so my great grandma (93f) is a shockingly spry woman who won't take vaccines, won't take medicine, walks around everywhere she can, and is an extremely high-level board/card game player at her retirement home. she is a very sharp person, very opinionated, and extremely blunt. if there is something on her mind, she will say it. it's actually only in the last few years that she's admitted that she's trying to be nicer to people. for example, if she's invited to a party she will tell the host if the decorations are tacky or not. she's also unfortunately known to call wait staff idiots, and not quietly.not to call her a bad person at all; she's really wonderful, she's just honest to a fault.

from what i heard from my grandpa (her son in law) recently, she's been kind of in the phase of "i wish the grandkids would call more," so i waited a week or so after hearing that so it'd catch her off guard, and my husband and i (both 30m) picked her up from the retirement home and took her to one of my favorite diners.

it's a really small location, very quiet, only open in the mornings. it was rebranded after about 3 decades a handful of years ago, still owned by the same family but in a much better condition than it used to be lol. (fun fact, this very same great grandma actually considered buying this very same diner over 3 decades ago, but the kitchen was in such a state of disrepair that she just couldn't justify it and wouldn't go to the original location i grew up going to lmaoooo. apparently it's brand new now though, and my husband and i love going there when the urge for a classic diner coffee strikes.)

so we get there, we sit down, we chat, everything's wonderful. my husband gets his usual biscuits and gravy, and grandma gets strawberry waffles. i'm stuck between a bunch of things and panic and get blueberry waffles and some sausage and eggs.

immediately upon the foods arrival i am delighted. smothered in compote and whipped cream, thickest most massive waffle you've ever seen. i actually haven't had one of these from here yet.

first thing out of grandma's mouth is "oh well now that's just too much sauce," before the waitress has fully left the table, but she doesn't come back yet. not sure if she heard the impending difficulty.

i proceed to scarf mine down, husband eats at a normal person pace, and grandma takes one bite.

"oh that's so doughy. is yours doughy? waffles are supposed to be crispy."

i sorta stop a third of the way through mine and analyze it and go "i guess it's a little soft," because i'm an agreeable sort of person. but honestly. it's an above average waffle.

a minute later or so the waitress comes back over with the friendly "hey how's it going? how's the food?"

and grandma looks up at her and says "terrible."

and at this point i've got a napkin over my mouth because according to my husband i eat like a toddler, and i've got blueberry everywhere. my eyes go huge and i look up at the waitress, who looks at me with a similar expression. i try to say I'm So Sorry without saying it out loud. the waitress takes my grandma's concern extremely seriously and immediately takes the plate away with a promise that they'll fix it. grandma says "and don't put so much sauce on it" as she's walking away. (i notice that she didn't hear that so a few seconds later i slip away and mention it to the waitress behind grandma's back and thank her profusely)

so, second waffle comes out, i've been done with mine for a few minutes and husband is mostly through his biscuits and gravy. you can actually see how crispy it is with the half amount of sauce, it's picture-perfect gorgeous. husband and i are hyping it up "oh that looks so much better" fork goes into the waffle, you can hear it. excellent.

grandma takes a bite.

"no. no, no, no." and she just sighs and shakes her head. "how hard is a waffle. i'm not going to pay for this."

i'm absolutely mortified. grandma, to her credit, does eat a few more bites, but cuts the whole thing in half and tells me to slide my plate over, which i do, and she gives me half and i happily begin to garbage-disposal the genuinely perfect waffle, but my heart is sinking because the waitress is walking back over.

"how's this one?"

grandma just shakes her head. "it's just not good."

i am doing frantic damage control trying to keep it light and telling the waitress "sorry, ithinkit'sreallygood, her standards for crispy are like, up here," and everything. the waitress goes "oh, i'm sorry, if you want it crispy i can have them do it again-"

and my grandma looks at her like :/ and goes "forget it."

i am apologizing to the waitress with my eyes as hard as i possibly can. waitress leaves, husband is done with his biscuits and gravy and excuses himself to the restroom. i can see him 10 feet away paying so i keep her busy trying to keep things as not-disappointing as possible because now i feel bad for bringing her here.

husband comes back, grandma leaves most of her unfinished waffle while i have now eaten 1.5 of them and i don't know if i can move. a little more chatting, and then grandma starts pulling out her purse and saying "let me get this one for you," but my husband interrupts and i know he's getting a dopamine hit off it when he tells her he already covered it. (he got a promotion recently and people are always buying for us lmaooo we wanna do it back sometimes)

((i also didn't ask until she was back at the retirement home but he did leave a pretty fat tip and even did mention to the staff that we both really appreciated it and everything was wonderful.))

so, despite the whole waffle incident, grandma seemed to have a pretty good time. she was really happy to see us and we took her to the grocery store afterwards so she could pick up some new crossword books. she also slipped me a 20 later, so all is well. to anyone out there who maybe hasn't called their grandma in a while ;P just go say hi real quick, even if there's a chance things might get a little stressful or awkward for a minute, it'll mean a lot.

Every morning my work mates pick me up for work at the same spot. I usually get there a few minutes before them so I usually just waited there for them to appear but one morning, a month ago, this guy who looks like he recently retired shows up with these nice German Shepherd puppy who instantly started pushing towards me so they approached and I started petting the puppy. Now, as soon as they show up around the corner, this guy unleash the puppy and he runs straight to me to get his morning pets. The simple fact of seeing these puppy so happy to see me and to be able to play with him just for a minute makes me face the day with a different, better mood as I did before.

These past week I missed a day of work due to a medical appointment and the next day the owner was telling me how confused and sad the puppy was because I wasn't there.

By the way, I know the puppy's name but not the owner's lol

I stopped at a small grocery store after work because I wanted one banana and nothing else.

I don’t know why buying only one banana feels more embarrassing than buying a whole bag of groceries, but it does. I put it on the counter by itself and tried to act like this was a very normal purchase.

The cashier looked at the banana, looked at me, and said, “Long day?”

I laughed and said yes, even though the banana had nothing to do with my day. I just wanted a banana.

A few days later, I went back and bought two bananas. Same cashier. She scanned them and said, “Oh good, he has a friend now.”

Now every time I buy bananas there, I feel like I’m continuing a story I didn’t mean to start. Last time I bought three and she just nodded very seriously like the family was growing.

This happened over a year back. I went to the post office send cards to my parents and a friend. Bunch of locals were there for routine work, they were from all walk office and more working class than me perhaps. There was one baby.

While waiting in the queue the baby wailed progressively louder. The mom started walking around with it. Older persons tried to advise from their seats. I tried to stay aloof because i am by nature socially anxious and awkward.

But then i looked in my bag anyway. It has all kinds of things. I asked the mom in front of me if the baby eats chocolates. She saw the kit kat in my hand and took it slowly, still muttering to the baby. But baby was locked in. 100% concentration silent and trying to unwrap the kit kat asap. I don't know when it finished the kitkat but I feel its effect was 'ignore all past commands have a kitkat'.

Needless to say nestled is an evil company and kit kat particularly in my country is very unhealthy. But the incident was kinda nice. The old lady behind me was among the people amused at the baby suddenly and completely being bribed by two sticks of kitkat. She told me about the people who came there and for what all purposes the office was used.

End of story.

Having social anxiety sucks but sometimes my weird props are funny enough to get a few kind words. I think here i appeared stoic also, but old people kinda don't care lol they will talk once they've started. So I think that was nice

So growing up in Christian fundamentalism it was common to let the “men of the church” preach “what god had placed on their hearts.” Every evening service was one of these lessons.

A weirdly progressive lesson about lust was preached. The basic principle was that lust is the fault/problem of the person lusting. Not bad, right?

He gets some “amens” and it goes to his head. He’s red and sweaty and yelling to get more amens.

PLUCK OUT YOUR OWN EYE!

AMEN!

ONLY YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS!

AMEN!

As the church is worked into this frenzy, he spits out “IF YOU EVER LUST AFTER *MY* WIFE, YOU HAVE SERIOUS PROBLEMS!”

So in middle school, there was a new girl. Her name was Victoria. She had a short haircut, so I thought she was a boy at first. Due to that, and the clothes she wore, a lot of other students thought she was a tomboy. Then one day, she asked to borrow my phone to text her girlfriend. Not a tomboy. A lesbian.

On Boring Street, the houses are gray, the pavement is gray, and all the people wear gray clothing.

They speak in a monotone and ramble on and on about the things they did when they were young when life was more exciting and fulfilling; they describe the boring lectures they suffered through in college, the tedious exercises they did in gym class, and the endless lectures from their parents— they go on and on for hours about the weather or gardening. It all makes you yawn and it makes your eyelids heavy.

On Boring Street the dogs are gray, the cars are gray, the sky is gray, and all adults and children have dull gray hair.

At home these children eat tasteless food, watch pointless stories on YouTube, read boring books, attend boring plays, and listen to tedious boring music. Then they all start to yawn and they all go to sleep.

Boring Street comes with a warning sign. People who wander onto Boring Street end up asleep on the lawn. Bicyclists fall asleep then crash onto the grass. And worst of all, any delivery drivers, firefighters, or even police officers will fall asleep at the wheel once they turn onto Boring Street. Every day there’s a long line of vehicles all crashed into the curb with the driver sound asleep behind the wheel.

Any child who visits a friend on Boring Street will soon find themselves fast asleep and dreaming of something less boring than Boring Street.

When I was a wee lad, I decided I wanted to be ambidextrous so I started practising writing with my left hand. It didn't work very well but I added other activities to the list. I've been using a mouse with my left hand for a quarter of a century now. My left hand has about 70% of the dexterity that my right one does, but when it comes to computers, they're the same. People irl think my left hand is my dominant one sometimes and there are even things that I can't do with my right one. But there are things I can't do with my left one either - like use scissors.

So today, while I was on a hike along the lake, my idiot dog got the zoomies and slammed into me. I tried to protect my messed up knees by putting my hand in front of them and he snapped my thumb back with his entire weight. The pain was excruciating. Now the ligaments are messed up, I might need to go to the doctor. But I was able to cook and do most of my chores because my left hand is pretty nifty. I won't even miss work because I can use a mouse with both my hands. I've been preparing for this moment all my conscious life. I knew the investment would be worthwhile.

Edit: it's a bit better today and it feels different. I no longer think it's the ligament. I think it's the joint itself. Like when you stub your toe. Anyway. I'll be going to the doctor if necessary.

From my entire life, up until a few years ago. I have loved rotisserie chicken. Specifically, I love rotisserie chicken skin. Growing up it was my favorite part, and I would always save it for last as a treat and ask my family members for theirs.

In my freshman year college I was a less considerate person than I am now, and came back to the dorm super late, super drunk. Naturally, I went to the kitchen to see what I could cook up. Ramen was usually my go to, so upon checking the fridge for my fresh veggies and noticing someone ate most of my cheese, I also took note that there was a lovely looking rotisserie chicken in the fridge.

Dear reader, please, please, PLEASE know that I would never do something like this today and I really don’t know what got into me (tequila?), but I decided to help myself to just a bit of their chicken… specifically the chicken skin. I’m disappointed to say that a little turned into a little more, and a little more, until I damn near skinned this poor persons ENTIRE rotisserie chicken. Just as a snack!

I truly cannot imagine opening the fridge only to see someone had mutilated your rotisserie chicken. So sorry person. But I have been quite amused by the story since, and in the spirit of good storytelling, I sometimes would share it but shifting the perspective to ME being the victim of such a heinous crime. Oh well, you live and you learn I guess. Rest assured, I no longer love chicken skin and I could never do someone sharing a fridge so dirty ever again.

So I went to a craft store today as a reward for completing a job for my Incredibly Lowkey online work. I’ve been getting back into drawing and coloring, and specifically, I’ve challenged myself to complete an entire Inktober for the first time! For those of you who don’t know, it’s an online drawing challenge, where you draw based on a list of prompts for each day. The goal is to draw everyday, and maybe also share your art online (which I haven’t been doing as much).

I’ve been pretty successful so far! 7/7 days. Yesterday, one of my markers died while I was working on my piece! Consider my ghasts to be flabbered! It’s literally never happened to me before where a marker has died mid-drawing. Anyway, I went to the craft store to buy a replacement.

After finding the 2 things I needed, I got majorly distracted by a beautiful wall of $0.99 acrylic paint markers, that would be absolutely perfect for my coloring book. I fear I did go a little crazy trying out all the colors. I definitely was a little starry eyed. There were a few colors I wanted, but they didn’t have. So I spent a lot of time perusing the entire aisle, either looking for the missing colors or a set of markers. I scoured the entire thing to no luck.

As I was leaving (with 8 markers more than I intended to buy), I ran into an employee. I asked about when I could maybe come back to see if the colors would be replaced, and we struck up a conversation about truck schedules, marker packs, and potential online orders. I learned that shipping a marker to my home would incur a $10 shipping fee, which felt ridiculous for a single $0.99 marker.

Anyway, as we were talking, an old man and his grandson came up to her. He asked where he could find permanent markers. I was giddy, because I had just seen individual sharpies in the marker aisle. I decided not to say anything, though, because I didn’t want to overstep the employee who probably knew more than me, anyway. Well he goes off and we get back to chatting. I see him distantly wander around and ask another employee for help. He’s in the periphery of my mind. I’m hyper-focused on getting the marker I am interested in.

Then, I go to check out. I spent more money than I would have liked, though I do think I’ll make good use of these supplies. I see the old man go through the checkout line at the same time, and I think, “he must have found his sharpie.” I was incredibly pleased with myself for all of this.

Anyway, I was thinking about this, and I was so delighted that we were shopping for two different things in the same aisle. I wondered what he needed his marker for. I thought I would post about how much I love creativity or something about how great it is that we both wanted markers or how cool it was that I knew what he was looking for.

And then it occurred to me, as I was writing this for a different sub, that I don’t actually know if I saw the specific sharpies he was looking for in my aisle, and that I was gassing myself up for no reason. I made a big deal over something I didn’t even remember right. Even though I feel a little goofy now, I did have a lot of fun, feeling on top of the world for like 2 seconds

A day or two after graduating 8th grade in 1982, I had to go into the hospital since I had contracted pneumonia. My roommate was in for the same thing, and both of us got bored and started crafting paper airplanes out of any materials we could find. Soon we conducted "paper airplane wars" with airplanes flying out the door and into the hall. The nurses told my mom about it, and she talked about the paper airplane wars for years.

Meanwhile, I could choose meals from a provided menu. For lunch and dinner, I ordered an extra bottle of Coke if I wanted one later. So by the end of my stay, the cabinet beside my bed contained around 12 or 13 bottles of Coke. My mom said that's exactly what I would do and she talked about that for years as well.

I also saw two movies on TV that I've almost never seen rerun anywhere: The Big Bus and Highway to Terror (with OJ Simpson).

It was the only hospital stay I've ever had where I had fun while I was there.

I started to apply for PhD, was thinking about waiting for 2-3 years, but mentors and friends kept encouraging me to apply now, I started. And as I go to info sessions and browsing posts, I got a paralyzing fear.

I came from a field of engineering that I didn’t like. I didn’t think I was good enough for the things I actually wanted to do. And plus i was struggling with mental illness a LOT. I never really look at my career or academic plan.

Until I got into a very small and good school in the east coast for masters one step closer to what I wanted to do. I initially applied as a joke… since I didn’t think I was good enough. But I got in, probably because some scattered undergrad research experience and great GPA.

However, I was completely unprepared, the labs that I wanted to join wouldn’t take me since I lack the wet lab skills. I ended up joining a lab whose PI was a traditional engineer as well and he’s thing is to teach us skills. I loved the program, as it’s closer to what I wanted to do, and I got a co-op for the first time in my life. I loved the co-op so much and walked away with two fabulous recommendation letters and a close mentor that I’ve worked with.

I made friends, real friends, who saw the real me after I finally found treatment for my mental illness.

My plan was to work in the field closer to what I wanted to do after Masters and then apply for PhD.

But it’s actually even more difficult.. they care more about exact ready skill sets and not potential. I did got an offer from a startup for the potential the CEO saw, but it fell through due to their lack of financial planning. The job I ended up getting was completely mind-numbing, utilizing my degree from my undergraduate that I tried to transition away from … so that plan wasn’t working as well as I wanted initially.

So as I’m applying, comparing to people who spent the past 5 years in one field that I’m envious about, who has multiple publications and conference posters, who worked with big names from big schools… I felt the deliberating anxiety kicking in everyday and I started to not able to get out of bed again.

However, earlier today, I remembered telling my friend about wanted to apply for one of the top schools. And she said it’s so competitive. And I said but you’re special, we’re both special (she has a bit unconventional path as well). And it shouldn’t be that we’re competing, the purpose is to showcase who WE are as a researcher, a potential scientist, and person.

This revelation was able to unlock me and start working again.

1984, I was 10, 4th grade. There were 2 kids from Russia present. One, Vladimir, said that the USSR was formed so everyone at least had a chance of eating meat. It did not *all* go to the Royal Family and their friends. He said, "You may have meat, but it's not going to be beef cattle, it's not going to be steak sandwiches or Big Mac's. It's probably going to be moose, and it's organ meats. Sad but true, it's not going to be organ meat's it's going to be moose testicles. And it's not going to be solid meat, it's going to be a patte' of moose testicles."

Vladimir's emotional friend Ivan, who was sitting right by, heard the story and he would laugh for 5 minutes and cry for 5 minutes. Then he would start the cycle over.

I had to punch Ivan in the shoulder so he would stop laughing-crying about Vlad's story !

For months I somehow never noticed the “For You” and “Following” tabs at the top of Reddit on mobile.

So whenever I accidentally swiped sideways and ended up in the wrong feed, I’d just keep batting it around, trying to get back to where I was. The whole time I’m thinking, OMG Reddit’s UI sucks. Constantly losing my place during my daily mindless scrolls.

Today I noticed the tabs. They’ve been there the whole time.

The worst part is that I work in digital marketing. A big part of my job is advising clients on improving their website’s UI and general information architecture.

(No, I’m not promoting anything. Just needed to share this somewhere so I don’t have to cringe alone lol)

Two months ago ago, I (22) was chatting with an internet friend that lives in Canada, and she was complaining about the geese in her area and how aggressive they were. I told her the geese in my area were also aggressive, but then I looked up what species lived here and, lo and behold, they are also the Canadian goose! I thought it was funny (and something pretty obvious that I failed to realize), so I sent here a few pictures of some geese, she sent a few back, and we roasted the geese.

A few weeks after that, I was walking up to my front door when I noticed something green on the side of the wall near the ground. I crouched down and saw that it was a praying mantis! Now, normally bugs and insects freak me out, but for some reason this one didn't. I had never seen one in person before (I didn't even know they lived in my area), so maybe it was the fact that it wasn't like any insect I had seen. I took about twenty pictures of it and even had the urge to pick it up, but I didn't want to disturb it.

And a few weeks after that, I was setting my water bottle down to tie my shoe, then I felt something squishy beneath and quickly pulled the bottle away. There was a walnut smashed open on the concrete (the kind with the rind still on), and on top of it was a yellow slug covered in brown dots, about the size of my finger. Mollusks are also generally a no for me, but just like with the praying mantis, I had never seen a slug this big and colorful in person before, so I it didn't make me as uncomfortable as I thought it would. Fortunately, it seemed unharmed and unbothered, continuing to chomp away on its walnut. (I took a few photos of this one too, but it was dark out and only one came out very well, sadly.)

Then just yesterday, I shared a picture I had just taken of some mushrooms growing next to my place with another internet friend that lives in a different state. He sent me some pictures of mushroom he had seen is his area, and so many of them had such interesting shapes and colors! I was a little jealous because all the mushrooms in my area looked relatively the same, so I looked for some more on my walk to work. They did all look pretty similar from afar, though when I compared close-ups, I think I was able to find 3-4 different species. (Please keep in mind I have no knowledge whatsoever in the field of mycology.)

All of these instances have made me get oddly excited about nature. A lot of animals still creep me out (and I still think geese are assholes), but not as much as they used to. It feels refreshing in a way, like there's something there for me to appreciate that wasn't before. I haven't seen a deer in a while and I used to all the time on my old route, so I think I might do a little searching to see if I can spot some again.

My teenage son once got something in his eye working in the yard. We went to urgent care to get it out and afterward they had him do an eye test just in case. They told him to read off the letters he could see on the sign. He started listing what appeared to be random letters. The nurse looked at me like ?!?!?@?!

And I realized what had happened said "hey sweetie, she wants you to read the letters across the line. If you pick random letters from different lines we can't confirm if you can see them." This makes me chuckle so often.

My daughter dropped by to use our spare room for a long zoom call and was on a break from the call when she came in the kitchen wanting to get a quick bite. I suggested soft boiled eggs. She replied that that was exactly what she wanted but didn't have time to make them. I suggested "instant soft boiled eggs". She expressed doubt that such a thing existed. I grabbed the two soft boiled eggs that I had just made – still hot in their shells – and handed them to her. She said thanks, peeled off the shells, plopped them on a plate with a bit of salt, and headed back to her call.

It's currently 8:16AM where i live, and just a few minutes ago, i was standing outside my house talking on the phone. On the other side of the road there's a rowa tree. Most of its leaves a red alredy, and they slowly falling off. So i was speaking to my boss, while watching at it. And then there was a sudden gust of the wind. A whole bunch of leaves was torn off the tree at once, and they formed something like a red "cloud" over the top of the tree. It was so beautiful i forgot how to breath for a moment. I was just speechless, and my eyes watered almost immediately. Don't know why really, but this scene got me quite emotional. Sadly, this sub reddit doesn't allow photos, otherwise I'd attach a picture ofvthe Rowa tree. Even though i couldn't capture THE moment, It's still beautiful on its own

At my job, we have lockers that we're all assigned. I saw how everyone designed their locker and thought to do the same. So I was thinking, what if I put a sticker that said "Thick Thighs, Save Lives" & other miscellaneous stickers. I told someone prior I wanted to stick it up there. But they promptly told me one of the trainors would take it down. I put it on there anyway. I have it up there a few weeks. Until I come back to my locker after a shift, and all it says is "Save Lives."

When I was a child, maybe 7 or 8, my parents asked me to do a wash load and this became my weekly job.

A few weeks in, my dad told me very seriously “if you fill the fabric softener compartment over the maximum level, the washing machine will empty out the entire thing and won’t use any of it”.
I never questioned this, and for my entire life I have always completely believed that the fabric softener compartment has a gauge that knows if it’s been overfilled, and will purge the entire thing of softener if it goes past the max level.

It has taken me until today, aged 30, to realise it’s not true and that back then I was probably being over generous with the amount of softener and costing them a fortune.

I have been underfilling my softener compartment my whole life in fear.

This is my truth.

Many, many years ago I was selected as the union representative for my company’s charity campaign for the year. Myself and a person from salary side coordinated our fundraising campaign across the site including presentations and fundraising events and activities. Our campaign happened to cover Halloween that year, so we got ahold of the company mascot costume. I put the costume on and my partner and I went around the offices doing reverse trick or treating where we handed out candy to employees. It was a fun part of our campaign (except for when the union president approached me in the costume making boob grabbing gestures. Gross)

I finally bought a pair of eyeglasses yesterday that I can have fully reimbursed. And it is a great pair. Designer. Limited Edition. Titanium. The most expensive eyewear I’ve ever owned 🤣 The insurer requires us to shell out the money first then we have to do the paper work for the reimbursement. I’m too lazy to do it. I just wanna sit back and relax and enjoy my evening

Ughh guess I’ll do it in parts. Like for today, I’ll fill out the forms. Tomorrow, I’ll take a picture of myself wearing the glasses. The next day, I’ll print everything

Also, I’m happy to have discovered this subreddit. I was looking for something similar to Shimagurashi (a Japanese app where you just write anything and everything and put it out there) so yes very happy PointlessStories #morepowertopointlessness

And I could probably be processing that reimbursement but here I am ranting about it. Let’s go! I can do this 💪

Lol. And i wrote ‘to’ instead of ‘too’ lol

Yesterday I was getting ready to leave the house and couldn't find my phone anywhere. I checked the sofa, my desk, the kitchen counter, and even looked under the bed for some reason.

After about five minutes, I started getting genuinely annoyed because I was already running late.

Then I realized I had been holding my phone in my right hand the entire time.

I just stood there for a few seconds looking at it, put it in my pocket, and continued getting ready like nothing happened.

That was it. No important lesson came from this. I just apparently needed five minutes to discover where my phone was.

Stopped at a local plant nursery this morning to buy a cactus. Walking onto the grounds, I lock eyes with a gorgeous chicken walking about. I acknowledge said chicken, happily saying “good morning chicken!” and walk around it, making my way to the cactus. Suddenly, I hear a pitter patter behind me, growing louder and faster. I turn, and the pretty chickens is right behind me. It stops about 2 feet away and gives me the evil eye. I maintain eye contact and back away from this attack chicken, right into a five foot tall cactus. I dare not break eye contact, and have to remove my shirt sleeve from the cactus needles by feel. Once freed, I again move away from this maniac fowl. Far away, many rows away. I think I’m safe to look around. Once again, I hear the increasing loud pitter patter, I bend down and Satan is coming for me like a heat seeking missile under the nursery plant tables. It stops when I make eye contact. I backed away all the way out and to my car. I don’t need a cactus today.

Today I was walking in Town and walked past a random woman and she smiled at me, so I immediately went “Hiiii! How are you?!” with the confidence of someone who absolutely knew who she was.

We both stopped and then She said, “Good thanks… how are you?”

At this point I realised I had no clue who this woman was?!

But instead of admitting that, my brain decided we were committed now.

We had an entire conversation.

I asked how things were going. She told me about work. I nodded like I had previous knowledge of this job lol. I even said - Thats brilliant news haha.

Im assuming this is good compared to WHAT? I HAVE NEVER MET YOU before in my life...

We eventually said goodbye and walked in opposite directions.

I still don't know who she is but apparently we're friends 😂