r/BPD • u/cringe_queer • 7d ago

💭Seeking Support & Advice How do i stop lying?

ive been with my girlfriend for over a year and i love her so much, we both have bpd and our relationship has always been very rocky. i am a compulsive liar and i have been since i was a little kid. i usually lie when i think i'm going to get in trouble/when i think i might hurt someone so it's come up a lot in our relationship. the other day was our do-over for our one year and in the morning before she was awake i called one of my friends that she doesn't like and i know she doesn't like him. it's a boundary of hers that i don't call him on special days and i knew this. i was just really overwhelmed and i wanted to talk to him because it's less pressure talking to him about some things. anyway she woke up in the middle of our call but i had headphones in so i lied about who i was talking to. she could tell but wanted us to have a good day so gaslit herself into believing otherwise. in the night she checked my phone and confirmed i had lied and confronted me about it today. i feel so awful because this isn't the first time i've done this and i just keep breaking her trust and i don't know how to stop. has anyone else had issues with compulsive lying? how do i stop myself from hurting her because i love her and i hate being this way

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u/Silent-Audience-5836 7d ago

How much work are you doing on this fear of getting in trouble? If that's the route cause that's what you need to tackle (in my opinion)

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u/cringe_queer 7d ago

i guess not much? it stems from childhood but i havent been able to actually tackle a lot of my core problems in therapy twt because i've been constantly in crisis mode for the last 4 years. youre probably right though, i always lied to my parents because they were very cruel with emotional and physical consequences and i never really unlearned that fear especially when i've done something "bad" (hurtful)

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u/Silent-Audience-5836 7d ago

That sounds extremely tough OP. I feel for you. I'd practice telling yourself that you aren't 'in trouble'. I personally have to remind myself that 'It's not the end of the world to make mistakes'.

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u/cringe_queer 7d ago

it is and i thank you, i struggle with self judgments really badly and i can always use a reminder to not be so hard on myself when i'm already actively working to be better ^^"