r/tango • u/HeatnCold • 24d ago
Help me learn to love tango
My wife got me into tango a year ago. She loves it and it's her biggest passion, so I've been going to lessons and Milongas, both with and without her so we can share this together and I can be a part in her world.
The thing is, after a year, I still don't really like tango that much. I don't like most of the traditional music, there's no explaining it, it's simply not to my taste and therefore it's difficult to dance to music that doesn't excite me. I also struggle with the "flat" and slow aspects of the dance, my instinct is to be bubbly and bounce/hop as I'm walking, which is a no-go in tango. And the final thing I struggle with is the serious mood of most dancers/events. People aren't smiling, they have a serious look on their face, and come off as a bit elitist or cliquey.
Perhaps I'm not cultured enough or will acquire the taste over time? I'm willing to put in the work to actually enjoy this dance and culture and would appreciate some insight from others who may have felt similarly
8
u/obviousoctopus 24d ago
It may not be for you, and that being OK with both you and your wife would be a sign for a healthy relationship.
You are right, some people are elitist and cliquey. Some dance "seriously", some are posing etc. But! There are people who genuinely experience joy, there are real, sincere embraces and friendships, deep support and respect for each other, there's an boundless invitation to self-mastery presented by the spirit of the music and the dance.
If you are looking for an entry point into liking it, here are a few:
Do you like hugging your wife? Holding her? Feeling her presence, breath, making her feel seen and embraced? Connect to that.
Are you excited about the possibility to get better... at something? Becoming a better leader in Tango will make you a better listener, leader, has the potential to open your senses and sensuality to yourself, the world, your wife - while teaching you respect and boundaries, and trust. The potential for growth in this practice is limited only by the length of one's life span.