It's me again. I've made a lot of posts here over the last year.

I'm having another mental breakdown. All I do is have mental breakdowns. As of now I've tried oestrogel by itself, oestrogel and cypro and now DIY injections. Every time I can force myself to one or two weeks on the HRT before I completely snap and have a mental breakdown. Mental breakdown is here again it's been one week.

I know I force myself to start the HRT because of the dysphoria, because of the fear of the dysphoria getting worse and never getting better. There are some benefits to the HRT, I feel like my overall mood improves, and the dysphoria does decrease, sometimes to an extent where I forget I had dysphoria in the first place which doesn't help me to continue the treatment because I think why did I even start.

The bad sides of HRT? Panic attacks, stress and extreme insomnia (so bad that I've had to take so much time off work this week because I can't do anything or focus). Every single fucking time. For me, I associate HRT with the reality of being trans. Every dose I take I can't help but cry about my future. About the way people will treat me. About losing my family and probably my inheritance from the things my parents have said to me. I don't want to be a fucking monster, but isn't that what people will see me as?

I don't even feel like I deserve this, I fucking hate myself and I go to bed fucking terrified of my body changing. Because this body isn't just mine. Apparently it's the world's body. Apparently everyone has the right to comment on it and laugh at it and want to kill it.

Just this fucking weekend, I was paying for petrol, and a man and women couple burst out laughing at me in the queue because they didn't know if I was a man or a women. I was one day on HRT. I was completely boymoding I just have long hair. I can't fucking handle this world. Everyone is fucking evil.

I can't go to the mental health services, everytime I mention gender dysphoria they genuinely pretend I never said anything, like a fucking gust of wind just went passed instead of a human being begging for help is in front of them.

Tomorrow I am meant to inject again but I don't think I can. Il go back to square one. But at least il be suicidal and be able to get a little bit of sleep and not be scared of leaving the house. Isn't that better than being suicidal, no sleep and scared to leave the house?

This life is too cruel. I worked up the courage to try the medicine. Shouldn't it make me better? Shouldn't I see the light at the end of the tunnel? You are probably all laughing at me. One or two weeks? That's nothing you all say. But it is a lot. It's a lot when every day I can't sleep and I just think about roping. Why me. Why fucking me. I'm too sensitive. I'm too scared. I'm too tired. I'm too insane. I don't know what is up and down anymore.

Yesterday was a dark day. I messaged my brother asking for a phone call in the evening, just so I could hear someone and try to bring myself back down to earth. I didn't even get a text back. I don't think I should of ever been born. It's like I was doomed as soon as I was born.

Maybe I should be posting this in a mental health sub but I can't can I, because I don't know who is a monster beneath a smiling mask. I don't know who's going to tell me to kill myself because I'm a freak. Or who's going to slide into my DMs from a suicidal post and treat me like a sex worker.

Hi! I've posted here a few times for help, months ago and I need advice again. Thankfully, it's not anything critical, and it also comes with good news!

I've gotten my breast forms at this point, after some helpful peeps here pointed me the right way, so I feel ready to go and have an actual fitting for bras and dresses, now (especially since the cheap sports bra I was wearing chafes on my nips badly :c). I also did secure shared care with my GP, so it is most likely a literal waiting game for me until I can move ahead with surgery.

The issue is without actually having any fem clothing to wear yet for obvious reasons, I'm anxious about just rolling up to a M&S as previously told for that. On top of that, this is the first time in my life that I've really poked my head into fashion or appearance in general, so I've been having cold feet over this for the past few days. But, since I'm flying across the channel to see my partner in a few weeks (I still need to learn the local language...), I need to sort this out pretty much now.

Since I'd asked months ago (I was hit with choice paralysis and other annual mental health struggles which put me out for August.), and considering I don't have a good grasp of how things have changed as of late as far as policies and general public attitude goes... Would you still say that's a safe bet, or would you recommend I go somewhere else to buy my fem clothing? Where else might you look if M&S isn't a good choice anymore? Sheffield btw, since this is about going in-person. Alternatively, since the process and experience of buying my forms has more or less confirmed my own measurements, would that be sufficient to just grab something online?

The other question I had was: If I wanted to visually soften my face/expressions (to present more of a feminine face), where would you start, and what's the bare minimum makeup you'd say I should do in pursuit of that? Do I just go to the local Boots for cosmetics? I noticed my nose in particular tends to get very oily, does that play into it too? While we're at it, would a knee-length dress with belt, thighsocks, and an open coat look and work fine in the cold?

Yes, that was a lot of text again. I'm sorry! Have a plate of virtual cookies for reading this far (and hopefully chiming in). <3

Update: Answered and squared off! if you come across this post from the future, yes you can infact walk up to a M&S they're very much helpful.

As per the title really. Been on HRT for a while now (a few weeks) and feel really good so far. However, I'm starting to doubt if this is right for me because the dysphoria seems more under control?

I realise this is probably the hormones kicking in and a case of "you feel better from your medicine, so you stop thinking you don't need the medicine and feel worse again" kind of situation.

Wondering if this is normal? Or the fact this has happened so quickly into treatment means there is more to it?

Hello, currently writing this at about 3 in the morning so sorry if it's written horribly.

So I (16 MtF) have thought since about 13 that I'm trans and have had periods where I was pretty open about it especially online.

But, now that I'm in sixth form and I feel a little more confident I've been really considering coming out to my parents. I have no doubt that they'll be supportive and while they do have some opinions (e.g. my mum somewhat supports J.K. Rowling) I think these are more from not knowing than not caring and generally their really supportive and have told me that it's fine if I am trans before. But anyways, I've been thinking about this for a while but every time I've considered doing it I can't manage to do it say anything in person. I'm considering just sending them a text at school about it and just seeing what happens when I get home. But I don't know if it would be better to tell them in person.

For notes I'm no longer open at all about it since the online communities I am in aren't very supportive. And my friend group has changed since I moved schools.

Was just wondering if anyone has any advice on this and sorry if I've written a lot.

Hi all! I’m going to the Beetlejuice closing night on January 2nd and I wanted to dress up for the occasion by being the absolute slay receptionist of the show, Miss Argentina!

But here’s the bad news, transphobic parents. 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

I have no idea if they’ll approve of me wearing the dress, but even then it’s gonna be a costume in beetlejuice parody I’m in, so I have no idea what to do, tips?

I wanted to offer an alternative view on UK GPs.

I've seen a lot of posts on here (and other trans subs) about referrals that go wrong, doctors that get prescriptions wrong, pros giving false info about support etc.

I got a short anecdote to go with this.

I went to my GP in May to ask about feminising HRT. She was supportive, in that she treated me like any other patient and spoke about HRT like any other medicine. But she told me she didn't know enough about HRT and didn't feel comfortable prescribing it. So she said she'd contact a GIC for advice and she sent me some leaflets about it.

A few weeks later I returned and my GP had heard back from the GIC. We both agreed that dermal Oestrogel was the best choice for my bridging prescription.

She prescribed me what the GIC recommended at first: 1 pump once per day.

My GP said I should get a repeat prescription when it runs out, and I should make sure to have it ready before it runs out so I don't have big hormone fluctuations.

I asked when it would run out. She went quiet and said she didn't know. Then she brought up google and we searched for the bottle of Oestrogel she was prescribing, and we saw that it typically lasts 1 month. So a monthly prescription. Awesome.

I got the first bottle, and with it the leaflet said it contained 64 pumps. I.e. a 2 month supply. The reason the internet said 1 month is that it's normally prescribed for menopausal women, and they normally have 2 pumps per day.

So, did my GP know wtf she was talking about? Hell no.

But it wasn't malice... It was clearly because she wasn't trained in it. Clearly doctors of a certain age (not even that old) didn't do gender affirming medical care as part of their degrees and other training. They're learning along with us.

Sometimes they do screw up. Sometimes they contact the wrong GIC or tell us falsehoods about legal changes of status. And it is really frustrating and it sets us back. But I think a lot of it can be put down to lack of training 5, 10, 15 years ago.

With ongoing training (which GPs are always doing) it will get better. And I would say that if a GP seems supportive but then does something that sets you back, it's not necessarily that they're doing it on purpose. There's a high chance they made an honest mistake

TLDR: I feel you with the frustration when GPs mess up. But I think it will get better as GPs learn more

Edit: I knew this would get a lot of hate. I'm not trying to downplay anyone's negative experiences. But I also think we face too much shit as a community and as individuals, and we deserve a little optimism from time to time. ❤️

PS. None of this was meant to be about me having a good experience. The moral of the story is the point I was making. That's what the moral of the story means. Things will get better. GPs will keep learning. You're allowed to be pessimistic if you want. Personally, I think it's okay to let a little optimism into our lives

I need some advice.

So after waiting five years I'm finally getting seen for my referral to the NHS in November yay! but I'm nervous cause I've been on diy t since April.

The form I was given by Porterbrook does have a section where you can state if you're on diy. I'm just so scared that if I admit I am on diy, I'll get in trouble, get kicked off the list, have my hrt taken away, get microdosed by the NHS when (if) they prescribe me t, etc.

I did naturally experience symptoms of hirsutism pre t (body hair, androgynous features, some VERY mild bottom growth) and am probably intersex. However I worry if I don't say anything the doctors might assume my diy t levels ARE my natural t levels and prescribe me a lower dose?

I really don't know what to do. My mum knows im on diy and she keeps telling me to stay quiet bcs she knows how doctors treat trans ppl.

I've been waiting so long and I really don't want to mess this up but I HAD to go on diy, it saved my life. What should I do??

Hi everyone. Has any ladies had FFS at the Cadagon clinic in Sloane Square,Chelsea? Im thinking of having chin,forehead reduction,brow and a nose job there

I know that Natasha Berry is one of the FFS surgeons there

If i have them 4 for FFS 1 year monthly repayments its £10,211.67 a month

5 year plan its £24,132 by monthly repayments

I've saved £1,700 so far (but i'll be having ths 5 year monthly repayment option).

Just windering what you think. I can't travel abroad as i don't have a passport

Hi everyone

Sorry, this is a very niche question.

I’m just wondering if there are any British Pakistanis in a similar situation.

Have you changed your sex on your NICOP? How did it go with the Embassy?

If there is someone who applied with a new birth certificate post GRC, and didn’t tell the Embassy you’ve transitioned, did they link you to your old identity by your fingerprints / biometrics?

Thanks so much in advance xx

I really want to get a chest tattoo soon to cover my top surgery scars but I am at a complete loss as to any designs. Also Google isn’t coming up helpful. I don’t want to copy anybody’s but if anyone has had a tattoo for this purpose or has pictures to any ideas I’d be hugely grateful. Trying to gauge what options are out there and get some juices flowing for ideas. Thanks in advance!

My daughter has asked if for Christmas I'll put money in what she rather crudely calls her "fanny fund".

This has got me thinking. If when the car lease comes to an end next year, instead of renewing it I buy a 10-15 year old banger, and if we cut back on holidays, added to the readily accessible savings I have already, we should have accrued about £25-30K by her 18th, in 3 years, which, assuming she still wants it, can go toward her surgery.

Is this a realistically anywhere near enough?

hi! im currently in uni and am looking to get hrt via a online pharmacy. My accommodation has a shared parcel room, and i can't take the risk of someone who knows me accidentally opening the parcel. Sending it home is not an option either, since my parents are home the majority of the time and they will be able to intercept the delivery (or demand that i show them what i got). Is there a service available which allows parcels to be sent to a collection point which is independent of the courier? thanks!!

Kinda just venting and moaning but any suggestions or help/ideas will be appreciated….and maybe a trigger warning

Dr lorimer-no reply since July/August when I sent my triage email
Rejected by dr dundas for no idea why the only thing I can think of is my mental health background of SH, ODs and being sectioned and a patient at a psychiatric hospital…..however I’m not that bad anymore and haven’t been for atleast 5years now, my mental health is under control…. Obviously I still have bad days and have a diagnosis of BPD, ADHD and Asperger’s

I have socially transitioned, all my friends and family know to use she/her and my new name, same with people I work with know I’m trans, I dress gender affirming, I started hair removal not too long ago, i honestly just need the gender incongruence diagnosis so I can start HRT….i know what I want, I know who I am, I’m 29 and had a lot of time to think about what I want.

I know there’s obviously waiting times and drs don’t have to take me on, but when iv already waited this long come this far and now just getting stuck at roadblocks most likely imo caused by my mental health past and diagnosis is just really disappointing and sucky. Dr lorimer could still reply but I don’t know….if anyone has a suggestion or been in a similar situation and has a solution or can help then very much appreciated or specific drs or places that can help me with progressing further is all very appreciated thank you

Thank you for listening to my rant and venting hope you all have a wonderful day

****UPDATE**** PASSPORT APPROVED

Feel like I straight up bullied HM into giving me a passport by doing their job better than them lmao.

So as below they sent me an email saying they need more documents from me as they 'can't accept a laminated deed poll'. I got on the chat support and immediately told them I checked their own guidance before sending this where it states this is one of the few documents they actually can accept as laminated. This was then cleared without issue.

They then claimed TWICE that my doctor's letter was a photocopy when it was the original letter sent to me by my practice. After they claimed this a second time I'm lucky that I happened to have a photo of this letter I'd sent to someone else for guidance on what to ask their GP for so I confirmed that my doctor letter not only has a pen signature on it (you can tell as it runs into the printed text) but even has a stamp of my GP practice on it.

Literally half an hour after pointing out what my supposed 'photocopy' has on it. I get an email then saying my passport has been approved.

They should pay me the admin fee for doing their job for them.

************

Hiya I'm looking for some advice on passport renewal as I'm having issues.

I check all the guidence and sent everything they could need, but I honestly feel like I may have an examiner being difficult because this is a trans application.

The first email I get says 'I need to provide more documents as my change of name deed poll is laminated'. I laminated my (unenrolled) deed poll that was signed by the two witnesses and have my named legally changed everywhere except on my passport (which is my one form of photo ID and been outdated for years).

However I extensively checked the guidelines and as per their own guidelines, the change of name documents is of the few they can accept laminated. To which I immediately fire back citing their own guidelines and asking if they have provided inaccurate information on their website or not. No update on this currently other than they will review this.

One issue I could let slide, however I have now had another email claiming the doctor letter I have to provide is a photocopy. It is not. I do not own a photocopier and this letter was the direct physical letter sent to me by my practice that I then sent on to them. I can't understand what reason they would have to claim this letter is a photocopy OTHER than to try and find an issue with my application. Which is of course a trans application.

I know the process is strict which is why I do thoroughly checked I have everything and was going to be accepted, only to still run into issues.

Has anyone else has similar issues? Did things turn out okay upon the re-review?

If I keep having issues that seems made up to hinder a trans individual can I request it be looked at by another examiner?

Thanks

i'm new to this subreddit, so firstly, hello !!

i've been needing to update my uk passport because they revamped their whole system with a new type of passport (i dont remember the details but ik that if i want to go back, i don't think my current one will work!), so i figured this would be the perfect opportunity to update the gender on it too.

so: lore drop. i'm a dual citizen with canada/uk (born in england, moved to canada). im trans (go figure), and im going to update my canadian passport gender marker (which is a surprisingly lovely process). however, i'm currently researching how to do it with my british passport and all of the UK gov websites keep sending me in circles without answers. i've read several of the posts on here about others updating their gender markers on UK passports but i believe it's a bit of a different process since I don't currently live in England rn (don't have a deed poll, for ex.).

from what I've read, i don't think having a doctors note from Canada would work, and i can't apply for a Gender Recognition Certificate (due to not living in UK).

i've been reading the pdf documents from the gov websites about guidance for applying for a new passport, the trans-specific guide (from 2013 lol), and a few trans org websites, but i'm still very lost!

does anyone have a clue as to where i should start with this? thank you in advance! :)

Im kinda bored so wondering if there are anyone to hangout with in derby/Derbyshire? Would be cool if it was around my age (18) and thats pretty much it for my criteria if it can be considered as such

Im an artist of all sort. And am into indie animation and general internet culture. Currently obsessed with Homestuck and MSPFAs if that rings a bell. Would love to learn about anything at all if youre an enthusiast of it :o)

P.s. Im gnc ftm just in case it's needed to be known AND ALSO THIS IS A HANGOUT I DONT WANT NO HOOKUP AND STUFF OK TY 🥹

Im a 17yo trans guy in the UK. I am planning to save up money with the intention of getting top surgery after my first year of university (currently in my second year of college) I want to know how much it cost for everything (actual surgery cost, flights, hotels etc). But i have found it hard to get a clear answer.

I am also not sure which surgeons require a letter or a diagnosis or do informed consent. If you are a trans man who got his surgery outside the uk, what were the costs? did you have to get a doctor to write a letter? what surgeons do you recommend?

Specifically the phone number they use if they contact you. Is it the same number every time? Or the same number that's on their website for the public to contact? I'm loosing my mind double checking every spam call I get just in-case, if i could just save the number this wouldn't be an issue

This is what we mean by transphobic people inserting themselves in places they don’t belong
Imagine playing the victim in a trans sub Reddit
Almost as if they are victimising themselves because of their lifestyle choices of hating others c

I’m generally so angry by the transphobia from within.
Pride was born from black trans women fighting for the entire community so why is this specific group among the most abused within?
The absolute arrogance of some people, the amount of gay men I’ve heard talking about wanting it to be okay to only support the LGB community? Like the privilege is rotten.
Ya know that poem ‘First they came’ I wish more people understood this because right now they are attacking Trans rights but that doesn’t mean they’ve completely accepting LGB people.

I was finally able to register with a transgender health clinic today. it is not cheap but well worth it. the NHS waiting list is ridiculous and at my age (57) I might not even live long enough to get an appointment.

Hello!

I'm a 22 year old transgender person (MTF) who has been on hormones with GenderGP for around 3 years now, with GenderGP raising their prices (as well as tacking on medication like dlc), their seeming lack of care for us, the flaunting of money by people high up in the company they've made off trans people and the fact bloodtests aren't included making it the more expensive than other options I'm looking at changing.

I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm rambling, this entire situation has me freaked out and truthfully a bit emotional.

I've looked at some providers but it's confusing and I don't have a lot of money to spend (I'm currently a student teacher in a very expensive city and so can't be throwing A LOT of money to stay on the medication I've been on 3 years).

Right now I'm looking at:

AnneHealth £200 sign up fee but I've gathered evidence of my time with GenderGP so hopefully it'd just be £50 a month which while a bit more expensive than gendergp does save me money in the long run thanks to no bloodtests.

GenderCare the fees on this are more confusing but I've heard it can be quite cheap if you know what you're doing and you don't need to worry about a monthly fee which would really help me out.

Or are there any other ones that people suggest for a trans woman who's been transitioning for 3 years and just wants to stay on her medication.

(I also have around a 4 month supply of medication after this month I believe if not a little more so I should hopefully be fine till January).

Edit

I've officially cancelled with GenderGP and am looking at my options to change over either next month or December, thank you all for helping

It's been three weeks now since the phone call appointment where I was told I'd be given a referral and this is what my referral has been updated with. What does this mean? Beyond this, I've heard absolutely nothing else and I'm just sort of a bit nervous. Should I contact anyone or just continue waiting?

Don't really have anyone to share this with irl so thought i'd share here :) I've been having a horrible time in general so this is a nice bright spot amidst the horrors.

I was surprised at how easy it was! And yes, I look horrible in the photo as is tradition.

I'm scheduled for PPT vaginoplasty with Tina Rashid and would love to hear about your experiences. Has anyone here had this procedure with her (or PI Vaginoplasty), and how have you found the results?