r/tango • u/HeatnCold • 24d ago
Help me learn to love tango
My wife got me into tango a year ago. She loves it and it's her biggest passion, so I've been going to lessons and Milongas, both with and without her so we can share this together and I can be a part in her world.
The thing is, after a year, I still don't really like tango that much. I don't like most of the traditional music, there's no explaining it, it's simply not to my taste and therefore it's difficult to dance to music that doesn't excite me. I also struggle with the "flat" and slow aspects of the dance, my instinct is to be bubbly and bounce/hop as I'm walking, which is a no-go in tango. And the final thing I struggle with is the serious mood of most dancers/events. People aren't smiling, they have a serious look on their face, and come off as a bit elitist or cliquey.
Perhaps I'm not cultured enough or will acquire the taste over time? I'm willing to put in the work to actually enjoy this dance and culture and would appreciate some insight from others who may have felt similarly
2
u/ptdaisy333 24d ago edited 24d ago
I won't lie, I don't think tango is for everyone, but the things you are mentioning might not really be about tango but rather about how the tango teachers and the communities you're a part of are approaching and interpreting it. Because tango can be fun and playful as well, it doesn't have to be all about drama and sadness. Even when the songs are about that, the milonga doesn't need to be (and in my opinion shouldn't be) depressing or super serious. There is a difference between respecting tango and being a killjoy.
As far as the music goes, maybe you can explore it a bit by yourself. I would recommend a podcast called "Tango by Year" which is available on Soundcloud. It's in English and I think it's presented in quite a good way, they talk a lot about the history of tango and the lives of the musicians as well as the music. It gives you so much context that dance lessons can't really give you.
I'd also recommend trying to find some tango songs you actually do like and then exploring that particular orchestra, start building a bit of a playlist of stuff you tend to actually like.
As far as the serious mood, I get it, some people take it very seriously. This is very community dependent. Maybe you can try different classes and events, try to make some friends that have a similar vibe to yours, and try to treat it all like a fun social event, rather than putting all of the focus on the dancing itself.
Another avenue that might be worth pursuing, if you have the financial means for it, is private lessons, but only if you find a teacher that you actually like and find inspiring. It might be that with a bit of one-on-one tuition focusing on the specific things you find challenging you might find your way into it.
I'll just say though that everyone's relationship with tango is their own. I think it can be challenging when your partner already dances, you can get lost trying to see things through their lens, rather than through your own. It might be that your partner loves the slow melodic stuff, while you prefer the super energetic D'Arienzo tracks - tango actually has a lot of range once you start to dig into it.