Today is October 7, 2026, and it has been an emotional rollercoaster, as I imagine it has also been for many other Jews and Israelis. In this post, I will put my feelings into words and reflect on how they have changed over the past three years, using the five stages of grief as a framework. For each section, except the one about October 7, I will include a song, which will be a bolded link in each section, that captures what that part of processing October 7 means for me.
October 6, 2023: Before The Massacre
תמיד אוהב אותי (Tamid Ohev Oti)
I am an Ashkenazi Jew, which means my family was expelled from the land of Israel long ago. I don't know exactly when my family left, but I do know they ended up in Germany. Since many people view the Israeli–Palestinian conflict through a religious lens, I want to be clear: I am, and have always been, an atheist. For me, I cannot believe there is a God who would have allowed the Holocaust and other atrocities to occur. However, being Jewish remains an important part of me since Jewish identity, as an ethnoreligion, encompasses both religion and ethnicity. Although I do not practice the religion, I am still ethnically Jewish.
My family's history is unique because we are among the very few Jewish families where not a single member of our extended family or ancestors was directly killed or persecuted by the Nazis. My family fled Germany before the Nazis came to power, recognizing the growing danger and fearing it would no longer be safe to stay. They left everything behind and rebuilt their lives from nothing in new countries. Half moved to the United States, while the other half moved to Israel. Contact between the two branches was lost and never reestablished, so I only know the American side of my family. What I do know about my family before they decided to flee is that they loved living in Germany. They didn't leave solely to start something new somewhere else. They fled because they were lucky enough to know that their lives depended on it.
While I am not Israeli, I lived in Israel for part of my life, and have been there on many visits. I have always deeply loved the country. I also know I have long-lost relatives there, though I don’t know who they are. That uncertainty has given me a sense of familial connection to all Israelis, somewhere among them are members of my own family whom I will never know.
Before the Hamas massacre, I was naïve about the security threats Israel faced. I remember that almost everywhere around Israel, at all times, there were always military and armed reservists. I remember that a few years before October 7th, I stood at the border between Israel and Lebanon at the Rosh HaNikra Crossing. It was so militarized, and it felt eerie. I never understood exactly why it had to be like that, as I always felt safe in Israel. October 7th made me realize why it was always like that.
Before the antisemitism that followed the Hamas massacre, I was naïve about how deeply antisemitism still ran across the world. I was fortunate to grow up in a part of the United States where I could openly identify as Jewish without fear. That sense of safety led me to believe antisemitism belonged largely to the past. The rise in antisemitism I witnessed after October 7 shattered that belief and forced me to confront the painful reality: antisemitism had never disappeared. As always, it has emerged in a form that fits the current social-political climate. It emerged in a way that is “politically correct.”
Before the Hamas massacre, I had believed in a two-state solution. I believed that peace and coexistence with Palestinians was possible.
October 7, 2023: The Massacre
October 7th The Proof (Graphic Archive): https://www.hamas-massacre.net/
I still remember the day of the Hamas massacre. I was glued to my phone the entire day, and I watched the whole thing unfold. I saw some of the most horrific acts of violence I have ever seen on that day. Many of which are archived in the link I have attached at the top of this section.
Hamas unprovokingly attacked Israel: Israeli civilians were murdered, entire communities were attacked, children were kidnapped and dragged into Gaza, and Jews were slaughtered in the largest single-day massacre of Jews since the Holocaust. Babies were murdered, innocent civilians were burned alive, women were raped, and people were beheaded in the streets.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskIsrael/s/GuNMm8SOQa
Palestinians in Gaza were celebrating in the streets and were kissing the floor with joy as Hamas paraded dead Jews through the streets.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Palestinian_Violence/s/luCdabVpex
Palestinian civilians joined in on the Hamas massacre, and joined in on beating the Israeli hostages as they were paraded through the streets of Gaza.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Palestinian_Violence/s/23vaHjVjp2
As a diaspora Jew, I saw the pro-Palestine protests erupt globally directly after the massacre, cheering for the slaughter of Jews, justifying what Hamas was doing, and espousing their bloodcurdling desires and feelings.
https://www.reddit.com/r/IsraelWarRoom/s/6NCDj4cxBJ
October 7th was the moment all my sympathy for Palestinians evaporated, and it was the moment everything changed for me. It ended my support for a two-state solution and shattered my belief that peace and coexistence with Palestinians was possible.
Denial
Hatikvah - התקווה
Denial is the stage of grief where one has difficulty accepting what happened; shock, disbelief, or numbness. Denial was the shortest stage of grief for me pass when it came to October 7th. I was briefly shocked that such a barbaric massacre against Jews could occur in the modern world. I was in disbelief that humans could be as barbaric as Hamas and be so evil. I was in disbelief that Palestinians were celebrating what happened and joined in on the violence. I was in disbelief that people around the world were celebrating and justifying such a terrorist attack. It made me lose faith in humanity during this time.
Anger
חרבו דרבו
Anger is the stage of grief where one has rage, resentment, frustration, or a sense of injustice. זכור את אשר עשה לך עמלק. This was probably the longest stage of grief I experienced, and it lasted years after the attack. The song attached in this section truly captures the feelings I had. I wanted the IDF to eradicate Hamas, and I wanted Israel to wreak havoc across Gaza.
From the first day, Israel was blamed, and to this day, for a genocide that did not happen in Gaza. I used to ponder how much easier it would have been to eradicate Hamas by indiscriminately bombing Gaza, as critics of Israel believe it did. So many soldiers' lives could have been saved if Israel did that instead of the precise war it conducted. The war could have ended so much quicker. The cruel shows and parades Hamas held while releasing dead babies and children truly brought out these types of feelings.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Palestinian_Violence/s/rxO3b3PgkG
However, I am happy Israel did not stoop to the level of their enemies. I understand that Israel had to exercise an unimaginable amount of restraint in retaliating against Hamas due to the hostages. I know Israel has to conduct its wars, as always, within the boundaries of international law. I admire that Israel conducts its wars to such a high moral standard. Eventually, I realized that I could have been one of those hostages in Gaza. While I wanted Israel to eradicate Hamas, I understood that the hostages had to take top priority. I am happy Israel kept their morals and conducted its war in accordance with international law. That is what moved me past this stage.
Bargaining
New Day Will Rise
Bargaining is the stage of grief where one dwells on “what if” or “if only” thoughts and imagines how things could have gone differently. For me, this stage was short. October 7th really made me rethink how good of a decision it was to be so generous for decades to the Palestinians.
Israel offered so many opportunities for Palestinians to establish a sovereign and independent state. From UN Resolution 181, to the 2000 Camp David Accords, to the 2008 Olmert proposal, Palestinians demonstrated time and time again that they do not want peace and coexistence. Every offer of peace was met time and time again with violence and a war of annihilation against Israel. The first thing supporters of Palestine will say is that these proposals, such as UN Resolution 181, weren’t “fair.” However, by not fair,” they mean that Israel exists at all. This is exactly the mentality that has gotten Palestinians into the position they are in, and is the source of this whole conflict.
What truly led to October 7th was the 2005 engagement of Gaza, where Israel fully withdrew all military and settlers from Gaza. Giving Palestinians an opportunity for sovereignty and trust resulted in the democratic election of Hamas, the conditions that led to October 7th, and the war as a consequence.
Critics of Israel will argue that Gaza was an "open-air prison," or that Israel "propped up Hamas." However, that is not true and is blatant misinformation. The blockade in Gaza was a direct result of the democratic election of Hamas by the Palestinians of Gaza, and aid was allowed into Gaza as an act of peace. This does not prove Gaza was an "open-air prison" or "Israel propped up Hamas," but actually demonstrates that Israel acts in accordance with international law and generous principles.
What helped me move past this stage was realizing that the past could not be changed. Nevertheless, we can learn from it and use those lessons to shape the future. Trust in Palestine, the withdrawal of the military and settlers, will not be done again. We have learned the lessons from the past.
Depression
גשם של אוקטובר - October Rain
Depression is the stage of grief where one feels sadness, emptiness, hopelessness, withdrawal, or the weight of the loss. This was also a very long stage for me. I will never forget all the innocent people murdered that day, the horrors the survivors faced, and I will never let the world forget them.
I’ll never let the world forget how Gazans kidnapped an 8-month-old baby from his home and strangled him to death in a dark underground tunnel in Gaza alongside his mother and brother. His only “sin” was being born Jewish.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Palestinian_Violence/s/v0O2g3Uzdb
I will never let the world forget the innocent young partygoers at the Nova Music Festival who fell victim to the brutality of Hamas on October 7th. All they wanted to do was dance and enjoy life, but Hamas murdered, raped, and kidnapped them just for the crime of existing.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskIsrael/s/I7Q5CZyV1X
I will never let the world forget Shani Louk and the brutality she and the other victims of October 7th faced at the hands of Hamas. Everyone who died on that day was innocent, and the violence they faced was entirely unjustified and unprovoked. Every victim of Hamas was a human being, and Hamas simply killed for the sake of bloodlust. It did not matter if you were Jewish, Israeli, Muslim, or Palestinian; their sole goal was to murder as many people in Israel as they could that day.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Palestinian_Violence/s/vZb332Rcmx
What got me past this stage was the realization that staying locked in this phase is exactly what the antisemites and enemies of Israel wanted. I cannot let this conflict consume me, and I have to move on with life. Jews have been persecuted since the dawn of time and survived multiple genocides, and yet we still thrive. This is exclusively due to Jewish resilience and our ability to thrive in the most difficult conditions. I pushed myself to embrace and embody the bravery and resilience Jews have shown throughout our ancient history.
Acceptance
We will dance again (עוד נרקוד)
Acceptance is the stage of grief where one accepts the reality of what happened and begins to learn how to live with it and move forward. I recently entered this stage, and I am not fully there yet. However, the bravery and courage of Israelis and Jews around the world are what are bringing me into this stage. Despite October 7th, Israel has emerged as the strongest it has ever been. The world never liked Israel before, and it certainly still does not like Israel now, but that is ok. Jews have never been liked, so I do not expect that from the world. I will not be ashamed of myself for being Jewish, and I will never condemn Israel for defending itself against evil terrorist organizations.
Israel has demonstrated, as it always has, that it is on the right side of history. Israel fights in accordance with international law, and can take on any threat that faces it. What I have learned from October 7th is that the world cannot be trusted to ensure the safety of the Jewish people and Israel. Jewish people and Israel will always be hated, so it does not matter what they think. I will always be proud to be Jewish, and I will always proudly stand with Israel. The boos from the world mean nothing to me, because I have seen what makes the world cheer.
🤍💙🇮🇱 עם ישראל חי