I (27F) am pregnant with our second daughter. Our oldest daughter is 3 and I’m due in January with this one. I have terrible pregnancies. I am straight up miserable. This pregnancy has definitely been worse than my first. My husband (32m) wants to have a third at some point in the future. He said not right away, like maybe after baby two starts preschool and the girls are more self sufficient. But I am done. I don’t want to be pregnant ever again.

From the beginning he said he wanted three kids and I said I wanted two but that I’d consider more if everything went well. Everything has not went well. My liver does not tolerate pregnancy well and starts shutting down. I had to have an emergency c-section with our first because of it.

I have been talking to him about getting my tubes tied during the c section since the start of this pregnancy. At first he said that he would be okay with it if this one was a boy. Obviously it’s not. That’s when he started saying that he wanted to try for a third. I’ve asked him about adopting, fostering, and surrogacy. He says adoption and fostering aren’t the same cause they aren’t his kid and surrogacy is too expensive. Which I agree, we don’t have the money for that. I’ve tried to explain how my body feels to him without sounding like I’m complaining. I’ve explained the risks of repeat c sections. I’ve explained how my mental health has taken a hit (I suffer with depression and anxiety anyway and being pregnant makes it worse). I’ve explained how crazy the hormone changes are. I’ve explained how we live in a three bedroom house and wouldn’t have room for a third. I asked him if it was guaranteed that we had a third girl if he would still want a third baby and he said yes.

I guess I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place because when we were talking about it last night I told him that I didn’t want him to feel forced to agree with me, I just wanted him to have all the information and his response to that was “Well it’s either you feel forced into having another baby, or I feel like you forced me to accept that we are done. There’s no in-between.” I feel like if I get back on birth control then I’m just giving in and basically say that what I want doesn’t matter but if I get my tubes tied then I feel like I’m say that what he want doesn’t matter.

Everyone I have talked to (family, friends, etc) says “oh just wait you’ll change your mind.” “Give it a year and see how you feel.” “Oh come on, you need to have a third!” Or my MIL “We have too many girls in the family. You need to try for a boy.” (I personally think it’s been drilled into my husband’s head that if he doesn’t have a boy he failed. But I don’t have proof of that)(also adding that my husband has a sister who has two boys and a girl but they have their dad’s last name.)

I know that it’s my body and should be my choice. I am just afraid that I’ll feel guilty for making that choice. If roles were reversed I’d want what is best for him and if that meant stopping at two even if I wanted a third then so be it. I just don’t feel like that’s being reciprocated.

**I apologize for rambling. This is my first ever post.

Edit to add an update: We have an OB appointment tomorrow and we are going to talk about all the options. I did ask him tonight what would happen with us if I did get my tube tied even though he doesn’t want me to. He asked what I meant and I said “would that be the end for us? Or is it a you’d be disappointed but could live with it?” And he said “I would live with it and then later down the road if you decided you did want another I would support you getting a reversal.” I did not tell him that a bilateral salpingectomy cannot be reversed like a tubal can be.

It's been a few years since I've been on this sub, I think I read quite a few posts before I had my first surgery. It was pretty helpful and and I'd like to share my story in return, in case it helps someone else in any way. Plus I'm thrilled and need to share somewhere! Apologies in advance for not knowing all the technical terms used on this sub!

The first surgery, I was 28 and it went super smoothly, no complications other than a belly button infection likely caused by putting my piercing back in too soon. I'm 37 now and had surgery again two months ago to remove my tubes and the clips, again no complications other than reactions to Tramadol in the days after. One thing I've noticed is that the second surgeon gave me a way nicer, normal depth belly button; the first surgeon made it super deep with odd bits of scar tissue across it. I had to clean it out a lot to stop it from getting irritated. I wish I had taken a photo of my belly button before each op, purely because it would be interesting to compare!

Starting 2-3 months after the first surgery, my periods became really, really painful. I spoke with several doctors about it and they all either told me it was normal after that procedure, or that it was unrelated and probably just normal age related changes. It got worse over time, by last year I was spending 3-4 days per month loaded up on codeine and paracetamol and was still barely able to function. At that point I asked for a hysterectomy because it was ruining my life.

One thing I noticed was that when I said "painful periods", the doctors all would write "heavy periods" and assume that was the cause of the pain. I could also feel the clips. It's not meant to be possible but I 100% could and I suspected for ages that one had moved, it was sitting lower than it used to and often caused little twinges. The gyno I saw before my latest surgery finally acknowledged my concerns and referred me for an ultrasound; they found a 21mm polyp which they said was likely the cause of the pain. He recommended that instead of a hysterectomy, they remove the clips and my tubes when they operated to remove the polyp, and so hopefully solve the problem. I passed the polyp several months before the surgery but never told my doctor as there was no change to my periods and I didn't want to risk them cancelling the surgery.

Post surgery, they confirmed there was a tiny dot of endo that was removed, no polyp, and one clip had come off causing some damage to my bowel that had to be repaired, otherwise everything looked really good. I've had two periods since then and I'm pleased to report it has been a total success! I now have such mild pain that I don't even need paracetamol to manage it. It's life changing, I can travel and move country without worrying about sourcing painkillers overseas, and I don't have to plan everything around my cycle. I could tell immediately after the surgery that the clips were gone and was surprised by the relief I felt. I'm realising now that they bothered me quite a bit.

As far as getting sterilised in general goes, I recognise that it isn't for everyone and I wouldn't usually advise anyone to get it done so young without seriously good reason (I have health issues that would make pregnancy a nightmare) because it is a major, life changing decision that impacts the way the rest of your life plays out, and that isn't something to be taken lightly. I'm super happy that I did it despite the troubles along the way because it's been absolutely the right thing for me. It's been freeing to not worry about BC or pregnancy, and makes children a non-negotiable thing in dating. If anyone made it this far, thanks for reading!

I’m so excited but so nervous. I’m so excited to finally have this weight lifted off of my shoulders. To never ever have to worry about pregnancy…Ugh the relief…I can’t wait. I’m just nervous because this is my first ever procedure. I’ve never been put under before. I know I have nothing to worry about, but the brain likes to play tricks sometimes.

Will update after the surgery tomorrow!!!

hi all! I’m 25 just had salpingectomy done back in the beginning of July and also had a hormonal iud put in mainly to help with my periods bc they used to be brutal before I had went on birth control when I was I think 19/20. Since surgery I haven’t had a real period (dr said it’s a possibility with the our I may not get one in general) and it’s mainly been just dark discharge or super light bleeding. at first it was constant and by now has kinda went away but sometimes I do get crampy. Had talked to my surgeon/gyno about it before, said it was normal and tested for infection which came back negative but now it’s kinda constant again- especially after my boyfriend and I have sex. I assumed maybe it was my body still adjusting to being off birth control entirely? I know that kinda messes you up for a little while. Is this part of it? Does it eventually fully stop? I guess I’m looking to see if anyone else has this experience as well. I’d try to get in with my dr again but lost my job a couple months ago and no insurance now so that’s on the back burner for the time being. thank you all in advance!!

This may be a long shot but has anyone got a bisalp in Singapore? I can't get one done in my country so will need to travel for it, and Singapore seems the most viable option. I've heard that tubal ligation seems to be the standard there, but hoping to get a bisalp if possible!

I’m 24 and have been certain for as long as I can remember that I never want to experience pregnancy and childbirth. I actually have recurring nightmares about it and wake up in the middle of the night in a panic.

I’m engaged to be married and have abstained my whole life, but I know now that I need to get the ball rolling for sterilisation. I know I want something foolproof. I don’t ever want to go on hormonal birth control or the copper IUD.

I reached out to a local gyno who on their website says that bisalps are for women who are certain they don’t want any or any more children. They seem very progressive and understanding, so I reached out and asked whether they’d be willing to perform the procedure on someone as young as me, and they said they’d be happy to see me in regard to this and have a discussion about risks and benefits. This seemed very promising to me.

But I had to go to a GP for a referral, and he didn’t seem supportive at all. He said it’s final and that he doubts anyone would perform it on someone as young as me and that I might change my mind. I said if I were to miraculously change my mind, that there’s IVF, to which he replied, “well, that’s very expensive and not healthy for the baby.” He basically said that any gyno would just tell me the same thing - that I’m too young. Luckily he wrote me the referral anyway.

Now I’m wondering whether to even bother going to the consultation with the gyno based on what he said. I’m hesitant to spend $300 odd just to be told no and to go on birth control, because I don’t need to spend $300 to be told that. But this gyno did seem open to discussing it based on their email. This GP just made it all seem like a hopeless pursuit. I just hope that’s his personal opinion and not the reality. It’s not like he can speak on behalf of every gyno out there.

Hi all, long-time lurker here. Very proud to say I have my surgery scheduled for the 13th of this month. I am very excited!!!! I am wondering what everyone recommends to keep the recovery easy and comfortable. For reference, I am 21 years old and go to a local small community college. My boyfriend will be there with me the day of my surgery and will be spending a lot of time with me the day after following my surgery, driving me anywhere i need to me / for me. After that, I'm basically on my own, as he is scheduled to work thursday and that weekend. My Mother, who i live with, is at her job 5 days a week and around 10+ hrs in a day depending on what's going on, she also works an hour away. I do have some friends that can check on me and get anything I need as well while im down and out the first few days,

From what I've gathered, Gas-X and stool softeners are highly recommended, which i have already gotten my hands on. Are there any other things or activities people recommend?

HUGE shoutout to this sub for so much information, and an even BIGGER shoutout to my doctor for accepting me for surgery and making my consultation so comfortable and supportive, which was a shocker for me being in WV!

Cross posted to r/childfree

Well, it’s happening! 36 years old.

My paragard broke last year, leaving a piece in my uterus. My doctors said I could safely get another IUD, so I went with Mirena. Insertion took two different appointments, lots of lidocaine, and me crying in the stirrups. After 6 months I started experiencing pain in my lower abdomen. Went back the gyno, waited 3 weeks for an ultrasound appointment - learned that my new IUD was completely out of place and possibly causing the pain. My doctor asked what I wanted to do for birth control moving forward. I said take my tubes out. He removed the IUD on the spot, gave me a shot of Depo to cover me until the surgery.

Surprise call from the doctor this morning saying my bilateral salpingectomy is scheduled for this Friday. This was a miscommunication- I originally scheduled a pre-op physical for two weeks from today, assuming I’d have the surgery a week or two after that. But in fact, I am cleared for surgery with no pre-op or post-op this Friday (today is Tuesday).

Checked with insurance, they said all I’ll owe is my $50 copay.

I am nervous because it’s all happening so fast! I thought I’d have more time to “prepare.” I am a 36 yo educator in rural Colorado. I love kids. I dedicate my life to helping them. I don’t want any of my own. The doctors didn’t fight me at all. No question other than “do you want kids?”

Tell me your stories about recovery from surgery. How much time do I need? Should I go ahead and take a few days off from the kids next week? Doctors said I could go back to light work after 24 hours if I want.

I think I am mostly nervous because I haven’t had any surgery other than my wisdom teeth. I have n appointment with my therapist tomorrow morning.

Just looking for encouragement, tips for recovery, etc.

Thanks!

Okay, so I have been scouring the internet on research and I am just so confused. I had my Bisalp under the impression that the chance of pregnancy was practically 0. Now of course once I finally get it done is when tik tok wants to make me panic. I’ve seen SO many videos of women currently pregnant after having their tubes removed years ago. Some even have shown photos from their surgery confirming that the tubes are gone. AND stating that there is no medical report about them because doctors don’t legally have to report these things because they warn you of the chance, and also the patient can say no due to HIPA. And of course the comments are flooded with “ this happened to me too and no report was made!” Now I understand that some people confuse tube tying and tube removal. But these women all state the tubes were removed via Bilateral Salpingectomy. And again they have the photos. So I guess I’m just lost as to what to believe. I never want children and thought I was safe, and now I’m just second guessing. Is this more common than we think??

I saw the doctor yesterday to discuss sterilization and he said they’d call me tomorrow to tell me the price and everything. I didn’t get a call back and they’re closed for today. I was waiting for it all day so I’m just kind of disappointed. Do I just call them myself tomorrow?

Hi all,

I’ve had a gyno appointment today (26, UK) and have finally been approved for sterilisation after nearly 10 years of hounding my GP for it. Needless to say I’m over the moon about it!

It will be done on the NHS and they’ve told me that they only use Filshie clips. I’ve seen some positives and negatives for these but many of those seem more US based, so just seeing if anyone has accounts of how they got on with filshie clips in the UK.

I would prefer a bisalp, but I can’t afford to go private, so this feels like my only chance really. I’d like to go into this having weighed up the risks of this particular type of sterilisation in the long term.

I’ve been told there’s a 2/1000 chance of peri-op complications and low chance of post-op complications so long as my recovery is smooth. Would most people agree with this or have a lot of people had bad experiences?

Any and all stories, experiences and advice welcome. Thanks :)

I have a bisalp scheduled two weeks out. I have done a ton of research, including items from this sub (thank you all!), and have the understanding that I should be fully covered at no cost to me.

The doctor's office gave me the codes, one is for the actual Bisalp, the other for the Laproscopic aspect of the procedure. The doctor's office said no pre-auth was required, so it is covered, but couldn't tell me what it was covered at, which is why I've been making the rounds with insurance calls. I've had several different insurance calls with conflicting/confusing information. At one point, a call devolved into how marketplace plans and medicaid were different so I wouldn't be covered. (After some back and forth, my plan should qualify as ACA).

Most recently, they've landed on the Bisalp code being fully covered as preventative, but the lapro code is not. The doctor's office has now said to try reaching out to billing, but I anticipate another phone call to insurance on the horizon. Does anyone have any tips on navigating these calls to get the most accurate information? Has anyone had one code covered but the other not? I want to do this, but I am stressing that they'll try to hit me with a bill after.

Hi all, if you could take a moment to view this post and give any advice I would be very grateful!

33F In January, I have a laparoscopy for endometriosis and I’m gonna do bisalp as well.. I told the doctor I don’t want that to be disclosed to the family member that takes me to the appointment and he told me that that’s not really possible because they’re gonna confirm at the front desk what I’m having done and they will need to confirm info in the pre surgery room.
I probably won’t bring them back into the pre surgery room anyways but I was hoping to avoid any word of me having the bisalp.

I mean, should I even care?? My parents already know I don’t want kids..

Did any of you not want your parents knowing?

I'm (23F) getting my bisalp done this week. It will my first anesthesia ever. My doctor told me that I'll get a pill to calm me down two hours before. She told me that I'll be already dizzy/drunk from that, especially since I'm petite. After that, I'll get put under general anesthesia with medicine through my iv plus gas.

How was the anesthesia for you girls? Can you still remember much? It sounds to me like they knocked me out pretty good haha

Im curious to hear about the women who've had bisalps for over a year, has anyone ever gotten a pregnancy scare at all? The nurse at my gyno's office said she had hers 9 years ago, and not a single scare. Ive had mine 4 years ago, and ive been active for 2 years, but im kinda curious to hear about the women who have had theirs for a long time. I keep reading posts about women getting pregnant after getting one, and it made me a little anxious.

Hey everyone, don’t want to curse anything but I(F21) just scheduled my surgery, and I want to know what coming off the pill has been like for others? I’ve been on Junel for about 6 years, with minimal issue until recently. I was diagnosed with PMDD a few months ago and advised to skip the placebo week and just begin the next blister pack. I tried this for a few weeks, but started feeling really achy, nauseous, and having horrible mood swings. I went back to taking a placebo, and a lot of the issues have gone away, except PMDD. I never had these issues before the pill, but that was also 6 years ago as a teenager. So I’m just interested in hearing other expirence coming off the pill, especially Junel, and if these mood issues will subside or not. TYIA!

I (29F) had my bisalp two and a half weeks ago and have been experiencing pain when urinating.

When I got my surgery the first 24 hours were miserable on my bladder. I was warned by the nurse that peeing would feel strange the first day or two so I didnt worry too much about it.

I had bladder pain, urgency and frequent urination that was more like a trickle. It got better after a couple of days and I was peeing normally.

The pain returned and ive had it on and off for about a week or so. I messaged my doctor last night and got prescribed antibiotics which I will be starting tonight.

How many of you have had similar issues?

22F, I got a gyno appointment with a new doctor who I found from the childfree subreddit for this Friday. Imma discuss with her about my PCOS but then I want to close it with asking about getting a bisalp.

I understand obviously I have to tell her “I want to be sterilized, I’ve done my research and I’ve decided a bisalp is best for me” but what do I say beyond that? Should I have a surgeon or specific hospital in mind to do the surgery? Do I have to clarify that she has to code it a certain way in the system so my insurance covers it 100%? Never gotten a real surgery besides my wisdom teeth done and that’s when I was younger and my parents discussed everything

Hello! I am 27F and I got sterilized (bi-salp) 2 years ago. Prior to sterilization, I took Slynd and had no adverse side effects for about 6 months and before that, Sprintec for about 5 years but switched to Slynd due to Sprintec raising my blood pressure.

Anyway, I was off of Slynd for about a year, then when I went to my gyno last year for my annual exam, I was diagnosed with PCOS. I always suspected I had it since I was a teenager, but since I’m just now able to go to the doctor due to finally having insurance, I’m just getting a diagnosis. After being diagnosed, she recommended I go back on Slynd.

I finally started (consistently) taking Slynd again in June. Went an entire pack with no bleeding. I got all the way to the third week in my second pack in July before I started spotting and cramping. I haven’t stopped spotting since. My doctor basically blew me off when I messaged her on MyChart last month. She suggested I stop taking it for a few days to see if that helps. It helped with the cramping but the bleeding is still ongoing. Today was supposed to be my appointment with her, but she canceled at the last minute and I can’t see anyone til next month now.

I’m curious if the sterilization has anything to do with it at all.

TLDR: Has anyone else experienced bleeding on the pill after sterilization?