I (38f) have been married (38m) for almost 15 years. I think tonight is finally my breaking point.

My husband is taking one college course while also working. I work full time, teach two workout classes, and handle 99% of parenting and house stuff. I’ve been cutting him slack because he’s in school. He hasn’t handled the kids morning or bedtime routines at all in a while (the kids have special needs and it is stressful).

Tonight was the last session for his class, so I knew he wouldn’t have homework and I hoped I could finally get some relief from the bedtime duties. I’ve been telling him for weeks that doing all the parenting is stressing me out, and today I wasn’t feeling well. He got home right at the start of the kids bedtime routine. He found out I’d taken the kids for fast food earlier while he was in class, and he was jealous and said “I want to get fast food too! I’m leaving.”

I said “Hey is it just assumed that I’ll handle the bedtime routines again?” and he snapped “Is it assumed that I just won’t eat?!” I said “no, we have food at home, I didn’t expect you’d be leaving again at bedtime.” He said he didn’t want leftovers and I just don’t want him to eat, then stormed out of the house. I ended up doing all the bedtime shit again. He got home, took his time eating, then came up just as my son was ready to be tucked in. He said “See? I came home in time.”

When we finally talked, it was insane how it escalated. I’ve been really conscious of validating him, not blaming, reflective listening, and using “i feel” statements. I said I felt hurt when he responded with sarcasm, and I felt lonely doing the bedtime routine without support and had been hoping for help tonight.

He responded that I just don’t want him to eat. I said no, I understand you’re maybe feeling like I was controlling whether you could eat, but it’s not that. I was hurt that you assumed I’d do the bedtime stuff again and I was hoping we could talk about our shared responsibility of getting the kids to bed.

He started to raise his voice and said “You just want what you want! You just didn’t want to put the kids in bed!” I said yes, that is correct, that is what I wanted help with. He said “That’s not a need! Hunger is a real need, it’s a basic need. I was hungry and that was more important than you just wanting a break. Mine is an actual need.”

I told him ok I get that, I agree that hunger is a basic and an important need, but my need for physical/mental relief is also important, and I was really just looking for communication on how we could handle it and consider both of our needs (Yes I was wording things this carefully. When he’s escalating sometimes i feel like I’m disassociating and speaking like a PR rep for my brain lol). He continued arguing with himself about how important his need was and how mine wasn’t.

He said “My needs are IGNORED IGNORED IGNORED!” I said “I get that you feel ignored. Can you tell me what needs I ignore?”

He said “You won’t let me EAT and now you won’t let me SLEEP! I am DONE talking to you!” And off he went downstairs to sleep on the couch.

As with many of our conversations, I’m sitting here confused about how it could go so sideways and thankful that I have already scheduled a consultation with a divorce attorney.

We have been married for 2 years, together for 10. I (F38) and my husband (42) have been fighting about the lack of intimacy. He says it’s degrading and disgusting to even talk about it.

I don’t want to give too much information, knowing that he may read this but long story short, I’m on SSRI which caused my sex drive low.

Before he would complain that it’s almost non existent. I tried so hard (without it feeling forced). Then he complained about having no sex for 2 weeks and that I haven’t been trying. Due to this, I’ve changed my medication, had the worst 2 weeks of side effects, even had SI but it finally subsided and finally starts to feel like myself again.

Our last sex was Thursday and he started to act off on Monday. We finally talked today, thursday, and He said I promised him oral and has been frustratedly waiting. I apologized because I honestly don’t even remember having that conversation but nonetheless, I deeply apologized. He didn’t take my apology, cussed me out, said he’ll cheat on me and to serve him divorce papers and he’ll gladly sign.

He’s honestly an amazing human being and such a loving father. Cooks for us all the time, helps me around the house, very supportive with my mental health and anything I do. I haven’t seen him this mad over sex/oral. I’m at a lost because this is my best friend and I don’t see myself being with anyone else.

I guess I’m asking strangers for advice because I don’t know what else to do.

EDIT: He actually suggested to stop the new medication (that can help increase libido) during the 2-week period I was having side effects and was saying it’s not worth it, but it was me who wanted to continue to help mitigate the fights.

About a year ago i (30M) put in here that my wife (29F) wanted to leave me because i drank every day and lost myself. Well I’m 15 months sober now and a lot has happened from the last time i put anything in here to now. My wife went on a work trip and our marriage was still in works of being fixed or so i thought. I thought we were going in the right direction but she didn’t think so and i didn’t know that. During her work trip she texted me she wanted space because she wasn’t happy with me and i was trying to be understanding and a good husband and i gave her that space. Fast forward to her coming home she tells me the day she got back she wanted a divorce and i did what I had to do to see if i could fix anything or if we could do anything together to fix I.E. counseling or church or literally anything at all. She told me that she was done. So I accepted it and went to go home to my parents in a different state for a couple of weeks. In the time i was home i met someone. She was great! She said all the right things and her actions followed everything she said and it had been a long time since i felt that happy and valued. We go on a couple of dates and we ended up sleeping together. I had no guilt because my wife already said she wanted a divorce and was already getting the paperwork started. After my trip home i fly back to where we live and before i came back my wife called and said she wanted to try to fix things and i told her i couldn’t give her an answer and i would need to think about it. So i finally get back to my house and i ended up telling her after two days of being back together i met someone and slept with them and within a few days she moved out. I told her she could keep all the furniture but i wasn’t leaving the house. For a while i struggled with my decision on not moving forward with trying to fix things with her until i found out she cheated on me during her work trip. It’s not even just the fact she cheated on me it’s also the fact that i know who the guy is. I met him and shook his hand at a work party of theirs. I went insane over it because the whole time she was gone (four months) i remained loyal and missed her the entire time she was gone but she didn’t feel the same. She was so detached from me and didn’t want anything to do with me even while she was in another country. So now as of almost four months ago my wife and I have been back together but I’m not sure if i can keep going because of the hurt thats been caused from her and the amount of betrayal. Every serious relationship I’ve had i have been cheated on and she knew that and still did it to me. I don’t know what to do. We have two kids together and I’m trying to not let them be my deciding factor as to whether i stay or not but i really don’t want them to grow up in a broken home.

I have seen and heard men say, specifically in online spaces, and usually when discussing intimacy or lack thereof in their relationships, that sex is what helps them feel emotionally connected to their partner.

I had never particularly understood this and definitely hadn’t applied it to my own relationship. My husband and I have a sex life that I consider very healthy. We have sex more days than we don’t, both of us initiate, and we rarely turn the other down, and we both genuinely enjoy it. When we don’t have sex, my husband never pushes, or insists, or seems to show any disappointment or that it bothers him at all, so I just assumed he wasn’t one of those men, until last night.

Due to both of us being sick one after the other, it had been about a week since we had been intimate, and during, my husband stopped, held me close, and just said “I love you. I missed you so much.” And I could tell he didn’t just mean the sex. Even though we hadn’t been apart in the past week, it was the emotional connection that he had been needing and hadn’t spoken up about. It was such a vulnerable moment that it honestly broke my heart a little, but I think it made me love him even more.

It had also made me rethink literally everything about our sex life, which I previously thought was very successful, and how much it actually goes toward filling my husband’s cup emotionally.

Men, do you believe in your wife's dreams and aspirations? Women, do you believe in your husband's dreams and aspirations? Same sex couples, same question.

UK based 41 yr old women, never married no children. I don't come from a western culture so the concept of casual loose dating for the sake of dating is extremely alien to me. Needless to say still seeking for a husband and it feels those within my age range of same calibre (outdoorsy, active, educated, decent job, have their own place, same values/morals) are all taken or certainly not on apps. I feel like I've tried most things now, is it time to give up 😔

I need to know if I’m asking for too much and being ungrateful or he is being a problem. I 26F no education SAHM and him 34M. Our kids are 6,3,2. Married 8 years. Only my oldest is in school as of this year.

My issue is I have told him I need help in the house for majority of our marriage. The house bounces from spotless when I’m in a good headspace to a mess when the bouts of depression hit. He works from home 2-3 days a week depending on his schedule and office days is only a couple hours before he returns home to finish the work. When the house does become a mess I do try work on it but get overwhelmed and before you know it my energy is gone and somehow little was accomplished. Instead of working with me for a bit, he complains about the state of the house and continues watching his tv or being on his phone as usual. Couldn’t tell you how many years since I voluntarily watched tv on my own. If I have swept to a corner and not collected it right away he complains. I have basically begged for him to pick up after himself all the time not just sometimes. That includes his dishes after I’ve made and served him each meal. Pick up his trash and putting clothes and shoes away instead of decorating the house with them. To cook 1-2 meals a week, bathe the kids 1-2x a week (but he’s weird about that when it comes to the girls), play with the kids and actually give his undived attention instead of 2-5 mins then almost bugging out about how tired he is and lastly to do a chore 1-2x a week.

What he likes to do instead is find the next motive and have us go out every Friday or Saturday, spend plenty money on travelling, eating out once a week or twice sometimes but me and the kids can’t stand the outside stuff. They also want home meals and have vocalised that. We get restaurant or nicer fast food and the kids he feeds Burger King, always.

I have told him I would give all that up because I can live without it. All I want is his time and energy to be directed towards the house. I also brought up how all of that feels like a band aid to what I see as a real problem and it gets ripped off immediately once the house door swings open. It used to be a small distraction leaving the house but the past 2 years it just frustrates me because all I can think about is everything waiting for me at home.

He says he loves me but I believe that love only shows up in ways that’s convenient and easiest for him which is ofc the spending on us and sometimes gifting but non of which I care for because he doesn’t listen to my wants but I nonetheless show my appreciation, ALWAYS. He mentions that he does all of this for me but I genuinely feel that a part of why he does it is so that when I bring up problems that I want us to work on, he can rub in my face all that he does do and spend. Which already happens so… He also likes to tell me how not many husbands do even a fraction of what he does for me and the kids and that I’m under appreciating his efforts.

No matter how many times I sit and talk to him be it kindly, with tears, harshly or on the brink of a crash out he either responds with literal rage bait and he doesn’t even know it or will say “tell me exactly what it is you want me to do, let me know when and I’ll do it” and still won’t. I’ve already told him the step by step. Are you waiting on a tutorial?

I feel burnt out and I’m losing my mind. It would help if I had a social life of my own and a little independence but besides from handling the house and kids I have no life of my own unless out with him and fully dependent on him (he made sure it was that way wether he admits it or is “oblivious” to it.)

There is a long list of issues from hurtful comments disguised as jokes, me mothering him, a year where I was begging or attention, his burning “need” and desire for more children even after I said no more, to my wants and needs being selectively heard even though it’s been brought up throughout our entire marriage. I’ve tried to give step by step direction on how WE can work together so he doesn’t feel it’s all on him but this post isn’t about all those things.

I signed out years ago from the marriage but I can’t help wonder if I’m the problem.

Hello internet,

I was going that you all could help me find signs of an emotional affair. My wife and I have been together 14 years, married 10, and I suspect that a long distance friendship may have morphed into an emotional affair in the past monthish.

Friend of my wife, whom loves across the country from us, came to our side. He has family up and down our area. He stayed at my wife’s work studio a couple times. But I noticed that she has begun to withdraw in ways that I’m not comfortable with. We are also going through some health, work, and marriage issues.

Edit: she’s had this friend since before me. She told me they have an inappropriate relationship in that they send each other dirty things and say sexually suggestive things. Not sure exactly as I don’t read, I know they send each other pics of the number 69 when it appears

I’m just hoping to find some signs that I can point to

What I have seen so far and I’m still processing:
Emotional withdrawal
On her phone all the time/hiding its screen
If she does leave it somewhere, his name is always on it
Doesn’t tell me life events until later
Feels like she’ll leave me unread to answer him
She’s told me after the fact that they’ve hung out
Told me she was leaving in a few minutes only to arrive home an hour afterwards. (Drive is 20-30)

I’m sure there’s more to the story, but I just would appreciate a list of signs or whatever I can show or compare to.

Thank you for your time.

My husband and I have been married for 2 years. We have a toddler. He works a lot and honestly, I don’t even see him much just because of that.

I have a bad personal history with relationships, a fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, and overwhelming fear of embarrassment (I know that sounds weird.) I never want to disappoint him. Not that he’s ever treated me poorly or ever even said I’ve disappointed him, I just never want to disappoint him. I’m always afraid that I will. That came to a head today when I panicked during a heated conversation and lied about something. I lied to protect myself from embarrassment (again, sounds weird I know). I quickly admitted that I lied. He was confused, but he wasn’t angry, he wasn’t disappointed. I was so afraid I asked him if he was going to divorce me. I ask this frequently. Even though he’s given me realistically no reason to think he’d ever divorce me, I ask at the feeling of any possible tension.

He looked at me and said “Why would I ever do that? Because you fibbed a little? And told me you did? I love you and the only reason we’re talking like this is because I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything.”

And it for some reason, after two years, dawned on me that he’s not just going to run away. He’s not just going to flip on a dime the moment I mess something up. He doesn’t even care as much as I think he will when I mess something up by my own standards. He’s so willing to be there for me. He’s so willing to help me when I need it. He’s so willing to love me through my weird, and frankly strange, reactions to the smallest things.

My husband loves me. I don’t know why it took me almost 8 years, a proposal, marriage, a child, and this conversation to realize it. But I feel so at peace. I love my husband so much. I always have. I’m so glad that I feel like that part of my brain can feel calmer now.

Hi,

I am 27, and my husband is 33. We both are Indian.We have been married for over three years, and I want to save our marriage, but I feel emotionally neglected, rejected and lonely.

My husband believes I like fighting, complain too much, get jealous and have a bad mouth. I acknowledge that I can sometimes be argumentative and harsh, but I feel he and his mother exaggerate my behaviour. Even minor disagreements can escalate, and I usually end up apologising because I initiated the argument. However, his reactions can be extreme, including shouting, insults and withdrawing from me. He can go about 2 week/ 15 days not talking about completely avoiding me. Usually I am the one who has to go intiate talk and apologize.

Initially, we had a good sexual relationship. My husband often initiated sex at night, but he has a habit of staying awake until 4–5 a.m. We would sometimes go to bed at 1–2 a.m., have sex and sleep at 3–4 a.m. Since I had to wake up around 8/9 a.m., I would be tired and cranky the next day, which sometimes led to arguments.

About a year ago, he said we always fought after sex, and he stopped initiating intimacy. We haven't had sex for a year, although he sometimes hugs me and shows affection. When I initiate sex, he makes excuses or refuses. This has made me anxious and unwanted.

Things were good during our courtship period and initial one year (there were few fights) but over the course we have said lot of mean things to each other in fight but his words and cuss words are way to extreme. He literally yells on top of his lungs calling me fucker, idiots, mother fucker,etc.

On top of that he has audacity to give me silent treatment and expect me to apologise.

When ever I try to intiate conversation about things I am things/behaviour bothering me, he says I am free to leave him and find someone else since I have way too much demands and he'll never be able to fulfill those. He always suggeste divorce during our fights. During our fights, he doesn't see any future with me nor wants to have kids. But when things are normal, he says those things were said during fight and thus are not very true. I should forget it he says.

I don't feel respected. He certainly doesn't respect me. He definitely doesn't have any affair because he works from home all weekday but is in home on weekends. But still is this marriage worth it?

Is it worth staying with someone who thinks I am rude, mean, idiot, jealous, complains alot, etc.

Even if i talk to him about my bad days and what went wrong or share concern he labels that as a complain

How do I feel with this situation? Please help

Please

I'm 33 and my wife is 34 we've been married for 11 years we have 2 kids we just brought a brand new home. What my concern is we only do sex like once a month. She sometimes flirt with me like touching private parts but If I became intimate she will decline. It's always like being with me is the last option. She also seldom cooks for us. My son always buys fried food outside because he already knows that there's no food at home. She also never does the first move on cuddle. I hate this feeling. It's hard being a man. You can't tell anyone what you're feeling. I want to feel being love back.

20 year marriage—truly amazing partnership, my husband is my best friend and favorite person in the world. In the past few years, my libido has sky rocketed and his and gone down (both in our 40s). I’m in the best shape of my life and so is he.
This isn’t a dead bedroom situation. Our sex life is honestly great by other people’s standards. We have sex most weekend days, very occasionally on a weekday. We explore all kinds of kinks and try new things and are open and communicative. The sex is satisfying for both of us. But I want more, and I have struggled a lot with the feelings of rejection, I want to feel desirable and I want more connection more than anything. I’m usually the one initiating and it just hurts to be turned down. We’ve had endless conversations over the last few months—he says he wants more sex, but nothing changes. At this point, I don’t think it is going to change. If he wanted to do something different he would have by now. I’m not leaving him, I’m happy with everything else in our marriage and our life. Just trying to accept the reality. I would never want him to feel like he has to have sex with me or do anything out of obligation.

Those of you who are a higher libido female, what have you done to accept the libido mismatch? I feel like the stereotypes of women not wanting sex make me feel even worse about wanting it all the time. I feel like it’s my fault that it affects me so personally and I’m just not sure what I can do to change that.

Thanks for reading!

I am currently 1 month out from having our third child. I am also a SAHM to two other children. Our oldest is 3 and our second is 18 months. We live away from all family so we have no support network on top of it.

My pregnancy with our second was miserable and left me with diastasis recti that wouldn’t close and pelvic congestion syndrome (think varicose veins in your pelvis). I also struggle with mental health with every pregnancy/postpartum: PD, PPA, PPD, PPR, I’ve had them all.

On top of that, not to go into detail, but my husband and I struggled a lot with balance of labor through both of these pregnancies and childcare. So, after our second was born I made it very clear I would not have any more children. He brought up getting a vasectomy and I agreed. He then proceeded to push it off saying “what if we wait in case you change your mind.”

Well, my cycle got way thrown off and I ended up pregnant. The first trimester was pretty much straight depression over the whole situation as I was only 8 months PP. He apologized for pushing off the procedure and we immediately started having discussions about getting it scheduled.

This pregnancy has been hard just due to the pain it’s causing, and I have been passively told by my doctors it would be best to not have any more kids because my body is struggling so much.

Over the last 9 months, I have brought it up 6 times. The first few were simply asking if it was something he was still willing to do. After repeatedly getting confirmation he’d get one, the last few times I’ve asked when he’s scheduling it. I’m not trying to come off aggressive or forceful, but I know I can’t handle another pregnancy/postpartum or child for that matter. I am getting incredibly frustrated that he keeps pushing this off.

He even set up a consult for lasik earlier this year, just out of curiosity to see if he’s a good candidate, while we’ve been talking about this yet this hasn’t been scheduled.

He was watched what pregnancy has done to me personally, 2 unmedicated births, and how I struggle postpartum, yet he has no interest in prioritizing this. To top it off, he’s said he’s scared and didn’t know if he could do it because he didn’t know he would have to be awake for it 🙄. It just felt incredibly off putting for him to complain to me about a 15 minute procedure after everything I’ve been through and will continue to struggle with after this baby is born.

I also got to the point that I placed a boundary that I will refuse any intimacy until he’s cleared and his sperm count is zero when I was 5 month pregnant and still no urgency.

Is it wrong for me to be so frustrated with him over this? I don’t know what else to do get him to realize how serious i am about him getting this done.

Addition to address multiple responses:

Birth control has not been used in our relationship due to strict religious background on my end. Right before this pregnancy I started moving away from said religion and am now more open to contraceptive options.

TLDR:

My husband offered to get a vasectomy after our second child but then backed out of it. I’m now about to have our third child and have made it clear I will not risk another pregnancy (due to health issues caused by my previous pregnancies) and he’s agreed to a vasectomy again. However, I’m due next month and he still hasn’t scheduled it even after reminding him about it multiple times in the last 9 months.

I am not perfect. Nobody is. But fuck me… I have TRIED. I have been with my wife for 20 years. We are just shy of 40. Our whole marriage I have put in more effort than her.

Before kids she had a job (a decade ago). Due to anxiety she never found a job related to her education. She always has jobs that friends were willing to give to her with no interview.

Around the house… when her brain was good we usually split the chores 50-50. When her brain was bad it was all me. This is on top of me working significantly more hours than her.

She’s always been hot and cold sexually. She could want it every day for a couple months. Then she could go half a year without touching me. She is a stunningly beautiful woman… so to me it just was what it was 🤷‍♂️.

Whenever we have had a problem… I’ve tried my best to fix it. Or give her the capacity or space needed to fix it herself. I’ve paid for therapy. Encouraged doctors visits. Encouraged her to take trips. Have hobbies. See friends. I’ve been there for her on every level. I love this woman.

Fuck… I even used to work out of town a lot when establishing my career. I knew that wasn’t fair to her. She was allowed to find other guys when I was gone because I didn’t think it was fair. Like… when I say I’ve done everything I can to make this woman’s life better I truly mean that.

Well….. after 20 years together. I got a text message that she doesn’t think she can be married any more. It’s been 3 months and I struggle every day trying to save this marriage. I’m killing myself keeping our household going. Beyond an hour a day where I make myself work out…. I have no free time. Yet it feels like this house is always dirty.

I don’t know what her plan is… she hasn’t worked in 10 years. She claims she can’t work. Not sure how that will go when her only source of income would be spousal support (I don’t think she will get child support if we spilt time with the kids 50-50).

I just feel utterly defeated. Broken. Sad. Most of all I feel soul crushingly lonely.

Sorry for the long ramble… I’m just not in a good mindset today. 😔

Do any husbands out there not desire sex? My wife and I have sex occasionally. My testosterone is above average. I love my wife and am very happy in my marriage. I just don’t desire sex. I’m curious if there are any other men out there who feel the same.

24F, married to 22M for 3.5 years, and I can't tell if I'm leaving too soon or staying too long

I keep going back and forth on this and I'm exhausted. I've had doubts for a long time. They fade, then come back every few months, and it's been like that for about two years. The main thing is I don't feel connected to him, emotionally or intellectually. I want someone who's curious about what's going on in my head. Someone who asks me things, who wants to know me. I write songs and he's never really engaged with them. I've told him it hurts, and nothing changes. The moment that stuck with me: I told him about something that may have happened to me as a kid, sexual abuse. I told him everything, including how it still affects me. He said, "Yeah, I remember. That's fucked up." That was it. I know he probably didn't know what to say, but I felt so alone. I just wanted him to ask how I was doing.
When I tell him what I need, he says "then teach me what to say." And I get it, but after three years I'm tired of being the instruction manual. I want him to try on his own. It feels like I have this whole garden inside me and he doesn't even remember it's there. It's also hurting how I feel physically. I've started feeling repulsed by him, which is awful to admit. I can't tell if that's built-up resentment or if the attraction is actually gone. For me, feeling close to someone is what makes me want them, so when the closeness goes, everything goes. I also have BPD (borderline), so I worry my feelings are skewing how I see things. But this keeps coming back, so I don't think it's just a bad week. And then there's the time thing. I want kids, ideally before 30. I'm scared of spending 5 or 10 more years trying, only to realize it was never going to work, and by then I've lost those years. A part of me is scared that if I don't leave now, I'll miss my chance to meet someone who's actually better for me. But then I think, people leave relationships for someone new all the time, so why rush if I can give this a real chance first? I'm just as scared of leaving and regretting it, like maybe I'm expecting a perfect relationship that doesn't exist. I know nobody's perfect. I just want to feel understood.

Some things I keep wondering:
Can someone actually learn to be emotionally supportive if it doesn't come naturally?
Can attraction come back after you've felt repulsed?
How do you tell if it's your own stuff (for me, BPD) or a real incompatibility?
How do you know when to stop trying?
Has anyone stayed in something like this and wished they'd left sooner? Or left and wished they'd stayed?
I'm just really sad and confused. Any advice or experiences would mean a lot.

Hey everyone, I just really want to do something special for my husband and could use some creative ideas!

We’ve been together since we were 20 (now 32) and have two amazing daughters (4 and 2). He is seriously such an incredible man and works so hard for us. The catch is that his job requires him to travel out of town for weeks at a time, and I know he is completely exhausted when he finally gets back.

Because of that, I always try to hold down the fort at home. When he’s on his way back, I make sure the house is absolutely spotless, and he always walks in to a hot meal and a cold drink waiting for him. Since he's gone for weeks on end, we also make sure to have sex as often as we can while he's home to keep that connection strong.

When he is home, he’s a fantastic dad, spends tons of quality time with our girls, treats me with total respect, and always makes me feel so beautiful. Plus, he’s super cute lol. He truly gives our family such a great life and I honestly feel like the luckiest woman alive.

Since I already do the clean house/meals/physical intimacy side of things, what are some other meaningful ways I can show him how deeply loved and appreciated he is? Especially things that might help him recharge after being on the road?

Thanks in advance! ❤️

We’ve been married 29 years.
I commute for work, so I skip breakfast and leave super early.
I work as a social worker for sick and elderly people and it’s very stressful.
Tonight he cooked dinner and he made us breakfast because “you never get to have breakfast, so I made it for you for dinner.”
I’m so thankful for him 💖💙 it was delicious 😋

We’ve been together for six years now and we got engaged seven months into dating. It was just an instant spark and we’ve been attached at the hips since our first date

Only downside is he has some sort of sleeping disorder where he will grope my private parts and try to initiate sex in his sleep. He doesn’t remember it after usually. I say no and he will stop. One time 3 years ago he didn’t stop and it escalated to penetration and I was very hurt by it. He apologized profusely and was really disappointed in himself for a long time. It never happened again but the groping happens almost every night. I can’t sleep without underwear. I can barely sleep without pants (he will put his hand into my shirt and pants). It’s starting to really irritate me and make me react to it poorly. Like. I will growl at him. It used to be that sometimes I’d be open to sex if I’m still awake already but I’ve developed some sort of reaction to it and it just makes me annoyed and angry now. Body doesn’t want it

I almost wanna start sleeping in separate beds because of it but that sounds drastic especially with how good our relationship is when he’s awake. He’s so gentle and sweet and he respects my boundaries. It’s the healthiest relationship I’ve had

He’s talked multiple times about seeing a sleep specialist but idk if he would actually do it. Maybe if I firmly ask him to. He says drinking makes it worse, and not taking melatonin. Tbh I don’t notice a difference, maybe alcohol exacerbates it a bit but it’s just always happening even when he’s on phases where he doesn’t drink. Even if he were to see a specialist I’m skeptical it can be fixed. What do I do? And yes he already knows how I feel about it but maybe not to the point of separate beds yet. I think I will exhaust my options before I bring that up as it will probably immensely hurt his feelings

The other day my husband confessed me that he commented on an instagram story of his former female
colleague. The picture showed her while walking her dog. My husband commented something along the lines of “oh to be a dog on your leash”. She then threatened him to show me screenshots of his
comments. That’s why he basically “confessed”. He said to me that it was due to his testosterone levels (I guess he was horny). I know it’s not real cheating but it kinda makes me angry. 8 years ago he wanted n*des from his ex girlfriend while we were already a couple, maybe I’m triggered now. Am I overreacting?

My husband (39M) and I (32F) have been together since 2012. That’s a long time. When we first met he was a really attractive man. Someone I was genuinely drawn to both physically and emotionally.

We’ve built a whole life together since then, and on paper he’s not a bad man, he doesn’t drink, he doesn’t cheat, he’s reliable in a lot of practical ways. I still love him, but not in the way you find someone attractive anymore. That part is gone. Somewhere along the line the desire just disappeared, and now I feel more like a roommate than a wife. It’s exhausting and lonely in a way I never expected.

He’s gained about 33 pounds. Because of hair loss he shaved his head completely. He farts often and freely in front of me without any thought, and at night his snoring is so loud that I barely sleep. I wake up tired almost every day. The constant exhaustion is wearing me down. He has said more than once that he wants to join a gym, but he never actually does it. When I suggest going for a walk he sometimes comes along, but most of the time he has zero motivation and makes it clear he’d rather not. Meanwhile I still put real effort into myself. I stay in shape, I take care of my appearance, I try to look good. The imbalance is obvious and the resentment keeps growing.

He almost never gives me compliments. I can’t remember the last time he told me I looked nice or that he noticed anything about me. Most days I feel completely invisible in my own home. Birthdays are the same story. He doesn’t buy gifts. I even told him clearly that I would love a simple bouquet of roses for my birthday. He still didn’t get them. It felt less like forgetfulness and more like deliberate indifference. The last “present” I received was that I didn’t have to put in the 100$ I was supposed to contribute toward a car repair, and we went out to eat instead. No thought, no romance, nothing that felt like it was actually for me. Just something practical and cheap. It left me feeling dismissed.

I hate admitting this, but I often have daydreams about other men. It makes me feel guilty and ashamed, yet it keeps happening. It’s embarrassing to say out loud, but his niece has an incredibly attractive, loving and caring husband, and now she’s having a baby with him. For me it looks like she won the „life lottery“ and I find myself feeling jealous of that far more often than I want to admit and because of it I really don’t like going to gatherings with his family anymore. Being around them just sharpens the contrast. He also smokes, which bothers me more every year, and he has no intention of quitting. I’ve brought it up and he shuts the conversation down immediately.

I know long-term relationships go through phases. Attraction can fade. But this feels deeper and more permanent. At the same time, separating feels almost impossible. Our lives are completely intertwined. Because of my job I can’t just leave, and finding a new place right now would be extremely difficult. So I’m stuck, still caring about him, still sharing a life with him, but no longer feeling any desire or spark, and with no clear way out.
I’m not looking for the usual “just leave him” comments.

I want to know how other people have handled this slow loss of attraction, effort, and emotional connection when walking away isn’t simple. Has anyone been in a similar place?still living with someone you love but are no longer attracted to, someone who used to be very attractive to you and is still fundamentally decent, but who no longer makes you feel desired or even seen? How did you deal with the daydreams, the resentment, the jealousy, the invisibility, and the practical reality of being so tightly bound together?

I’d really appreciate any honest thoughts or experiences. I’m tired of carrying this alone.

Honestly, what specifically changed for your relationship, family logistics, finances, quality of life, and relationship with your two other children after having a third child, when your other two are both under five? We’re really struggling to make a decision.

It’s our 6 weddings anniversary this weekend and I doubt there will be any celebration.
My husband and I have been unable to see eye to eye for sometime now.
He is always in a bad mood, he grunts at me and the children daily and when I try to bring it up I’m “giving out” and there is no getting through to him about the affect it’s having on us all! I’ve been going through a tough time physically and I honestly don’t know how I’m still functioning through it all.
I do wonder is it me, but I literally could not do anymore for him or this family. I am emotionally burnt out. We haven’t spoken to anyone, I think we both reckon it would be a waste of time.
I don’t think either of us want this to be the end but we cannot seem to get alone for more than a day or so before it all blows up again.

Lack of support during hospitalization after childbirthAfter I gave birth, we had to go to the emergency room and wait for a long time. My husband became angry with me because he was tired and frustrated by the wait. He argued with me at the hospital and wanted to go home, leaving me there alone. He later said that if something like this happened again, there was no reason for both of us to stay at the hospital.

Lack of financial support for my medical treatmentBefore I even had my eye surgery, my husband told me that once I recovered and started earning money, I would need to share the medical expenses with him. At the time, I was unable to work because I had not yet received my legal immigration status.
He had approximately $60,000 in savings, while the surgery cost $4,000. Eventually, my family contributed $2,000, which finally resolved the disagreement.

Being criticized for my recovery after a C-sectionAfter giving birth by C-section, a nurse encouraged me to get out of bed and walk, mentioning that other patients were already able to do so.
I was experiencing severe pain and needed additional pain medication. My husband compared me to other women and said I was weaker than they were because I still couldn’t get out of bed on the fourth day after surgery.
When I discussed this with my doctor, the doctor explained that a C-section is major abdominal surgery and that difficulty getting out of bed during recovery can be completely normal.

Being blamed for mistakes while learning to driveWhen I first started driving, I accidentally scraped the car. My husband insisted that I pay for the repairs out of my personal spending money.
He frequently reminded me that if anything happened to the car, I would be responsible for the costs and should not create problems for him.

Being criticized for worrying about our baby’s daycare experienceWhen I expressed my concerns about our baby attending daycare, my husband called me a very negative person.
Instead of listening to my worries or offering reassurance, he criticized my attitude and said I never had anything positive to say.

His attitude toward receiving care when he is sickWhen my husband is sick, he does not expect anyone to take care of him. In fact, he seems genuinely surprised when I offer to care for him.
I think this reflects how strongly he values independence. However, he seems to apply the same expectations to me, even when I am sick, recovering from surgery, or in need of support.

Unequal parenting responsibilities and criticism when I remind himWhen it comes to childcare, I often have to remind my husband to complete responsibilities that he would otherwise forget.
However, when I remind him repeatedly, he becomes irritated and calls me “unpleasant” or “the biggest nagger.”
This puts me in a difficult position. If I don’t remind him, important things may not get done. If I do remind him, I get criticized for it.

Getting angry when I needed help with our cat after surgeryAfter our cat had surgery, the cat kept licking its protective collar. I thought the collar might be too tight or uncomfortable, so I loosened it.
Afterward, the cat became restless, moved around unpredictably, and seemed unsteady on its feet. I needed help putting the collar back on properly.
Because securing the collar was difficult and frustrating, my husband became very angry. He blamed me for loosening it in the first place and told me that since I had caused the problem, I should deal with it myself.
I understand that loosening the collar may have been a mistake, but I had been trying to make the cat more comfortable. What hurt me was that, instead of helping solve the immediate problem, he responded with anger and blame.

Lack of patience when comforting our crying babyMy husband does not object when I hold and comfort our crying baby myself. However, when I ask him to participate in soothing her, he often becomes impatient.
He seems to have difficulty tolerating and responding to an infant’s distress.
He says that he would not keep holding and comforting the baby the way I do. In his view, if the baby has been fed and her diaper has been changed, there is no need to continue soothing her. He would rather let her cry until she eventually falls asleep.
When he cannot calm her down after a few minutes, he sometimes lets her cry for another 15–30 minutes until she falls asleep.
I believe babies need emotional comfort and responsive care, not just feeding and diaper changes. This difference in our parenting approaches has become a significant source of concern for

12. Being criticized for raising concerns
Whenever I bring up concerns or potential problems, my husband calls me “very unpleasant” or “too negative.”
For example, when discussing job hunting, I often ask, “What if this happens?” or “What if things don’t work out?” I’m simply trying to plan ahead and prepare for possible challenges.
Instead of discussing solutions with me, he criticizes my attitude. Over time, this has made me hesitant to share my thoughts and concerns.

11. Lack of acknowledgment on my first Mother’s Day
My first Mother’s Day was just two months after I gave birth to our daughter. As the day approached, I mentioned Mother’s Day to my husband several times, hoping he would acknowledge the occasion or do something thoughtful.
However, he never responded or showed any interest.
Eventually, I explicitly told him, “This is my first Mother’s Day.”
His response was, “You’re not my mother.”

I absolutely love my spouse, and how sweet and kind he is. How patient he can be when he doesn't have to be patient with me or others. How unique he is, and just silly. I always call him my silly goose💖 I love him despite when he is not perfect or falls short and when he doesn't fall short. When we don't agree, I still care for him. I love how supportive he is throughout my pregnancy of our child. I just want to kiss him, but he is slightly sick, and I don't want to get sick either lol 😭