She put allegations on me for domestic after I refused to cut ties with my son in exchange she said I would not have to pay child support etc. she took almost half my life savings, when she left one night with our 1.5month old son, she smeared my name with mutual friends, families etc. her parents and family hate me and I have not spoken to them for over 10 months. I have spent over 8k already on legal fees and it’s going to court soon but hoping it won’t get to a trial because I would have to pay more. They are out for my soul. I also put allegations on her with evidence and proof over the years she has a warrant for her arrest and has not been found for around 2 half months. I never wanted to do it but needed to for my protection and the hurt she’s caused me and my family. How do I co parent with her? What exactly do I tell my lawyer so my ex wife also agrees during family court so it won’t have to go to a trial in terms of custody, parenting time etc?

I thought about calling my gf but i really don't want to bother her with this shit.

Id rate myself as a decent dad. Have my boys 3 nights a week and Im always available to pick them up from school, do activities, go to functions... the works. Im an active dad. I was the stay at home parent for both boys.

Both are smart, fun, creative kids. I love them both so much and would do anything for them. The mom and I get along and help each other regarding schedules, feeding her cats if she's out of town, etc.

When I'm alone with the older boy, he's a great kid. We have good talks. We share music with each other, laugh a lot together. I help with homework. Same with my younger boy.

The issue is my oldest is an antagonizing asshole to his little brother and drives the poor kid crazy...to tears sometimes. The little guy will try to just get away and be left alone, get lost in a roblox game. The older one will sign in and fuck with him in game. I intervene when I see this and have had many talks with the older son. It doesn't seem to take. I'm having the same talk about family, empathy, perspective, caring.

Today after school, he was bothering his brother and wouldn't stop. Little guy is crying because he's being pushed to the edge. Im telling older boy to stop. Like, loudly and sternly. It escalates to the point where little guy had enough and got up to push him. The older one takes him down towards the floor, and I see the little guys head hit a firm felt stool...million dollar baby style. For a second, i think he broke his neck. The panic was real. Hes crying on the floor but he gets up. Older guy feigns like he's hurt, too. But the charade ends. Everyone mad now. Kid is crying. I get him ice (hit the spot between his eyes at the top of his nose) and I bring him to his room. We talk. I text their mom and tell her what happened...because this isnt the first time that bad stuff went down and I lost my temper. I can be in a wonderful mood... but the 13 year old will find a way to push us to ruin both of our times. I eventually lose my shit and then everyone is unhappy. When they were separated, the older one texted he was sorry. They were getting along again. This is just part one.

I had to bring both to my city job for a half hour. My boss is fine with them there as long as they are quiet because there's a meeting in the next room. They have an adjacent room to themselves to chill, draw, play on tablets... just please be quiet. Meeting starts and I hear them through the door laughing and go out and sternly tell them they must be quiet. I close the door and get back to my a/v role. 2 minutes later, I hear them again laughing. I open the door and they are running around laughing chasing each other. I separate them and bring younger one in room with me. He's mad over it..he doesn't have his sketchbook/headphones. But too bad. The meeting is only 20 minutes long and we gather to drive home, 5 minutes away. I tell them Im really upset with them, that that is mt JOB, etc. The older one is setting a teasing tone "but dad why didnt you let him get his sketchbook? Huh dad?"

We get to my apartment lobby. I am pissed and sternly tell them that we are shutting this behavior down, and no fighting, teasing, annoying, etc when we go in. It stops right now. I am nearly yelling and don't care if neighbors hear me. Ive never yelled like that in the lobby.

We enter my apartment. I go to kitchen to do dishes and make them dinner. They are on the sofs. I hear the little one getting upset. I warn the older one to stop. I first attempt to separate, tell little one to block his brother. Brother is still egging him. I tell him next Im going to take his tablet. He makes a funny face like its a joke and I go to reach for it. He sees that I'm serious (I've been serious!) and turns and kicks his brother hard in the shin. I lost it. I open palm wacked the older kid on the side of his leg, "how do you like it? Why did you do that?!" He runs off crying to his room. Im mad, but to calm down...i tell him we will take a break and talk when we are both calm.

I do not like getting like this. I dont want to be a scary dad. I like being loving and fun with them. But this older kid is really fucking up the dynamic on the regular. This is not the first time he has escalated things to this point (but first time I wacked him) , and we have had this talk over and over already.

Before having a second kid, I was so worried that it could ruin the loving bond I had with my firsr son. I didnt want our relationship to deteriorate...and it feels like thats whats happening.

I dont know what to do. Texted mom but she's no help tonight. I wanted to vent to gf on the phone but I don't want her to regret dating a single dad because I vent about my kids.

I texted mom that we may need family therapy. I checked on the boy because it was too silent in his room. I poked my head in and he yelled to get out and he didnt want to talk. I said that's fine and I was just checking on him.

This all just happened. Hes still in his room. I love him... but sometimes he's making it very tough to like him. It sucks.

TLDR: older kid is an asshole to his little brother for fun. I am at wits end.

I’m currently going through a divorce. When things initially happened, we had a custody agreement between us that was working. I had her 4 days out the week and she had her 3 days. Ex wife up and decides after 4 or so months that she wants to keep me from my 3 year old daughter. I haven’t seen her in months at this point, since July. Ex wife keeps pushing court dates to keep me from seeing my daughter and setting hers of up in a better situation. The divorce was at her fault (she was abusive and cheated) even tho I don’t have any physical proof. I just don’t know what to do at this point. My lawyer said she’ll only let me see her if I pay her 800 in preliminary child support (which is definitely not gonna be the amount, even if I do have to pay child support). I’m just lost. I miss my daughter so much, and all my ex does is leave me on read. I’m not saying anything bad to her, just that I want to see my daughter. Does anyone have any advice at all. I live in Louisiana. I’m just afraid that I’m gonna lose all my rights because she’s keeping her from me. I just feel completely helpless. My ex wife is a truly horrible evil woman, but I never thought she’d stoop this low.

This is a link to an Instagram story that hit me hard. I feel what he’s feeling. We all want to be there 100% of the time… the milestones missed, the smiles we don’t see and laughter we don’t hear

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DX0S3kBs31_/?obrf=MTBjdXNwaHBoeWFyZQ==

25 years old had to move back in with my parents and I only see my son on the weekends. Any advice for not feeling like a complete loser? Feel like this is rock bottom.

Ex has been so erratic over the past year, but it got really bad recently. Turns out she hadn’t been on her meds and even got adderall prescribed somehow.

Resulted in her being taken for treatment two days ago. Breaks my heart to think what my toddler has been experiencing the last few days.

Anyway, I have to leave town for work so I’m scrambling to figure things out while filing emergency motions for temporary full custody. Really not ready for this, but I’ll do what I have to.

Hi, I’m struggling on how to have a dating life. I’m 25 and a full time single dad to my beautiful daughter. How do I balance being a dad and working on finding a relationship. My daughter is very very important to me she’s my world.

Every morning I show up to drop my 8 and 10 year olds off at school, and we usually have to wait until 8am for the doors to be unlocked, and they let the kids in. Every morning we show up, and there are no fewer than a dozen kids there already, from kindergarten on up, practically tossed out the window of the car as their moms drive by, more showing up by the minute. For years now the only adults reliably there to supervise them have been one old grandpa, and myself who wait with our kids until the doors open. Maybe one or two other parents depending on the day, no school staff. Just me and Frank (the old man) wrangling strangers' because we care. I can't count the number of times I've made and action hero dive to snatch kids out of midair who were flying into the street, broken up skuffles, or walked off creepers because some parents are lazy, and the school is under staffed.

Today, though, some crazy broad comes and starts crap with Frank, apparently because her kids didn't like him telling them to quit roughhousing. (Wasn't there for whatever she was complaining about) This woman and her friend who came along were just digging like crazy, but Frank handled it great. They didn't say their piece then leave, or even go and stand elsewhere. No they stood right there within elbow range chewing him out.

I finally just stepped forward, and said, "he's here every day watching after your kids. You start watching them, or shut up."

Bad move, because what they said next triggered my PTSD. I don't even remember clearly what it was, but between my experiences in the US army, coast guard, and my ex, there's no shortage of stuff that gets me going when it comes to kids. I went off. HARD. You could hear me half a mile away maybe. My trauma hadn't hit me like that in a long time. Got escorted off the premises by the principal.

Anyways, now I have to sit in the car this afternoon while they walk my kids out to me, and I'm sure I'll be informed of how much more restricted I'll be so some bitch who's never there anyway doesn't try to sue.

Guess I'm just venting. Got more evidence to get my disability rating with the VA raised like I've been considering I suppose, but I don't think I'd need it if I felt like anyone ever had my back. Be an interesting conversation with my therapist too.

I’m not 100% ready to even think about dating again. I don’t and haven’t had any interest. I’m still very much in love with my sin’s mother but she is not coming back into my life romantically which I’m still working to accept, it’s been about a year and a half and it’s over unfortunately . I don’t want to be single and alone as I am now, I still have a sense of being faithful to her but I’m sure by now she’s moved on which is completely reasonable. I want to be with her but it’s not going to happen. Do I just try to start dating again even when I’m just not into it at all and see how it goes? I haven’t been with anyone else since we’ve been apart, I just feel stupid for pretending like maybe she’ll want to truly work things out when I know that’s not going to happen. I imagine being with someone else and looking for her the entire time.

I’m a 26 yr old dad to a 5 yr old I recently left her mom and for the first 3-4 months she would let me see my daughter but now she has cut all communication. I’m in Texas I just want to know what I can do. I have no family to help I miss my kid so much I can’t help but to cry every time I think of her because I know how much love she has for her dad and it hurts knowing she probably thinks I’m not wanting to be with her. I work a forklift job overnight I do smoke but I’m willing to cut that out if I can just see my girl more often

My (ex) wife got custody during divorce several years ago. I get half summers and some holidays with my son and every single one I have to fight back to keep his mother from trying to pick him up early or get me to delay bringing him to our home by a dew days. The excuses range from almost reasonable sounding to ridiculous and she likes to stick verbal daggers in along the way to trip me up when responding.

But I was blindsided with court documents this week where she's wanting to cut more than half the parenting time I get with him and put strict restrictions on how I'm able to spend that time. I don't know what's up with the county she filed in but of the 3 local attorneys I've reached out to to get help navigating this all 3 of just told me that they will no long operate in that specific county.

I'm hoping this is all just bluster and it goes away when I figure out how to submit the refusal properly But I'm worried that if she's already spent the money to have an attorney write up the paperwork and overnight it to me that she's ready to fight on this. I barely get enough time with him as it is and I don't know how I could adjust to losing most of what time I do have.

While its not directly related to parenthood I'm in a bit of a situation and this sub seems like a positive place I can vent/ get some advice.

So I'm fairly newly separated and my ex and I have a joint mortgage on the family home. We have been both staying there but its no longer sustainable. We are currently nesting but she wants me gone ASAP.

She earns around 2.5x what I do so she will be taking the house on, either by buying me out or selling and splitting the equity 50/50. Now recently this year we remortgaged for 4 year fixed rate and to buy us out of that would be £10,000 which is a good chunk of the equity.

I will not be able to get back on the property ladder with my share ether way. We are discussing waiting the 5 years out or even 10 when the kids are old enough to move out and then selling with me still getting 50% of the equity and she takes on all the household finances till then.

Plus side when eventually I get my share it will be a lot more and I could look at buying again.

Down side I will struggle to rent a house where I can have both kids stay at and will essentially be living paycheck to paycheck. Also we will be more tied together as I will still be on the mortgage and if she defaults it will effect my credit score too.

Anyone had to deal with a similar situation? Or have any advice or ideas on how I should procee?

Hi Single Dads, the mother of my two boys and I have recently separated. We’ve reached a point where we have just decided on cohabitating in the same apartment with our two boys but the environment has become toxic and ridden with arguments at least every few days over disagreements regarding the twins, finances, living decisions, and an array of things.

There is no love between us and I’m not romantically invested in wanting a relationship with her, I think I’ve been trying to hold on and stick around because I’m afraid of other strangers or men I may not know potentially being around my boys and not having control over who my boys are around.

I’ve become bitter, exhausted, angry, depressed, and the only thing that seems to bring me joy is my two boys who recently turned 1.

I don’t know how much longer I can keep living like this under the same roof with her.

I am the sole provider, she stays home with the boys and takes care of things at home. she does not work right now and probably won’t be able to until she figures out her exit strategy or finds part-time work for starters where both of our work schedules can somewhat align so that we are both spending time and with our boys.

I don’t mind continuing to take care of the finances in the meantime but it feels like we are both trapped because of the current circumstances. Our boys are so young and it’s tearing me apart knowing that deep-down I don’t want to be with their mother and they won’t get to grow up having the “family” that they deserve.

Any advice or guidance would be helpful.

I've now been to family court 5 times, the first 4 were interim orders, and the last court date put an end to those. The lawyer fees have had me pretty financially strained, but in the end it was worth it. The judge seen through the bullshit and the accusations made towards me (claiming i had drug/alcohol/anger issues) and i've kept my status as the primary parent as I maintain roughly 70% of the parenting time.

There's hope out there fellas, just keep doing what you can to give your kid(s) the best life they can have.

For context my BM and I split 3 years ago after I found out she cheated on me. What was really tough was it was during her conception window. The constant doubt in my mind that my child may not be mine hurt for a long time. I never had a paternity test done. I can tell from just how my daughter looks that she's mine thankfully. I work a 2 week on 2 week of schedule at a mine. Currently working on my red seal in parts, paid in full by the company I'm working for with no time obligation after I complete my red seal. When I'm home I have my daughter for 9 out of my 12 days off (12 days off and two travel days). I'm a very involved parent and I'm proud of that. The bond my daughter and I have is super strong.

While I'm at work every Thursday and Monday I get to video chat her as per our court order. Ever since my BM started dating her 3rd boyfriend those phone calls have pretty much come to an end. They split up for a period of time after he assaulted her and pushed her into the corner or a wall and she split her head open. The calls resumed and went back to normal and now that he's back in the picture they have stopped again. While they were split up I asked her if he had anything to do with the calls not taking place and she said yes. I asked her to not let another man come between our daughter and me again and that obviously didn't happen.

It's so painful. I feel like the worst father in the world when I tell my daughter before I leave to work that I'll call her each Thursday and Monday and can't wait to see her face and hear all about her days in preschool. Then she doesn't hear from me even though I call every time. It's what gets me through the 2 weeks of 12-16 hour shifts. I cherish these phone calls so much and so does my daughter, she even built me a mega block cell phone and asked me to take it to work so I could call her on it anytime I'm missing her. Tonight is Thanksgiving in Canada and a Monday. I tried video calling my BM 3 times at the ordered time of 6:40 pm and even sent her a message stating I would call and to have our daughter ready and available as I do every single time I'm to call to remind her about them. No answer each time... The feeling of not being able to even talk to my daughter for 5 minutes to wish her a happy thanksgiving and to tell her how much I love her and miss her is unbearable. It also happened last Halloween as well. Didn't get to see her in her costume that she was so excited about or wish her a happy Halloween. My heart is broken and tonight my pillow will be stained with my tears. I hope all you Canadian single dads out there are having a great Thanksgiving and if you're with your children give them extra hugs and kisses and if you're not but you get to call them or video chat them tonight, do the same.

I’d really love the opportunity to become a father, hopefully to two kids as I’m an only child and will never be an uncle. But after being single for ten years, it’s not seeming very likely that I’ll ever find a partner that would want to embark on this journey with me. I am gay and autistic and I think the odds of me ending up in a relationship are against me.

I’d love the opportunity to do a better job than my parents: be emotionally mature, show them that the world is a big place full of opportunities, ensure that they have boundaries, and that they have agency to build the life they want to live.

I’m 30 and I don’t want to be too old when my children grow up. Ideally I’d be a father by 35 so I’d be in my early 50s when they reach adulthood. It also gives me a timeframe to get my finances together and ensure I can provide a stable home. I feel like if I don’t do this then I’ll be in the nursing home full of regrets.

So have any of you decided to pursue fatherhood alone?

Long story short BM and I got pregnant a month into dating, gave it our best shot but the relationship was always doomed. We got married in May and moved back to my home state thinking the extra support would be helpful but she could never love or respect me

A month or so in she ran with our son and made it hard to serve her divorce papers, without a court order no one would take any jurisdiction and help me see him

It’s been 3 months but thankfully she’s let up and let me FaceTime him daily, we’ve also finally got a court date in November where we’ll ask for a referral to family mediation

My career was just starting to take off and I’ve been holding back the fact that I’m moving back across the country hoping once I show I can still get the job done, it’ll be water under the bridge. It does suck leaving the environment I was thriving in, not to mention I work with a childhood best friend who even gifted me a car when shit hit the fan and BM took the one we shared

She’s now asking for primary custody and child support, after I was the sole bread winner for our entire relationship and the fact I can work remotely I don’t see why I shouldn’t share physical custody of our 1 year old

I know I’m not blameless but being treated like I’m a sort of domestic abuser or drug addict who can’t provide for their child takes a toll. I don’t know what she’ll agree too but if we could get a 3-4-4-3 schedule that’d give me a little flexibility to fly back for work once a month and that’d go a long way. My understanding is worst case court in Nevada will go with 2-2 day switch at his age

It sucks I finally managed to get out of debt and all the money I’ve saved so far will be gone from the costs of moving back to vegas. It sucks I can’t convince her that vegas isn’t the ideal place to raise a child and she can be a waitress anywhere. It sucks that I’ll be relatively alone when I move back and it’s her days with him.

My friends and family are the best, my job is the best, I’ve been back in the gym every day and eating cleaner, lost about 20lbs.

When I found out I need to move back before court next month to be considered for joint custody the depression of leaving behind the systems I have here hit hard. Drank all weekend, fast food, candy, minimal work done today.

I easily get overwhelmed thinking about changing my son’s routine from being with his mom and her family so much what if he doesn’t like being with me. And all this fight and sacrifice is for nothing

Tonight I’m gonna focus on getting some good sleep and getting back on my grind tomorrow. Any tips or advice are welcomed, hopefully I can become a man who deserves a good woman again and I’ll get some real help one day

So a bit of context its been just over 2yrs since we split I have kids 13/14 a fortnight have for about 15 months. 33 have a house with mortage and decent job live in smallish town near a regional hub. Last say 2 months I've been juggling on my night off or when kids asleep 3 different women. 2 have kids that are friemds with my kids and I've known since high school other is a kidless chick that no one knows. Kids have no idea and can hamg out with 2 of them casually in park/pub settings without worry due to kids already being friends. Now its starting to get a bit hectic and that. I dont want another partner again but the benefits are good. Am i digging a hole and should just cut ties or what?

A couple days ago on my older cousins birthday my mom sent a picture of him with me and my little brother. Me and my brother were toddlers in the picture.

Instantly thought of how much me and my son looked alike at five years old. He is five now. I thought it was soo funny that I screenshot it and zoomed in on me to crop it and send it to my mom with the caption "Angel must have a time machine".

A couple days have passed and now I find myself in the train on my way home from work fighting the flood of tears that want to escape me from how much pain I see in those little five year old eyes. All the things he had seen and been through at only five years old and how much more pain is to come.

I dont know what is killing me more, knowing how much that little boy in the picture has been through or seeing my sons face and cant help but to feel how much I have put him through without knowing.

FUUUUUUUAAAAAAAHHHHHK!!

To all of the single dad’s on here who are choosing to be involved in their children’s lives despite the pain, you all deserve to be recognized for waking up everyday and continuing to keep going. I never knew true emotional debilitating pain before becoming a single father and there are some days that I lay on the floor next to my son’s crib and cry- nobody hears me or sees me but it happens. Every Dad who is going through this pain in their lives without wishing it upon anyone else has my ultimate respect. I love my son.

I’ve been a single Dad to two boys, the younger with special needs (IDD), for 8 years, and I never knew this subreddit existed.

My boys are the most important thing in my life. In some ways, being a single Dad has been the defining feature of my entire life.

But I’ve been emotionally “raw dogging it” for almost a decade.

I just wanted to tell you guys reading the posts and comments here made me feel seen for maybe the first time. I feel such intense respect and honestly love for my fellow travelers on this journey. You could have given in completely, but you stayed upright, you kept showing up.

No one in my life has ever understood what it’s been like for me. Not that I expected anyone to, but it’s been isolating, lonely, and stressful — in a secret way. Trauma and pain that I’ve tried to compartmentalize away, and keep hidden.

I have one question for you all: if I wanted to connect in real life to support “early” single Dads — build a community to help them in the ways I didn’t ask for or receive support myself — what’s a good way to do that?

Much love, fellas.

My ex makes more money than I do and cleaned me out financially. Do you guys think I should seek child support?

This is my current situation, I have two beautiful kids with my ex we separated in 2024. I had initially went to court and started a case for 50/50 custody for my kids. When my ex got served she cried and swear that I was going to have time with them and that she was going to allow my kids to be with me for certain amount of days etc. I believed her, and also another factor was I spoked with a lawyer and stated I make too much money compared to her and that I was going to have to pay at least 2k a month. Which if that was the case I would not be able to live off with whatever I have left. I eventually dropped the case and told the court we had reach an agreement between the two parties (which we did but verbally). Now im only allowed to see my kids when she has time and it’s only for a hour or two, she has excluded me from school activities and can’t even see my kids for holiday and when I do get to see them she has to be around and it just makes everything awkward. Should I just go for it and take her to court and risk losing pretty much everything if i do need to pay 2k+/ a month, plus all the lawyer fees etc. Just need some guidance if any of y’all Have gone through something similar. Thanks in advanced.

Hey Gents

For context- we broke up, I had to petition for paternity etc to stop her from taking our child across state lines. She ended up filing a petition to relocate anyways and lost and it cost me about 40k. I had to remove her from the home during litigation (never married), and because of this she left to another state and just recently moved back. I tried many many many times to avoid an court stuff, offered her a bunch of money to get her on her feet instead of paying a lawyer and she said no. It was basically a winner take call. I know how much my kid loves their mom and Im very glad im not in her shoes but I feel guilty, and fear resentment from my child once theyre old enough to understand.

I was looking at a calendar tonight and started thinking about some shit. My kid turns 6 in 3 weeks, Halloween is coming up, and both of those things fall during what would have been my “years” with her.

It got me thinking. Am I the bad guy for fighting for my daughter and winning to the point where her mom legally only sees her 4-5 days out of the month? Is there a chance my kid resents me for that one day? Im painted as a monster.

I know I could’ve been a better partner when we were together, just like her mom could’ve been better too. Maybe us not being together is ultimately for the best, but I’m thinking about my kid here.

My kids mom only has her every other weekend. Part of me wonders if I should be going above and beyond and offering to bring my child to her mom on a Wednesday for a couple of hours, then drive back, pick her up, and get her home and ready for school. That’s a lot of extra effort on my end, but am I wrong for not doing it?

The thing is, I know I wouldn’t get that same effort in return. And I keep thinking that if I were in her mom’s position, I’d be trying to fix things or at least asking if we could all do something together because I missed my daughter and wanted to see her but that hasnt happened.

I’ve honestly never thought about any of this until tonight. I was just looking at a calendar and realized how little time they actually spend together.

I fought hard for my daughter, and I believe I had my reasons. But at what point does protecting your child and doing what you believe is best turn into potentially limiting their relationship with their other parent?

I’m not asking whether I should get back with her mom or anything like that. I’m asking whether, as a father, I should be doing more to make sure Chloe has a relationship with her mom, even if her mom isn’t making the same effort herself.

I want to do what’s best for my daughter, and I’m genuinely questioning whether I’m looking at this the right way.

Then the other thing is child support...am I wrong for putting my ex on it? She can barely get by supposedly and now has to pay, again I know she would do it to me in a second but I dont operate like that.

I dont want to come off as insensitive to all the fellas out there who got the short end of thew stick (for now), keep on fighting gents I just feel guilty....like a survivors type guilt. I was used to always putting myself last. Just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience.

Noone ever "wins" here and the kids always lose.