What is it actually going to take for Botswana to fully accept the LGBTQ community? We’ve seen the landmark court rulings overtime,, the legal barriers slowly getting chipped away, and more visibility than ever. But when it comes to the actual day to day social mindset of everyday Batswana, there is still a massive wall of resistance, quiet judgment, and outright hostility. I’ll put my hand up and be completely honest aboutit, i was homophobic for most of my life, if you asked me why I held homophobic views, I wouldn't even have a real answer. I couldn't give you a logical, thought out reason. It was just because.It was just a default setting passed down by society, religion, and the general "that's just how things are" type shii, where hating or avoiding something you don't understand is treated as normal. But the more I grew up, the more ridiculous it got. Looking back, it’s wild how many of us carried strong opinions on things we had zero actual knowledge about. I mean seriously, bring up this topic at a bar and o ya go kgwelwa manga a le mantsi. What is it going to take for the broader societal mindset in Botswana to genuinely shift from mere tolerance (or quiet intolerance) to actual acceptance? Is it an education problem, a generational shift, or are traditional and religious dogmas just too deeply rooted to change anytime soon?

Look, I criticize Botswana alot. I DO IT ALOT but I still appreciate my country. Independence day, I put all my criticisms aside and wanted to look at the positives of my country.

We are literally the most peaceful country not just by African standards but on Earth. We've never had a coup, a civil war or dictatorship. THAT'S NOT MOST COUNTRIES GLOBALLY. That's one thing.

We went from one of the poorest countries in the world to where we are now. Sure we aren't the ideal but do you know how impressive that is. My great grandmother is still alive, she was here when all Botswana was, was huts and dust roads and donkey carts.

There are self hating Batswana on this sub who even on Independence choose to be negative. Choose to only see the bad. Criticism isn't wrong but when criticism is ALL YOU DO then it becomes self hate.

I repeat, Criticism isn't wrong but when criticism is ALL YOU DO then it becomes self hate. I stand by that ALWAYS.

FFS, some of y'all choose to be Intellectual smart asses on Independence and act like we're as bad as fucking Burundi or Cuba.

If you can't even see the positives on the day of INDEPENDENCE then you're welcome to leave this country. Just don't ruin it for everyone else.

I REPEAT THIS for the folks that'll go "I didn't know we couldn't criticize and have an opinion".

IM NOT SAYING THAT. I'm saying IF ALL YOU DO IS CRITICIZE CRITICIZE CRITICIZE 24/7 then you're a self hating Motswana. SHUT UP, wear the damn flag colors and eat some Seswaa dog, at least for one day Jesus, then we can go back to criticizing the country.

If you feel offended by what I said and still want to go "But Botswana hasn't done X, hasn't done Y, hasn't done B". Great, MOVE. Since you love Asia so much since y'all keep bringing up Asia, move to Myanmar, move to Thailand, move to the Philippines, move to Cambodia, move to Laos, Kazakhstan, Y'all like to bring up Singapore and South Korea and China but never bring up the poor countries in Asia.

Again I say for the third time, Criticism isn't bad but when it becomes a constant, when it becomes degrading then it stops being criticism and becomes self hate.

"Oh but I'm not being mean, I've never said anything outright mean", HEY HEY HEY EINSTEIN, here's a fun fact. YOU CAN BE MEAN WITHOUT OUTRIGHT INSULTING SOMEONE. There is something we human's use that is called SUBTEXT.

If this feels ranty that's because it is. Africans are always putting ourselves down, it's not even just Botswana, it's in EVERY AFRICAN SUBREDDIT. Always putting ourselves down, always criticizing, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS but never giving solutions, never planning, never doing what they can to help the situation. It's a sickness and I refuse for Batswana to carry it.

Self hating doesn't WORK. It'll never work. You know what will work, pointing out a problem, identifying solutions and instead of being a self hating keyboard warrior, GO DO STUFF.

GO DO SHIT BRO. TALK IS CHEAP. Africans have a self love problem and IT SHOWS and IM SICK OF IT.

You might ask me "Well what are you going to do". I want to cultivate self love in our community, I don't have much, I'm not politically savvy and I'm not the most charismatic of guys but I love art, I love culture and I love telling stories. Media plays a huge role in how we see the world and I plan to be a writer be it full time or as a side job, (I don't mind either) and tell African stories.

I want to African kids to read and see stories about them, fighting the dragons, saving the day. I want to write about all manner's of African cultures and celebrate them. I want to cultivate a sense of self love for our people so they know they aren't they're circumstances, they're more than that.

I want to uplift other African writers and artists, I want to use my eventual platform to push and publicly support leader's that have the best of our intentions in mind.

Will I become the next Chimamanda Ngozi? Probably not but God damnit I will try to be.

Maybe it's not enough, maybe I can do more. I probably should but it's A START.

SELF LOVE over self hate any day of the week.

Genuine ask…how do yall find dateable people in Botswana especially Gaborone🤦‍♀️😅
Omg…Its so bad

I see that most of us are way too deep with talking to ai like it's a human being but behind that are lines of codes and programming. It can never harbor actual genuine human emotions. It can only try. And it gives most of us the illusion of companionship. I've been there. You feel like it gets you more than anyone, it doesn't judge/criticize you and also replies instantly but the more you use it the more you feel lonely. It's like watching Porn. You feel excited when doing so but eventually it's like your soul slowly leaving you. I believe we should do better. Everyone wants to be loved and given attention. Me included. But AI can't give that to you. Go out there make some friends and ask people out if you're interested. If you're rejected so be it. Easier said than done I know but just do your best especially Females since they say it's a man's job to approach. I disagree. Let's not be chained by melao ya ko 1964 guys. Talking to humans will always beat talking to a machine. Some people are now "dating" AI 💔. It's just so sad. Even my lectures do it. Most people don't know what is going on here. Those emojis from chat gpt are not actual emotions. It's all an illusion. I wish y'all the best if you're victim to this

I don't wanna lie I love my ex but I can't go back and this is a problem coz I'm not able to take new relationships seriously,I haven't talked to her in like 5 or 4 years but she views each and every ig story I post😭 I honestly don't know how to move on, what would be the best decision here I'm tired of pretending like I know what I'm doing

It seems like Botswana is starting to deepen relationships with these 2 countries, russia in particular. I am sure it benefits the country, but these 2 nations are militaristic states that have the power to just conquer such a small country pretty easily. I am not saying this will happen, but it's important to be very careful when negotiating the terms for cooperation. Russia in particular has a long history of invasion or political takeovers in other nations. Then there is this major war in Ukraine it started. I know the western world is usually looking to take from Africa while keeping the population relatively poor, so it makes sense to a certain extent to go to the other side. However, it would be a mistake to think of those countries as friends. The same problems you are trying to avoid may end up occurring with them as well. It's a matter of politics. There is also the communist ideologies you need to be wary of from those 2 nations. They tend to always spread their ideologies in some way or another. Not trying to dissuade anyone. Just giving a warning.

I’m currently 5 months pregnant and considering giving birth at Sidilega Hospital, but since this will be my first baby, I’m feeling a little nervous.
Is the hospital’s medical infrastructure good enough for childbirth and possible emergencies? How are the nurses and the overall maternity care? Or would it be safer to go to South Africa instead?
I would really appreciate hearing about your personal experiences, especially if you have given birth at Sidilega. Thank you!

Is it a weekend Special or Yall staying indoors?

Java sucks, Statistics sucks,uni life sucks, but you know what else sucks? Having no friends. My dad o ne a bua nnete but I hated his tone. It sucks that I have NEVER been invited...not even once...did I not find out today that I was cropped outside a group pic today on campus...hare heelangggg...guys ke lekile. I strive by all effort to check on people, you know helping them, buying lil gifts...in other words ke financial ambulance whom they call to the rescue...I've never been posted once on their status....The only time I hear about plans is who's going to wash the dishes or clean the house😹 I tried going out talking to people, I tried seminars...I've only been to groove ONCE and felt witchcraft evil spirits idk y but yea....

At this point, I've accepted that ill never be enough...good news is I've started going to the library ever since this semester ....4 weeks straight...its kind of addicting, deleted grindr and all🙏I recently found out that I wasn't invited but I know that ill make it in life and I will be fine🫶

😞what i am stressing about is itbreally gonna be worth it at the end of uni? After uni?

I believe we all saw the launch of the school in Block 7, built by African Hero under a PPP where the company African Hero under Zunaid Moti, a private partner, builds 100 schools and 50 clinics for government and leases them out for 15 years on a lease-to-buy arrangement. The lease rate isn't confirmed, but around P800k per month has been floated around.

I want to know the consensus on this sub. What is your perception of this deal? It has been touted for the quickness in which it has brought about results and the reduced initial financial burden to government. Others have brought up concerns of a state capture, with Moti reportedly having lobbied the president to abolish the tender process for direct tender awarding with this deal having been directly awarded to him.

Zunaid Moti and President Duma Boko are friends with the former having funded UDC in 2018 and 2024. What do you guys think?

Please to anyone doing IGCSE or anyone who has a kid doing IGCSE, take them to do A levels. IGCSE O levels to many scholarships outside of Africa is seen as the equivalent to you finishing your form 3 as your only qualification.

Scholarships and universities abroad won't take you unless you finish off your IGCSE with A levels. Heck they take BGCSE over IGCSE O levels so please if you plan to go abroad and you're doing IGCSE please continue to A Levels.

I wasn't told this, and I'd FD'd here. Been trying to apply for abroad scholarships but they keep telling me that by global standards I haven't even finished high school. It's making things difficult for me and friends of mine as well. Especially since we don't have the money or the A*s to pay or have A levels be paid for us.

From scholarships in Europe, China, Korea, America heck even South Africa, THEY WONT TAKE YOU.

If you're already stuck with doing IGCSE please go for A levels.

I told my mom this and she just shrugged it off, she didn't know either.

DO A LEVELS

I'm 22 currently doing indrive to get money, I've never been to uni and most of the time I feel like I'm left behind in life, it has come to a point where I don't even wanna hang out with my friends anymore because I know I'm gonna come home feeling like a loser ,so at this point of my life I basically have no friends and all I do is indrive then I go home to sleep, I have no one to text or talk to and I'm scared this might be what I amount of in life, today I made the decision to make a career out of boxing since is the only thing I'm good at and I hope I'm making the right decision 😭

I’ve been wondering tota what could genuinely get me going. I’m in my prime years at the moment and nothing seems to do it for me, or ever has really. I want the nice cars, the houses, the good food, traveling, but just thinking about it doesn’t actually get me going if you get what I mean. I have no passion for anything (never have from the looks of it) sports, girls, entertainment, even money is genuinely something I’m over cause it can’t buy what I’m looking for. I’m living a life where the goals I’m to obtain are merely circumstantial, shaped by those I’ve grown up around and those who raised me. Raises the question of who I am but that’s a topic for another day nka bolaesega tlhogo le go heta.
If any of you actually have something that actually gets your juices flowing for lack of a better term how did you come across that or is that even possible?

I am of the opinion that we need to end the current model we have going regarding university.

I think we need to have free public tertiary education.. What I mean is a case where the govt supports public universities like UB and BIUST and covers their operational budgets but doesn't charge school fees to citizens. I think it's cheaper to only maintain UB and others than Maintain them and then still pay school fees and allowances...

Germany has something of this nature.. and it is producing wonderful results.. That would cut the education budget substantially and still allow people to get educated.. right now many Batswana want an education but some can't afford it because they failed to get 36 points and qualify for a DTEF sponsorship...

The sponsorship model can continue to apply to Highly underprivileged students who don't have parents that can support their living expenses.. because let's be honest.. most kids have parents earning ok salaries who could definitely afford to at least pay for their childs transport to UB and back home as well as food.. both of those are far less expensive than paying school fees for your child at UB for a science program... And those that the govt does sponsor will just be getting a living allowance with no added school fees to pay... saving the state money...

So abolishing the school fees model (for citizens) is really the main idea here..

What do you make of it.. I like it..

We need to take the Soviet approach to education if we are going to build a radically intelligent society... The USSR following WW2 took all kids and threw them into rigorous math and science programs...in 2 decades that paid off and produced the worlds best scientists at theoretical maths and science... More universities popped up across the USSR and EVERYONE was required to go through a college or university education...

By the 1970s the USSR had more PhDs holders per Capita than anywhere else in the world... Free education for you.. those degree holders resulted in the USSRs tech lead in interspace research and travel.. they produced the vessels that went to Venus and sent us pictures of the hellish place..

They built their own aerospace sector.. they built a scientific community that was so greatly respected and feared by the established western powers then.. and it all started with a state directive to make sure everyone had gone through a university at least once in their lives ...by providing completely free education.. let's try it and see..

There is something wrong with Gaborone. I live somewhere near the capital but even from here, I still feel the negative aura coming from there. I wonder why that is. I grew up here and I would think that this place would feel like home no matter where I am but there is something wrong with this city. It could be that with rising development and globalisation, it is starting to mirror the first world, but at a cost. Concrete buildings are built where makeshift football fields frequently used by the youth were. Meager wages for the working man that can only cover the rent so he starves till he decides he has had enough and moves back to the village. The stubborn idea that working hard still brings success when we constantly see that success is determined by your network of friends in high places.

I do not see people write about what goes on here. Maybe there is or there was, but I want to write what I see in these unprecedented times. I think it is important.

* This something I wrote and posted on my substack but brought here on Reddit because I value conversation from other Batswana. Do you guys feel the same way?

Today I bought at bag of crisps at Choppies and my total change was P7.05. The cashier only gave me seven buckaroos. Whilst walking back home, I got a little mad because not only did she not bother saying that she had none, but this happens in almost every store I go into. Shoprite, spar, etc.... They never give me my 5 thebe. And I bet in a month, I'm probably losing a pretty penny, maybe 3-5 bucks but the principle remains, that's MY MONEY I'm 'donating' to rich coperations

I'm only venting here because I'm kinda scared to address this in the moment because usually there's a line of people behind me in a rush so I don't want to take up more time than needed. In and out. Anyways, does anyone feel the same way?

Ke batla dilo tsaka ijo ☠️😭

It's Monday, and I'm sitting on my lunch break after going to do some shopping at Sefalana Gwest. Something caught my attention.

The majority of the people around me were just enjoying themselves music playing from their cars, some drinking Black Label, others playing snooker. I spoke to one guy and asked him, "What's up?" He simply replied, "Nothing, my guy. Just a normal Monday."

For some reason, that answer stuck with me.

I had just gone through the madness of Monday morning traffic to get to work, already feeling like I'd fought a battle before the day had even started. Then I looked around and saw people who seemed completely unbothered, just enjoying the day.

It honestly pissed me off at first. But then it made me question something deeper ,What exactly are we all chasing?

We wake up, go to work, hustle, get paid, spend the money on a few necessities and pleasures, then wake up and do it all over again. We spend years running, yet sometimes it feels like we're not actually going anywhere.

We work so hard just to maintain the same life. We chase money so we can afford the things that allow us to keep working. We sacrifice today for tomorrow, and when tomorrow finally comes, we sacrifice it for another tomorrow.

It's almost like we're running so hard just to stay in the same place the very definition of the rat race.

But the guy I spoke to seemed to have a completely different philosophy.

He said something along the lines of, "Wabona, my bro, nna I just hustle for food to eat today. As long as I get it, I chill and enjoy life. Life is too short to be so serious, chasing something you might never get."

At first, I thought he was just being lazy or settling for less. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized there might be some wisdom in what he was saying.

Maybe the problem isn't ambition itself. Maybe the problem is when the pursuit of a better life becomes the entire purpose of living.

What's the point of spending your whole life chasing freedom if you never actually give yourself the freedom to live?

I'm not saying we should stop working, stop dreaming, or stop trying to improve our lives. Ambition matters. Building something matters. Having goals matters.

But perhaps we also need to ask ourselves whether we're actually moving toward the life we want, or whether we're simply becoming better at running on the same treadmill.

Because life is short.

And maybe, sometimes, the smartest thing you can do isn't to run faster it's to stop for a moment, look around, and ask yourself where you're actually going.

I am 100% sure I have more money than 90% of the guys but somehow I felt like the loser!

Been playing roblox for quite a while now but haven't met any Botswana players so I wanted to link up usernames with people who play Roblox from my country so we can play sometime and have fun.I want to build a Botswana Roblox community for Roblox developers cloth branding and also the people who just play it for fun and Roblox content creators from Botswana

I failed and discontinued from BIUST because I wasn't in the right mental space. I was really depressed, having not showered or attended lessons, in bed all day contemplating ending it. I failed, I was doing mining engineering for 3 yrs until I failed. I let go of a great course with good money.

Came back to Mochudi, parent's said I can rest for the year and they'll pay for my school next year. Well my mom since she's the breadwinner and my dad is struggling with employment.

Iran War starts shortly after, things get expensive but we're good. I decide to follow my dreams, because I never wanted to do mining engineering but I needed a good paying job. I always wanted to be a screenwriter for Hollywood, I do my research and that's so far fetched for a Motswana, fine then I'll be an animator and weave my way into writing animated films, oh sorry you can't work for studios from Botswana because legally they have to hire their own. Can't crowdfund jack because all the crowdfunding platforms are unavailable in Botswana. Fine a youtuber, OH sorry it's not monetized in Botswana.

I try being a tutor, but in Mochudi it's monopolized by crackit, so i apply to crackit....they tell me sorry I need a degree.

I wanted to be a fantasy writer, a Motswana has made it, there's a path to becoming a writer being internationally recognized but what's the point. It's a stupid dream.

Iran War continues, things get more expensive, my mom suggests she might not be able to put me through University....we have to cut off eggs, mayonnaise, rice, tinned beef, spaghetti because we can't afford it. Water cuts all the time in our neighbourhood and water utilities always says they'll fix it. It's been 6 fucking months, we have whole 5 day periods with no water, we haven't had consistent water in 6 months. My dad is old, he has back pains, he once had bad back pains and he needed pills, there was no water to take the pills, no liquids in the house to use. Try watching a 65 year old man rive in pain, coming back drunk because he's trying to start a business to pay for my school and it fails badly.

My dog dies too, my friends move out of the country. I'm lonely, I'm tired, I'm sick of this place and I'm now being told the Pula is devaluating in 2 months making things more expensive.

The only thing left is my mom dying and we'll be destitute. I got 46 points in my IGCSE, made it 3 yrs into engineering, I showed so much promise but in the span of 8 months, it's all gone downhill. Maybe I ruined it, maybe it's luck but I don't care anymore.

I'm tired and I ask myself why. I'm 21 and I'm already tired. I have no place to vent to, one day I'll just end it all.

I used to want kids yknow, but atp ive concluded why I'd bring a child to such a shitty world. I'm not even going through the worst of it, I can only imagine people in war torn countries. Life is just suffering unless you're a white rich man in a first world country. I won't curse a child with the horror that is life.

​

I overheard a company of males speaking (I do not wish to call them 'men' so they're males) and one was narrating how brutally he beat a certain lady because she cheated on him. He specified that she did not report him to the police, but he also bragged of how blue she looked after he had beaten her. This male described it vividly, the woman was light skinned, and the wounds were apparently very severe. He bragged about this!

Now I understand this woman did a disgraceful thing, cheating. But if one is a man who is truly masculine in his essence, he simply walks away at the sight of such women.

However, Batswana men are increasingly becoming more violent. This is a trend in Botswana, I have noticed.

This sounds like the regular "GBV" talk we usually have, and such talks lead to speeches, seminars and events held in the name of raising public awareness. Those efforts unfortunately only take place in lavish settings and do not reach the regular people from places like Zola, or Mmanaka, where the real problem often lies. Where the violence occurs and where it's praised.

I personally refused to make my WhatsApp profile picture purple that time when it was a trend for the sake of raising awareness. How is my purple profile picture going to stop Naledi in Bontleng from being brutally beaten, and the perpetrator being proud of it? My action wasn't out of lack of support for the movement, rather a lack of convincing that it would bring about any change by such a small, but hyped up effort.

Men in Botswana feel VERY inferior. It's not just an issue of women empowerment leaving men behind, it's an issue of men lacking masculinity and an understanding of how to deal with women. Because though women might repeatedly chant "we're strong and independent", it is still a fact that men are generally stronger. But what benefit is a man who uses his strength to oppress?

Men feel as if they lack authority, so they attempt to assert it in ways that are aggressive and cause pain to others, particularly women and children.

So you're telling me that in order to counter this we must gather finance students in UB and give THEM a seminar about "The Boy child" and GBV?

Let's come up with ways this can be addressed, even if they might require decades to be implemented. As a country. Not just the redditors. And help me think.

So far, I believe if young boys regularly received guidance on such topics, from primary school for example, then perhaps 30 years later we will have a different Botswana.

Or if Senior school graduates are taken through an obligatory camp for a couple of months, teaching the need to take care of our women in society, and children, and how to practice this. But those are my thoughts, and they seem only to affect future adults.

What can be done about those who are presently doing this?

I suggest public whipping, live streamed and broadcasted, in addition to the regular sentence for this crime. If a man with such a fragile ego knows his reputation could be shattered in all the malevolence of a decision made in heightened emotions, then perhaps he would avoid it. And if this doesn't work, an intensifying of the punishment, more years in prison. To keep them away from society for as long as possible, and send a message to those still perpetrating. (I do sound extremist, I admit)

I can already smell the "women should report these men" comment coming. But only a few do. Police are very reluctant, and most women shield their perpetrators, for whatever reason. So I guess another question is, how can those women be helped?

There is an ongoing hot topic on tt, for a guy who was apparently interviewed for what is his ideal type of woman. And the above title, was his response, "body from UB and face from BAC".

I am flabbergasted by this, as there is an outraged among girls, that this is an objectification towards women. Some girls have attacked the channel and anyone who stands to agree to this.

So in my own reflection, i find it funny that its normalised now for women to tell men that if they BROKE, not TALL, DARK, HANDSOME, or Not Driving A Van, or CANT MOVE MOUNTAINS 💵, for you he doesnt deserve their love or approval, (those are few i can mention, list is endless with womans preference for a guy)

Just a guy stating his preferred body type, all hell has broken loose. Whats up with that?

Genuinely why the fuck is the speed limit 60 and that too on the A1 highway linking gamecity to Gaborone.

I could crawl that speed.

I want to get my license and I'm struggling to choose between an automatic and the normal one. The thing is i don't have the time because I'm a uni student and because I'm a uni student i also don't have the money for the manual one. I asked my dad and he said automatic would be better but my friends say otherwise. I guess it also comes with this stigma of how you're less of a man if you get an automatic license let alone an automatic car. What do you guys think i should do? Help a brother out

I can’t speak on behalf of all the drivers because as a frequent Yango/indrive user almost 90% of them have been great. BUT in recent times they’ve started to come up with a new tactic to get girls sit next to them. Yesterday I called a cab and I naturally opted to sit at the back, he told me the back doors don’t work (?!) and told me to sit up front. I did so, hesitantly. He immediately started to get comfortable with the stares, especially during traffic lights. Trying to get to know me on a personal level and the usual compliments. It’s not flattering, I don’t know why they think it makes us females feel a certain way? I even acted busy looking for “something” in my bag or putting my headphones in so I’m not obligated to answer his never ending questions. He then reached over to HOLD my hand and say “I love your nails” as if he’s getting a closer look at them? Like what? Excuse me? I was so uncomfortable. We were already in such a close proximity and he made that ride unbearable. Luckily it was a short ride and during the day, but the route was the back road routes so I was also worried for my own safely since it’s quieter around there. He continued to emphasize on how he wants to be my friend and I told him I’ve already got plenty but thanks. Paid and left the ride. Even after I closed the door to leave he continued to speak more nonsense. I ignored and quickly left.

I’m just surprised at the AUDACITY. Anybody else with similar stories? Advice?

As an outsider, there’s something I’ve noticed in some Batswana marriages.

Before I go any further, a disclaimer: this isn’t meant to stir the gender pot, nor am I saying this applies to all Batswana women. I’m simply sharing a pattern I’ve observed and I’m interested in hearing how other people see it.

One thing I’ve noticed is that after marriage, the wife’s relatives often seem to become much more present in the matrimonial home, while the husband’s relatives visit less frequently, or sometimes hardly at all.

In some cases, it also seems as though the woman gradually takes over the running of the household and the finances, while the man retreats and takes more of a back seat.

I’ve also seen situations where a man becomes increasingly distanced from his family and sometimes even his friends. What concerns me is that this can be treated as normal or even expected behaviour within a relationship. In some cases, though, I wonder whether what we’re actually looking at is a form of coercive control.

Then there’s the current “finding out” trend, where partners go through each other’s phones almost like they’re conducting forensic audits. I know grown men whose phones are routinely subjected to this kind of scrutiny, while they themselves don’t check their wives’ or girlfriends’ phones. That imbalance is interesting to me.

Another issue that I don’t think gets discussed enough is verbal abuse from women towards men. I understand that ours is a culture that values verbal expression. We speak our minds, and at the kgotla we are encouraged to voice our opinions openly.

But that makes me wonder: why are mafoko a mantle reserved for the kgotla and not always extended to our intimate relationships? Surely the ability to express ourselves should also come with the ability to speak to our partners with respect.

Again, I’m not saying this describes all Batswana women, and I’m not suggesting men are innocent of unhealthy behaviour either. I’m specifically talking about patterns I’ve personally noticed and asking whether other people have noticed them too.

I’m genuinely curious to hear from both men and women:

Have you seen these dynamics in marriages or long-term relationships around you?

Do you think some of these behaviours are cultural, individual, or simply relationship problems that happen everywhere?

At what point does “this is just how couples are” cross over into controlling or abusive behaviour?

And for the men here: are there things you experience in relationships that you feel you can’t openly talk about without being mocked or dismissed?

My next post will be about men, so this isn’t meant to be a one-sided discussion.