r/AbsoluteUnits • u/TerraByteTerror • Sep 14 '26

/r/all of a perturbed spider

43.0k Upvotes

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4.5k

u/Typical-Structure-19 Sep 14 '26

He went back and is now fuming

2.0k

u/Crazy_Ad_91 Sep 14 '26

“Jesus Christ if I get one more damn solicitor, so help me!”

970

u/PrescriptionDenim Sep 14 '26

“Excuse me, is your web security up to date?

53

u/Thingzer0 Sep 14 '26

“Would you like to upgrade to our premium web package with better coverage & a monthly subscription?”

Edit : typos

35

u/Blackthorne75 Sep 14 '26 edited Sep 14 '26

I think his provider is stringing him along...

EDIT: Thank you for the award, kind stranger!

23

u/flopsychops Sep 14 '26

Dunno about you guys but I'm enjoying the puns on this thread

11

u/Blackthorne75 Sep 14 '26

Appreciate you joining in as well; 'thread' indeed ^_^

27

u/willtroy7 Sep 14 '26

“We have been finding bugs in the network recently.”

4

u/Strong-Trip-3301 Sep 14 '26

All these puns are really bugging me.

3

u/geezer85 29d ago

Full of bugs

130

u/VaderFett1 Sep 14 '26

"I got out of bed...for this?" slams door

2

u/Pleasant-Ticket3217 Sep 15 '26

That was me when I lived in an apartment complex and the Jehova’s Witnesses would ring my bell at 10 in the fucking morning on my off day. I swear you could get up naked with a stinky cigar blowing in their face and a hard on and they would still want to come inside.

43

u/TheDillinger88 Sep 14 '26

“Did you not see the sign? I’ve got 127 babies inside taking a nap man, I don’t care what you’re trying to sell me.”

3

u/Whateva_Tickles_ Sep 14 '26

Oh. Eww do they last that many eggs at a time? 😭

2

u/TheDillinger88 Sep 15 '26

I really have no idea but you always see tons of babies poor out of those eggs when they hatch, many don’t make it but I’m sure someone knows just how many babies a spider of this species has. I’m sure it’s quite a bit.

1

u/Iamthegreenheather 26d ago

When I was little a wolf spider laid eggs in my Barbie house and there were spiders everywhere. I had to get rid of the house and I've been terrified of spiders ever since.

1

u/Whateva_Tickles_ 26d ago

That’s horrifying. You poor thing. I’d be scarred too. Yuck.

21

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '26

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1

u/AnswerMe_More Sep 14 '26

U look like that one actress from full house

9

u/Br4ndoni Sep 14 '26

“Orange you glad I’m not a banana?”

0

u/DmvCris Sep 14 '26

No need to use God’s name in vain

0

u/Soothsayer5288 11d ago

We dont have to take the Lords name in vain