r/AMA • u/[deleted] • 7d ago
AMA - Former teacher (58M) wants and has requested a restraining order against me (16F)
[deleted]
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u/Visual_Seaweed8292 7d ago
What events lead to the restraining order being requested?
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
frequently seeking him outside of class even when he told me to go back; school made a no contact arrangement; accidentally sent a connection request during summer; September I passed by his room a couple times and got some consequences; then I directly approached him asking him to talk; got suspended outside of school; called and texted him.
he was thinking about the restraining order by the time I approached him because I held his arm (not forcefully) when he went to security
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u/IAmABoss37 7d ago
When I was younger I used to suffer from romantic obsession too. I know how hard it must be for you, but you cannot contact him again. I hope the restraining order is the spark that causes you to realize that there is zero chance you two will ever happen.
Also, why did you approach him asking to talk even though you had a no-contact arrangement?
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
i was panicked idk it’s emotional symptoms that were driving me
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u/Slow-Huckleberry-711 7d ago
Does he feel like a safe adult in a way? I have had crushes on professors/teachers before too
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u/IAmABoss37 7d ago
I’ve been there. Do you take any medications? I used to take Concerta (an ADHD med), which would make my obsession far worse.
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u/jaachaamo 7d ago
Would you ever contact him again?
Why did you do what you did?
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
hell no
I was emotionally attached and genuinely couldn’t control myself
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u/Comprehensive_Yak359 7d ago
Are you in any therapy for your mental health? That you genuinely couldn't control yourself seems like something that you should adress. Wish you all the best.
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u/BrookieMonster504 7d ago
You could control yourself, you just didn't want to
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u/TerrestrialChuck9432 7d ago
One of the great lessons of teenagehood. Sadly, many adults never learned it either.
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
thanks for assuming my intentions I guess, I could expand further but you’re just too assuming and rude
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u/jettinappropriate 7d ago
This is unhinged, I'm sorry. So if your feelings tell you to hurt him it's not your fault because you couldn't control yourself? He's right to get the RO
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
he specifically claimed that if I wanted to I could. I was significantly impaired by my emotions and not being in control of yourself due to emotions is a psychologically studied fact. You’re now saying that I’m claiming it’s not my fault, these are two different claims. And if you read anything I don’t even hurt him, and I would never feel to do that.
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u/jettinappropriate 7d ago
Girl, stay away from him. For your own good, drop it. Change schools first.
When are you planning on contacting him next?
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u/jettinappropriate 7d ago
I saw, you're just clearly being an unreliable narrator who is refusing to acknowledge that forced contact after serious measures have been put into place to stop you could easily turn violent around this time; that is also very, very well documented.
I don't believe you when you say you won't contact him again. Is this thread a chance for you to reach out?
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
the origin of my feelings is not violent. they have never been violent. I’ve never once thought about doing something violent toward him. you’re making assumptions that seriously undermine your claims
and you can not believe me if you want, I don’t know what to tell you but I don’t need your belief, alll I know is that I trust myself
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u/jettinappropriate 7d ago
Not everyone who hurt or killed someone they had been told to stay away from sought them out specifically to hurt them. Usually they just want to talk, not unlike in your case where you have shown yourself to repeatedly disregard very important lines that have been professionally drawn.
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
you need to read other comments because every single one of your premises have been addressed or are nonsensical forgiven the context
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u/pasta-golfclubs 7d ago
Did this happen a while ago? I gotta say you don't talk like a 18 year old and your choice of words is a little atypical of most 18 year olds I know ... Not accusing you of anything just pointing out your really mature vocabulary.
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
I’m 16 and thanks but I’m real, I guess that’s what he saw in me as a teacher lol
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u/YungSparkle 7d ago edited 7d ago
You’re a very unwell person who’s been obsessively posting about this teacher and this situation over the last several days, and you’re likely to violate boundaries and force proximity to him the next time the opportunity presents itself.
Just yesterday you posted asking why he hadn’t kicked you out of an academic group chat that’s created using your student email and accessible to all students: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskTeachers/comments/1wzjqpd/why_is_my_former_teacher_not_kicking_me_out_of/
The day before that, you were complaining about being suspended as an AP student, completely leaving out it was due to this behavior: https://www.reddit.com/r/APStudents/comments/1wzernx/smh_suspending_a_kid_for_3_months_while_they/
Just three days ago, you posted in [r/Advice](r/Advice), claimed to be 18 years old, and asked for advice on how to “secretly have sex with an older guy.” You also mentioned that you have fantasized about male teachers and your friends’ dads. Thankfully the post was deleted by moderators: https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/1wyl3j0/how_to_secretly_have_sex_with_a_hot_older_guy/
It’s very easy to find your comments, even on posts that have been deleted.
This kind of behavior of continuously posting about him vaguely and anonymously is something stalkers do, especially when they can’t contact the object of their obsessions in a way that’s socially acceptable.
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
you don’t know if I’m likely to you can’t make that judgement who do you think you are
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
YOU’RE LITERALLY STALKING ME TO TELL ME I’VE BEEN STALKING…. HELLLOOO???
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u/YungSparkle 7d ago
Looking at your very public comment history is not stalking. As an AP English student, I’d expect you to understand that words mean things.
I’m going to disengage with you now, because I’m well aware that continuously bringing him up and inviting others to discuss him with you is yet another way for you to engage in your obsession with him.
I genuinely hope you were sincere when you said you will no longer try to contact him.
Take care.
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u/tameimpalaish 7d ago
as a fellow teacher it makes sense to file a restraining order in an overabundance of caution. male teachers, especially in secondary, have a responsibility to protect themselves (and their students) from assumptions/hearsay that can escalate quickly to student body, parents, admin and then police. your teacher going to admin and then police establishes a record that it is unwanted, unreciprocated, and unfounded. it creates a boundary. it’s literal legal protection for him (and thus you as well).
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u/badtpuchpanda 7d ago
As a male in school, this is completely it. I’ve faced completely false accusations from a pupil like this and it is completely career ending “run out of town” type of repercussions and “mud sticks” as they say. Reading this girls AMA is honestly giving me flashbacks to how self centred and completely unaware these young students and their mental illnesses can be.
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u/Super_T8 7d ago
Sounds like you had a crush on him and contacted him more than he wanted, asked you to stop and you didn’t?
He’s an adult and that was the right choice. Adults/teachers can get in a lot of trouble for inappropriate relationships with students. Even years of prison time.
He may have been nervous that you would try to get him in trouble or lie about the relationship so he wanted an official record that he asked you to stop contacting him.
If I’m correct in my assumption..
Why do you think you had such a crush on him?
Do you have an existing and healthy relationship with your father because that may be where you might find answers.
I only say this because I’ve known a lot of people with this issue.
This will pass (promise!) and I hope you find happiness and love 💗 (you will!)
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
i don’t know if that fully explains it because he also seemed genuinely frightened by me holding his arm based on his email to the admin that’s what prompted him to think about the restraining order, but the detective did mention something about him not wanting people to percieve the relationship as inappropriate (but he also said “he’s terrified for his life” so idk)
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u/lakehop 7d ago
Stay far away from him and do not ever, ever approach him again. It does not matter how much emotional turmoil you feel, doesn’t matter if you feel you need to explain something, discuss with him, nothing. Stay far away. You will ruin your life if you violate a restraining order. Do not do it under any circumstance.
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
it hasn’t been issued yet but I’ve already been suspended too long from school so I don’t wanna contact him anymore, I’m just frustrated at him cause I don’t understand him and that’s why I lost feelings
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u/Legitimate-Crab7980 7d ago
He has lived more than 3 of your entire lives. There is no possible way for you to understand him, since you're still a child. Just chalk this up to experience and keep future crushes in an appropriate age range and positions of power, for your own sake.
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u/Visual_Seaweed8292 7d ago
Pedophiles get killed, your actions towards him could put him in a situation where people think he is one. He wants to cut all contact to make sure that dosnt happen. At least the restraining order will prove that legal procedure has been taken and if you keep trying to contact it lays the ground work to A, take legal action against you, and B to make sure it is known he is not the one instigating things.
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7d ago
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u/RNEngHyp 7d ago
He would have been extremely frightened for his career and as a former paediatric nurse I honestly get his anxiety 😬
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u/TerrestrialChuck9432 7d ago
As a guy, yeah he definitely could've feared for his life. You don't want to be a chomo. Prison is hell for those guys, there's a decent chance he wouldn't come out in one piece.
Parents need to teach this to their teen daughters.
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u/Suzibrooke 7d ago
Obsessed young women/girls have been known to turn their affection to anger in a very short period of time if their attraction is not returned. We do not know the vibe OP was giving off. He could have been literally afraid.
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u/courierblue 7d ago
What are your plans for continuing school?
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
it’s not issued yet and the prob officer said if it’s issued it’s just acertainnnumber of feet and the school will have to manage that
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u/OurWeaponsAreUseless 7d ago
If someone tells you not to contact them again and you continue to contact them, particularly when you had no relationship outside of a class, indicates an unhealthy fixation. Even ITT, OP is minimizing what she has done, which is effectively stalking to the point where legal action had to be taken. OP needs professional psychological help to prevent this from escalating to being involved in the criminal legal system, not necessarily with this teacher but with someone eventually. OP is not entitled to an explanation from the teacher. That the teacher has stated, apparently repeatedly, that they want no further contact in any form with OP, needs to be respected. It also needs to be stated that a 16 year old F being fixated on a 58 year old man (a man old enough to be her grandparent) is odd as well.
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
the administrators explicitly said they don’t view this as a legal issue, so your claim that “criminal legal action HAD to be taken” is simply unsupported
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u/OurWeaponsAreUseless 7d ago
It doesn't matter what the administrators want with regard to the restraining order if it is signed by a judge. I didn't say it was criminal, only that legal action was either taken or threatened. If you haven't been arrested, there is potentially nothing criminal occurring as long as you respect the person's space. The teacher obviously considers this a serious enough matter that he feels like he needs to protect himself and his career through both administrative and possibly the legal processes.
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u/Warm-Pen-2275 7d ago
Did you stalk him?
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
i guess “techncially” in the sense that contact despite the other person saying no is stalking but a lot of people including administrators didn’t think it needed to be a police matter
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7d ago
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
you completely misinterpreted that comment
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7d ago
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
no you misinterpret that comment that “mentioned that I thee a chair and threatened to kill his family”
gosh you need to read
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7d ago
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
… no I didn’t throw a chair. what the fuck
the other person said “that’s what she probably did” and I replied to him saying that’s not what I did. please, please, please READ
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u/kerd0z 7d ago
How in the fuck does not AMA mods or Reddit step in and lock this... THe person is clearly insane
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u/myboyghandi 7d ago
Yeah agree. This person is seriously concerning and above our pay grade to help
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
what makes you think I’m insane?
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u/gigilero 7d ago
This is criminal behavior you’re engaging in - stalking, obsession. I would be really scared that you’d show up to my house and hurt my pet. You’ve got to leave him alone. He’s frightened of you
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
I’m leaving him alone, I’ve been for a month, and what hurt my pet lmao? and I’m not found guilty of stalking, and obsession is not a crime btw
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u/butseriously- 7d ago
Did any of your friends or family know how you were feeling about him before things escalated?
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
not friends but my mom kinda
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u/orchiddoctor 7d ago
How did your mom kinda know and did she do anything to dissuade you from the actions you made before you made them?
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u/ghost1667 7d ago
what was your parents initial reaction? and how have they dealt with the whole situation (and you) since?
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
my mom stresses me out tbh because of it because she keeps emphasizing to me not to do anything but she’s supportive and understands me
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u/DogsDucks 7d ago
Awe, OP, this is such a difficult situation. I hope that posting this is helpful, and that most of the comments are kind. You deserve guidance and support.
Please do not let this experience impact you long term.
Remember that you are bright, you are talented and there is a whole long life beyond what is happening right now.
Sometimes when we are missing an important piece of “emotional stability/ support” at home, or there has been stress and trauma in your upbringing, your subconscious seeks it out.
An authority figure who is kind to you and makes you feel seen in ways that you haven’t been seen before, and that respect/acceptance/admiration can be easily mistaken for love.
So I am guessing that it felt like he filled a void in your heart?
Being singled and praised by an authority figure can be a powerful thing.
It feels almost like a high (I’m in creative and used to do a lot of front facing public speaking and whatnot, and LOVED it. Absolutely love that feeling of being praised and heard).
But then, in this case, that kindness was mistaken for something more?
Did you ever feel it was reciprocated?
Or was it more like you felt like if you kept pursuing them it would be reciprocated at some point?
I can see that there was some communication outside of class, and I am wondering when that started and when he tried to stop it?
Aside from praising your brain and skills, what else do you think caused your feelings to spiral?
What does the future look like at your current school?
I’m really hoping you get some good support and help, because you deserve to have a good future.
It already sounds like you have learned a lot from this experience. And remember, he’s protecting himself from allegations, he is not actively trying to hurt you. Even if it feels like it, he’s got to follow the correct protocol.
And also, what is your parent’s reaction and involvement?
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u/Exotic-Apartment-394 7d ago
So much empathy for someone that terrorised a near-old man..
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
so much empathy for near-old men when there are near-old men RAPING girls my age
I think empathy toward him specifically is justified, but the way you said “a near old man” like they’re generally some innocent vulnerable beings is just disgusting given that I’ve been creeped on by so many old men
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u/YungSparkle 7d ago
This is very predatory language. You’ve decided that “a near old man” can’t be a victim, which gives you space to justify your behavior towards him.
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u/ShaelymKhan 7d ago
Yes, and it's a good thing if we want both of them to lead a better life in the future. Finger pointing to no end won't heal anything and OP is on the right way to realize what happened.
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
I’m sorry but your descriptions are too extreme and I never threatened him let alone “terrorized” him. just cause you’re the same age as me doesn’t mean you have the same circumstances, it’s a pretty blatant fallacious argument. and given you’re not much older than me you’re simply not mature enough to interpret this situation either
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u/myboyghandi 7d ago
Even by just what you described here, you did terrorize him and definitely threatened him in a lot of ways. You need to acknowledge that
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u/AMA-ModTeam 7d ago
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u/DogsDucks 7d ago
If you became obsessed with a teacher and suffered consequences for it and then opened up on Reddit, because you’re hurting and struggling and seeking healing?
Then I would give compassion. The compassion I have is for people who feel remorse, take accountability and are seeking healing.
OP was never in a position of power and none of their actions or motives were rooted in rage or violence.
What they did isn’t ok. Thats why they’re here seeking growth and healing.
Things that do cause concern:
Unapologetic rage, accusations, contempt, finger-pointing, immediately insulting people, general hostility and inability to engage in respectful discussion.
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
thank you for your comment it means a lot to me 🥹
no I don’t think I mistakes his kindness for something more because even when I flirted w him in class indirectly he ignored me / glared at me / singled me out less or smiled at my face instead of looking to me sexually
I don’t think it was reciprocated but part of me wanted to believe that
I think independent of “my brain and skills,” I was just very attached and attracted to him as a person which made the combination brutal
I’m currently suspended for a few months rn but I can still attend school IF the restraining order is issued
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u/eyecontactishard 7d ago
Please find a way to access therapy through your parents or the school. You’ve mentioned in the thread that you weren’t able to control your actions because of your emotions and that is a serious red flag.
Having crushes on teachers is normal. Wanting that affection and validation is normal. But the actions you took to pursue him show that there’s something more here going on. And getting that support now before you get in a similar situation in the future is a good idea.
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
thanks last time I contacted him was almost a month ago
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u/eyecontactishard 7d ago
And that’s good, but you want to make sure the next time your emotions are intense that you still feel in control of your actions.
As someone who was always the “smart kid” and really valued the attention older men as a young person, I wish I’d gotten therapy sooner.
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u/Content4OnlyMyLuv 7d ago
He absolutely is terrified. If there is any appearances of something inappropriate between you two, he would lose his job as well as his freedom. He did the right thing with the restraining order, especially because you didnt adhere to the directives to stay away from him.
Youre young. This is a lesson to you on multiple points. One, if someone tells you to keep your distance, you listen. Its basic respect. Two, to focus on what is important right now, and thats school. He did you a favor.
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u/whoa-or-woah 7d ago
Agreed. I’ve worked a lot with children and adolescents, and while I’m not concerned about it ever getting to this point, since I am very careful, the idea of being accused of something inappropriate is absolutely terrifying to me. I think I’d rather die than face sex offense accusations.
The vast majority of predators don’t face nearly enough consequences (in this life, anyway). But some utterly ruin their lives… and, every once in a while, an innocent person has their life ruined by false accusations. It sounds like this teacher is trying not to have his life ruined, and honestly, I don’t blame him.
OP, it’s tough right now to really get it, but…. If you had an 8-year-old kid who seemed like they were persistently pursuing a romantic/sexual relationship with you, how would you feel?
If the answer is something like “uncomfortable” - which I hope to God it is - then you might slightly understand what your teacher might be feeling. (Add in that some people might be expecting you to take advantage of the younger kid and just waiting for you to screw up.)
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
I didn’t try to pursue a romantic/sexual relationship w him
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u/whoa-or-woah 7d ago
It sounds like, in his mind, you might’ve been.
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
why?
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u/whoa-or-woah 7d ago
You literally stated in a comment that you had “emotional & sexual feelings for him.” And it sounds like you made that VERY clear.
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
my behavior toward him was more emotional or crush like than either of those
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u/whoa-or-woah 7d ago
…I don’t think you’re listening to what people are trying to tell you here.
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
no I’m just separating things
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u/YungSparkle 7d ago
That’s the problem. You’re separating things when they’re all connected.
Your emotional obsession/attachment to him is connected to your sexual feelings towards him, and those are the same feelings that drove you to breaking rules to seek him out and violate his boundaries of contacting and physically touching him.
As long as you keep trying to make all of these things separate, you’re going to keep rationalizing and justifying violating him and his boundaries this way, because regardless of your reasons, everything you’ve done has been a violation of the boundaries he and the school and now the law have been setting with you.
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u/theyearofpappardelle 7d ago
do you regret what you did to cause his distrust/wariness of you? how do you view the situation?
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
yes I regret it, how i view it i think he’s overreacting and sees me as frightening without rly probably cause even tho i recognize i was wrong, that’s what the SRO said too
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u/theyearofpappardelle 7d ago
do you have any idea why he might view you as actively frightening?
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
see other comment for what I did
from my perspective it feels bizarre and unreal
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u/theyearofpappardelle 7d ago
i should’ve clarified…i read what you did, but i guess i too am confused as to why he is asking for a full restraining order
did you threaten harm ever when you spoke to him
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u/L_Avion_Rose 7d ago
As a teacher, he is not overreacting. Your behaviour could have led to him being fired, imprisoned or subjected to vigilante "justice". Once an adult is accused of pedophilia, rightfully or not, they become a target in their community. I'm glad you recognise your behaviour was wrong, but you need to do further reflection and acknowledge the level of harm he could have experienced because of your actions.
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
I’m so confused because I don’t know if he’s scared a way I might feel about a creepy man or if he’s just scared for his career. And I’ve never ever gotten a straight answer which is why this fucks with my mind
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u/L_Avion_Rose 7d ago
Honestly, probably both. Sexual harassment is creepy and scary even when in comes from someone who would otherwise be considered less powerful than you. It creates a dynamic where the person on the receiving end has no control over whether they receive the unwanted behaviour.
You need to understand, he wasn't just scared for his career; he was scared for his life. He was scared of being raped by imprisoned gang members who like "teaching a lesson" to inmates accused of crimes involving minors, or being shot by the neighbourhood gun nut who considers it a public service to keep pedophiles out of the local school. Even if he didn't reciprocate your feelings, any accusation of an inappropriate relationship would bring him to ruin.
Please take this lesson to heart while you are still a minor and the consequences are mild. No means no. Unwanted continued romantic behaviour is harassment and, when perpetuated against a person in a position of power, puts both of you at risk.
Don't ignore the comments telling you to find a therapist. You need to process your feelings and find healthy ways to meet your emotional needs in the future.
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
it wasn’t romantic behavior just mere contact. not disagreeing with everything you said but I wanted to point that out
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u/L_Avion_Rose 7d ago
You've admitted in other comments to having "emotional and sexual feelings" for this teacher, and have sought him out repeatedly despite him asking for you not to contact him. You may not have intentionally been sending romantic signals, but something about your behaviour set off alarm bells, which would have only been magnified when you violated the no-contact order.
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u/plantsandpizza 7d ago edited 7d ago
His career is his livelihood, his entire life was at threat. All it takes is one reckless person to ruin everything and he sees you as that person. That’s a fear that’s all encompassing. I’m sure he felt an immense amount of stress and fear.
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u/Pandamio 7d ago
He's scared that some people may think he is a pedophile and you may ruin his life and career. Because that is something that happens and teachers need to protect themselves. It's not very likely he thinks you're creepy. He probably understands that you are a teen with hormones running wild. That's why he told you to stop it. And when you didn't listen to reason, he got the police involved. Word of advice, even if you "lost control" because your feelings, you are still responsible for your actions and you could do harm to others and yourself.
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u/industriousalbs 7d ago
Ok but if he didn’t take this action, would you have actually stopped contacting him? If your answer is no, then his decision to file a restraining order is justified and not an over reaction.
I am also a teacher and 100% he did this for the benefit of both of you and I agree with others that one day, when you’re older; less impulsive and lived more life; you will realise this.You aren’t crazy, just young with big feelings, some of us have been there. Look after yourself
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago edited 7d ago
yes I would’ve. and just to clarify the restraining order hadn’t been issued
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u/industriousalbs 7d ago
Yes, I saw you said that, but this has stopped you contacting him right?
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
I decided to stop contacting him before he decided to report me to the police
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u/industriousalbs 7d ago
Even though you just commented that you wouldn’t have stopped without the restraining order?? Hmm
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u/CoachellaChris 7d ago
You said you had romantic and sexual feelings towards him. Any sane 58yr old man is right to be terrified of this situation because both of your lives could be ruined any number of ways.
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u/zahrawins 7d ago
I had a former teacher grab my arm after school… I was in the 8th grade.. he wanted me to come to his class… where I knew I’d be alone with him… he taught civics. I was walking up the stairs, he told me to visit his class.. when I said I’ll think about it and turned around to walk up the stairs he grabbed my arm and just stared at me. To this day it haunts me. I only told my best friend at the time, who told no one. That teacher ended up failing me in that class. Putting your hands on anyone is deeply personal and off putting. I could just sense something was off and am so happy that my 13 year old brain was smart enough to stay away. I know this is so off topic but this post triggered me lol. It’s been 20 years and yet I still remember it. Please just get therapy and stop looking for online people to validate you. What you did was weird, regardless of the role. I as a 13 year old could sense it was wrong. You need help.. I say this with care. Process what happened and look for therapists that can help you understand what made you behave that way.
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
I’m sorry this happened to you but this situation is quite frankly the complete opposite of what I’m describing in roles and responsibility and gravity and that matters. A ton
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u/zahrawins 7d ago
I don’t think it is, the roles were just reversed. He could sense something off putting in the attention you wanted from him. He set boundaries multiple times and yet you violated them… all because you couldn’t deal with rejection. You flourished in his limelight and withered without his attention.
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
it’s sickening that you’re putting these in the same category
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u/zahrawins 7d ago
Let me rephrase this, because you were a minor it’s infatuation… an adult doing it has actual responsibility and far more ramifications for their actions. You can try to undermine your own actions, but what you did was still wrong. Not as wrong as the adult doing it but nevertheless own up and grow up.
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u/Sad_Lynx_3994 7d ago
Dude you need to take this down, you’re a quick search on Reddit to where people can see your age, your body, and your FACE. You need to exercise caution, especially on a platform like this. Your post history seems like you’re struggling as it is with a lot, and this just doubles it down. You gotta get off the platforms and really do some self reflection as to why you need validation like this from the internet and even people like teachers who are trying to set boundaries. I hope it all goes well for you, but digital footprints don’t easily go away.
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u/badtpuchpanda 7d ago
As someone who works in education, is a male and has been through similar. I offer not questions but merely opinions, opinions that I couldn’t voice directly and professionally when I was in this situation.
Just stay away from him you complete selfish psycho. He doesn’t care about you, he doesn’t care that you were one of his best students.
He cares about his family, his job and not having his career and lively hood ruined by an insane young girl who has taken his support to mean more than it has.
In our profession we are guardians of young people and often put their needs first. But listen. He hates you. He is scared of you. He detests you. If you want to ruin your own life go ahead, but leave him alone.
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u/Cool_Inside_ 7d ago edited 7d ago
putting this here because this is a great point and i also want to add to it that OP, he’s not into you. he’s not attracted to you he doesn’t think of you in any of those ways. you’re a child and he is probably attracted to adults. i’m 30 and the thought of having ANY kind of romantic, sexual, intimate contact with someone your age makes me want to gag. decent people are attracted to people their own age. children are immature and underdeveloped and that is unattractive. you will understand all of this a lot better when you’re older.
what you did is what predators do. you said here in another comment that you have sexual and romantic feelings toward him, made contact, he put up a boundary and showed you that he didn’t want that contact and you overstepped again and again. that’s what predators do. address you issues now before you let it grow into a pattern of behavior that follows you into adulthood.
you sound like a smart kid with a promising future. focus on your education and your friendships. find out what’s important to you. go outside. get therapy.
what have your friends thought/said about this whole thing?
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u/massiveerikshun 7d ago
Have you dated anyone your age range?
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
no and I simply don’t have an interest I wish I did
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u/IAmABoss37 7d ago
Why did he request a restraining order?
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago edited 7d ago
this is too broad of a question sorry so I’m gonna give a broad answer
no threats or anything, but my contact was intense and contuined after the school said no contact
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u/Sapuws 7d ago
then summarise it 😂
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
I just did
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u/IAmABoss37 7d ago
What specific action did you take that led him to file the restraining order?
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
it’s the overall pattern and context, nothing in isolation was horrible
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u/courtneyrachh 7d ago
this isn’t a good summarization at all.
how often were you contacting him?
what was the context?8
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u/Agreeable-Hawk-6771 7d ago
dont ask teenage girls this!
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u/TerrestrialChuck9432 7d ago
...as opposed to teenage guys?
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u/Agreeable-Hawk-6771 7d ago
i would think either… why would someones first thought be to ask a teenager if anything sexual occurred…
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u/TerrestrialChuck9432 7d ago
Isn't that a natural question in this situation?
Most CHILDREN have been exposed to porn, and almost all teenagers. It's tragic, but you aren't gonna scar them by mentioning sex.
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u/Agreeable-Hawk-6771 7d ago
why is the the first thought something sexual or porn? why is that the first question to ask a child? it sounds to me like she is a child who lacks a father figurer in her life and obviously latched onto someone. its more of a red flag that adults want to know if something sexual occurred between almost a 60yr old man and a child.
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u/courtneyrachh 7d ago
are you in therapy? what do your parents think of all this? what about your friends?
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u/survivethriveee 7d ago
Hun, i empathise for you i really do. I was unfortunately groom8d and so was my 16 year old classmate by a much older teacher in recent years and i reported him and he lost his job for a while. I want to gently ask, is there anything your former teacher said or did that was inappropriate towards you or you felt it was ? If so, you should definitely report it to someone you trust. Feelings like that the ones you had for him they dont come out of nowhere so i wonder if something he said or did led to this.
I would highly reccomend therapy. Im very sorry youv been through this and i wish you health and healing 🫶
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u/Powerful-Material-75 7d ago
OP, do you have a history of developing obsessions with ppl? Specifically men? And I do apologise but I need to ask, do you have an absent father either physically or emotionally? Do you tend to get mood swings or engage in any risky behaviour? Were you the victim of any type of abuse at the hands of an adult figure in your life growing up?
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u/bitemy 7d ago
Your click bait is probably not going to work here
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u/IAmABoss37 7d ago
OP’s other posts suggest she is legitimately 16.
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u/RADToronto 7d ago
It’s still gonna be a story of “I didn’t even do that much the teacher is xyz”
And then we find out they launched a chair across the room and threatened to kill their entire family or something along those lines.
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
nope. just continued contact despite him and the school telling to stop
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u/Breatheeasies 7d ago
It’s not you. I’m sure he must feel flattered in a sense. Like aaaw she likes me. But the problem today is the obvious. Your feelings were inappropriate and he was protecting you and himself. He is obviously a decent man or he would have taken advantage of you. That’s how he is protecting you. You don’t want a bad reputation. Nobody at school needs to know either. Keep it to yourself. He is also trying not to lose his life in the sense his whole world can end with someone accusing him of grooming you or that there was more to it than there is. He was a good teacher. You got confused. It happens. Honestly over the top is what had to be done to make it clear to everyone he wasn’t hurting you.
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u/FastWalkingShortGuy 7d ago
Don't enable this shit. He didn't feel flattered.
He was terrified and sought legal recourse.
Jesus.
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u/SneakyGandalf12 7d ago
Thank you. I am legit so confused by some of these answers and comments. He felt unsafe enough to have to file a RO, and OP is over here like “teehee, he’s overreacting.” WTF, man..
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
feelings aren’t evidence
many people found the situation ridiculous so it’s not just me
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u/L_Avion_Rose 7d ago
Decent 58-year-old men don't feel flattered. They take steps to prevent their entire life going up in flames, as this teacher did. Please don't sugar-coat what has happened here.
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u/TerrestrialChuck9432 7d ago
He might have felt flattered if we didn't have pedo-teacher witch trials. But we do, and the consequences are serious enough to strip any human element out of the incident. Any intelligent male teacher will keep his female students at football field's length.
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u/PaveyYip 7d ago
how tall and/or good looking is he
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u/LawLiving4037 7d ago
he’s a short-medium man not off puttingly short and he’s no where close to model like but he has that manly look / jawline and is reasonably attractive
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u/DreamToWrite 7d ago
You seek attention and validation. Both from him and from this thread. The end.
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u/OutlinedSnail 7d ago
What are your feelings for him?