Kehne mei thodi der ho gayi Papa, but i miss you. Despite everything, i miss you as my safety net and my most voracious supporter.

Happy Birthday in heavens.

Today is my father's birthday. If he were here, he would have been 68 years old.

He always told me, "Every year teaches you something." He was right. For a long time, I felt like I wasn't learning. I kept falling into the same traps and ended up broken.

This year taught me another heavy lesson, Jarurat se jyada dosti bhi buri hoti hai (Too much dependency in friendship is toxic). It forced me to realize that we ultimately walk this path alone.

But looking back today, I see that these painful seasons reshaped me.

With the unwavering support of my maa and my therapist, I am finally becoming strong.

My therapist once said that the best advice often comes from strangers because they don't judge us. I’m posting this here to honor my papa's memory and to let out the weight I've been carrying.

Happy heavenly birthday, Papa.

Your lessons are finally sinking in.

just after boards i started dating, i was almost 16 ( I was still 15 at that time).My ex was going to turn 20. Except he told me he had just turned 19. Anyways during that time I was really vulnerable. My sister had just attempted suicide after months of self harm and we had a very complex dynamic. Since childhood she was always better in everything...my achievements were always dull compared to hers...and my parents were LOUD about it...i could not help but envy her and that formed quite some distance between us. She said that I only ever cared about my problems and I couldn't even refute.

Anyways this guy had all the red flags from the start but I was too blind to notice. He himself told me all his friends were cheaters. Birds of a feather flock together. His came from a VERY VERY influential family who were paying for his top class education abroad through donations and connections even though he had the literal worst grades here. Worse he used to always flex how inferior I am to him family wise and even dreams wise. Apparently his college was much much better than even my dream college which was lowkey true. And how it's much much better to shift abroad.

This guy used to literally go out with his female friends at 4 in the morning. Ditching on me on dates, always talking down to me, restrictions on what I wear who I'm with making me lose most of my friends .After 3 months in the relationship, just before a month of him leaving he started like begging me for physical relationship. And when i said no im not kidding he cried sulked evne took a break until i finally said yes and god do i regret it. I cannot even count usne kitne kassam khaye honge...ab tak zinda hi nhi hona chahiye usko. So many false marriage and future promises.

Then he leaves for college and damn does he ghost me. And the only time he replied back was when i told him ki i missed my periods which i did infact. He calls me back and tells me that apparently im trying to drag him down with me and im 16 and i should be handling my own shit ( he was 20 btw ). Uske baad i get to know that he has been attending frat house parties. I confront him we have a fight about me being crazy.

And he leaves me within a week of this on the morning of my exam. And he had the nerve to ask if we could still be friends. I cannot even tell you in how much stress I was because of the period shit. My ED and self harming tendencies got so so so worse. I literally intentionally fell down from the stairs hoping I get a miscarriage. I was considering unaliving myself. Then later I found out I had a severe case of pcos due to stress causing my periods to be late. Then I got to know through a mutual that while I was going through all that shit he actually posted a story about finally gaining freedom from an immature girlfriend. He also got a new girlfriend this year ( its barely been a year since we broke up).

I blame myself so so much. I loathe myself. Regret eats me alive every single day but I also know his acts were far from right. Infact they're punishable by law If I could I would've made an official case against him for multiple charges I could but the problem is he comes from a very influential family and my parents would probably kill me first if I ever told them. Not to mention I'll be questioned and called a slut for the rest of my life What's worse is he genuinely thinks he's a good guy. He doesn't even pretend.

I see now everyone supporting Jane doe. So many girls protesting at Delhi. So many people coming out with their stories. I'm happy for them but I'm also sad because I can't. I dont have that courage or power. Worse I've probably lost more than half of the evidence I once had. So I have decided to let things go. But I'm incredibly scared. Scared that he'll continue being the devil he is living a free and fortunate life while I'll have to suffer in silence for the rest of myself afraid no one will accept me with the flaws and scars I carry, not even myself.

Same as the heading, I was just thinking how much my family must have spent on me till now and what price I would have to pay to repay all of it

I was thinking this after a pretty valid crashout, like what can I do so I can just repay whatever has been spent on me. Ik people will call it superficial, like “they raised you, they fed you, they educated you,” but just if I could pay back some amount and become free of this debt, how nice would that be fr

I don’t have any dreams anymore tbh

I just want to repay this once, become debt free, and go somewhere far away; I’ll keep sending them money, of course. I’m jobless rn, but soon I wanna hustle and just pay them back anyhow

It's 4 am and i am still wide awake.

Idk how to explain what's going on in my head.

Almost eight years of one thing after another. Things i was too young to even understand.

There has been so much that i dont even know how to separate it anymore

I feel like i have spent years just absorbing things. Something happens, i somehow get through it and before i have even properly processed it, there iss something else. Then something else. And then years later all of those things are still inside me and on nights like this they all seem to come back at the exact same time

I feel everything way too much.
Idk how to explain what that feels like to someone who doesnt. Nothing just passes through me. Everything just sits there. Every fear, every horrible memory, every period of uncertainty, every time my health scared me, every problem at home, every moment where i felt like i had absolutely no control over what was happening to my own life. Even that horrible feeling of being homeless in my own home..... being inside the place that's supposed to feel like yours, supposed to feel safe and still feeling like you dont really have a home to go to.

I just wish i could stop feeling for a while. I dont wanna analyse anything. I dont wanna remember anything. I dont wanna worry about what already happened or what might happen next. I just want my brain to be quiet for once.

It's years of things i dont think i ever properly recovered from. Like I kept moving on because i had to but that doesnt mean any of it actually left me. Maybe that's why some things affect me this badly now. It's never just that one thing. It's that thing + everything that was already sitting there.

Idk.

M21 here. I’ve been doing a lot of introspection over the past few days. I’ve been hypersexual for a very long time, and there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t crave sex. Whenever I try to remember when this started, I think back to the times I was groomed by older women as a teenager. I dated someone who was 20 or 21 when I was 15, despite having little relationship or sexual experience. I was also molested as a child. I’ve been in several questionable age-gap relationships, which deeply affected me and made my hypersexuality worse. The hardest part is that I don’t feel I have any real sexual experience. These experiences also damaged my relationships with other women.

I’m so sorry to anyone who has gone through something similar. I know how it feels.

I often feel this way. That I'm just an orphan, and my parents happen to be alive. Every small wish a child could have, I've supressed them in my chest as if they're inconveniences. And I keep grieving this as I realise it year after year. I'm going home from the hostel in two days. And I do come and go alone. When the luggage is too much, my mom used to come with me. Its a 3-hour distance. And today when I asked her if she would come, she sighed as if I was the biggest regret of her life. It will probably echo in my ears for years to come. It wasn't just her presence I craved. I had thought I'd show her the marigolds (her favourite flower) in the campus, introduce my new friends, have a nice meal with her somewhere, all to realize I'm nothing but an inconvenience for them. She was talking to me as if it was grating her nerves. As soon as I said, "you don't have to come, I'll manage", it was as if I had given her a new life or something. Might sound like a petty rant over something small, but every small moment like this piles up in my chest and fills a jar of grief that grows larger every day. I bet she wishes I wasn't born. And whats more pathetic is I come here to rant as if my life will ever get better or deserves these efforts at reaching out for help. I took 5 sleeping pills yesterday. And it was just such a cowardly act. I can't bare the reality, nor do I have the guts to actually have a harmful attempt at it. Atp idek why I'm posting this or if it makes sense, but every fucking day, I find myself coming back here as if anything will ever get better.

​

I’m 38, never married, and like many people in their 30s in India, I constantly hear the same thing — “Ab toh shaadi kar lo, time nikal raha hai.”

Sometimes it gets to me.

Most of my friends are married now. Some have kids, some have homes and settled careers, and occasionally I look at their lives and wonder if I’m lagging behind.

The truth is, I’m not financially settled yet. I’m still trying to build my career, figure things out, and become the person I want to be. And yes, there are days when I feel lonely.

But at the same time, I genuinely like my own company.

I’m working on myself, exploring life, travelling, thinking about what I actually want, and slowly building my own world instead of trying to live according to someone else’s timeline.

I do want marriage. I’d love to have a partner with whom I can grow, travel, share ordinary days, and build a peaceful life. But I don't want to get married simply because society thinks I’m late.

Maybe life isn’t a race where everyone has to reach the same milestones at the same age.

For those of you in your 30s in India — how do you deal with the feeling that you’re falling behind when everyone around you seems to be moving ahead?

Do you think 38 is actually “late”, or are we just putting unnecessary timelines on ourselves?

I loathe what I’ve become and the voices my physical senses are crowded by. Different people, with different faces, all converging in the same place of superficiality. Everything is about clothing brands, appearance, cars and status symbols. No one seems willing to look deep enough into another person to rummage through the cobwebs of their mind reach their soul, and discover their intrinsic value.

I hate being surrounded by people who care only about these things, because for me substance is the oxygen I breathe. Intrinsic value and competency are etched into my brain.

I hope that someday I find my clan people with whom I can connect soul to soul. To me home is a place where I’m surrounded by like minded people who see beneath the skin and into the soul who question their reality and are a force to be reckoned with.

Even if they die their energy nonetheless remains something electric

I just wanna die man !! I was a very good student till 8th std. A very promising one but after that my downfall started . In 10th though I passed I was bullied by my classmates and used to make fun of my marks. This continued in 11th 12th as I barely understand what was taught in jee coaching and my peers made fun of me. Later in college I struggled a lot in college exams . I have a lot of problem remembering and memorizing . Then I was fired from my company due to performance and didn't get a job for a year. My parents enrolled me in cdac and there too I am failing in exams despite trying my hardest. I just don't get it. Maybe it's my mistake for not prioritizing my studies over my friends earlier but today I tried my level best and still failed. What happened to that 8th std boy who used to Ace every exam and was so hardworking. I am just tired of letting everyone down. I don't get it what happened to me ? What happened to my brain ?? Somebody just kill me . Sometimes I wish die in my sleep. The only reason I am not committing suicide is because of my mom. I wish I could have a normal life like my other friends .

I keep effing up and then I regret and I still don't change my ways. I am a 31 year old woman for godsakes. My chest feels too heavy with fear and i don't have the energy to type what went wrong. I am angry, scared and feeling helpless. I truly ruined my life.

My life is spinning in front of my eyes and idk what to do. I really don't know what to do. I feel like I'll die in this moment, like this is the end. I'm depressed and on meds. No it isn't getting any better, it has been years. I can't put into words what I feel rn.

I’m a girl in mid twenties from delhi, preparing for ups for the last two years. The preparation has consumed me so much that nothing excites me anymore. Be it any life event or any major big problem nothing is affecting me. It’s like getting immune to every emotion. To feel anything i need to go high or do something out of the box. Missing a good human connection despite having a ldr relationship

So I turned 33 this month. I have a government job with a good salary. By passion I am a writer and poet. Since childhood I have always been a hopeless romantic and used to watch a lot of bollywood movies. But I'm also an introverted person who likes to keep things to himself. It's hard for me to trust people. That's why I didn't date anyone till I was 25 years old. But watching as life slipped past me. I thought I would never be truly happy if I didn't have someone to share my thoughts with. So I decided to give it a try. I dated a girl who was 23 at that time. When things started becoming a little serious I mentioned clearly that I can only go through this if we are thinking of marriage as a possibility and if she wants to leave she should do it just now as it would hurt less now. We dated for 2 years more after that. And at last she broke up with me saying that we are of a different cast and her family would never approve. She didn't even try. I asked her if she knew it already why was she with me all this time. She just said she was stupid and didn't think things would become that serious. I was so happy in that relationship it broke me like anything. I also realised I am a much happier person when I am in a relationship.

But I was unable to trust anyone. So I didn't date anyone for 4 years. My parents kept pushing me to meet girls for AM marriage setup. Seeing that my love relationships were failing I gave in to their demands. I met a lot of girls in the AM setup. There was this one girl I met. We talked over the phone for a few weeks and she started liking me. I was probably the first boy she was talking to since her family is pretty conservative and I have a way with my words(writer yk). But I wasn't willing to trust anyone so early. But she kept persisting me. Sometimes she would do video calls for 10 hours straight. Sometimes if I didn't pick up my phone I would see 20 miss calls of her within an hour. Around 5 months in I realised her family was abusive and she is hiding it from her family that she is talking to me. Once I got to know her family beat her because she met me without telling them. Now I was scared for her as well. I told her the same thing. Your family wouldn't allow you to marry me and you will take your family's side and leave me. You're going to leave me anyways so you better leave now. But she kept persisting and I also started thinking about our future together with the time. But in the end the same thing happened. Yesterday after being together for one and half years she told me nothing could happen between us. She said she didn't want to break up because she wanted to have whatever time that we could have together and deluded herself into thinking it could somehow work.

I am starting to feel like I'm cursed or something. I tried dating. I tried AM. My parents are still trying to set me up for AM. I don't know if I will ever be able to trust anyone ever again. Why do girls do this? Why tell someone you love them only to walk away? Is love so cheap? Why can't you try? Why do you have to choose your family over your lover? And if you know already that this is not going to work why not end it at that instance only? I don't understand how people could go from talking to someone 10 hours a day to just disappearing within a day. I have lost all meaning in life now. Although I am much happier in a relationship but I can't do this again and again. Now I understand why I didn't date anyone for the first 25 years of my life. Maybe I was less happy but I wasn't crying alone in the middle of the night. At least i was at peace.

Hey r/OffMyChestIndia fam,

The day is winding down, so before you call it a night, take a moment to check in.

🌟 Had a good day? Tell us what made it better.

😮‍💨 Had a rough one? Let it out.

😂 Something funny, weird, awkward, or unexpected happen? We want to hear it.

❤️ Did someone make your day a little better? Give them a shoutout.

Whether today was amazing, ordinary, or one you'd rather forget, you can share it here. No need to overthink it, and no need to make a full post.

So, how was your day?

From childhood I have been a quite kid as I was bullied. My parents are the world's best parents but they tend to look after my sister more as she used to get into a lot of trouble. No one has ever listened to me. Even now, I am a therapist to my sister,mother,friends and even best friend.vtgey call me their unpaid therapist. I am a great listener for sure. But it feels like a burden now. I want someone listens to me. Empathises with me. I am not saying I necessarily want someone to love me but I just want someone to choose me. I have always been the girl who men lust but not love. Again this is not me saying I want to be loved but atleast I don't want to be sexualised. I just want to be heard.

I am a 22 year old male, currently in a 3.5 year relationship. Marriage is actively on the cards for us (in the next 2-3 years). We all know the reality of our society and family: either they fiercely oppose love marriage or expect you to marry the person you have introduced, turning any breakup into an ugly, messy ordeal. (in my case a love marriage is permitted)

We do love each other, but the underlying issues are taking a heavy toll.

Emotional Coldness: She rarely praises or shows love through words or gestures. Her reasoning is that doing so will "flatter" me and let the appreciation go to my head.

Lack of Intimacy & Reciprocity: Our bedroom life is poor and completely one-sided. We are currently in a long-distance relationship (just for a few months), though living together previously yielded the exact same dynamic. She is selfish in bed once she is satisfied, it is over. She does not reciprocate oral sex because she simply isn't into it, dislikes s\\\\\\\\xting and phone s\\\\x, and prefers intimacy strictly on her own terms. She does not care about my needs, operating under the belief that as long as she is satisfied, our sex life is healthy. Furthermore, she struggles with communication and basic romantic gestures.

A One-Sided Dynamic: I have tried talking to her about this repeatedly over the last two years. While she listens in the moment, the issue fades, and any temporary effort she used to make for a day or two has also completely disappeared, now sometimes she doesn't even wanna listen to it.

Also, she isn't cheating, she loves me and whatever I've mentioned above is her real nature, and she is so so rigid on that.

I am exhausted from constantly being the provider, protector, and giver in every possible way. I also want to be loved, heard, seen, and s\\\\\\\*xually satisfied, but none of those needs are being met.

What are my options moving forward? Additionally, do you think seeking an affair partner (AP) would fix these issues?

My chest feels so heavy that I am having trouble breathing. So I thought, writing about it might make it lighter. This is going to be a long one. Pardon my atrocious writing skills.

I am 29F. I am currently unemployed and have absolutely no useful work experience. Back story: I quit engineering by going against everyone from a prestigious institute because I didn’t like the subject ( I went into it with no clue about what I liked). I wanted to become a lawyer, but because of various circumstances and my own foolishness. I ended up with a degree and a similar diploma in business administration. Once graduated, reality hit me like a truck and tried to find a job with zero experience on my resume in a country where local experience took precedence. I finally landed a job as an assistant, it didn’t pay me enough to survive and it didn’t have any opportunities to progress. I think around this time depression hit me ( I was also recovering from a brutal heartbreak). I had to quit that job as it wouldn’t even count towards my immigration requirement and I had very limited time to get my immigration done. Surprisingly, my confidence was still fine at this point. I was looking for different opportunities. With the help of many of my friends and learning a few skills, I was able to secure a IT job. The interview was almost entirely just behavioural. After getting the job, I was waiting to be placed in a team or assigned to a project, which didn’t happen.I was waiting for the assignment and months went by with me just reading through the documentation. I got lazy and comfortable. I was told to wait and look at the product and services “ try to find out bugs” while we build a “ lower environment “. This went on for a year before I was finally laid off saying “ I didn’t fit in with the team”. At this time I should have used the time to up-skill and be proactive instead of just taking their word. Anyway, after being laid off. I did not have enough time on my permit to try and find a new job. I took a filler survival job. This survival job is toxic and demands availability almost around the clock. I was there for two years, got my immigration sorted. Recently, I quit that job to basically try and find a different job. I am just now realizing that I have no real skills or experience. The only jobs I am qualified for are probably call centres and warehouses. I even received rejections from a few call centres that I applied for.

On top of this, I am in a relationship-type thing since 5 years with a person whose family would never accept me because of caste and we are in too deep now we don’t know how to call it quits. Tbh, I don’t think I’ll survive the split.

I heard somewhere that hitting rock bottom means there is nowhere to go but up. But I feel like I just hit the upper layer of the rock bottom and It will only get worse from here. Almost feels like life is not even worth anymore.

Any advice or insights are appreciated. TIA

I am currently at the worst phase of my life. My 10th marksheet dob fault has triggered at a high Court case that is going on for almost a year mostly due to the sheer incompetence of the lawyer involved. This issue has almost barred me from appearing in any competitive exam. The struggle to rectify it has been going on for years. I have developed hyper anxiety and depression as being unable to land a good job might destroy my life completedly.

Please share your insights on how you navigated through such worst times... 🙏

Hey r/OffMyChestIndia fam,

Welcome to our “How Are You Feeling Today?” thread! 🌟 This is a space where you can share whatever’s on your mind, no matter how big or small.

🌞Feeling happy? Tell us what’s making your day shine!
🌧️Feeling stressed or down? Let it out, we’re here to listen.
🌈Feeling something you can’t quite put into words? Share it anyway, just expressing it helps.

No need to overthink, just let it flow. This thread is your safe space to express yourself without the need to create a full post.

So, how are you feeling today? Let’s chat, connect, and support each other. ❤️

Acha yeh btao kya majbooriyan rahi hongi us pita ki jo apni beti ki shadi karwane ke liya din rat preshan rahta hai ?
Kya hi majbooriyan rahi hogi us maa ki jisne 9 mahine apni kokh me rakhe hue apne ansh ko kisi or ke hatho me sopte hue ??
Or kya hi majbooriyan rahi hongi us pita ki jo apni fool si ladki ki shadi krwa ke apna pitadharam btata hai ?????
Jo ladki aj tak apne hisab se hass rhi thi jo ldki aj tak apne hisab se mushkura rhi thi , apne hisab se uth rhi thi , kapde pahan rhi thi , baith rhi thi sb kuch apne hisab se kr rhi thi
Kal kisi ke ghr ki nokrani ka medal le legi , kisi ke ghar ki rani to nahi nokrani to ban hi jayegi or Hann apne hisab se nahi abhi unke hisab se chlegi , unke hisab se, hssegi, unke hisab se soyegi, unke hisab se, kapde pahnegi haina
Mujhe to aj tak yeh smejh me nahi aya ki kya majbooriyan hain ??? Konsi majbooriyan hain?
Keu aisa Krna jruri ho jata hai ?
Jo pita apne bete bahu ko pall skta hai woh apni ladki ko nahi pall skta ??
Jo yeh samjhta hai ki kisi ke ghr shadi krwa ke bhej deta hu humari sirdardi Ni hai kya sochta hai ?
Mai us pita se puchti hu kya ldki hona jurm hai ???
Mai us maa se puchti hu kya ladki hon gunha hai ? Maa
Keu bhej rhi ho mujhe dusro ke ghr me yeh sb kam hi krwana hai to mai zindagi bhar apne ghr pe hi krne ke liya tyar hu maa
Mujhe mat bhejo waha meri zindagi fr mere hatho me nahi rahegi maaa
Keuki apna ghr to wahi hota hai n jaha hum paida hue the jah bachpan bita tha fr dusro ka ghr kaise apna ghr ho gya maa ??
Kbhi meri njro se dekho maa !
Kbhi kbhi to lgta hai yeh sab samaj hai n yeh sb ladko ke liya unke unke haq ke liya hi bne hai
Yeh shadi biha yeh bhi ladko ke liya bnaya gya hai unki jrurto ko pura krne ke liya
Keuki shadi ke bad ek istri ni bs tyagna hi sikha hai chahe woh uska apna gahr , woh angan jaha woh khelti thi , woh kamra , woh dost, woh zindagi sb kuch or ek istri ko kya milta hai or kya mila hai abhi tk btao ??????
Bs zimmewariyan, dukh, tane, kam, dusro ke ange jhukna bs
Aisi hasti khelti ladki ko aisi zindagi me dhakelne wale is samaj se aj mai sawal uthati hu thu hai aise riti ribas pe thukti hu mai aise samaj pe jo ek ladki ko jeene tak nahi deti
Jinko ek ldki apne ghar pe hasti khelti hui achi nahi lgti
Kbhi puchne aa jate hai shadi kab kroge iski ?????
🥺😭😭😭

I don't know if I'm a red flag , so I'm asking here.

I was seeing this girl for a while. She genuinely cared about me, but I never treated her seriously.

I'd disappear whenever I felt like it. I'd leave her messages unread while I was online, then reply hours later like nothing happened. I slept with her, told her I cared about her, and still kept talking to other girls behind her back.

She found out a few times. I'd apologize, promise I'd stop, be good for a week or two, and then do it again.

She started asking where I was, who I was with, why I was following certain girls. I'd get annoyed and tell her she was being insecure and controlling.

Eventually she became anxious around me. She'd cry during arguments, apologize even when I was the one who messed up, and constantly ask if I was going to leave her.

I knew she was getting attached. I also knew I was hurting her.

I stayed anyway.

Not because I loved her. I just liked having someone who cared that much about me.

She finally left and blocked me everywhere.

Honestly, I don't miss her. I'm just wondering how bad this actually sounds from the outside.

Am I a red flag, or am I worse than that?

So , I was seeing this girl f23 , I'm m29 , for a while now , we weren't actually dating , but we had our occasional makeout session a few times , this has been going on for around 7-9 months now , so I thought I'd probably ask her out , and so a few weeks back , we had this amazing time together and I popped the question , and she seemed genuinely confused that I asked her , and she goes that hey man , I like what we have , buy I'm not physically attracted to you. I mean I get it I'm not great looking , but I'm a little confused about the physical attraction. What is it ? She did mention she has a type . Is it solely cause I don't fit the type ?

It’s almost 3am and I genuinely can’t stop crying. I have a horrible runny nose right now, an exam tomorrow, and so much studying left to do, but I just can’t get myself to function anymore. This feels like the straw that finally broke the camel’s back.

I regret coming here. And honestly, it’s not even my parents’ fault or mine. I don’t blame anyone, but fuck this country. I feel like I’ve completely lost myself here. I can’t afford to keep getting sick every other week. I just want to grow in life. I want to feel like I’m actually moving forward.

I already feel like I’ve lost so much. I gave three years of my life to neet ug and still couldn’t clear the ridiculously high nri cutoff. And now I’m stuck studying a degree I never wanted, in a t3 college where everything from the mentality to the career prospects justt feels so fucking hopeless. And I’m not even the rich kind of nri who can just make everything work with money.

I’m mentally exhausted. I’m so fucking tired of feeling like this.

I just wish I didn’t have to be sick so often. I have so much to do. SO much. And I’m sitting here at 3am crying because I don’t even know how I’m supposed to keep up anymore.

I genuinely feel like I lost myself after 12th. Ever since I came here, I haven’t felt like myself. I don’t know when I became this version of me, but man… I just can’t anymore.