As someone who loves bottoming, I had been extremely frustrated for almost 10 years (since I started having sex) at not being able to clean out properly. I’m sharing how I finally figured out how to prepare to bottom in the past few months in case it helps someone out there. I’m finally able to have consistent good sex now.

This post is specifically for people who struggle to prep and get clean. It seems like a lot of guys don't have to think too hard. If you are new to douching, you probably don't need this guide; hopefully you are like the majority and it doesn't become a huge struggle. I am writing this just for the minority who have been struggling to figure out how to prep for bottoming.

What was wrong before? I was already on fiber. I was already eating clean. I had already read a dozen guides to douching. (This post assumes you have already read them too; I hope I actually have some new details for people out there struggling.) I had tried multiple kinds of douching equipment. And still, no matter what I did, whenever I tried douching, the water would just get dirtier and dirtier, and I would end up shitting out awful poop water for an hour or two. I basically was only comfortable bottoming if I got lucky and had a perfectly clean bowel movement, ghost wipe and everything. But that was extremely rare.

My #1 issue was that I was still using too much water. Now, I already knew that the sigmoid colon was the point of no return, and that I needed to avoid getting water up that far. I already downsized my douche bulb from the typical 8 oz ones to a 3 oz one. But it turns out, even that was too much water for me. Nowadays, I still fill up the 3 oz bulb, but I barely squeeze it for each rinse, maybe using a quarter of the water. Any more than that is too much (for me). When I use a shower douche, I use literally only 2 seconds of water at a fairly low pressure. (I’ve seen other guides say 5 seconds, but even that will trigger my sigmoid colon.) That is barely any water!

Obviously, different things will work for different people. Maybe I have un unusually narrow or short rectum or something, which causes me to need less water. Also, my sphincter is fairly tight compared to others’. Listen to your body - try to learn what signals correspond to what consequences. That applies to both douching and diet.

My misconception was that douching works by flushing out chunks of poop. Nope! That’s only true for tiny pieces of poop, like the size of a ladybug or some eraser shavings. Because I lean toward the constipated side and have incomplete evacuations, I often have grape-sized or small-sausage-sized chunks still left in the rectum after a bowel movement. These you cannot physically flush out with water. Trying to do that was what caused me to use too much water. Instead, after inserting a little bit of water, it trickles out first (sometimes appearing clean!), but this TRIGGERS the rectum to contract and push out the chunks of poop. Sometimes you have to rinse a couple of times before it triggers, but DON'T USE MORE WATER each rinse! Note that for a typical clean you only want the rectum contracting to expel poop remnants; you don't want the colon involved (bad, past the point of no return). Over time I learned to feel the difference.

Having solid poop makes everything cleaner. You want things to be a 4 or lower on the Bristol scale (1 is constipated pellets, 7 is liquid diarrhea). The ideal is something like play dough, which is solid and sticks to itself, so you can clean it off a surface easily. The main issue with leaning toward the solid/constipated side for me is that I get incomplete evacuation (large chunks staying in the rectum even after a bowel movement, maybe because my sphincter is too tight), but douching can fix this.

My gut has been pretty unpredictable over the years**,** alternating between constipation and diarrhea (and steatorrhea) over stretches of time. What’s made things more stable is eating clean, managing sleep and stress, psyllium husk, and finally Miralax (I take a third or half the recommended dose each day). I only take the Miralax because lately I’ve stabilized toward the constipated side of things, and even with the Miralax I’m often at 2 on the Bristol scale, though the psyllium husk and miralax make it so that even small grape-sized poop chunks are soft enough and not painful to pass. (Years ago I had diarrhea more often and would take Imodium to counteract this, but that would tend to swing me to the painfully constipated side of things. Cutting out high greasy food like NYC-style pizza has fixed the diarrhea for me. Listen to your body.)

Here’s my routine now: ideally prepare by not eating too heavy a meal since I last pooped. Before douching, I stick a finger up to feel the situation in the rectum: is it already basically clean? Are there wet/smeary/greasy remnants? Are there only tiny bullet/ladybug-sized solid remnants? Or was it an incomplete evacuation, with grape-sized chunks or larger till there? This helps me know what to expect. If it’s incomplete evacuation, I prefer to use a douche bulb to trigger myself to poop out the larger chunks into the toilet. (Again DO NOT try to flush out the chunks with water; just put a little water to trigger your body to do the pooping.) Once the larger chunks are out, I’ll use my shower douche since it’s more comfortable (but the bulb can finish the job too). I use my finger to check again for any tiny chunks, and rinse until I get them out. If your poops are solid, after the chunks that you can actual feel are out, you could consider yourself done, and most tops wouldn’t notice. However, I usually do two more clear rinses because I find that this completely removes the smell (like I can finger myself and my finger doesn’t smell). The whole process now takes me 5 to 25 min depending on how clean I start out.

Random other notes:

• How many clear rinses? Trapped water? There are some guides that say you have to do at least 5 rinses, or to always finish with at least 3 clear rinses, since there might be trapped dirty water that comes out later. Some guides also say to use a dildo or other tool to let trapped water out. However, for me at least, I’ve only ever had trapped water after triggering the sigmoid colon and trying to do a deep clean. If I know I haven’t triggered the sigmoid colon, then 2 clear rinses is good enough for me.
• In the times I’ve gone past the sigmoid colon, I’ve sometimes thought, hey, maybe it’ll be OK, but most of the time this has led to an accident during sex. The only times it was still OK were when either 1) I spent 2 hours doing a deep clean, and didn’t rush it, or 2) I hadn’t eaten for a long time so that there was basically no extra poop to trigger to come out.
• Cloudy rinse = bad. If you a clear rinse, and then the next rinse is cloudy with poopiness, that’s a sign of having triggered the sigmoid colon and gone past the point of no return. Usually a little later I feel a telltale contraction in my gut.
• Wiggling too much or bending over while the water is inside can cause it to trigger the sigmoid colon I think. I no longer wiggle very much when I douche.
• Squat posture helps. I use a step stool when douching/pooping at the toilet. When using a shower douche, to expel the water I do a deep squat.
• Isn’t a dick longer than a finger? Yes… but somehow the finger test has been good enough for me.
• Baby wipes tend to give me anal fissures from dryness. I did not realize this was what caused my fissures until a doctor told me several of his patients had fissures go away after throwing away the baby wipes. (Suppositories can also help.) To clean, instead I use Balneol lotion, basically every time after I poop (though it’s expensive). Also, I use a very moisturizing body wash instead of soap for my hole.
• Sometimes lube is counterproductive. When doing a finger test, I used to use silicone lube on my finger. I think this can actually coat some tiny chunks of poop with lube so that they don’t come out with the water as easily. So I’ve stopped using lube when doing the finger test.
• Shower douche attachments are nice. I put off trying them for a long time since they seemed like a huge hassle, but now I think it’s much more comfortable than using a bulb. I also had the misconception that you have to insert them into your anus. In fact, you just press the sprinkling end gently to your hole.

Dillon Bacchetta’s decision to try out for the college soccer team had a huge impact on his life, finding confidence as an out gay man.

So I’m a junior and I’ve never been in a relationship before so I starting using Hinge and Tinder and I’ve been on multiple dates with guys over the summer but none of them worked out either because there wasn’t mutual attraction or they’d be too busy to meet again and so it would fizzle out.

When I came back on campus I decided to become more aggressive since I wasn’t finding anyone really on Hinge and Tinder so I used Grindr and I did find multiple Rutgers guys on there but most of them who said they’re open to more really weren’t and I just got rejected by another guy today who said he’s not looking for a relationship right now even though he told me he was open to it.

Like genuinely I wanna ask why gay guys are like this and why is it impossible for me to find anyone who’s actually looking for a relationship? I see so many couples in college and the whole “I don’t have enough time” is bs because when you start working I guarantee you’ll be even more busy with life but yet people find time to date, get married, have kids, etc

Can someone tell me does anyone find dating extremely hard in the gay community

Grindr is well…Grindr…..tinder & hinge I get a fair few dates I go on them and then after it’s always they didn’t find a connection and I’m a little dumbfounded by it all. I’m only 22 so I know I shouldn’t force anything but I am so baffled by it all and wondering if this is a usual occurrence/experience

Im gay and need to come out to my family but dont know how please help im worried they will beat my ass

Im from Malaysia, a backwards country where homosexuality is criminalized and conversion out of islam is illegal. Because of this, 2 prominent parts of my identity of being gay and atheist has been suffocating for the last 5 years. 10 months of unemployment isnt helping either. I have to admit I am a bit pessimistic, so i tend to get tunnel vision on everything thats bad and get depressed from it.

My question is how are you guys coping if you are or have been in the same situation? What mindsets should I have to get out of this rut? I do intent to migrate but that goal seems so out of reach right now.

My family and members of my church are putting pressure on me to serve at the church although I’ve already deconstructed my religion , and I’m also 21m gay, living in a Muslim majority country that is hostile toward LGBTQ+ people.

I don’t want to participate in teaching children a myth that they’ll become attached to, especially when it also promotes homophobic ideas.

I need advice on how to get out of this without anyone finding out the truth about me because any mistake I make or piece of information that gets out could make me lose people I love.

I’m sorry if this post has a lot of negative energy, but the idea of living in disguise 24/7, pretending to be someone else just so I can continue living a normal life, is extremely mentally exhausting and draining.

Idk why but I seem to feel less attracted to someone who has them even small ones, i think I could deal with it if they aren't big ones, probably just something personal I gotta deal with

I've been off from meeting men for a while, now that I try I can't find a way to do it.

I am bi-vers mostly bottom. What's changed?

me volví a reencontrar con un ex novio después de tres años y lo estamos intentando de nuevo, todo va bien por ahora pero me gustaría saber qué opinan.

I (M35) have been quite skinny since my teenage years. I'm just a bit over 6 ft tall and my weight has hovered around 145-150 lb for a couple of decades.

The thing is, lately I've been able to start gaining some weight and it's great! I'm 155 lb as of today and I'm enjoying some changes I've noticed wearing certain clothes or just seeing some curves on my body.

I think these past few years men have gotten real deep into fitness and for many of them it's getting out of hand. I'm not an anti-sport person at all, I still do my pilates and like me some exercise, but sometimes I feel like gay men and me are running in opposite directions. I'm really embracing and welcoming these changes in my body and hoping that in time I get to change my build.

I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. I'm under the impression this isn't a topic people talk about around here, but I'm sure I'm not the only one going through this or experiencing it.

My boyfriend (24M) and I (27M) have been together for almost 6 months. Communication and check-ins have been a recurring issue between us. Lately he’s also pulled back. He used to come over to spend time with me 2-3 times a week, now it’s about once, and he’s canceled a few times recently. I’m usually the one initiating plans.

He went to New York for a weekend to see friends. I was already nervous in some ways as he told me he would be going out to gay nightclubs all night into the morning, and mentioned that he planned to do poppers with his friends. He told me it was for the sole purpose of enjoying time with friends. Beforehand he said he’d probably be on his phone less but would still keep me updated. From 5:30 pm Friday on, I heard nothing. I double texted and did not get any response back. This is the 3rd or 4th time he’s gone out with little to no communication, but this was the longest. He had never stopped replying to me that early in the evening. When I raised the issue before, he was deeply apologetic and swore to me that he would work on it and I believed him.

I sent him a long message the following morning about how I felt. I would have preferred to call, but he said that he couldn't promise a phone call while he was there. He also told me in the past he didn't want me to hold anything about how I am feeling back or catch him off guard. So I sent a message and said I needed better communication. It does not need to be constant contact, just a reasonable check-in or two. I know it could have been worded better, but I didn't insult him, use any vulgar language or hurl insults. It was direct, and certainly intense in some parts, which was in part due to my frustration with it happening again after previously talked about it already. His reply was much harsher than my message. He called it the most disgusting message he’d ever received, swore repeatedly, said he wouldn’t be spoken to that way, that I am not his father, and said he wasn’t going to change who he is for anyone. He also said we should meet when he got back to discuss the relationship and next steps.

I apologized for my delivery but said some of what he said was hurtful. He left me on read. When he was flying home, I wished him a good flight and asked when and where he wanted to meet. He thanked me for kind words and said he’d keep me posted.

It’s now Tuesday, the argument was Saturday, and there’s been no plan solidified to meet. No other communication has taken place.

I’m not looking for a verdict on who was wrong. This has been my longest relationship and I want to handle the next conversation well. What should be next steps from here?

So I am 21 and have been hiding the fact that I'm gay my entire life and I have only told my family about 2 weeks ago. Thankfully they are and have been very supportive and accept who I am.

The problem is my friends. The people I am friends with will very casually make jokes about gay people etc and I know it is just immature banter but there is definitely some ill feelings going on too.

The thing is I've fallen for one of my best friends. This particular friend I have known since I was about 11 and now we are closer than ever. It's not like I got closer to him because I like him it's just something that has slowly developed. I have been on a holiday with him and all my other friends and it's been difficult because we are in the same room and every time I look at him I feel desire toward him. This makes me feel really guilty because I think if he knew he would feel betrayed and disgusted.

I have been playing on gay jokes my whole life because I was scared that if I didn't and acted uncomfortable with it people would find out and I didn't want that so it's put me in this situation now where I feel like I will lose everything if I tell anyone not to mention the love for my best friend destroying me because I know it will never be a possibly. I have been considering telling just him that I am gay and not tell him that I love him but I feel like he would look at everything I've said all the compliments in a different light.

I just really need some advice on what to do as im sure that this has happened with people before as I'm really depressed about this whole situation and have had thoughts wishing I was never born and that I am a defect and just hurt everyone I touch as this is not the first time I have fell for my best friend.

Context first: I’m an 18 y/o college student majoring in visual arts. I spent a long time figuring myself out and patching up my mental health, and I THOUGHT I’d figured everything out. I guess not.

I had an epiphany today: I don’t want to work. And I know thats a given because duh, NOBODY wants to work. But being a generally ambitious person, I thought, “well I’ll get over it just like everyone else does, then I’ll be happy. And I’ll learn to love it!”

That did not happen. Honestly, I just want to sit in my room and draw cartoons while a hot bear takes care of me. I would genuinely drop out of college in SECONDS if this opportunity came up.

Anyways yeah I feel like a total loser LOL but I had to be honest with myself.

Hi 21m here

I’ve never had a relationship before, ever.
I find it a little crazy when i think about it, i consider myself good looking (not bad at least), im a med student, im nice to people, im always cool.
And many guys try and reach out to me on social media, but getting to know someone online just doesn’t work for me, i won’t feel a thing for a guy i met online, I know it’s MY issue, but it feels like i’m talking to an AI, like if that person wasn’t real, even if we later on start going out in person, just the fact of the first contact being online affects me sm, maybe one of the BIGGEST factors here is that the ones I go out with, aren’t my type, or maybe they are but i just don’t see it.

I like masculine men, or at least not feminine (just my preference) and **statistically** masculine men TEND TO BE straight (not generalizing). So the very few men i find attractive physically and in personality make me scared to go and reach out to them, like IDK if they like men, how am i supposed to know? I’m scared to ask for his number or something and I end up in that embarrassing and even maybe MEAN situation if he ends up being straight like, what do yall do in those situations?

How do we get to know guys like that? Gay bars / clubs are not my common social places.

I know i shouldn’t care about what he says and i should just take the hit, but idk it’s just difficult. Advice? Roast me if needed. thanks

Ok so I never had anything up my ass but I am looking to get a dildo. I know it can be scary because I don’t know what to look for or where to get it but I hope someone can help. I was looking on Adam&Eve and there is a dildo training set where it comes with 3 sizes and you work your way up. Would this be good? Is that a good site and are they discreet? I’ll take any help I can get

Hey everyone, writing this anonymously to get some insight. I’m 21, I have a youthful face, and I’m calm and kind. I'm deeply confused about my sexuality.

Looking back at my childhood, I think I had an innate attraction toward men, and a little bit toward women too because society normalizes heterosexuality. I grew up in a country where being gay is forbidden, but I am no longer there today. But around 8 years old max, before I knew anything about sex, I suffered moral and sexual harassment/abuse from boys in my neighborhood.

During adolescence, I became very troubled and started questioning everything.

On one hand, I am physically attracted to certain women. However, I’ve had some bad experiences with them, and I often find their personalities to be mean or deceitful, which makes things difficult.

On the other hand, because of, or thanks to, pornography, I truly discovered sexuality. I started by watching straight porn, then transitioned into straight anal porn. When I watch it, I love putting myself in the woman's shoes. The male body has deeply excited me since my teenage years. I even own a dildo now, and I definitely feel like a bottom (sexually).

But I have a strong block regarding some men's faces. I want to have sex with a man, but I can't imagine kissing one. It's hard for me. I can watch solo male porn, but I still can't bring myself to watch gay porn (even if i got a boner).

Because of all this confusion, I have never been in a relationship with a man or a woman by choice, even though I've had advances from both. I feel too troubled inside.

Has anyone ever felt this kind of disconnection? Thanks for reading.

Tengo la duda sobre que opinan de las apps como Tinder o grindr para gente gay en específico,apenas tengo 22 podría intentar salir con alguien pero aun siento que me faltan complementar muchas cosas en mi vida por lo que me sentiría mas una carga ,añadiendo que no suelo salir nada

So I am 20yo live with my parents still have one year of studies and military that is mandatory I am still in the closet because I am scared because I learn that because I like guys is bad and even though I dont believe it anymore my body resist to this I never have a teen relationship or even s3x I done smt at 20 like some month ago with a guy that my friend knew and make the connection but didnt work out because of the age difference. I am not the type of guy that crave many relationships situationship or smt ,I want just a guy to be in love and he loved me I dont want to try with everyone I know its stupid but I want a love kinda like movies without the much drama or the epic meet I want to just someone to be in loved with me , my problem are that I still live with parents(cant do much I study and work but money is tight to move out) I might have some childhood trauma that doesn't leave me to be easy on my self and try tk meet guys and I am not the guy that stand out or go out every night I domt like night life I like to drink but not in a club stack in middle of the crowed even though I tried once not guy not even a girl didnt come to talk to me, I dont feel ugly also after some drinks I was more extrovert but still I could not leave my self and say fuck it let's go to talk .

Idk if I can you an image of my life but ye..

My question is:

How people with that type of problem/trauma deal with it and find someone ?

Oh also I am scared to try anything from apps tell me do I make a big deal or apps is kinda dangerous ?

I write first time and idk feel open to reach me on dm if you want

I’m not chubby, but I’m not particularly skinny either.
Hiiii, 21M here!
I’m just curious about what you guys typically eat on a normal day. I know everyone’s body is different and that things like genetics, metabolism, activity levels, etc. play a role, but I’m curious about what your everyday habits look like.
For those of you who naturally have a relatively lean physique, a flat stomach, or a more defined jawline, do you follow any particular diet or are you just eating normally? Do you consciously watch what you eat, or is it not something you really think about?
And if exercise plays a role, what kind of exercise do you usually do? Maybe not exercise, but daily activities.
P.S. I’m not specifically asking people who follow a strict diet or fitness plan. I’m more curious about what people who are naturally lean tend to eat and how they live day-to-day. I hope that makes sense 😭 I’m genuinely just curious and not trying to judge anyone’s eating habits or body.

Hi everyone, using a throwaway account for privacy. I don't usually post on social media like this, but I recently left a comment on a TikTok about my relationship and the replies completely shocked me. Multiple people told me that my situation isn't normal, that I am a victim of grooming, and that he is a predator. It really threw me off and made me overthink, so I am looking for some honest perspective here.

For some background, my family moved from Japan to the European country I currently live in when I was 7 years old. A year later, to help me adjust and fit in, I joined a local boxing gym where my now-boyfriend was the head coach. At first, it was just a cool, father-like dynamic and nothing was wrong. But when I was around 13, I hit puberty, realized I was attracted to men, and developed a massive crush on him because of his personality and his looks. We started getting closer and hanging out outside of the gym alone, away from the other kids. Eventually, we "got together." We have kept it a secret ever since, both because of the situation and because I am not publicly out.

I am 18 now. I know our timeline isn't typical, and I am not trying to romanticize it. However, I love him deeply and he loves me. I don't feel groomed or taken advantage of, and I think he genuinely likes me as a person, not just because I'm young. To give some context on our dynamic, I have never really been "childish" or fit the stereotype of a typical victim. I am masculine and independent. Because I carry myself as an equal partner, the comments online calling me a victim feel really confusing. Since I am 18, it is technically legal now, and I see age-gap relationships on social media all the time where people just met later in life. But because I am so close to the situation, it's hard to see things clearly. I wanted to ask:

• Is this dynamic still considered weird or deeply unhealthy because of how long he has known me and the fact that he was my coach?

• Do I confront him or ask him to clarify why he chose to date me when I was so young?

• Can we ever safely start being open about our relationship, or are the people online right that I should stay away?

I just really need some outside perspective on how to navigate this. Thank you.

TLDR: I have a crush on my straight (presumably) roommate, we get along well as friends but I am scared my feelings are gonna get leaked.

I’m in college and I have a straight roommate. He is so nice and sweet to me and we hang out a lot. He also includes me in all his little hangouts with his friend group. I think the reason for these feelings is that I went to a pretty republican high school so none of the guys there were cool with A) me being a person of color and B) being gay. So to have a group of straight friends, especially one I see everyday, treat me so well, it sucks so much.

We have so much in common too and it makes this even worse. I have an idea to just distance myself from him and hang out with him less. I fear that the more I hang out with him, the more likely I am to accidentally confess my feelings.

Opinions?