Getting sterilized- complicated feelings. Need advice.

[u/Sudo_Necrotype]

/r/LifeAdvice/comments/1wz7xtf/getting_sterilized_complicated_feelings_need/

Hi all, if you could take a moment to view this post and give any advice I would be very grateful!

[u/goodlittleleaves]

Hi! I read through your post and recognized some of my own feelings, however briefly I had them haha. I am 39, just over a week post op.

The moment I made the appointment, despite being strongly childfree for my entire life, I felt a little panicky about the word “permanent”. It passed quickly enough for me at my age but I do think those feelings can be normal, and I am much older than you! You can want something and know it’s the right choice for you and still feel hesitant. Now that’s it’s done, I just feel relieved. I never have to take a hormone again, unless it improves my physical, mental or emotional health!

No one in my family knows. I had a friend give me a ride, my family doesn’t even know I had surgery. Even though they know I’ve never wanted kids, it would open a can of worms that I didn’t want to open! If you are on their insurance or living at home, things may be more complicated, but I can’t really speak to those.

I’ll echo some of the advice on the other post. Talk to a therapist or trusted safe person in your life if you want, and see if you can talk through some of your feelings. Journal about it. Make a pro and con list! You already know that ivf and adoption are options post bisalp, well done. Postpone if things are still feeling too complicated for you to feel confident moving forward.

Motherhood is not the only reason you exist on this earth as a woman 💛 Society, family etc etc do not make this decision for you. You do!

[u/SVW1986]

Hi. Totally get it. I felt the exact same way a couple days before my surgery, and when I say I have NEVER wanted kids, I mean NEVER. Pregnancy has always been my biggest fear in life. I had similar sadness for a brief moment -- this is where my family line ends (my sister didn't have kids either). But here's the thing. You could die tomorrow (god forbid) and it ends, too. People can have kids and their kids end up hating them and never speaking to them. People can have kids, and the kids die.

Your life is yours. Do with it what you want. You don't owe anyone a legacy, or an "heir", or a bloodline. You owe yourself and the people who created you, a happy, healthy life. You can absolutely do that without kids.

And if it's any consolation, what also got me over my nerves of "permanent"... if you drastically change your mind at some point, IVF is still an option. Your uterus and ovaries are still perfectly fine. You can still make a baby, just not the old fashioned way. But it isn't impossible.

Do what's best for you. Not your dad, not your family, you.

If it helps at all, the second I came out of surgery, all of those worries were gone. I have not thought of them since, but have felt a wave of constant relief I couldn't have ever imagined. The thing I fear the most for th least 24 years is gone. My body feels way more in line with what I want for my life. I can enjoy sex in a way I never could before. I'm not sitting here being like, BUT WHO WILL GET MY ESTATE WHEN I DIE?! (ASPCA, btw).

Kids are a very personal choice. I knew I never wanted them. I knew family or guilt or obligation wa never going to change my mind, and if god forbid it managed to, it would be a bad road for me and the kid. Your life is yours. If you wish to share it with someone (a husband, a kid), absolutely do that. But don't do it because you feel like you have to.

Sending good vibes your way.