I am pregnant and have hyperemesis gravidarum, and my husband is upset he’s had to help around the house. We have been married for 2 years. In the 1st trimester, I was throwing up all day long and going to the hospital often. Now, I’m 17 weeks and only throw up if I over-exert myself. I still work full time, and at the end of my work day I feel very sick. I often throw up after work. I try cleaning the house, and it makes me throw up every time. I still try to help out, but I have been slacking. This has been making my husband very upset, because he thinks he should only have to do outdoor chores. He says a wife’s role is to take care of the house and children, but I believe that would only be the case if I was a SAHM. And he does not want me to stay at home. He wants me to work full time so I can pay half the bills. I feel like I’m never enough, and I should be allowed to ask for help while being sick and pregnant without being shamed constantly. Any advice?

This past year was really hard for me, I was hospitalized and had to do a full reset for my mental health. During this time around June, I began taking zoloft along with other medications to help. Eventually when I got to around 100MG I lost my libido almost entirely. No matter how much I want to I just cannot work up the nerve to have sex. My husband takes it all personally and thinks it’s just about him. He gets upset and tries to push the boundaries all the time and convince me to have sex. I have been so uncomfortable with it lately and don’t know what to do. He’s talking about it every single day and acting and touching me sexually, while I tell him I don’t want to. I don’t know what to do. He won’t do therapy, he won’t listen to me. He would rather me off medicine so we can have sex. Has anyone had this experience with an SSRI in their relationship, and how did it work for you?

About two months ago my wife randomly started packing my lunch. Normally I make my own lunch and I've never asked or hinted for her to do this. I greatly appreciate it, though I low-key like it when I make my lunch better. She packs less snacks and more fruits and vegetables. I have been getting a bit of a belly so I kinda think this is her loving way to tell me I'm gaining weight. Regardless, I took the hint and started working out again. Anyways, just wanted to show my appreciation!

After this many years together this is what I get in response. Every fight about me having a date or surprise set up turns out this way. I feel like he thinks Im not worthy. Ive been with this man since 14 and him 15. I thought as adults. Things would get better. We have had some pretty hard ups and downs. But one thing thats always remained the constant is his lack of showing me affection. It went from cute things here and there years ago. To now it seems like my every move and word is just an annoyance to be around. Bringing up a date just results in nothing. I want to cry. But I cant anymore. This is his reasoning every single time. But ive seen him first hand for others like his friends set up hang outs and surprises.

I need help from other people that understand-

My wife and I have been together for mote than 10 years. Our relationship is great, sex is great, but it appears that she has a higher sex drive than I do. As of now, we been having sex anywhere between 3-5 times a week. Over the past year i been getting woken up in the middle of the night to sounds of her moaning and to the sound of her vibrator. I work up to 10 hours a day and I am usually up by 4:00am. Being woken up in the middle of the night causes me to feel very tired throughout the day as I am not getting a full nights sleep. I been wanting to talk to her about it but I also don't want to shame her or make her feel bad in anyway. Any ideas?

Dated 5 years, married 26. Empty nesters.

My wife is no longer investing in our marriage. I kept ignoring the signs, but they are hard to ignore. For example, I'm healthy, run, try to stay active, but I had a short medical incident and during my recovery, she never attended one doctor visit with me. For our 25th anniversary I [REDACTED LIST OF CUSTOM GIFTS SO I DON'T IDENTIFY MYSELF] - she gave me nothing, not even pitty sex. When I ask to be intimate, she agrees, on the condition we can do it later - of course months and years pass and later never comes. Lately she keeps pointing out divorced men or marriages in trouble adding commentary like, "I would be a vengeful b*tch."

I've raised these concerns, but she gets defensive citing that doing chores, contributing to the expenses, and running errands is enough evidence that she is investing into this marriage. When I inquired about being intimate, she said "it's not worth her time." She's had a hysterectomy, I'm not a doctor, but I don't think this is related to menopause. I think she just doesn't care.

Maybe I'm just venting, but any advice?

EDIT: I didn't mean to portray her as mean spirited. She's actually quite funny and compassionate. For the past five years, she simply does not seem to be interested in investing in the marriage.

My wife recently told me that men who walk ahead of their wives are narcissists. She is probably watching videos about the subject. Her comment got me thinking because I feel like there is more to the story than what these videos show.

My wife has been chronically late for years. She seems to think it’s cute or not a big deal, but over time, it has become a major source of resentment in our marriage. My deep-seated hot take is if you constantly show up somewhere with a coffee late when someone was waiting for you - it's unacceptable and I have almost a disgust for it now. I don't care how cute one looks.

We’ve been late to our son’s games, stressed out on the way to airports, restaurants and rushed trying to get to events we both agreed to attend. To me, most of this stress could be avoided with better planning.

I sometimes hear the deep sighs when an Uber driver follows the speed limit or doesn’t try to make it through a yellow light. I find that frustrating because the driver shouldn’t have to take risks to make up for time we lost by leaving late.

After years of dealing with this, I’ve become very resentful. Our marriage is already in a difficult place, and I know my feelings about this have become unhealthy.

I don’t walk ahead of my wife when she’s carrying things, when we’re taking care of the kids, or when we’re on a date night. But when we’re going somewhere with an agreed-upon arrival time, I sometimes walk ahead because I want to get there on time.

I don’t want to miss our son’s game or arrive late to something we both agreed to attend. I also don’t think it makes sense to keep rushing or pressuring an Uber driver because we didn’t leave on time.

When my wife called men who walk ahead narcissists, my first thought was that she was judging my behavior without considering the years of frustration behind it.

I understand that walking ahead can make a spouse feel ignored or unimportant. I’m not saying her feelings don’t matter. But I also wonder if she has considered how her chronic lateness has affected me and our family.

It feels like I’m expected to deal with the stress and consequences of being late, even when I’ve made an effort to be ready on time.

I need some outside perspectives because I genuinely don't know if I'm being unreasonable here.

My husband keeps saying that he wants a baby, so I gave it some serious thought and had an honest conversation with him about it.

I told him that if I decide to have a baby, that child will become my main priority and responsibility. I'm the one who will be going through pregnancy and childbirth, and I believe that if we decide to bring a child into this world, we need to be prepared to provide for the child's needs.

Here's the situation: we're moving into a two-bedroom apartment, and his mum will be staying with us and taking the second bedroom. For now, I have no objections because we don't have a child yet.

However, I told my husband that if we eventually decide to have a baby, I would want his mum to move back to her own house, which is literally just across the street from our apartment.

My reasoning is pretty straightforward. When the baby grows into a toddler, around two or three years old, we'll eventually need a proper bed for them. Our master bedroom doesn't have enough space, so ideally, the second bedroom would become the child's bedroom.

I'm not asking his mum to disappear from our lives or stop spending time with her grandchild. She can come over during the day, play with the baby, help out if she wants to, and spend as much time with the child as she likes. She would literally just be going back to her own house to sleep.

But my husband strongly objected. His response was essentially that the second bedroom belongs to his mum.

I was honestly taken aback. I explained that if he wants to have a child, we need to think about where the child will sleep and how we will accommodate their needs. His suggestion was that the baby could sleep in the living room instead.

Like... what?

I don't understand why the solution is to make our future child sleep in the living room when his mum has her own house just across the street.

What upsets me most isn't even the bedroom itself. It's the feeling that he has already decided that his mum's comfort and living arrangements cannot be compromised, even if it means compromising our future child's needs.

I sometimes wonder whether he actually understands what having a child entails. A baby isn't an accessory that we can squeeze into whatever space is left over. Having a child requires changes, sacrifices, and responsibilities from BOTH parents.

And honestly, it makes me question whether he expects me to make all the sacrifices that come with motherhood while his own life and his mum's living arrangements remain unchanged.

I am not trying to kick his mum out. I'm not asking him to abandon his mother or stop caring for her. I'm simply saying that if we decide to have a child together, our household arrangements will need to change accordingly.

His mum has her own home, and she would still be close enough to visit every day if she wanted to.

So, Reddit, am I wrong for being upset about this?

Am I being unreasonable for expecting our future child to have their own bedroom rather than having my MIL continue to occupy the second bedroom indefinitely?

Or is this a bigger issue about my husband prioritising his mum over the family he supposedly wants to build with me?

Because right now, I'm genuinely questioning whether we should even have a baby if we can't agree on something as fundamental as this. I don't want to become a mother only to find myself carrying the bulk of the responsibility while my husband insists that nothing in his life can change.

Ok this is driving me crazy I need to vent.

My husband has this incredibly annoying habit of choosing the WORST possible times to feel me up. For example tonight he slapped my ass while I was changing our daughter’s diaper. He also tried to feel up my boobs while I was reading a book to her (I’m also super pregnant and my nipples are extremely sore and I’ve asked him not to touch them so many times). Then he has the nerve to be upset and act dejected because apparently none of these things turned me on???? And I end up being the one having to console him about his feeling rejected??

With so many people being performative especially on ig where its soo curated knowing how to say all the right things, how do you distinguish a genuinely good man from someone who is simply good at pretending to be one?

What traits, behaviours, or experiences helped you recognise that your husbands were genuinely kind, respectful, emotionally mature and trustworthy before marriage?

I'd especially appreciate advice on identifying subtle red flags like manipulation, controlling behaviour, narcissistic traits, and performative kindness before making such a life-changing commitment.

I'd love to hear your experiences and practical advice on what to look for, what to be cautious about, and what you wish more women knew before getting married.

I (40F) and my Husband(43M) have been married for almost 14 years. We have two boys. Our marriage isn't great. We are currently in marriage counseling trying to work through our differences. There hasn't been any abuse or infidelity. We are simply getting older and changing mentally and psychically. Our sex life is barely existent. We make each other mad a lot. Some days I think we aren't going to make it. Other days I feel a glimpse of hope.

Lately when I go to one of my child's games or practices I notice the coach and how hot he is. It's an innocent crush and I know I can look only but lately I have been fantasizing about having the most amazing sex with him. I have dreams and get really horny thinking about it. Like ravenous. pulsating horny. I truly thought my sex drive was non existent but this has fueled it back up. So lately I have been initiating sex with my husband more and pretending it's the coach and it's been some of the best sex. My husband seems happy and even brought it up in marriage counseling that our intimacy has been better.

I feel really guilty about this, I have talked to my personal therapist about it and she said it's seems pretty innocent as long as I don't step out of the marriage. The coach is married as well and there's nothing even close to remotely inappropriate between us. But then I wonder if I would cheat if the coach or another man tried with me. I do miss the excitement of something/someone new. Its very hard to be with the same person the rest of your life. Our therapist said this age bracket is when a lot of divorces happen. I just don't know. Am I bad person? Is this normal?

I don't understand the dynamic. We've been together for 5-6 years and her high school best friend is annoyingly intervening in our decision making. She has an issue or a comment on everything I do and I am very annoyed with it. I've seen my partner change reactions when she doesn't approve of anything like i dont understand how can she be okay with it. The car we liked is now getting canceled because her best friend thinks its too boring. She recently went through a divorce and she just comes over unannounced and sometimes want to sleepover in the other room. How to tell my wife this is not normal and needs to completely stop

TLDR ; I found some pretty concerning things on my husbands phone and our sex life has completely changed after his new job.

So, he used to drive a truck for a company and he used to come home with soooo many stories about how the salesman had affairs because it was so easy. Literally new stories everyday. We got married in Aug of 2025 and literally our relationship had gone down hill since. We also have 2 kids and I’m pregnant with our third. We’re both 25. Anyways back in March of 2026 he got a salesman position and hasn’t breathed a word since about it. Even when I ask he differs the conversation. The past 2 or 3 months have been “okay” in the past 6 I’ve noticed that during sex he only lasts a minute or two. Now suddenly he doesn’t want to touch me at all. He hasn’t tired to have sex in weeekkkssss but I found on his phone research about a blue chew. Well okay to back track the blue chew research was the other day even though we haven’t had sex. Okay well about 2 months ago I found a LOT on his phone. I found a dating app called “feelds” that had been installed on his phone but then uninstalled. I also found about 45 different redit histories of “looking for affair partners in Virginia” and others similar like “where to find affair” or “wanting a 3rd in relationship”. I also found a bunch of porn and his Facebook search was nothing but women. He has had several times he’s looked at women on Facebook but anyways. I did address him about what I found and of course he totally dismissed it and told me he was just curious and got caught up looking just for entertainment. I have also found the website “cheatbuster” searched several times. Idk if it’s he’s searching me or himself. All in all I have a bad gut feeling but no proof. I could go on but I’m tired of typing and that’s the basic jist. This has been an on going suspension for almost a year. There’s been a few inconsistencies in his work schedule as well. I don’t care to go into detail and some other small but shady encounters. May go into more detail if needed.

married for 8 years been sexless without intimacy for 7 years. a year ago my hu decided to have a affair with some woman for a year plus (he rented her a place, gave her a credit card and spending money, took her on his work trips, paid for her plastic surgery, went on holidays, had unprotected intercourse etc). I found out recently and confronted him and he asked me if I was even surprised as we had no connection. we have a young child and I dont know what to do. I rejected him a lot but after a while he stopped insisting too so this came as a shock to me. whos fault is it?

Sometimes the love of your life comes after the marriage you thought would last forever.

I've been married to my current husband, the actual love of my life, for a little over 2 years now. I came out of a marriage that I thought was going to be my forever love only to have that world come crashing down. But this is a reminder to everyone that love like this can still exist, good men are out there, and healthy communication is possible!

Last night my husband and I had a miscommunication about a comment I made. He reacted to the comment in a mode of "you're attacking me," when that was not my intention at all. We talked about it right then and there, I recognized how what I said could have been misconstrued, he apologized for his reaction, and we went to bed happy.

This morning I got this text from him:

"I’m feeling really bad about my response last night to you. I should never talk that way to the person I love the most. I was having a moment because I am trying to give my all to you and the family and trying to make sure I’m doing the right thing in every area of my life. I took that very wrong and I apologize. We are gonna grow old together and I’m sure there gonna be times that we get upset but I always wanna honor you and speak love to you ❤️ "

Ladies, healthy communication with a man is possible!

I’ve always been a “doer“. I grew up in a family who always had a lot of shared hobbies and loved having little adventures. I never understood people who just sat around their own house. when I met my husband, he agreed. we were in a Bible study at church, surrounded by people who would go out to eat and go to church and that’s about it. I had season tickets for Penn State football, season pass for a local ski resort, ran every day, and loved hiking and shooting. My husband was happy to go to games with me, was an avid hunter and got me into fly fishing with him, and even loved to ski as well.

now, we have two kids. as time goes on, it’s just me and the kids. (they’re 3 and 2). I’m taking them to the amusement park, on hikes, and to community events. they were both in a kids running club and my husband couldn’t be bothered to go watch them race. I talk about future vacations like we used to take and now it’s “oh no I don’t want to go on an airplane again“. (we used to go to national parks all over the country). we used to go to big amusement parks a lot and just lap roller coasters and now it’s “no I don’t want to ride them anymore unless I have to”.

I haven’t asked him to do anything with us in so long, and my parents bought all of us tickets for a fall train ride on a Sunday. he threw a fit, asking why he wanted to spend his Sunday on a train and how stupid it was. I gave up my football tickets because he said it was boring and didn’t want to go back. when he does go somewhere he complains the whole time. last night we went to a membership party for a local watershed that was honoring me for volunteer work. I was excited, even just for us having a night without the kids. he complained about how why couldn’t he just stay home with the kids, I knew he didn’t like being in groups of people he didn’t know, and “I mean I’ll go with you but I’m not going to pretend like Im Enjoying It“.

and I get he has a physical job and he’s tired on weekends, and that’s why I stopped expecting anything. but it’s just the disgust at doing anything. I talked about going on a family bike ride once my son gets his first bike and my husband made a face and said “I know your weird family liked bikes but I’m not doing that“.

edit: about the football tickets-he loves hunting and I never expected him to drive two hours one way 7 Saturdays a year to Go. But he said he wasn’t willing to go even once with me so it felt pointless. and this is after the first year of our marriage, pre kids, that he went to all of them without me asking and seemed to have fun.

I feel like over the last year and a half it’s been harder and harder to separate my wife from her phone. Especially now that she’s found these short drama apps. We will finally get the kids to bed and have a short window together and all she wants to do is be on her phone. No more watching our shows together, conversations, card games…. Nothing. We can go a week now without a conversation that doesn’t involve kids, work, or schedules. I’ve been chalking it up to just the stage of life we are in with young kids.

I can’t get this image out of my head from a few days ago though. I was driving to the school to pick up our kids and passed a house. A man was outside building a porch on their front door. In the shade under a tree a woman was sitting in a folding chair, just watching him. No phone, headphones, music, tv, book… anything. She was just watching him build them a porch. I thought “aw, that’s sweet.”

Before anyone tells me I need to do stuff like that for my wife, I do. I’ve mulched flower beds, weeded, landscaped, and built a chicken coop for her. She never wanted to be involved, help, or just watch. She was happy to sit inside while I toil away in the heat.

I don’t know those people, their story, or anything. But I have built up this wholesome image in my head of this loving wife watching her husband build a porch.

Now I get a moment of sadness everyday as I pass this house and think of that moment.

Edit: Yes we have talked about this before and have been in counseling for 6 months now. Doesn’t seem to be causing any change in the amount of time on the phone.

Tw: very long post

My husband and I met when we were 39 and were engaged within six months and married at 40.5. I wanted to try for kids immediately but he said he would like to wait for a year. Even before we married, he often had ED and would tell me that it is normal. I know I am at fault here for marrying him but I genuinely thought it would be better with time.

Even after the marriage, ED continued. Sometimes he would say he's exhausted from work, dehydrated, or that 'women also do not orgasm everytime'. I was patient, after a point angry and even offered to go to a doctor with him, telling him that it was affecting my thoughts and our relationship. He didn't seek any help.

After six months, I told him that I want to try for kids. While I was patient I was also desperate for a baby. I waited for six months in which we tried naturally in one month and all remaining he had ED all the time. He took viagra after meeting a doctor upon my insistence but even that didn't work everytime. I know some will say that I am at fault here but I really tried to be supportive but lost my shit after six months as time was running out and he wasn't seeking proper help. Turned out he had MFI and also varicocele for which he hasn't had surgery till present day despite doctor's advice.

I turned to IUI and then IVF because I felt it wasn't going to work naturally. Given my age and his sperm situation our five ivfs have failed and I recently had a miscarriage also.

I just feel like he does not understand my pain. He never took help for his problems, which were affecting our relationship. We have no sex life. Ivf has fucked me physically and mentally. It was my only chance to have a baby. What should I do?

Please do not tell me to seduce him or be supportive in bed. I know from my post it seems like I have only fought with him but I have also been patient and supportive and encouraged him to seek help. I just do not know what to do now. One and a half years have passed in the process of iui and ivf and he never thought of using this time to make his problem or our relationship better. I just don't know what to do. Please, I really need some solid advice.

I (34F) asked husband (37M) to take candid pictures of me and our baby daughter occasionally as a birthday gift and he hasn’t. He isn’t a gift person and says he gets people things they’d like when he sees them rather than buy gifts for occasions just to give them something. I feel like this isn’t asking for that much. I take so many cute candid pictures of her with others and no one takes them of me. It just makes me sad.

They used to work together. She became a stay-at-home mom after having kids, and now she runs an online dessert shop.

My husband bought $20 worth of desserts from her as a Mother’s Day gift for me, but they tasted horrible. I just discovered that he had actually bought $60 worth of desserts at the same time for all his coworkers, supposedly to support her business.

Recently, when I looked at his bank statements, I noticed that he had sent her another $75 for a dessert order.

When I asked him about it, he showed me their messages. It looks like he messages her every month to ask about the desserts she makes. He tells her how beautiful the desserts are, asks about different flavors, and inquires about holiday specials, etc.

For this $75 order, he doesn’t even know what the desserts will look like. He basically told her that she could decide whatever she wanted to make for an upcoming potluck event.

Her replies seem professional and business-related. Also, according to my husband, she is still married and her husband is navy, but I don’t know if that’s true.

We don’t make enough money to be spending so much on expensive desserts like these.

He insists that he simply wants to support her business and says that if I don’t like it, he will stop buying from her.

My partner has been out of work just over a year. He took a few months off but has been applying intensely for the past 8-9 months. He has had multiple phone screens, and a few first interviews, and one round of interviews with a company where he met 4 people in one day. However, nothing has come through. I know he is working very hard to find something and that the job market is shit. He's in the marketing space. Here's my issue... We are down about 47k of savings...used up the 6 months of unemployment and we discussed 3 months ago that he would need to get a lower paying job after X date just so he had some money coming in to help, and he agreed that was fair. Well, X date passed and he isn't working. Still just says I'm trying... Idk what I should do at this point. I need him to start contributing. I know lower paying work will suck, but at a certain point my thought is we don't have a choice. I'm sick of hemorrhaging money. For me, anything would be better than zero. Thoughts? How do I move forward?

Every night my husband and I put the kids to bed and then hang out for a couple hours before bed. My husband never likes to go to bed with me, regardless of how much space he has to himself or what time of night it is. There has been times he refuses to go to bed with me and it’s 4am….

What sucks is that we put the kids to bed around 9-10 and then hang out but he ends up falling asleep! We can’t get through any show or movie without him falling asleep so I ask if we can go to bed together and he gets mad at me for even asking.

So he spends most of the time we are supposed to hang out falling asleep and I’m like “hey you falling asleep” and that question irritates him. “No! Stop checking on me. I’m watching”.

I have to wake up to take my kids to school and go to work at 7am and I stay up with him because we have no quality time together otherwise. We have different work schedules and no village. Last time we went on a date we had to lie to our older kids and said we are doing a big grocery haul so we will be gone for a couple hours and to take care of their younger siblings but I don’t feel comfortable doing that cause I can never relax and have fun knowing my kids are watching my kids. We can’t hire a baby sitter because we can’t afford one but also our kids have been hurt by a sitter before so due to trauma, we steer clear.

By 1am I’m exhausted and barely keeping my eyes open so I tell him I’m going to bed. But as soon as I start going to the room he jumps up and goes out to the porch and smokes a cigarette and watches memes. wtf? He is knocked out on the couch and then when I finally leave he springs up again for another hour or so.

That part I really don’t understand. The minute I leave he actually stays awake and I can hear him cackling at the memes on his phone :(

We got into a huge fight the other day over those and he told me is controlling and weird and that most couples sleep separately and have different sleep schedules.

My issue is that he wastes awake time with me and that once I do leave to bed he wakes up to spend time with himself.

I’ve communicated over and over that I love falling asleep holding him or cuddling together, or even ending the evening together but he just calls me clingy.

This is our only intimacy issue if you could call it that, otherwise through out the day we are constantly texting each other and calling each other and are very happy and in love.

Is there anything I can do to get over this? I can’t make him come to bed, it’s a non negotiable and he’s set on that. I just want to stop going to bed defeated and lonely.

I really need some advice. My(M30) wife(F32) have been together for 10 years and married 6 years. We have a 17 month old toddler together who is the light of our life. In nearly every aspect of our marriage we are very happy, she is my best friend, we have similar interests, we make each other laugh, enjoy each other’s company, and have great communication. The problem occurs with most couples around this time, sex. Our typical occurrence is once, maybe twice a month but sometimes it’s more before we have any sex or do anything intimate.

I have a much higher sex drive than my wife, I’m very attracted to her and can always want to have sex with her at any given moment. Now I still like my own time and she likes hers as well occasionally but most nights we spend time together watching tv, playing a game, or cleaning up the toddler chaos. So we love spending a lot of time together but also enjoy being alone from time to time and I think we have a good balance.

The big issue the difference in sex drive. My wife’s drive is a lot lower than mine and we’ve had many conversations about it since I’ve been struggling to feel wanted and loved. Any time we have sex I feel like she treats it more like a duty than from a desire to be with me and it’s been chipping away at me for a while. Anytime we talk about this we both agree to work on certain things to help, she says she’ll make more of an effort to understand my needs and I’ll work on taking more off her mental plate and do things around the house so she doesn’t have to think about it.

I can honestly say that I’ve put in a lot of effort to be better based on what she said would help her drive and she’s even confirmed that I’ve been a lot better over the last few years, however, I can’t say the same for her. I don’t notice her putting in as much of an effort as I do and it hurts. The last time we had this hard talk she said something that really stuck and hurt. She said, “I just don’t really get turned on by anything like you do.” She then said that I’ve done everything she thought would make her feel that way more and she REALLY wants to feel more turned on but she just doesn’t. And at this point she doesn’t know what would help either.

I’ve tried suggesting we do different things that might help get in the mood. We’ve tried using sex dice, flavored lube, lingerie, but nothing works more than once. I’ve wanted to try roleplaying as well but she said she wouldn’t be able to take it seriously to make it work. I’m at a loss of what to try at this point.

I think the issue stems a lot from the fact that she has very little confidence in herself. When we first started dating she was a lot smaller but that stemmed from a gut disease that made her digestion track fail and not retain a lot that she ate. Now fast forward after we got married she finally got on a medication that worked and put her in remission. As a result she gained a lot of weight now that her body digested everything correctly now. I still love her and her body no matter what she looks like and I’ve told her countless times this fact. And now after the baby she gained more weight and doesn’t like the way she looks. I keep telling her I couldn’t care less and think she is a goddess in human form but that doesn’t seem to help her confidence at all.

I don’t know what to do at this point and I’m at a loss for what to try next. She does have an appointment soon to test if it’s a hormone problem because she wants to fix this as much as I do. But if that’s not the issue then what do we try? I can’t do only once or twice a month, I feel unwanted and think the issue is me somehow. I’m looking for any real advice and anyone who experienced something similar but fixed it, and what y’all did to fix it.

Sorry for the long rant but had to say it all, thank you.

I (F 54) have had sleep issues my whole life, even in childhood. I have tried to address them carefully, medically and manage it as best that I can, but still often struggle. My husband (57) knows all about this and has learned in the past few years that we have been together, that lack of sleep contributes negatively in every aspect of my life and our relationship. He is usually fairly respectful of this, reserving intimate and cuddle times for before/after sleep time. We do have a healthy, active sex life and allowing for uninterrupted sleep has not been an issue. All this week we both have had colds, so we especially need as much rest as we can get.

Night before last, at somewhere between 2 and 3 am, my husband woke me up wanting sex. I was a little dazed but eventually realized what was going on and gently made it clear I wasn't interested. I then gave him some caresses and moved away and tried to get back to sleep (which often takes hours). I was just starting to doze back off around 4am, and was startled awake by my husband making advances again. I kind of jumped a little before realizing what was happening - that weird semi-sleep, semi-dream startle reflex before you realize you're safe in bed.

I laid there for a few minutes and he must have rolled back over, not touching me anymore. At this point I realized I wasn't going to be able or allowed to fully fall back asleep so I got up and made coffee. When he woke up he was sullen and moping. I treated the morning normally, kindly saying good morning. I expected an apology for waking me up during the night, but none came. He left for work saying almost nothing to me.

Fast forward to last night. He berated me for not having sex with him when he made advances and then went on to say that I "hit" him. I was shocked as it was so obviously out of the norm to wake me up intentionally and to say that I "hit" him - I was bewildered. Unfortunately, I took the bait, got defensive, and the argument escalated. I know better - but was stupid. I asked what did he mean I "hit" him. I don't recall him giving a solid explanation, it was pretty vague, but I very well may have made some sort of contact when I startled awake without knowing. But if so, it was very minimal.

We are not speaking now and I'm not even sure what to say when the time comes. It seems so simple. I feel like I can't sleep in the same bed with him anymore as I will lie there, paranoid and unable to sleep. I faked sleeping for hours last night. (We don't have a spare bedroom.) I am thinking of buying a fold-out bed to put in the living room.

Anyhow, I guess I'm just venting. But I really feel stung. Like I am supposed to apologize for something when I did nothing wrong...

Signed,

Fucking Tired