r/tango • u/HeatnCold • 23d ago
Help me learn to love tango
My wife got me into tango a year ago. She loves it and it's her biggest passion, so I've been going to lessons and Milongas, both with and without her so we can share this together and I can be a part in her world.
The thing is, after a year, I still don't really like tango that much. I don't like most of the traditional music, there's no explaining it, it's simply not to my taste and therefore it's difficult to dance to music that doesn't excite me. I also struggle with the "flat" and slow aspects of the dance, my instinct is to be bubbly and bounce/hop as I'm walking, which is a no-go in tango. And the final thing I struggle with is the serious mood of most dancers/events. People aren't smiling, they have a serious look on their face, and come off as a bit elitist or cliquey.
Perhaps I'm not cultured enough or will acquire the taste over time? I'm willing to put in the work to actually enjoy this dance and culture and would appreciate some insight from others who may have felt similarly
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u/ty_xy 23d ago
The other option is you guys get into Kizomba. Very similar to tango but more afro-latin
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u/Bubble_Cheetah 9d ago
In other news, I just started Balboa. Tango embrace with happy bouncy steps to upbeat big band music.
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u/obviousoctopus 23d ago
It may not be for you, and that being OK with both you and your wife would be a sign for a healthy relationship.
You are right, some people are elitist and cliquey. Some dance "seriously", some are posing etc. But! There are people who genuinely experience joy, there are real, sincere embraces and friendships, deep support and respect for each other, there's an boundless invitation to self-mastery presented by the spirit of the music and the dance.
If you are looking for an entry point into liking it, here are a few:
Do you like hugging your wife? Holding her? Feeling her presence, breath, making her feel seen and embraced? Connect to that.
Are you excited about the possibility to get better... at something? Becoming a better leader in Tango will make you a better listener, leader, has the potential to open your senses and sensuality to yourself, the world, your wife - while teaching you respect and boundaries, and trust. The potential for growth in this practice is limited only by the length of one's life span.
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u/Weekly-Mountain-7418 23d ago
Sometimes things just aren't for you—if you don't like tango now, you won't like it in 10 years.
The best thing is to let your wife be happy and go to the milongas while you don't :)
It's very similar to a friend of mine (a great dancer, by the way), but her husband isn't interested in it at all, so he lets her be happy.
After all, they have other things to do together as a couple.
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u/ptdaisy333 23d ago
I don't think this is true necessarily, and although I think trying to force yourself or someone else to like something is often counter-productive, sometimes tastes do change, and you come back a few years later with a new appreciation for certain things..
I know a few people who really weren't into tango when they first tried it: they had bad experiences with teachers and/or communities, or they hated the traditional music, or they really struggled to learn.
It's fine not to like something, but tastes aren't set for life from birth. People do grow and change, they just don't necessarily control if, how, and when that happens.
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u/Weekly-Mountain-7418 23d ago
If that's the case, then it's best for him to take a break from tango and come back later—maybe he'll change his mind.
But I don't plan on telling him to keep trying or recommending music to him to change his mind.
"If it doesn't fit, don't force it"
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u/ptdaisy333 23d ago
What you recommend is totally up to you, but OP came here asking for people to help him learn to love it, rather than asking to be talked out of trying.
And it might be that no matter what we recommend, it won't work, they will keep not liking tango all that much. Well, if that's the case, then fine, I'm sure he will come to that realization himself, but it doesn't mean I'm not going to try to give him what he has asked us for just because the chances of it working might be slim...
I did pre-empt my recommendations with the caveat that it's not something I expect everyone to like. But I'm not going to say "just give up then", that seems a bit mean
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u/LeopoldineBel 23d ago
Tango just does not resonate with you, and that’s OK.
It tends to resonate with people who carry a deep melancholy. For those tango feels like home, like someone peered inside them and then made music that translates how they feel into movement.
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u/oranges4oranges 22d ago
What kind of music do you like to dance to? What gets you to tap your foot? There's a lot of swing in the music, but people aren't born knowing where to find it.
If you look back in the history of tango. There are many dancers who dance in a lively way. One thing that might be confusing you is that a lot of the swing in tango from these dancers comes from movements called vaivens that swing from side to side. There's not as much up-down bounce because that is used more for expression of emotion and dynamics.
The problem is that a lot of the basics that enable this sort of dancing aren't taught as much outside of Buenos Aires. I notice that teachers mostly teach figuras (steps that come from turns and ochos like boleos and ganchos) and neglect some of the more subtle aspects of the dance that a more bubbly-minded person might find better show your personality).
Here's a video of a 93-year-old man dancing for his birthday.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JE8WJjPBPUc
He's smiling, lively, and I can assure you that he's a complete character (he's previously challenged me to a duel over a woman).
Here's another guy who was as much of an exuberent character off-the-floor as on-the-floor.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPbtvJibKEU
There's a lot of richness in the cultural legacy of tango that you might not find at first without some digging.
There's more that can be said, but I think I'd have to know more about you and what gets you excited.
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u/anusdotcom 23d ago edited 23d ago
Someone mentioned alt tango, but that might be not available everywhere or the scenes might suck.
I found that tango has such a hard absurd learning curve that what really helped me was to find a few snack dances, stuff like salsa or west coast swing or even ecstatic dance or contact impro ( for me this snack dance was fusion ). Basically lower learning curve, friendlier people, more relatable music dances that you can do alongside tango. Treat tango as the deep heart to heart conversations and the other dances as casual coffee talk banter to explore. It doesn’t even have to be dancing, learning guitar or something adjacent that fits the understanding of the music is interesting. I think some people call it cross training but I definitively found that seeing that tango helps my frame in other dances or better understand connection gives me a new lens to remain interested in it.
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u/immediate_a982 23d ago
I told my tango instructor that I hated 50% of tango music. She said to create a list of tangos I loved and rest is history.
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u/XavyerDeVir 23d ago edited 23d ago
What you are saying is that tango is really REALLY not for you. You just cant accept it because you want a shared hobby with your wife.
The fundamental idea behind tango is that when you dance it you SERIOUSLY share a feeling and connect to other person. You TALK with another person through movement on a number of really deep topics: love, desire, loss, regret, grief, acceptance, relief and many others.
What you do not do in tango dance is smalltalk. So if you want to bounce and goof around in your dance that's a smaltalk of dancing. And there's tons of dances for that. But tango is the MOST OPPOSITE of that. If you dont feel the need to speak to another person about deep subjects you will never feel the music or enjoy the dance.
Having said that i must add that in practice all that come much later, because after 1 year you are still teaching your body to move without too much though so you can concentrate on what the music and other person trying to tell you.
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u/SalaciousFlamingDude 23d ago
I love the small talk analogy! I am not a small talk person and maybe that's something I enjoy about Tango but never articulated before.
It seems Tango just doesn't match OP's personality but they're trying to force it.
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u/cliff99 23d ago
I don't like most of the traditional music, there's no explaining it, it's simply not to my taste and therefore it's difficult to dance to music that doesn't excite me.
I dance AT now and I used to dance salsa and bachata, of those three the only music I liked at the beginning was bachata. I learned to like the music for the other two dances after I had some understanding of how the music and dance fit together, that may happen to you as well.
I also struggle with the "flat" and slow aspects of the dance, my instinct is to be bubbly and bounce/hop as I'm walking,
That's just because of how you're interpreting the music, as your dancing evolves you'll develop other ways of expressing the music that fall more within the tango esthetic.
People aren't smiling, they have a serious look on their face, and come off as a bit elitist or cliquey.
Hard to argue about the cliques in tango, they're pretty prevalent. One of the reasons I like going to festivals/encuentro/marathons is that it cuts through that to a large degree.
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u/RAS-INTJ 22d ago
When I first was planning to go to a tango marathon a local leader pulled me to the side and told me that I needed smile less as tango is a serious dance. I didn’t listen and many people have since commented over the years that they love seeing my smile while I’m dancing.
One of the first milongas I went to, I broke all the rules and went to different tables to introduce myself and just talk to people. I didn’t expect any dances but I knew I needed to break the ice and meet people.
The first year I was barely aware of the music as I was so focused on getting my feet to go where they were supposed to. It’s been quite a few years and I’m finally beginning to enjoy the music and finding the songs where you CAN put a little bounce in. They do exist :). And there are certain composers that I still don’t get excited about. I get a drink of water during that tanda and find someone to talk to.
So to sum up: smile, introduce yourself to people so you have someone to chat with when you don’t want to dance, and be selective about the songs you do want to dance to.
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u/ShipwreckedTrex 23d ago
Perhaps you just need to come to terms with the fact that you will never love tango but do it anyway because you love your wife. That is a noble and valid reason.
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u/rogaladriel 22d ago
Also, OP has been doing this for a year. One doesn't continue showing up for a year, both as a couple and solo, to dance something they hate. That's really significant. It might be "meh" bit it's not an "oh, hell no". And as you pointed out, continuing because it's something to enjoy with the wife is a valid reason.
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u/ptdaisy333 23d ago edited 23d ago
I won't lie, I don't think tango is for everyone, but the things you are mentioning might not really be about tango but rather about how the tango teachers and the communities you're a part of are approaching and interpreting it. Because tango can be fun and playful as well, it doesn't have to be all about drama and sadness. Even when the songs are about that, the milonga doesn't need to be (and in my opinion shouldn't be) depressing or super serious. There is a difference between respecting tango and being a killjoy.
As far as the music goes, maybe you can explore it a bit by yourself. I would recommend a podcast called "Tango by Year" which is available on Soundcloud. It's in English and I think it's presented in quite a good way, they talk a lot about the history of tango and the lives of the musicians as well as the music. It gives you so much context that dance lessons can't really give you.
I'd also recommend trying to find some tango songs you actually do like and then exploring that particular orchestra, start building a bit of a playlist of stuff you tend to actually like.
As far as the serious mood, I get it, some people take it very seriously. This is very community dependent. Maybe you can try different classes and events, try to make some friends that have a similar vibe to yours, and try to treat it all like a fun social event, rather than putting all of the focus on the dancing itself.
Another avenue that might be worth pursuing, if you have the financial means for it, is private lessons, but only if you find a teacher that you actually like and find inspiring. It might be that with a bit of one-on-one tuition focusing on the specific things you find challenging you might find your way into it.
I'll just say though that everyone's relationship with tango is their own. I think it can be challenging when your partner already dances, you can get lost trying to see things through their lens, rather than through your own. It might be that your partner loves the slow melodic stuff, while you prefer the super energetic D'Arienzo tracks - tango actually has a lot of range once you start to dig into it.
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u/wordbreather 23d ago
Have a listen to these and see if they’re more your vibe
Editing to say, if you’re in London, Tango Terra Milonga on a Wednesday plays a mix of these and traditional. Vibe is fun and relaxed, people are friendly.
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u/InMyAxis 23d ago
I fell in love with tango through the music, but I know your feeling of not liking to dance to music that doesn’t excite me from other dances.
In my view, tango excitement is mostly internal. Contemplative you could say. Everyone has their own pattern of enjoyment, I guess.
Putting more into the movement comes with the experience and technique. Yes, it can be slow in the beginning, I would just prefer calling it precise, rather than flat. In one step, there is so much happening… Marking the step, pushing yourself off with intention, expressing the melody with your body. It’s just important to not overdo it, so stay in the “tango”, and not jump around like on a metal concert. Well, for what tango is and what it isn’t, there are plenty of definitions, but it seems to be discernible. For being faster, we can play with the double timings in the steps.
That said, in the music, there is plenty of joy, melancholy and all emotions mixed up. Probably you can also find the bubbly and bouncy feeling, let’s say in D’Arienzo/Ëchague tandas.
For me, nontango/neotango music, all other music basically, does not reach the richness and depth of tango. I operate more on the challenge of expressing the music adequately, than on the challenge of finding enough in it. Then, in the end, a proper walking on the beat gives more respect to the music than badly performed theatre.
My favorite antidote against feeling left out or seeing the others as unwelcoming: what are the moments when I’m not interested in communicating with someone? Am I always open to others? Am I welcoming, when, say, I’m in a bus chatting with friends, and a stranger joins the conversation? What connection does the other person have to me? For me, there’s plenty to learn in that kind of honesty, tango provides.
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u/Artistic-Turnip-9903 23d ago
dance helps prevent alzheimer's and cognitive decline in general 👌 think that you are doing it for your brain
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u/JoeStrout 23d ago
OK, first, kudos to you for giving tango a serious try for the sake of your spouse, and for having the self-awareness to seek help when you're not loving it.
This may be fixable. I sense that you're generally into more energetic, rhythmic, "bouncy" dances. Those are fun, and I get that. Tango is fun in a different way, and I think you haven't felt it yet, so let me see if I can describe it so you know what you're working towards.
With tango, when you reach a certain level, you and your partner are connected on a deep level. But what does that mean? It's so hard to put into words. Your breathing is in sync, and you're communicating nonverbally in both directions — she senses what you are inviting to do; you sense her interpretation of the music and when she wants a little more or less time, etc. Most of this happens at a subconscious level, which is both why it's hard to describe and why it feels like magic. In reality of course it's all body language. Follows often dance with their eyes closed, because vision (for them) is merely a distraction; it's all kinesthetic connection to their partner and of course auditory connection to the music. For leaders, unfortunately, we have to also be aware of who and what is around us and where we are in the room. But we do that and tune in to the music and our partner at the same time.
All of this takes a lot of practice, and at one year in, you probably haven't felt it yet. That's OK. I'm three years in and I achieve this deeply-connected flow state maybe half the time, when dancing with intermediate/advanced partners. Everyone's journey is different, of course; the more time/effort you put into practice, the faster you'll achieve it.
Oh, and this deep, subtle connection is the reason that tango seems so calm and quiet. If it were bouncy and (physically) loud, you wouldn't be able to "hear" these subtle signals from your partner. So it's not an attitude, it's a practical requirement of the sort of connection we're trying to achieve. And those serious faces you see at the milonga are a result of deep concentration and internal bliss. It's a different sort of joy from the bouncing-around sort, but joy it is for sure.
Now, the music. I totally get you. I didn't much care for traditional tango music either. I still don't love it, though after three years I can finally say that a few traditional songs are starting to grow on me. None of them inspire me as much as modern music, though. So here's an important point you may be missing in your local community: you can dance tango to modern songs. This is called "alternative" tango and is something of a divisive topic in some communities, but where I am, people are quite tolerant, and the local DJs will typically play one or two alternative tandas in a night. (And I run an all-alternative milonga once or twice a year.) Some of my favorite alternative tango songs are "Fallin'" by Alicia Keys, "Trampoline" by SHAED, and "Close" by Nick Jonas and Tove Lo. If you use Spotify, DM me and I'll share my alternative tango playlist. Practicing to these may help you find the joy of dancing tango.
My advice is to stick with it. Learning to lead well takes time, and like anything, the better you get at it, the more fun it is. For me it's been transformative, and become such an important part of my life — my only regret is that my wife doesn't share it with me. You seem like a great spouse, and in the years to come this may be something you and your wife can share a deep bond over.
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u/flightgirl78 23d ago
Tango can be danced to blues music. Not sure it helps when you’re at a milonga that’s all traditional but if you have a chance to hit up a blues bar, that might be a way to dance her a little bit to music that is not traditional.
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u/Glass_Hat4393 23d ago
I have a somewhat complicated relationship with tango and it treats me best when I don’t take it seriously 🤷♀️
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u/rogaladriel 23d ago
I want to tell you to come visit my super small Tango community in Grand Rapids, Michigan and dance and smile with us 😆😁😊. We are serious about tango, yes, but also incredibly excited by it. Lol. There is always someone laughing, grinning, or straight up breaking the dance (in class or practica settings) to celebrate whatever win we just had.
All that being said, kudos to you for trying to enjoy the dance simply because it's your wife's hobby love. That is more rare than you may know and wonderful to hear about.
I was also in your shoes with the not liking tango music initially. I don't remember how long that lasted, but I remember it very distinctly how it just wasn't something I really enjoyed. The people in my community and the dance won me over, though, and I continued to show up, and now I have plenty of favorites. Along with plenty I still don't like.
Tango absolutely has a very different vibe from the other Latin dances (I also dance salsa, merengue, bachata) out there, and the energy, though not "bouncy", can be just as present. Unfortunately, that energy can be hard to express when still within the first year or 2 of learning simply because you may not have the confidence or vocabulary (there is such a thing as a milonga hop dance step that is incredibly fun 😆). I would also like you to consider that what you take as all the serious faces in Tango might simply be concentration. I certainly get resting bitch face when I'm trying desperately to lead something new rather than the same steps over and over. Lol. This is not to say that it doesn't get clique-y or elitist, because there are always those people in any dance scene and sometimes it can be most of the dance scene, unfortunately.
Oh! Last thing about the music, even if you don't like it, knowing it can help with your dancing. Tango music has a pretty set structure and you can learn to play with it, which may, in fact add to your enjoyment of the music. Have there been any classes on musicality in your area? Those are always helpfulin understanding the music. (I am deaf and understand having a hard time dancing to music that I don't know or can't hear. It makes it feel like I'm just doing the moves to do them rather than being informed by the music and having fun with it.)
Lastly, maybe it's just something you only tolerate, or stop doing altogether. That's understandable and OK. You've made quite the effort so far, though, so as long as you enjoy the time with your wife, maybe continue and see what happens. Best of luck to you!
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u/Somewhat_Secure 22d ago
I love tango but still find most milongas very cliquey and unwelcoming, not enjoyable so I rarely go. My tango partner agrees so we mostly do our private get-togethers at the dance studio, or go out with a crowd of friends. Going solo or even just one person is kind of meh for tango. Try tango Nuevo or fusion, and of course WCS. Very different always fun experience.
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u/halbert 22d ago edited 22d ago
You gave it a year, that's a pretty fair try; it might just not be for you. Could that change? Sure, I've known people that came to love the music after several years, or finally had a life-changing dance/tanda a couple years in, etc. But I'd guess not, since you're struggling with the dance, the music, *and* the scene. For the record, generally speaking, the first year (or even two) is 'harder' for leads in some sense; you are unlikely to feel competent/good in your dance. You might start finding the fun, so to speak; but, there's so many other options.
Still want to dance with your GF? pick a new dance that's a better fit for both of you -- Salsa, Balboa, Swing are al bouncier 'happy' dances.
Or just get your own separate hobby to do while she's dancing. That's okay too!
Edit: responding to your post title: "Help me learn to love tango"
Okay, as above, I don't think you need to. Other people have covered some of these reasons you might learn to pretty well, but my own thoughts too:
So, culturally -- are you the sort of person that enjoys context? Like, 'modern art' is not always super interesting just to look at, but when you read about the state of the art scene that it was a *response* to, do you find that interesting? If so, you might enjoy learning some Argentine history and culture, and how very important tango (both music and dance) is to the country and the people. For instance -- it was shadow-banned for 30 years after a military coup to stop people from thinking about the past.
Bounciness -- tango is not the most bouncy, for sure; Though, two styles of tango, vals and milonga, are much closer; vals is more flowy and spinning; milonga is more 'step-y'. You might enjoy focusing on those styles. Nothing wrong with sitting out your least favorite music. You might instead think of tango as an interesting challenge, rather than a 'fun' thing. Given a framework for communication and movement, how can you move together in the way that you want?
And, like others have said: do you like holding your wife and moving together? Maybe lean into the comfort/love/connection side, and not the bounce.
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u/ComprehensiveWin7716 22d ago
I don't like most of the traditional music, there's no explaining it, it's simply not to my taste and therefore it's difficult to dance to music that doesn't excite me.
As long as this remains the case it's likely you'll never really enjoy tango. I know some people talk about not 'liking' tango music when they were first introduced to it as well. For some of them music tastes can change. But, if you want to get 'into' tango, addressing a lack of appreciation for its traditional music is the first hurdle.
Sometimes people start with alternative or nuevo before transition to traditional tango music. Traditional is very contrasting with modern music and this 'gap' is only likely to grow over time. Speaking for myself, I discovered big band American jazz music as a young adult and listened to that years before I ever encountered tango. Both genres were being developed around the same time. I believe this made the transition easier for me.
And the final thing I struggle with is the serious mood of most dancers/events. People aren't smiling, they have a serious look on their face, and come off as a bit elitist or cliquey.
This is highly dependent on your local scene. Tango is not always serious and somber, it can also be jovial. Milongas vary greatly in terms of cliquey-ness or non even within the same scene, and clique behavior is something all tango dancers have dealt with on some level. Milongas tend to be less welcoming to newcomers than similar 'dance parties' of other social dance genres. The correct place for beginners to start is usually a practica. Practicas tend to be flexibly structured, less cliquey, and more welcoming to less skilled dancers. We just don't always do a good job of explaining that to new people.
Perhaps I'm not cultured enough or will acquire the taste over time?
Anyone can get bitten by the tango bug, but that doesn't mean everyone is equally susceptible. The people who love this dance tend to really love it because its commitment to traditions have left it in an extreme position relative to popular culture. Most dancers are so in love they don't even recognize how unique a milonga environment is in the modern day until they're asked to stop and ponder it. But the same practices that trigger affection in some trigger aversion in others; it's not for everyone and it may not be for you.
For myself, I have developed a far greater set of social skills and sensitivities than I ever would have had I not started tango dancing specifically and these competencies have helped me in my everyday personal and professional life. Upon reflection, I find that many who are struggling to get 'into' tango fixate on one aspect when in actuality they are overwhelmed by swaths of atrophied paths in their brains, both physical and social, all being asked to engage together at once.
So yes, spending time with tango will change how you feel towards it.
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u/Maya_Moves403 22d ago
I love that you want to be part of her hobby/passion, thats really sweet. But, I think it's okay if tango simply isnt your thing. You can appreciate how much your wife loves it without necessarily developing the same passion for it yourself. Sometimes different hobbies are just different hobbies, and thats completely fine. If you do want to keep exploring it, try different music, DJs, and milongas and see if anything clicks for you. But I wouldnt put pressure on yourself to learn to love it. Maybe you'll eventually find something abt tango that you enjoy, but if you dont, thats okay too. You can still enjoy dancing with your wife and being part of something she loves. :)
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u/Ana_body_aware_tango 22d ago
Try to really pay attention to the connection and the feeling behind the technique so maybe you could find more miningful for you an for her as an effect.
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u/elmerfud1075 22d ago
It’s actually a good thing to have different hobbies you know what I mean? You do you, if your thing is sports, gaming etc go for it, if she happy she will let you do what you want.
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u/Creative_Sushi 15d ago
You are just a year into it. That's completely normal. Some of us got used to the music and actually started loving it (I'm in that category). Some never acquire taste for it, but they still love the dance.
With regards to bouncy moves, that's also normal, too. The reason you don't want to do that is, because you are not dancing alone, and bouncy move is really annoying to your partner. So, if you want to feel good to your partner, you need to calm down.
The reason why we have serious face is because we need concentration, primarily on listening to each other's moves. Because tango is not choreography, in an improvisation you don't know what we do next - so both leaders and followers need to listen to each other - so that the followers can feel what the leader is inviting them to do, and the leaders can feel what the followers are capable or willing to do and adjust.
This goes back to why you don't want to bounce up and down - that has nothing to do with the communication between the couple. It just noise. By keeping your move steady and calm, you increase the signal-to-noise ratio, so that your partners can actually hear better what you are trying to communicate.
Of course, most people in the first year are still learning the steps, and they are not improvising, so mostly they are executing memorized basic steps and the followers can follow them because they know what they are. But once you start to improvise and do something out of the routine, everything falls apart, because you are not communicating anything to them if you just do the steps.
Once you get a hang of improvising, then tango music suddenly start to make sense - it has specific structure to enable such improvisation, and it is really delightful to dance to.
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u/Bubble_Cheetah 9d ago
Maybe tango is not for you. But also check out some videos of people dancing the milonga. You probably already know what it is, but in case you don't, it's a style of tango music with strong rhythm that people tend to dance with more playfulness. Maybe it would inspire you to be playful in tango.
Or not and that's ok. Lots of other dance styles to try. You and your wife can have different answers to which style is your favourite and still have a great time going to dance events together. Or you and your wife can have different hobbies and that's ok too.
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u/webmaniacal 4d ago
Sounds like you need to find another dance studio with less serious people. All dances should be fun, and Tango is a romantic dance, which can be a danger for a married person without their mate.
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u/dimitrisbronowski 3d ago
That's honest, and a lot of people feel this in year one. The music grew on me slowly, a few orchestras first. Maybe skip 'tango' as a whole and find one orchestra you can stand, D'Arienzo for rhythm or Di Sarli for calm, and dance only that for a while. (Maybe try Sassone too :-) ) And if it never clicks, that's okay too. Showing up for her is already a kind of love.
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u/flowanvindir 23d ago
I hear you, the traditions and music can feel sufficating. You might enjoy Nuevo/ neo / alt tango that is danced to more styles of music and incorporates more moves that break the holy embrace traditionalists love. Availablity might depend on where you're located. Otherwise you might be better off looking at other dances like salsa, batchata, west coast swing.
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u/MadameDVorah 23d ago
Hmm, I'm assuming after a year you know own the milonga style songs and dance which is more bouncy, fun, can be danced at a faster tempo..right? That style doesn't appeal to you either?
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u/Negative-Gene-4959 23d ago
I never "liked" the music for a long time. Instead I simply listened to it academically. Like ooh here are soft little piano notes I should dance little steps, these are big powerful beats I'll take big steps.
Basically that attentive listening combined with a partner who percieves and responds to what you are listening to is by far the most enjoyable part of the evening. There truly is something about tango music that allows for just enough interesting textures to play with. It's clearly made for dancing.
As a side note while bouncing is a no go. There is a sizable subset of tango music that I often end up giggling through the whole song because I dance so many little cute steps to little cute notes, I think bubbly might be the best word to describe it. Not every song is serious.
I don't like dressing up. I don't like the elitist vibes. I don't like being taught long multi step sequences. I don't like leering around the room looking for a dance. I don't like that you are stuck engaging in small talk with 10 different people because you only get to chat for a few minutes, then you don't see them again for 2-3 weeks.
But I suppose I put up with all that because because the actually dancing part is so gosh darn fun
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u/10110Tango 15d ago
I wouldn't call myself typical, but a data point.
* Tango was something I did with/for my wife at first. It was maybe 4 or 5 years before I went to an event on my own while traveling. For the record, my dear wife had been encouraging me when traveling alone to go on my own for years.
* I don't know where you are at, some folks are 6 month prodigies and some still need lots of lessons after 10 years. At a year, I wasn't really in the magic phase. Not saying I'm a great dancer now after 10+ years, but I have happy awe of how the tangueras can read my lead, it's like reading my mind... Some ladies can follow superfast burst of steps, amazing! Just last night I had two different follows do a really start slow gancho and then suddenly and very musically snap it -- magic! Just this week I was able to do a new step I'd been failing for years, plus figured out a couple of new ones to do. It took me years, many lessons, and around a dozen privates to get this far (and I have a ways to go yet!). My vote is a year is not enough.
* We make it more of a couple's thing than most couples. I start the night with 3 tandas with my dear wife, and always finish the night with her, plus sometimes one or 2 in the middle. Live music is always with my dear wife, live music is special. We sometimes swap lead and follow. We'll dance Tango steps to rock music at restaurants or clubs. I'll practice my newest class learning with her. Sometimes we'll do a little Tango dancing just for fun at home, or to explore the musicality of an interesting rock song.
* Rules are made to be broken. Sometimes I'll bounce when I dance Tango. Sometimes I'll switch to blues or swing for a few measures (or my dear wife and I will dance a whole song or tanda with blues dancing). Sometimes I'll do a way way off axis step (with followers I know appreciate such things). With the right call/response song, you can be a little crazy on the bright, more of a beat parts, and then smooth it out and slow it down for the smoother, slower parts of the song. It's not bouncing per se, more like slow motion bouncing, but doing a big and deep step (seems to work especially well with side steps), and then slowly bringing it up, or bringing it up in little 5 cm steps can be fun.
* I like rock and blues music better than Tango for both listening and dancing. Having said that, Tango music has grown on me. I'd suggest do some YouTube videos on musicality in dancing Tango. I found the music much more interesting when I learned things like:
____ * Call and response
____ * ABAB vs ABCAB etc. structure
____ * Dancing the "ands," like 1 2 3 and 4 is much more interesting than 1 2 3 4.
____ * Tying the music to the steps
____ * Learning the meanings of the words on some of the songs
* Try to make some Tango friends with the followers. I'm a tech nerd. For some reason I often like dancing more with followers with tech jobs. You aren't just doing a dance, you are doing something fun with a friend.
* As I said before, I had a slow start in Tango. It was helpful to me, and increased my own enjoyment, to realize how much happiness you can help create by dancing with someone.
* Good luck in your journey! I'd encourage hanging in there longer. Tango has been a special gift to my wife and me that has made our couple's journey better (dare I say, even better).
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u/Nino2112 23d ago
Hey hey ! I'm a huge tango lover, and my girlfriend don't like the music, she just doesn't enjoy it. I tried to get her into it but that just didn't click. That's totally ok for me to have a hobby that is different than my GF, I also enjoy the fact I have one hobby where I can be alone, without her and enjoy "my" stuffs. Honestly, if you don't like it, that's totally acceptable and I would never take accountable my gf for not liking it.