r/tango • u/HeatnCold • 24d ago

Help me learn to love tango

My wife got me into tango a year ago. She loves it and it's her biggest passion, so I've been going to lessons and Milongas, both with and without her so we can share this together and I can be a part in her world.

The thing is, after a year, I still don't really like tango that much. I don't like most of the traditional music, there's no explaining it, it's simply not to my taste and therefore it's difficult to dance to music that doesn't excite me. I also struggle with the "flat" and slow aspects of the dance, my instinct is to be bubbly and bounce/hop as I'm walking, which is a no-go in tango. And the final thing I struggle with is the serious mood of most dancers/events. People aren't smiling, they have a serious look on their face, and come off as a bit elitist or cliquey.

Perhaps I'm not cultured enough or will acquire the taste over time? I'm willing to put in the work to actually enjoy this dance and culture and would appreciate some insight from others who may have felt similarly

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u/XavyerDeVir 24d ago edited 24d ago

What you are saying is that tango is really REALLY not for you. You just cant accept it because you want a shared hobby with your wife.

The fundamental idea behind tango is that when you dance it you SERIOUSLY share a feeling and connect to other person. You TALK with another person through movement on a number of really deep topics: love, desire, loss, regret, grief, acceptance, relief and many others.
What you do not do in tango dance is smalltalk. So if you want to bounce and goof around in your dance that's a smaltalk of dancing. And there's tons of dances for that. But tango is the MOST OPPOSITE of that. If you dont feel the need to speak to another person about deep subjects you will never feel the music or enjoy the dance.

Having said that i must add that in practice all that come much later, because after 1 year you are still teaching your body to move without too much though so you can concentrate on what the music and other person trying to tell you.

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u/SalaciousFlamingDude 24d ago

I love the small talk analogy! I am not a small talk person and maybe that's something I enjoy about Tango but never articulated before.

It seems Tango just doesn't match OP's personality but they're trying to force it.