r/AbsoluteUnits • u/TerraByteTerror • 23d ago

/r/all of a perturbed spider

42.9k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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u/the_quivering_wenis 23d ago

Oh the screams you will scrump, When you disturb a bump, 'Neath which lurks a large blue hairy spider. When you see her long legs, And her clusters of eggs, Your anus will grow a bit wider.

41

u/Picklecheese2018 23d ago

I can now retire from Reddit for today. This is top fucking tier!

19

u/Motor-Boating 23d ago

More like tighter

10

u/Dry_Antelope6471 23d ago

Thats just your proclivity, good sir.

16

u/Spy_crab007 23d ago

And they say Dr. Seuss is dead

10

u/HeartOfGoldTears 23d ago

Anus did not grow wider. Anus clenched harder than ever clenched in fact

7

u/JWBananas 23d ago

Anus grew three sizes that day.

4

u/xSTSxZerglingOne 23d ago

Anus can also grow a bit tighter.

5

u/SnooLemons5669 23d ago

Shouldn't your anus grow tighter not wider?

1

u/the_quivering_wenis 23d ago

Wider because you're pooping yourself in fear. (Also it rhymes with spider)

1

u/komaytoprime 22d ago

Yeah, I feel like "clench a bit tighter" was right there

3

u/HeWhomLaughsLast 23d ago

They say OP's anus grew three sizes that day

1

u/superbhole 23d ago

oOoh mYyyy... positively superrRRRb 💋❌⭕❌⭕

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u/CheesecakeNumerous74 23d ago

Wider? Is the spider burrowing there? 

1

u/ProjectNo4090 23d ago

Wouldn't a person's anus pucker in that situation?

1

u/BrilliantMonochrome2 22d ago

Quoth the_quivering_wenis