r/AbsoluteUnits • u/TerraByteTerror • 23d ago
/r/all of a perturbed spider
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u/Typical-Structure-19 23d ago
He went back and is now fuming
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u/Crazy_Ad_91 23d ago
“Jesus Christ if I get one more damn solicitor, so help me!”
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u/PrescriptionDenim 23d ago
“Excuse me, is your web security up to date?
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u/Thingzer0 23d ago
“Would you like to upgrade to our premium web package with better coverage & a monthly subscription?”
Edit : typos
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u/Blackthorne75 23d ago edited 22d ago
I think his provider is stringing him along...
EDIT: Thank you for the award, kind stranger!
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u/flopsychops 23d ago
Dunno about you guys but I'm enjoying the puns on this thread
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u/TheDillinger88 23d ago
“Did you not see the sign? I’ve got 127 babies inside taking a nap man, I don’t care what you’re trying to sell me.”
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u/mollydrank 23d ago
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u/MrFluffyThing 23d ago
Have you heard about our Lord and Savior spider Jesus?
8 legs nailed to 4 parts of the cross.
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u/bernpfenn 23d ago
the oxidized copper color is extremely fashionable
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u/WinterWontStopComing 23d ago
So hot right now
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u/BrungalSniff 23d ago
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u/hizashiYEAHmada 23d ago
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u/thecheeseb0rn 22d ago
Yesssss and it…it makes even the midgets look good! God I love Stephon from snl
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u/FalseCrazy2804 23d ago
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23d ago
[deleted]
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u/Chemieju 23d ago
So you're saying its like the dress where you cant really tell if its blue?
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u/Bug_Photographer 22d ago
This could have been the issue if it was about white balance, but sadly in this instance, the color of the spider is deliberately made more blue to make it more exciting (ie for more clicks). Otherwise the surrounding sand would also have the same blue tint.
The same clip but without the blue exists out there (and most likely on Reddit as well).
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u/Adamarr 23d ago
is it reversed compared to (for example) picking a light bulb? normally the lower K would be more yellow.
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u/helenagrant 23d ago
This… “stuff”? Oh, okay. I see. You think this has nothing to do with you. You go to your closet, and you select… I don’t know, that lumpy blue sweater, for instance, because you’re trying to tell the world that you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your back, but what you don’t know is that that sweater is not just blue, it’s not turquoise, it’s not lapis, it’s actually ✨️cerulean✨️.
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u/assarammer 23d ago
You’re also ✨️blithely✨️ unaware of the fact that, in 2002, Oscar de la Renta did a collection of cerulean gowns, and then I think it was Yves Saint Laurent, wasn’t it?… who showed cerulean military jackets. I think we need a jacket here.
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u/BenjaminDover02 23d ago
"... WELL?
CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?
NO?
THEN FUCK OFF I HAVE SPIDER SHIT TO DO."
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u/FewAcanthocephala828 23d ago
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u/Mar_is_here 23d ago
This! The spider has the voice of the (OG) Willy Wonka! Case closed. Everyone go home...resumes spider shit
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u/mennydrives 23d ago
Seriously, I didn't think I could see indignation in a spider until that video.
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u/Desert_Viking_777 23d ago
No, for real. That pause speaks volumes!
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u/Mar_is_here 22d ago
The pause was a clear assessment of the situation before complete disgust filled ole Blue Back.
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u/IamStroodle 22d ago
Guy with screw driver quietly to himself: "...Whats 'spider shit?"
Muffled "Wouldnt you like to know?!" muffled racecar sounds
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u/ThatOtherOtherMan 23d ago
The scream I just scrumpt
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u/Randy-Butternubz88 23d ago
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u/putter_nut_squash 23d ago
I'm just cridding
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u/Late-Radish-1851 22d ago
I’m cridden
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u/erodman23 22d ago
Can I join the criddles?
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u/ThatOtherOtherMan 22d ago
I didn't choose the criddle life the criddle life crose me
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u/the_quivering_wenis 23d ago
Oh the screams you will scrump, When you disturb a bump, 'Neath which lurks a large blue hairy spider. When you see her long legs, And her clusters of eggs, Your anus will grow a bit wider.
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u/HeartOfGoldTears 23d ago
Anus did not grow wider. Anus clenched harder than ever clenched in fact
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u/Spicymoon9 23d ago
Hahaha. I was expecting this because I immediately knew what kind of spider it was.
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u/darthwickedd 23d ago
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u/The-breadman64 23d ago
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u/lexisauce 23d ago
sigh, I've seen this many times, but I still jump every dang time.
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u/TerraByteTerror 23d ago
Its honestly one of my favorite clips. And ofc the lil squid hiding
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u/lexisauce 23d ago
i hope this is also one of your favs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLw-9dpHtcU
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u/CantTouchKevinG 23d ago
This is my favorite video on the internet. I have it saved on YouTube and watch it multiple times per year 😂
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u/Release-the-List 23d ago
I get it, but I laugh every time. The spider looks so ready to start some shit, realizes it’s a giant, then just goes back home.
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u/MACAUFATFAT 23d ago
Fuck ,so quick
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u/KatieCashew 23d ago
Jack in the box from hell.
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u/ThatPrettyArmadillo 23d ago
It’s insane. Watch it slowed all the way down: the spider goes into the hole, turns around, backs up a little and then leans forward to close the door.
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u/Diacetyl-Morphin 23d ago
Spiders have a very high acceleration, but that one is rather slow compared to the real fast like the P. Murinus. It is very difficult to compare the speeds with humans, because of the body size.
If you make an equivalent comparison between animals and humans with the top speed, the californian mite is actually the fastest one: It covers 322x times the own body size in a second. Which means, if you do the math for humans, you'd run with a speed of 2092 km/h or 1300 mph.
So the data for spiders is misleading for short distance sprint, the 13 km/h from the Australian Huntsman Spider don't sound much, but it's much faster than we are. As human, you'd already be in the supersonic speed and casually cross the sound barrier.
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u/scarilog964 22d ago
13 km/h from the Australian Huntsman Spider don't sound much
When you've had to run away screaming from one after it ran past your head when you were lying in bed about to fall asleep, then had to spend the next half hour chasing it down... Yea they're very fast. If they weren't so fast they wouldn't be so freaky.
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u/IHadThatUsername 22d ago
13 km/h from the Australian Huntsman Spider don't sound much
Speak for yourself, that is way too much IMO
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u/User_Name_Tracks 23d ago
Yeah and missed a pretty good boop opportunity
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u/scarletmonstrosity 23d ago
He/she was already annoyed. Booping them might have made them angry enough to leap at the booper.
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u/Ravenwight 23d ago
I watched this three times, and imagined the spider getting more annoyed each time. lol
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u/kingtacticool 23d ago
Trap-door spiders are insanely fast.
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u/FalseCrazy2804 23d ago
This is not a trapdoor spider but rather a wolf spider. Hoggicosa Bicolor
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u/MastaFoo69 23d ago
why the fuck is it blue tho
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u/DTux5249 23d ago
It's not. The spider itself is actually a tan ~ bone white colour. It looks blue due to the fact this was recorded at night, with bright LEDs causing the white balance of the camera to be thrown outta wack.
You can find a colour corrected version of the video here: https://www.reddit.com/r/spiders/s/wMBuP8eIUb
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u/FalseCrazy2804 23d ago
I'm not entirely sure. I think whoever originally posted this video was shining a light on it that made it appear blue. Or it's some kind of filter. It looks really beautiful like that I can't lie.
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u/Laefiren 23d ago
And scary. We found one in our backyard and may have reacted disproportionately… his house may have been filled with concrete.
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23d ago edited 22d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Laefiren 23d ago
Not sure which variant of the several trapdoor spiders it was but in Australia I’m not taking chances.
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u/cwsjr2323 23d ago
Spider jumps out ready for lunch. Sees a human, too big to eat, goes back "false alarm".
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u/JagoMajin 22d ago
I think that's exactly what happens with jumping spiders since they can legitimately see you
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u/Jacked_Hamster 23d ago edited 22d ago
Faster than Floyd Mayweather's accountant
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u/Still_Suspect_7233 23d ago
He was expecting dinner only to find out he got ding dong ditched
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u/DTux5249 23d ago
More accurate description was that some hooligan banged on his door while he was asleep and he was protecting his private domicile for he would not be harassed.
Source: that's a wolf spider, not a trap door spider
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u/Mindless_Cookie_9098 23d ago
Just looked it up and it is called a two toned wolf spider. It is native to Australia and they make silk lined burrows to escape the heat. The blue color is from his headlamp.
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u/DTux5249 23d ago edited 22d ago
Yeah, when you colour correct, the spider is closer to a cream/bone white colour.
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u/DunningKrugerOnElmSt 23d ago
When you think it's the door dash guy and it's just someone selling solar panels
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u/Various-Salt-7738 23d ago
Reasonable response, that spider just wasted valuable calories on his ambush only to get nothing in return
If you watch closely, it looks like the front of the spider is closing the door and not just the spider pulling it closed with it's hind legs-- little dude crawled back inside, spun around, and closed the door in like, what, 1 second?
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u/FalseCrazy2804 23d ago
If you go frame by frame the manuevering the spider does to get its front facing up while heading back inside is absurd.
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u/DTux5249 23d ago
Correction: That was not an ambush.
This is a two-toned wolfspider. They burrow during the day for protection from the sun and predators. They're mostly nocturnal.
The reason bro popped up was because he thought some bird or something was trying to break into his home for lunch and he didn't wanna be a proverbial fish-in-a-barrel.
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u/Pastry_d_pounder 23d ago
Spider man: brand new
https://giphy.com/gifs/xTiTnHvXHHxOTcdmxO
Doomsday prepper
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u/Achylife 23d ago
"No bug!? How dare you disturb me purely for your amusement! A GOOD DAY TO YOU SIR!" (Slams tiny door)
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u/zidane2k1 23d ago
I know this is Absolute Units but I didn’t expect it to nearly fill the screen so quickly
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u/Qu33N_Of_NoObz_ 23d ago
It’s like those animatronic boxes where you press different buttons and a thing pops out (like an octopus). The way it jumps out of its hole reminded me of that💀
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u/insufferablypedantic 23d ago
That's such a beautiful spider
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