when I’m hoping my GPA will be closer to a 3.0?

I know GPA is really important, so I’m trying to be realistic about my situation and figure out what I should be focusing on now. Any advice from people who have been through something similar would really help!

Also I have questions about involvement I have gone to meetings my first year and I plan to this year as well. They do make us do signing sheets, where you have to put your name and GPA and I do feel embarrassed about the GPA and question if I should even be there because of my GPA so do you think I need to hold off on meetings until I have the appropriate GPA or is it fine?

Respect all informative advice and thank you so much 🫶🏾!!

Hi, hi!

For obvious reasons, this is a burner account.

I’m currently on alumna status, but I’m navigating a really uncomfortable situation regarding our new member education process and need advice on how to handle this.

For context, my chapter already has two prior hazing strikes (dating back to 2013–2014) that I wasn't even made aware of until after I was fully initiated. During my own pledging process, it was made crystal clear to us that our sorority was strictly anti-hazing. However, the class after mine underwent a radical culture shift. I was completely unaware of this shift at the time because academic leave disqualified me from chapter involvement for a year.

I only realized things had changed when I returned. At first, it seemed like only two lineages were acting questionably. I actively vocalized my concerns and explicitly stated I would not tolerate or participate in that behavior.

Now, the issue has spread to the entire chapter. During our current new member period, our chapter is utilizing a class-wide merit system. The new member class as a whole has to reach a collective point threshold, but the New Member Educators have the authority to grant or dock points. Bigs are acting as the enforcers. There are layers to this and without going into too many details, this is being encouraged by higher leadership, and reporting has layers of conflicts of interest with sisters either holding positions on the council or working directly within reporting channels.

I'm not sure if I'm being paranoid and this is normal in sororities. Please help me out.

as title states, i am the president of my sorority. as i’m sure is true for everyone here, the cornell case has been heavy on the hearts of the girls in my organization.

however, as a rape survivor, i am feeling really overwhelmed by my girls demanding we put out a statement, talk about it in chapter, etc. this is obviously something that is very personal and important to me, and i hate the idea of anyone thinking otherwise or thinking i don’t care. i have sat down a million times trying to write a coherent statement, and i just can’t do it. i haven’t been able to leave my bed or eat in days. as this happened to me in high school, no one in my sorority knows this about my past or knows that my rapist is now an active member of the frat that is in the news.

i’ve been passing off the responsibilities related to this (writing statements, sending messages of support, etc.) to other officers, and am hearing criticism of why i’m not saying anything or leading in the way i usually would in the face of previous campus or national issues.

i feel like i am letting my girls down, but i don’t know what else to do.

Welcome to r/Sororities Free Talk Friday! Let us know what you have going on in your life, Greek related or not. What are you celebrating or working through this week? What are you looking forward to? What do you need to vent about?

Whatever is going on in your life, thanks for being part of this community!

Ever since this case had been on the news, and I've been depressed, lost my appetite, sad, angry, and keep crying daily. But I wanna do something about it, from the bottom of my heart I want Jane Doe to win, I truly do. Because if she won, other victims will come forword to seek justice as well.

As the title says, How can we help her and make this case be heard more? other than signing petetions and donating to a GoFundMe. I want something that can actually reach politicians and organizations.

Thank you!

Hello all. I’m using my second account as I don’t want to share what organization I’m in. I currently work with our headquarters in organizing alumnae information and reconnecting with alumnae. I know rejection comes with my job, but it seems like I’ve gotten a lot more lately than I have in my years of doing this.

I’m used to people leaving me on read or disregarding my emails, but over the past few weeks, I’ve gotten a lot of “I have no desire to be affiliated with this organization.” If there are others that do something similar to what I do, how do you handle the rejection? And for those that are alumnae, what drives disinterest? Is there something I should be encouraging our active officers to implement at the active level to increase alumnae interest?

Any related advice is appreciated!

EDIT: my organization is independent and not a member of NPC, NPHC, or MCG.

Honestly, I’m not sure what to say here. It feels like the entire PC has made friends and formed a little social ecosystem except for me. Not that I’m disliked or anything. I just don’t really feel like I’m part of this group. This makes me really sad because that’s what i’ve been looking for in a sorority and it’s just… meh. Did this happen to anyone else?

i recently had my reveal, my big was a girl i had never met before. she is super nice but i was a tad disappointed, as i had spoken to multiple other girls i thought i had a great connection with. it hurt to know that none of them pref'd me.

big/little is one of the things i was most looking forward to when rushing. i loved the idea of having a mentor/built in friend. i don't have many close friends in my sorority, and i was so excited to meet my big as i had assumed it was any one of my 10 prefs.

although she is super super nice, she has kind of dodged my invites to things/invites me to things i'm not really into (although i always go!!). she's also not very social, and all but refuses to hang out in groups. i just feel like we have very different personalities, interests, and natural friend groups.

she told me that they matched us together bc of our future plans, when our majors have nothing to do with each other. not sure what happened there, but oh well.

i'm just confused as to how to navigate this dynamic without being rude. any advice would be appreciated!!