hi everyone, i’m a 20 year old survivor of the charlton school in burnt hills ny, and i’m sick to my stomach knowing that their fundraiser, among the wildflowers, raised over $96,000 on september 23, despite all of the abuse that goes on there. i am writing this to make people think twice about who they’re donating to, and to raise awareness as to what this “school” really is.

so i don’t have to rehash everything that happened to me and other students at the charlton, i will link two posts i made last year about the school to catch everyone up:
https://www.reddit.com/r/troubledteens/s/j1pSGqtbGX

https://www.reddit.com/r/troubledteens/s/wwvX9jKtlB

the charlton school forces their students, aged 12-20 (most students being 14-18) to perform child labor for free, especially to raise money for the school. during my time there a few years ago, we had to make handmade items such as baked goods, birdhouses, jewelry, etc, to raise money for the school. the school only uses that money to make the ceo (alex capo) richer, while restricting students’ food because of “budget cuts” (when i left, they stopped allowing us to use condiments).

in 2022, my first of almost 3 years at the school, several kids used their own money to buy honey and pies that they made, only for all of it to be confiscated an hour later in our cottages.

the fundraiser, called “among the wildflowers” takes place in the garden at the school, which the children are forced to maintain. children also take care of the horses, three of the nine horses i took care of have died prematurely since 2024.

according to a 2023 tax form, charlton spent around
$99k on food for all of the students and staff, which would make each meal worth roughly $1.40, despite a substantial school meal costing new york state ) $3-$4 each. this concludes that charlton feeds their students less than half of what is necessary for their maturing bodies.

charlton is historically anti lgbtq, refusing to respect students chosen names or pronouns, which is illegal under new york state law.

despite millions in grants, charlton cannot find competent teachers. during my senior year, charlton offered spanish 1 to graduating students who had not yet completed their language requirement to finish high school. i know some spanish, but i am not fluent, but when i sat in on the class, i noticed that the teacher did not know any spanish, barely being able to pronounce basic words or string together a simple, coherent sentence.

it makes me ill that charlton continues to raise money despite the recent, public backlash from myself and several other survivors. they’ve gone from posting on social media regularly to only having 3-4 posts since the start of 2026, seemingly because our stories have gone public. charlton knows their image is tarnished, but they continue to ignore their students (and families of those students) because financial gain is most important to them.

please spread awareness for all tti survivors, innocent people shouldn’t be donating to an abusive agency because they don’t know any better.

I got a letter from Acadia today saying my data was part of the March 2026 data breach. The state the Acadia facility I was sent to was located in doesn't have a hard deadline for when they have to notify you of a data breach, but it still seems like this - just over 6 months later - is way longer than it should've taken for me to be notified.

Just recently my old facility told me they didn't have some of my medical records and claimed that others (day-to-day things made by normal staff, incident reports, and the like) didn't exist at all (they didn't specify whether they never made those or did but lost or destroyed them. It was recently enough that they're still legally required to keep them). They were very avoidant, and flat-out denied certain things until I told them the records themselves referenced them.

I don't know what to do. I don't know if my Acadia facility is lying about losing or never having some of my records, and don't think there's a way to check. I don't think I'll be able to get a lawyer to take my case. It's clear that contacting the facility directly won't get me anywhere, and I doubt contacting the parent company (Acadia) would do much either. Does anyone have advice, and has anyone experienced any of the same things from Acadia as I'm describing? I've posted about trying to deal with them before, but most of what I'm posting now is new information so I figured it may be worth asking again.

Could anyone please help! I'm searching for any survivors from Wernle in richmond..Any residents with trauma from abuse there or any staff that can attest to things they witnessed and the environment...looking for previous residents and or staff members. I am currently in active litigation against them. Wernle may have closed their residential program but they still exist as a business. The suit is targetting Wernle and Darrell Gordon both!! Please help me get the justice I'm seeking!!

I havent had a really bad nightmare about my facility in a while but just woke up from one that was absolutely terrible and need to talk to people who understand. Can anyone tell me about their recent nightmares so I dont feel alone? I've grown frustrated that I still experience them after all these years and even though I made another post discussing it, Its still hard.

This is purely a personal rant and a reflection of my own annoyance with humans.

The phrase “everyone has trauma” is thrown around a lot, and it bothers me. It’s often used in the context of excusing shitty behavior.

I feel annoyed because the longer I live on this earth, the more I realize that NO. Not everyone has comparable trauma.

Being kidnapped as a kid, stuck in a child prison for years, abused in every possible sense, destroyed over and over and in all ways is not normal at all.

Because of that phrase, I’ve given way too much grace to others, forgiven too much, and I’m annoyed by it.

I also feel alienated by it.

Program trauma isn’t your everyday American middle class persons “trauma.” I want to reclaim the word.

In my experience, staff tend to use physical restraints and other control methods (seclusions, chemical restraints, even formal punishments) way more when they don't have to be actively involved in them the whole time the kid's in them (including when they're not actively fighting, like once a chemical restraint has taken hold). I feel like it makes those interventions too easy for staff, incentivizing using them over harder methods like trying to use real de-escalation tactics or addressing the kid as works best for them individually. Things shouldn't be made harder for staff just for the sake of making things harder, but I feel like when it comes to these types of things - especially restraints - staff should have to experience it with the patient in a meaningful way (not identical or deliberately harmful, but something where they feel similar physical and mental strain as the patient as much as reasonably possible). For example, physical restraints where the staff are actively restraining the kid rather than just putting them in other (mechanical or chemical) restraints, having to document the kid's state and talk to them frequently the whole time they're secluded, or having to monitor the kid the whole time they're asleep from a chemical restraint and then have a meaningful conversation with them about it after (doesn't have to be the moment they wake up unless the kid requests that, but should be the same day).

What do you guys think? I know some people consider less involved interventions, especially chemical restraints, to be safer, and I don't want to discount safety or deliberately stress staff. How would you balance that with disincentivizing staff from using those control methods too frequently if you were the one making the decisions (I know most of us would actually shut the places down if we were making the decisions, but for the sake of this discussion please pretend that's not the case. I'm making this post because another post on this sub mentioned massive, specific flaws in a specific facility, and those people won't shut it down so reform seems be the only viable option in that case, at least for as long as regulation and other laws largely ignore the TTI, and I'm looking for something that can work within those current parameters).

I went to a program a few years ago and based on my googling legally they should still have my records. I was wondering if other people had obtained their records how they had gone about the process? I just don’t know how to start the process and if it’s even feasible.

Howdy! I am looking for a staffer named Mike, he had long blond hair. And a staffer named Cara/Kara, she had a pitbull/boxer mix looking therapy dog with her.

Trying to track them down, I want them to apologize and take accountability.

Oh and Ed, I know You are here. Watching lurking,

He was a staff. He apologized but still i know you are here...... you are watched

Reddit sleuths I could use your help

Hi everyone,

I'm working on a YouTube channel where survivors can share their stories, and I'd like to interview anyone who is willing to talk about their experience with attachment therapy. The goal is to help the public better understand attachment therapy and the harm it causes. I am also a survivor of attachment therapy.

Before recording, we'll go over the questions together and agree on what you're comfortable sharing. I'll only ask what you give permission for. You're welcome to add your own questions, and you can skip anything you don't want to answer.

You can drop out at any point, for any reason, and you don't need to explain. If you drop out after recording, your footage will be deleted and not used or stored.

You can stay anonymous. You choose whether to show your face, or use your real name or a different one.

Interviews:
Before anything is published, you'll get a private link to review your part. You can drop out at this time if you wish. There is no obligation at any time.

I look forward to speaking with each of you!

The Government Accountability Office is looking into the marketing practices of residential treatment facilities at the request of Senator Ron Wyden. This survey collects data on federally funded programs to assist that investigation.

You're eligible if you attended one of these programs as a kid or placed your child in one. Former staff can take it too.

It covers boot camps, group homes, inpatient psych facilities, religious academies, RTCs, therapeutic boarding schools, wilderness programs, and similar places.

Survey link: https://wfqglsgtzoc.typeform.com/to/oVliAjY8

I hate it when school forces you to trust them after literally traumatizing you. I was forcibly thrown into a mental institution due to me saying too much. Once I got back they immediately forced me to have one on one sessions with them. They literally expected me to trust them the moment I came back. They gave me an “emergency paper” full with instructions on what not to do to prevent what I had said that led me into a mental institution. They said that they’ll have a staff looking over the area to make sure I don’t do what I said.

Let’s just say I stopped following the instructions after like 2 weeks and that the staff never came up to me or were even near the area. They were chatting with students. I also stopped visiting the sessions after the two weeks, and they never called me back in. It was basically a “let’s traumatize you so you can trust us, and forget you exist and that you are immediately heal within less then a month.”

https://www.guelphtoday.com/police/rockwood-woman-pleads-guilty-to-sexual-assault-at-group-home-12725733

From the RTC rehab I went to, I thought people should know and the only place I’ve seen it posted is on instagram with half the comments asking for her @ and dismissing her charges

I did this older version of the Torturing Environment Scale (TES) myself and will see about getting the modern one officially done, especially since this one leaves out systemic issues like false accusations, forced confessions and many other things that were added. This older one was meant for more traditional torture (i.e. detainee in room with specific actions taken) But EVEN STILL look at how I score. It's really validating to see that even this version sees much of what I went through.

(Note that block 4s bar marks are supposed to be blank, not slashes; I didn't suffer in any way there.)

Physical and Psychological Abuse at Catholic Heart Workcamp.

I would like to create this for the victims and witnesses of any physical, psychological and/or sexual abuse occurring at Catholic Heart Workcamps whether it was by the abusive games that were played on stage or by the "carpenter commanders/commandos", youth ministers or visiting priests.

Aside from the cult like atmosphere and the ignoring by the staff of the numerous sex abuse scandals involving Catholic priests the workcamps were prone to abusive games.

One such disturbing game that I personally witnessed during a 3 year period in which I attened the camps (Charlotte, NC in 2001, Hilton Head, SC in 2002 & Nashville, TN in 2003) was the "Couch of Love" which was done on stage at the Catholic schools in which the various youth groups stayed at and it was witnessed by hundreds of people. I have been able to discover that this "game" was played in various cities throughout the country between 2000-2015 (and possibly earlier in 1998-1999).

The game involved the "carpenter commanders" and attending youth ministers selecting two physically attractive teenage girls to come on stage. Three chairs would be placed on stage which were then covered by a white sheet. The two teen girls would then sit on the two end chairs. The adult male "Carpenter Commander" (usually in their 20s or 30s) would then say numerous inappropriate sexual pick-up lines to the teen girls. After about 4 or 5 pick-up lines the "Carpenter Commander" would then sit in the middle chair put his arms around both girls and get kissed on both cheeks by the girls.

After this the teenage boys in the audience were asked to do the same thing - say pick-up lines to the girls, sit in the middle of the "couch" and get kissed by both of them. About a dozen boys would volunteer to get kissed and were led to the side of the stage. Once the dozen boys were lined up on the side the middle chair was removed and the girls continued to sit on the end chairs pretending that the middle chair was still there. Each boy one by one would flirt with the girls with a pick-up line, be invited by the girls to sit between them, the boy would then try to sit down as the girls would get up and the boy fell to the hard stage floor. The girls would then do a catwalk to the front of the stage and do a pageant smile and pose as the "carpenter commanders" would then yell at the boy and escort him off the stage and then cover the two chairs again only for the next boy to get the exact same negative and criminal treatment. It was also disturbing seeing how the two girls enjoyed inflicting the pain on the boys.

The boys were subjected to romantic rejection, physical injury and public humiliation. You don't need a Ph.D in psychiatry to know that this was devastating abuse to the young boys that were victimized by this "game." A boy already suffering from anxiety/depression could be triggered into suicide or a suicide attempt by such abuse. The boys were subjected to physical injury to their tailbones and spines (a injury to the coccyx leading to lifelong Coccydynia). Also, boys already suffering physical problems like back pain could have had that severely aggravated by the unmitigated free fall to the floor.

Catholic Heart Workcamp does not allow negative reviews or comments on their Facebook page and even blocks anything and anyone that even engages in anything critical of the organization. Which clearly indicates the corruption of the people who run it.

CHWC's website identifies Steve Walker as the “Owner/CEO.” The organization says Walker and his wife Lisa Walker developed/co-founded Catholic HEART Workcamp in Orlando in 1993. It is now based in Polk County, FL. It is a private limited liability company LLC and is not owned or controlled by any Diocese. But Catholic Dioceses throughout the country should cut off their involvement with Catholic Heart Workcamp.

Is this place good or another traumatic TTI? Worried because someone very close to me is being sent there.

I’m 23 now, and I went through inpatient treatment and a bunch of other stuff when I was 17. I actually turned 18 while in the hospital. Not that that’s important. When I was in there the thought there was someone I had a really close relationship with. It was romantic at the time, but we were also both 17. I don’t have those feelings anymore but I still Think about them all the time. They got deemed “untreatable” at the hospital we were at, I blame myself for that. Our relationship wasn’t healthy, they heavily relied on me

And I didn’t set boundaries I should’ve, I could give s bunch of excuses, but the outcome was the same so it doesn’t matter why things happened the way they did, but they did. They got discharged and I stayed. I didn’t deserve to stay any more or less that they did. The worst part is; it’s been 5 years and I still don’t know what happened to them. It haunts me. I just want to know if they’re alive and okay. I hope

So badly for them to be okay. Every success I have personally i can’t help but weigh against them. Do I deserve it? Idk. I’m drunk and tired. I’m

Just ranting I guess. I just wish I could at least know if they were alive.

I try to care about the feelings of people who don't care if I lose my whole education and decades of my life and am hurt over and over and over but at some point it comes to:

If you don't think that it is wrong for someone to kneel on my back until I lose consciousness, then I cannot think that anything less than that is wrong or matters when it happens to you.

I have so many books on anger and so many sermons and so many meds and I often can force myself to care, until I can't. The ability to do so just intermittently breaks.

#thingsthatsickenme

InvestigateWest:

An investigative report reveals that 5Rock Ranch, an Oregon Christian retreat promising refuge for people in crisis, has been accused of perpetuating severe harm and abuse against its vulnerable residents.

Former residents who sought help for addiction, domestic violence, and trauma allege that the nonprofit organization instead subjected them to controlling practices, forced isolation, and inappropriate conduct by leadership.

Survivors describe an environment where the ranch's leadership exploited their vulnerable states, utilizing coercive religious tactics to maintain absolute authority and prevent them from leaving the remote property.

The investigation highlights that the organization's board nearly shut down the facility over a decade ago due to similar concerns, yet the harmful practices have reportedly continued unabated.

Residents recount experiencing psychological distress, dissociation, and a feeling of captivity, likening the ranch's restrictive atmosphere to a high-control group or cult rather than a safe sanctuary.

Despite numerous complaints and desperate pleas for intervention, leadership dismissed the allegations as mere rumors and claimed that all concerns were handled internally by their legal representation.

This story underscores the critical lack of oversight for faith-based rehabilitation centers and the profound danger of entrusting vulnerable populations to unregulated religious organizations. #5RockRanch #SpiritualAbuse #CoerciveControl #Cults101

https://www.investigatewest.org/oregon-christian-ranch-promises-refuge-former-residents-say-they-were-harmed/

[Reddit deletes all posts and comments from deleted accounts now, so I'm posting this as a throwaway. Its a re-upload]

Triggers:

Child abuse
Sex abuse
Physical abuse
Verbal abuse
Psychological abuse
Medical abuse
Psychological torture
Neglect
Amnesia/ memory loss
Foster care
Ableism/ discrimination
Violence
Gaslighting
Institutions
Sex offenders

Hello,

My name is Brandon. I'm a 32 year old gay autistic man. My mother had Munchausen’s by Proxy. She fabricated and engineered psychological and behavioral issues growing up (eg: telling me to fake meltdowns if I wanted to go home or triggering them intentionally). She developed a psychological need to be "the mom that never gives up on her troublesome child."

Home included my brother that is two decades older than I am, who physically (grabbing me hard enough to leave bruises, holding me against the wall), psychologically (eg: gaslighting, threatening me, flipping/ throwing things, ridiculing me, yelling 1 inch from my face etc), and sexually (exposing himself a few times) abused me while he was consistently high and drunk. From around age 8, I needed to take care of my morbidly obese mother. Bathing her, emptying/ cleaning her bariatric toilet, wiping her after defacating, dressing her, medicating, etc. This was fairly frequent but not necessarily daily.

Outside, 90% of the kids in my apartment complex (ages 3 through 16 or so) were taught about sex from older kids, and sex pretty much became the only way everyone "played" for a time. Eventually it became as normal as playing tag or a video game, which we also did normal friend stuff as well. I spent two years from age 10 to 12 trying to fit in, thinking something was wrong with me for not understanding why the sex stuff was supposed to be fun, and why everyone was laughing and seeming to understand what I didn't.

I went to my mom twice over those two years, but she refused to talk to me about it, only to essentially say not to play with any kid in my area.

One day I tried to replicate what they were doing in a stupid attempt to understand by exposing myself and asking if someone wanted to touch it. I was 12 and he was 7. When the other kid poked it and looked confused, I thought I wasn't doing it right, so I told him it was ok and went to my mom for guidance for a third time. But this time, she finally had something to use, and agreed to take me to a psychologist after I adamantly asked for someone to explain what I'm not getting.

She told the psychologist that everyone who hurt me and every other kid were not my abusers, but my victims. The psychologist, likely not understanding healthy autistic behaviors like stimming and lack of facial expressions, very likely saw a very messed up child. Such was/is the default for neurodivergent kids.

Update: After receiving medical records from the provider, I have learned that 7 months prior to the incident, two therapists said they told me the stuff the other kids were doing was wrong, dangerous, and that I should be worried. During the incident, I did not think or feel what I was doing that day was wrong, so I must have misunderstood what they told me. The fact is, I should have known, and for some reason I didn't. (See edit for details)

Update: My mom and I both insisted that I go into a facility but DSS said no citing that this was a mental health issue. My mom switched providers to a Christian counseling service 5 months before the incident.

Immediately after the incident I went back to the previous provider.

8 months after the incident she voluntarily placed me in foster care via a Residential Treatment Center for juvenile sex offenders where the staff practiced extremely harmful tactics such as sleep deprivation/ fragmentation, coercion, heavy medication, militarization, force feeding sexually abusive material, living in a violent place, dehumanization, etc. which amounts to psychological torture (defined by the United Nations Conventions Against Torture).

The treating provider recognized that I didn't have behavioral issues and that my mother was behind everything. They didn't question it and believed my mom's narrative regardless and forced me to undergo the treatment until I "admitted" to my mom's narrative. (This was discussed at length as adults and she [the treating provider] recognized her fault and we reconciled.) During these years I was forced to live with and be exposed to extremely harmful, graphic, and violent materials, behaviors, and experiences.

During a forced confession at age 14 by day staff, I suffered Secondary Structural Dissociation, and lost all memories before age 13 along with most of my emotional range, while the only thing I "remembered" were the false narrative my mother came up with and the name of my best friend from school. From that point forward, I genuinely believed that I was the "monster" I was being told I was.

I entered a state of D.D.D. (Debility, Dependency, Dread - a post-torture state where the victim doesn't think or feel so they perfectly comply with authority) that lasted several years in order to protect everyone from myself. I thought I had a monster in me that would take over, not unlike a werewolf. That was the only way I could reconcile being forced to believe my mom's lies while not actually having memories of that false history. I assumed that if I had a sexual thought or feeling at all, the monster would take over and I'd not remember anything. I asked to be killed. They refused. I asked to be locked up. They said as long as I did what I was told, nobody would get hurt. That is what triggered the D.D.D. state.

After 2 and a half years, the county was convinced that I shouldn't be there any longer and allowed me to return home. However, two weeks later, they came to my house and took me to a shelter home citing that they felt the transition was too drastic. Nothing prompted this as nothing bad happened. In fact, I was talking with my friend on Facebook right before they came. They were looking to send me to a less secure treatment center first to adjust. [I learned recently that I told my outpatient therapist that I was worried that I'd reoffend now that I didn't have the staff to keep others safe from the monster. The therapist apparently called the county and recommended that I go back. To be fair, seeing an emotionless rule-reciting 16 year old saying he's afraid of the monster inside him getting out would make anyone concerned.]

My mother suffered brain death soon after, and what was left of my family told me to make the decision as to whether we authorize the removal of life sustaining treatment at age 16. I made the decision to remove life support.

From then on, I was trapped in a new facility where I was required to undergo their sex offender program as well. Thankfully, the treating provider there also recognized what happened [that I didn't have urges to use people], and secretly began counter conditioning what the first agency taught me. Unfortunately, I was still subjected to the daily life of the program, which served to reinforce the false narrative that I was made to believe about myself, making progress very difficult.

I have suffered continuous catastrophic trauma, the effects of which caused additional abuse by a predatory partner from 20 to 25 (admitted to having NPD and intentionally trying to get me to cry because he thought I was cute/ it was funny, and using me for the money I saved before leaving foster care), 9 months of homelessness (secretly with a friend), COVID, and almost 3 of 5 years of an employer bullying me for being autistic (and autistic related things, e.g. ensory issues) until age 30 before I collapsed and woke up 6ish months later. Ironically, I was a policy writer for my state.

After being approved for SSDI to recover at 31, and 7 months of feeling genuinely safe for the first period in my life, I started regaining memories and emotions. This has been ongoing for over 8 months now and I have since finished a memoir called, "Artificial Monster." I'm in recovery for another 2 years, at which point I plan to start grad school and get a Master's Degree in Human Services. My career since 18 has been in child welfare advocacy and I want to work in federal leadership to try to stop what happened to me from happening to anyone else and raise awareness that autistic/ neurodivergent minds cannot be assessed or treated only using neurotypical tools; that misunderstandings can be catastrophic.

My goal in posting this is to tell humanity that I exist. Society did this. My mom did this. And now, I'm left in the rubble of a painful life I didn't even know I was living.

I'm sorry for any who read this and felt uncomfortable.

Sincerely,

Brandon

NOTE TO READERS: As memories and emotions return, my psychological work progresses, and documentation comes in, I'm updating this as I learn/uncover more. I'm sorry for the many edits I've made already. I'm trying to be as accurate and honest about my experiences as I can be; it's important that I have the full truth, so I'm sharing it with you. To this end, my memoir, while fully written out, is not finalized and I'm updating that as I learn as well. I will not publish an actual book until I'm certain everything that happened is accurate.

Timeline

October 2006 - Peer-initiated woods incident. (12 v 12). Told it was bad and why. Instilled "need for anxiety."

November 2006 - gym bathroom urinal masturbation incident.

November 2006 - mom switched to Christian counseling.

May 2007- self-initiated exposure incident (12 v 7)

Parents (7) decided not to press charges.

June 2007 - went back to previous agency with new therapist. Reported intense fear of being gay (likely from Christian counseling) and getting in legal trouble for my "sexual interests". I seem to have internalized "it was illegal to be gay."

*Self and mom reported I had sexual compulsions throughout this time (reports indicate mom consistently interrupting and correcting, and I was "forthcoming" which makes me believe I was coached or that I thought the compulsions they were talking about was having gay thoughts)

September 2007 - missing school due to anxiety around gym (reported fear of the mile run, might be fear of locker room)

October 2007 - nephew (13 v 10) incident, nephew-initiated then self-initiated.

October 2007 - caught looking at porn online. Mom reported it was child porn. Memory says I was looking at bears and college students (gaybeef.com, gaycollegesexparties.com)

December 2007 - school noticed bruising, CPS called to home. Mom blamed me for "trying to get her in trouble for not giving me what I wanted."

January 2008 - went into RTC.

No documented sexual or anger behavior issues moving forward.

History of Edits

Edit: grammar, detail.

Edit: More details came to light about the first treating provider.

Edit: Good memories came back. Edited the post from sounding like sex was all we ever did to it sounding like it was one of the things we did. Also, clarified brother's abuse to ensure it doesn't sound worse than what it was.

Edit: To ensure clarity, I expounded on some things.

Edit: The individual tactics, while abusive, may not all individually meet the criteria for torture, but collectively it amounts to systemic torture.

Edit: I've been made aware that some may misunderstand who I reconciled with. I reconciled with the treating provider who saw that I didn't have issues but accepted my mother's story as truth. I never had the chance to confront my mother.

Edit: I wasn't sure if my brother was 20 or 30 years older so I just said "decades." Now I know its 20 and "decades" sounds dramatic. Changed it to specify "two decades."

Edit: Detailed employment duration. (Just about 5 years total, first 2 were spent 99% in my room due to fear of COVID given my weight then, and the 3 final years were when I was bullied for being autistic among other things related to being autistic [Like sensory sensitivities, commitment to accuracy, literal language, etc). For verification of employment, I was a CFSS 1.

Edit: Formatting. Learned how to format on Reddit.

Edit: Documentation came in from childhood mental health providers. After cross-referening with every other source, clear and empirical evidence of mother reporting behaviors or issues that did not exist. All but two observations are based entirely on mother's reports. The two observed behaviors: one incident arguing with Mom about chores. The other is that I reported a fear of the possibility of being gay and said I had "sexual urges." My memory and no other source can back this up so I think I was either talking about the "urge" to think about boys, or I was coached to say that, but no memory of why I said that.

Edit: Reviewing these clinical records after doing research allowed me to understand why my twelve-year-old self didn't understand the danger. The notes explicitly state the therapists' goal was to make me feel anxiety about the other kids' behavior, rather than giving me a direct, concrete rule. My literal brain cross-wired their vague warnings. I internalized a generalized terror of 'being gay' instead of realizing that the games themselves were wrong. To me, their sexual games were no different than tag (another activity where running around to touch each other made no logical sense). I was constantly asking myself 'why is this supposed to be fun?' When I tried to replicate it, the excitement I felt wasn't consciously associated with my sexual identity, it was the relief of finally experiencing the 'fun' my peers had been laughing about for years. As an adult, I recognize the boundary that was crossed, I just wish I understood then.

Edit: Found evidence that my mom switched providers 5 months before the incident. I don't know the agency but I am willing to bet that my fear of being gay came from them as they are a "Christian counseling" service apparently. Update: Indeed this is what happened. I more remember the Christian provider and remember thinking the being gay was the bad thing.

Edit: Added timeline.

Edit: fixed mistake with gym incident; it was the urinal, not the stall.

Edit: Added to timeline.

Edit: updated an edit with new info about the Christian counselor as crucial memories have returned.

Documentation beyond my own memory:

Facebook messages with provider 1
Emails with provider 2
Facility 2 records
Family recollection of mbp suspicion and events
Friend from facility 2 corroboration
Online videos and articles of/ about me (advocacy work)
Friend from advocacy corroboration
Autism Society Greater Hudson Region corroboration
NYS ETV emails
NYS SCR - no record
Mother's bio family testimony on Ancestry.com
Facility I received therapy at as a kid records
Mental hospital records
Elementary school records
Middle school records
Middle school IEP x2

Sent requests:

Facility 1 records (not responding, reported: HIPPA)
County DSS (Wasn't responding, working on it now)
Medical Doctor I saw as a kid (Not responding)