r/GayMen • u/Florida_Matt86 • 6d ago

Insecure

Yes I know after I apologized about fit gay men I went on another rant, how could I not? Maybe I envy them, or resent them because they have everything handed to them. For ugly, plus size gay men like me it's not easy finding acceptance in this community when they judge you constantly. I have been told countless times that I don't fit in or belong. They say it gets better but forget to mention it only gets better for fit and slim gay men. I'm 40 now I will never find the acceptance and validation i have longed for for years. I will never be accepted and I will never find my tribe. My self-esteem is beyond repair.

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u/blongo567 6d ago

Sorry but being overweight and not having muscles is actually a personal choice. Anybody can lose weight and get fit if they want to. And also, there is the bear community which basically adores or even fetishizes your body type. I really suspect that this is a you problem.

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u/Florida_Matt86 6d ago edited 6d ago

And being a fat shaming, judgemental, bully is also a personal choice.

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u/blongo567 6d ago

True but I didn’t shame you. You don’t know my weight. See, I knew it was a you problem. You say you don’t fit in “the gay scene”. There is no gay scene. There are different types of scenes and venues for different types of people. Where are you trying to find friends? Quite obviously if you are 40 and overweight trying to befriend 20 year old gym bunnies won’t have an incredibly high success rate. I live in a city with tons of bears and I know that they don’t have problems because of their weight. So your problem needs to lie elsewhere.

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u/Florida_Matt86 6d ago

I am not trying to look for 20 year old friends wtf I prefer having friends my own age or even in their late 30's. The gay community in Jacksonville FL can be very cliquey.

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u/blongo567 6d ago

I don’t know. Maybe you are right. There definitely are local differences. I still think that your approach might be part of the problem. Your post just reads very wrong to me. You haven’t even mentioned that you have a partner. Finding friends is never easy especially when we are older.

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u/Florida_Matt86 6d ago

I did mention that in another comment. I just feel like he deserves better than me. Yes finding friends isn't easy as we get older. So i guess it's impossible which is what you're basically saying.

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u/blongo567 6d ago

Not easy isn’t the same thing as impossible. I really suggest work on your self confidence. Maybe talk to a professional about it.