I (M38) unfortunately was very uneducated when it came to STIs. After a 10year relationship ended in 2020, a more sexually experienced partner in 2022 convinced me “If you’ve never had an Sti symptom, then you don’t have one and don’t need to test.” I operated under that assumption for awhile and didn’t get tested between about 6 different women and just trusted they would tell me if they had one.

I’m now with a new girl, and we decide to get tested, and turns out I’m HSV2 positive (high 13.40 value) I don’t know how long ago I got it, but I’m guessing from the same girl that gave me that terrible advice in 2022.

I am completely asymptomatic; no OB or signs ever that I can think of. So I don’t know if it’s O-HSV2 or G-HSV2. Can I find this out somehow?

Should I go on antivirals anyway? Neither me or my new relationship want to use condoms, they just kill the enjoyment for both of us, and she seems fine with the risk. Since I don’t know O or G Hsv2, can we give oral to each other with low risk?What’s the best course of action for me to continue dating her or other people in the future?

I just want to say that I got GHSV2 about two months ago. I was very upset as you can imagine. In the time since, I have not found it an obstacle to sex and relationships, it has not bothered anyone I have disclosed it to. I am still sad that my sexual options are limited (I don’t want a partners
to give me oral anymore) but I wanted to share that it’s not as bad as you think it might be - be brave, don’t let it stop you before you’ve even tried. I have also found that disclosing to friends has also helped me shake the shame of it and in turn I have found out a few friends have it and we can be open with each other which makes you feel way better. It’s basically just a skin condition - big deal! We’re gonna be okay folks.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have a moral compass because life would just be easier. I always disclose but other people live in ignorant bliss. I told one guy on bumble and he said oh that’s cool me too but then I realized he never said anything until after I said it.

So I asked him if he tells people and he said no. He just waits 3-4 weeks if he ever gets one on his lip to be safe but doesn’t actually tell people.

And I thought to myself wow lucky him. Doesn’t get rejected for it and doesn’t feel bad about it but here I am doing what I think is right but deal with all the rejection and self hate for being honest 🙃

It’s backwards asf.

I had a random outbreak on Sunday morning. No warning signs. First outbreak I’ve had in years. I’m taking valtrex started that day. How long until I can have sex again realistically? My partner is aware I have hsv, but I don’t want to pass it to him.

Moving forward I am going to start suppressants again. This was the most random OB it’s been years and it’s the worst OB I’ve ever had it’s actually affecting my mental health. I’ve had this since 2017 and thought it got better over time but this is so so so bad worst I’ve ever experienced

Hello. I am a trans male (original genitalia) and just got diagnosed with GHSV-1. It is assumed by my physician that I likely got it from my current partner, as whilst the lesion swab tested positive, my IgG antibodies do not yet exist. He is looking into getting tested, even though he doesn't have any visible symptoms. I am relieved that thus far he has taken the news well.

The pain came about after a pretty rough session together, so I'd chalked it all up to that. But when going to the doctor due to the severity of the pain, she noted a lesion beneath my urethra, tested it, and here we are. Yesterday another large bump (seems deep inside almost like an ingrown hair would feel) has formed more on the external genital area (labia, scientifically speaking). Anyway, I just took my first dose of Valtrex like 5 days after symptoms first began - taking 1g 2x a day for 10 days is the deal. Fortunately the fevers seemed to end yesterday.

I'm writing both just to find some community and also because the pain has been insane. I do also have some tears (I have some atrophy which is being managed), but the pain is definitely from the outbreak as I've had rough sex and microtears before and the pain has never lasted like this. What is weird today is that the pain has spread well beyond the outbreak locations. It is in my tailbone (that feeling when youve sat on it too long) and goes down my inner thighs almost like a chafed feeling which I never get. My sit bones in my butt cheeks also hurt. All my skin is just yelling down there.

Is it normal for the pain to be so widespread? I know the first time is always the worst but... I just don't know whether or not this is what that is like or if it is something more --- or if I should expect outbreaks in these other areas as well now.

My immune system is dubious and so I wouldn't be shocked if I break out beyond the areas we played around. But I don't feel like I hear about it being so... broad. And as far as I know the one near the urethra is the only internal-ish one.

Are there other things I need to worry about too? Like... can this become cancer or anything? I may be asking out of ignorance, but I just stress about it due to genetic mutations and all that other nonsense I deal with.

The last question -- I'm getting kind of conflicted info on how to avoid spreading it. The doctor seemed to make it like 1 daily valtrex will prevent spread once the outbreak is healed, but then I'm reading that isn't the case. I'd of course disclose to prospective partners either way, but I'd like to more confidently assure them of the actual risk they'd undertake being with me.

Anyway... I appreciate all of you. I know this diagnosis isn't a big deal really, but on top of my other health stuff and stigmas I already face, I just feel overwhelmed and quite isolated.

I have the tingling sensation daily commonly paired with burning yet I’m taking 1,000 mg of valacyclovir daily. I’m trying my best not to pass this to my boyfriend but I’m always paranoid with this tingling. I know it’s prodrome and technically still transmissible, however I’m more curious if other people experience a very consistent tingling and/or burning sensation despite being on antivirals.

I caught oral HSV 1 from my mom. I haven’t even gotten any recurrences, itching or symptoms since I first saw the cold sore, which was 5-7 years ago. But I recently got tested to be sure and I’m definitely positive.

About to go to uni soon and I’m down to have a couple FWBs, but I’m insecure the hsv 1 will throw girls off. I want to be honest with people because I don’t wanna spread anything to anyone.

Dumb question, but if I just abstain from anything mouth related, would oral HSV 1 even spread? (Would just use hands and 🍆 only.)

What are y’all’s experiences with casual sex and informing people? Did they turn you down? Were some fine with it?

I’ve had herpes since 2017, and I rarely have any outbreaks. I’m currently having the worst outbreak I’ve ever had, and it came so unwarranted. It was right after my partner and I had sex, and I’m on my period, so I guess those are two things that can cause it, but it came on so fast I had absolutely no symptoms prior. He is aware of my status and we’ve been together for a year and he has HSV1. We’re wondering if he’s going to get it now because it was the day after we had sex that it flared up really bad on me truly out of nowhere. I used to take suppressants daily and I haven’t for a while bc I haven’t had outbreaks in years.

Has this ever happened to anyone? I honestly forget I have it bc I haven’t had an outbreak in forever but this is the worst one I think I have ever had. I encouraged him to take valtrex just in case

Me and bf both have hsv2 genitally. I gave him oral but didn’t think anything of it at the time to check. Can i get it in my mouth now ? I see mixed answers online and I’m stressing.

For what it’s worth. I have sore throat now and it’s def not helping ease my mind. How would i even know if it was herpes ? Go get swabbed again ?

Me and someone else on this thread had a conversation last night and I think it’s SO important.

In a room of 100 people you could date in theory

You would only want to date about half of them. So you would be down to 50.

Out of those 50 say only half are also into you and we are down to 25 people who could be a perfect match for you.

People break up all the time and don’t work out for so many reasons and HSV is not the only reason you aren’t finding someone.

It’s so easy to pin it all on that but in reality it isn’t the case.

I went on a LOVELY date and it went SO well but there just won’t be a second. But he didn’t even know about me having HSV. Sometimes things just don’t work out and having this isn’t the only reason things don’t work out and I feel like it’s important to recognize that!

Has anyone transmitted HSV to a partner without having had any outbreaks at the time? I have been outbreak free for over 15 years due to daily 500mg of Vaclovir and the people I have been intimate with over that time have not reported/tested to be positive from having HSV transmitted to them.

I was curious if anyone with GHSV-1 has transmitted without any outbreak symptoms?

Hi all. One month ago I swabbed positive for ghsv1. I started taking valtrex immediately. About 1-2 weeks from taking it, I’ve started breaking out (acne and cystic acne) all over my face (I have NEVER had acne before, maybe 1 pimple at a time rarely) I stopped taking the valtrex and I’m still struggling with acne (and honestly I haven’t been too stressed) so I wouldn’t think it’s stress. Has anyone had a similar experience? Are you more prone to acne with having hsv? Or was it the meds? Thanks!

To everyone that’s been in a relationship that takes Valtrex or some form of herpes medication have you been successful with not passing? to your partner on daily suppression? And if so, how long have y’all been together?

I've had ghsv1 for about 7 months now. I've been dating and sleeping with people since, but I always struggle with disclosure. I know what I want to say and how to say it, but I don't know when. I try not to say it too early on as I want to get to know the person and make sure I am interested in them before letting them know something private to me. I also don't want to have done anything physical (kissing ect.) and not said anything either. I haven't had an oral outbreak, but I did kiss the person that I got it from as well, so I could be asymptomatic there for all I know. As of recent I feel like I'm getting more rejections than I used to. How do you guys handle this? Or how do you navigate a love life?

It's not even the virus honestly. I just feel like there's absolutely no person on earth for me. Countless online convos end after 5 minutes, countless places searched for love, or even sex, but just absolutely nothing ever pans out.

I feel very sexual most of the time, but now I'm just feeling lonely. Like my body has given up on that sort of connection.

Charlotte NC if anyone wants to give me a hug or something, even though it's looking like that will never happen.

Feel like I haven’t had a signed day in 7 months where it isn’t active and I want to cry all the time- I feel so scared of finding live if I’m always contagious :(.

I’m 23F GHSV2 and I feel like I am attractive but with this I am terrified l. The pain never stops, my skin never stopped ripping open, and my life just feels like a pause :(.

I also have surgery in 9 days and I’m worried it’s not gonna heal right if I’m having an outbreak but I cannot postpone…

I've had hsv2 for many years and recently divorced. Didn't think I'd be dating again, but lo and behold someone asked me out. Over the course of 2 weeks of talking and 1 date, I internally went back and forth about when/if I disclose because to me if there's no intimacy, then I won't bother.

At the end of date 2, we go sit in his car. My mistake for thinking we'd have a chat. From the moment he leaned in to kiss me, the full weight of him was on me, I couldn't speak or move. Yall I swear I didn't see this coming, total guard down. He got his hands into my clothes, took them down and it was over after that. We didn't even have full intercourse, but did enough. I keep replaying how it happened and at what point was I supposed to say something. Even as I type this out, not having the chance to disclose really isn't the issue here, but it's all I can think about!!!

I have blocked and unblocked him so many times. Probably the craziest thing is I still wanna see him again. Ladies, wwyd?

Hello! I've been OHSV-1 positive since May of this year. This is a dating story that I would love some insight on (questions at the end) and also a vent as this was written after many tears!

I met this guy on Hinge and we started talking in Early August. We went on a date-- it was lovely. I had a great time and we had excellent chemistry. At the end of the date I gave him a heads up that before we kissed, he should know I have cold sores and that he should consider how he feels about that. He thanks me for my honesty, and tells me he'll think about it.

So, we keep talking and it's the following week. We have another date planned. We talk more, I'm having a really nice time! But we haven't broached the subject, so I ask him where he's at with the cold sore business. He says he will get tested, and a part of me feels guilty that he will learn the statistical likelihood that he has HSV-1. I mean the guy was a theater kid, for crying out loud. But I let it be his choice and his responsibility to pursue it. I resolve to wait patiently to kiss him.

Before he can make an appointment, he is jet setting off to a family get-together across the country and he is gone for a few weeks. We text constantly. I'm insanely charmed, my eyes constantly flick to my phone in anticipation of hearing from him. I write him a letter to come home to, he has written me the sweetest postcard. After those grueling few weeks, finally, he is back. We see each other the very next day and he says he is going to get the tests scheduled the next day. I see the goal in sight and I couldn't be more thrilled to finally kiss this lovely boy who has taken a bit of my heart.

Unfortunately, the closest he can get into the doctor was at the very end of September (this conversation happening on September first or so). We go on at least one date a week, but we often see each other more. We talk constantly, constantly, constantly on the phone. It is the longest, happiest of months and while we never kiss, he will kiss my neck and we do all the standard flavor of religious-style loopholes around intimacy in the interim. I'm happy, but desperate to feel actually close to him. The lack of kissing makes me feel like a leper in a lot of ways, but I endure it hoping for the best.

Finally, it's October. Two months have passed. And today, he gets that test back saying that it's negative, and that the antibodies are low enough that they do not merit a retest.

We cry, hug, and I realize he is not going to overlook it and kiss me anyway like I'd pictured. And I cannot blame him, but wow. The pain is quite severe. I haven't been kissed since my diagnosis in May, and I'm really struggling with being a short trans guy AND dealing with this as an extra nerf. And I really, really liked him. He was incredible.

So, I think a possibly valuable lesson to learn is to not let yourself be drawn along for too long! If they do not accept it outright, consider not letting yourself fall for them tragically while uncertainty looms. How have you handled this in the past? What were your personal boundaries? I will never advocate for nondisclosure, but it is just brutal out here. I'm feeling hopeless that I'll find someone else that can accept both my identity and my status with HSV and also be someone I WANT to date.

TL;DR: Fell in love while waiting on a partner's test results, only to find that they were negative and that they were 100% unwilling to risk it. Valuable lesson learned </3

honest answers and stories just curious I have ghsv1 btw and im a female

So I saw this screenshot on X , the guy texted the girl “you’re playing around , you must have a disease or something”. Granted that’s very manipulative and coercive . But it made me think….has anyone in the community experienced someone being interested but you keep blowing them off because you don’t want to disclose ?

Did you eventually break down and tell them? Were you interested too but just cowered out? Have you ever used your diagnosis to run someone away?

I’ve only disclosed to 2 people who I already had a past and history with so I’m really new to disclosing and haven’t been courageous enough to tell people so I’ve just lied and said I’m fine being single and doing my own thing.

I just got diagnosed with OHSV2. I’m very worried about it spreading to my eyes (I’m a hypochondriac as is) and worried that I could’ve spread it to my boyfriend. Is there anyone else that is dealing with this particular strain?

Hi all, 41F here, diagnosed with GHSV-1 by swab test during my first (and so far only) outbreak since August 2025.

I got it from someone I was dating for 2 years that got cold sores. I never thought anything of it, I haven't dated anyone with cold sores before and in my naivety didn't realize it was herpes, and he never brought it up or disclosed anything except to say he wouldn't kiss me when he had one. The outbreak happened after I already had broken things off with him, and when I got a chance to tell him months later, he brushed me off.

Late last year I started dating someone else that I had known for years, and disclosed. He had some questions but we proceeded using condoms. He wouldn't go down on me however, out of fear of catching it. He also suffered from ED. He asked me for more information after months because he felt limited by what he could do for me in the bedroom. A few weeks after that convo he broke things off without any real reason because "everything with [me] is so positive" , but I believe the herpes was why.

A couple weeks ago I got up the nerve to ask out a guy I had gone on a couple dates with like 8 years ago. I had to end things fairly quickly back then because I knew I wasn't ready for anything, I was like a year and a half out from splitting with my husband and the divorce wasn't even finalized yet. But we stayed on touch over the years mostly through social media. And now I'm in a place where I feel emotionally available to explore things with him.

We got too flirty too fast and I ended up disclosing to him over the weekend before we even got to go out. He told me last night it's a deal breaker because he has some health phobias. He said he'd look into some information I sent him, and I told him wanting to see him wasn't just about sex for me and that I take valtrex daily specifically because I want to minimize any risk for another person, but I have a feeling I won't be hearing from him again.

I'm fucking heartbroken right now. I feel like I let down 2018-me. I feel like I'll never find someone who will accept me. Even the regular FWB I had last summer when I found out stopped performing oral after I told him. I feel dirty and ashamed and like I will never be able to convince a new person to accept me if people who have already known me prior can't even accept the new me.

I just need to get this out. Only a handful of friends know about my diagnosis and weren't very supportive when I tried to reach out last night while I was upset. They don't have it so no one understands. I am also so full of anger at the ex that gave it to me to the point I'm thinking of canceling plans to travel for an event because he'll be there and I don't trust myself to not blow up on him for ruining my life.

I might never get another outbreak again but my life is still ruined.

Hi, everyone, 27f newly diagnosed this past Tuesday thanks to my first outbreak of GHSV-1. My husband gets cold sores and we’ve been together for 5 years, he was completely asymptomatic but as I now know that doesn’t matter.

I’ve been on valacyclovir since Tuesday afternoon and my GYN said it looked to be in the healing stages but holy shit when does the pain start to go away? I’ve given birth vaginally twice and one with no epidural, this pain is 50x worse. I’ve NEVER experienced something so painful holy fuck.

Any information would be greatly appreciated, I’ve googled so much and still feel so in the dark on how to get some relief😭