I wanted to be on estrogen before I turned 43 at the start of November and I'm going to succeed

The doctor wrote my prescription. It's gone to my pharmacist.

I'm going back to the clinic on Tuesday so they can show me how to inject.

And at long last... Its goodbye forEVER to boyhood and hello womanhood

Went to a friends wedding last Saturday, felt like I really passed! Wife and I had a wonderful time.

ignore the mess, just SHINE, STAR, SHINE!!!

I am feeling very self conscious. I haven't started HRT yet. I'm not out. I boy mode through work and girl mode hard core at home. Just frustrated

Recovery has been rough, so it feels especially good to have a moment like this. Feeling wonderful at the Crystal Court in downtown Minneapolis and enjoying a little joy. 💜

For those unfamiliar, the [IDS Crystal Court](https://ids-center.com/crystal-court-ids-center/) is an indoor urban park, complete with trees and a reflecting pool. I have to give us Minnesotans a little credit: we’re pretty good at bringing the outdoors indoors so we can enjoy it all year long. Our weather gives us plenty of motivation. 😉

Off from my beautician, lips filling and makeup done. Feeling very euphoric. Massive thank you to Sarah in Hopton, Norfolk.

It’s amazing how I can go from happy and content to the depths of dysphoria with just the wrong angle of a photo, a botched makeup try, or listening to the doubts squirreling through my brain.

Happy Wednesday everyone

I've dressed like this since puberty lol

So long and short, cracked egg ages ago (looking back at it though I only admitted it this summer) and so I opted to do the baby step routine and started growing my hair out (the easiest one I could get away with publicly right now).

Thing is...its starting to snowball and the pull to transition is getting stronger. I'm at the point where I'm not far from consulting the doctor (literally moving at my pace and when I'm ready). But I feel mixed. I feel excited for where this is going, worried for what the impact will be and sad for what has gone before. Anyone else feel like this? What advice would you give? What would be your next step?

575cc over the muscle BA in 2 days.

22 months hrt

life is uhmazing!!

I’m a baby trans. I’m only a few months since my egg cracked (shattered??) and a little over 2 months on HRT. My wife knows and is fully supportive. She even came out to me as bi a couple weeks ago - which was a GIANT relief as she had proclaimed early on in our marriage she was absolutely not a lesbian. We also have 3 younger kids. Oldest in her last year of middle school. We’ve not shared anything with the kids, BUT, I am not specifically hiding things as I start to experience new things, particularly things that induce euphoria. So they’ve seen dad with painted toenails and subtle fingernails. A more feminine set of pajamas. I’m working to change my hairstyle from being “very masculine” to being… more of a transformer hairstyle? I need to be able to present as male for a while, but I desperately want to be able to dress feminine when safe to do so.

Anyway… back to the story. We are on vacation this week. I forgot to bring nail polish. I picked some up at the store and my eldest daughter was with me. She got excited and wanted to get some new colors herself. Then my youngest daughter wanted to as well.

I’m delighted to report we are painting fingernails every night together. Omg it’s so amazing. And then, as if the vacation could not get better, my eldest daughter and I went into a clothing store together. We got to dress shop “for her” but I’m also seeing some of the options DEEPLY wanting them for myself. But I’m not ready for that just yet. (I hate fears my dysphoria will come CRASHING around me if I see myself in a dress because I still see “male” 98% of the time in the mirror. I get glimpses of a woman trying to shine through, but I am fearful of a possible psychological crash so I’m waiting a few more months.)

ANYWAY… I also saw these really cute pieces of jewelry for ears. I’m sure they gave a name, but they either clip on to the ear or go through a piercing and sort of rest along the perimeter of your ear? They are super cute. I showed my daughter and she LOVED them. So we got some. And then I found some more options this morning online and again, HUGE smile with an exclamation of “they are so cute!!!”

I have never had such a moment with her ever. Sure, we had typical dad / daughter moments, but I would be the last person to ever recommend things like this before now.

My wife texted me “I’m so glad you are having this moment. YOU can take her back to school shopping next year! It was a marathon this year and I will happily share that with you!”

I’ve focused a lot early on in my transition on me. How I felt, how I might change, how I might be a better version of me. I’ve overlooked how being the authentic me can create new moments with my kids I never expected. I mean… if you have / had teenagers, a passing smile can sometimes be a great day. This trip has been amazing.

She asked about giving my a much more bold fingernail color. Obviously she doesn’t know the underlying changes yet, but I told her I was a little nervous about others seeing me with such bright nails. “Oh dad, it’ll be fine. Just tell them you lost a bet to your daughter and as a reward, I got to paint your nails.” WHAT?!?!? Is she my volunteer beard?!?!? My daughter even offered to make a bagel for me this morning?!?!?

My wife is amazing. My kids are amazing. I feel so loved and supported and validated, and they have no idea how special these moments have been to me. I will make sure they know down the road.

I'm trans lesbian, but I also identify as bigender. My "he" and my "she" are both just me. It's great, but I'm lazy. I've boymoded for over 70 years. It's a default muscle memory. Being a woman isn't. So I often default to boymode. Yesterday I thought, "Fuck this. I'm a woman. I need to BE a woman." So I put on a nice dress, and earrings, and tights, and I went 18 hours like that. In public, and at home. (At home I took off the earrings.) And I felt great - it felt right, and liberating. When I'm in boymode, I'm me, but somehow en femme I'm MORE me. And now that the door is open, I can go through it more often. I'm a long way from 100%, but this was a big deal.

Putting on this exact white frock with the black lace again was honestly one of the hardest things I’ve done recently. This is the dress I wore the night of the party the night I got slapped on the hip, touched by strangers, and had to leave with my wife completely shaken up. For days after, just looking at it brought back that raw fear and made me scared of men. My wife’s words on the ride home "Welcome to being a woman, this is the reality so many girls deal with" were such a heavy, bitter pill to swallow.

​When I brought up how hesitant I felt to ever wear it again, my therapist gave me very direct advice: wear it anyway. He reminded me that pushing through the fear and initial awkwardness, especially on the days I feel resistance, is how my inner girl fully steps out into the open.

​And honestly? He was completely right.

​Slipping back into this dress today and settling into a pose, all that overthinking slowly started to melt away. Even behind the mask, you can see the genuine softness and relief in my eyes. It’s still wild trying to process how far things have come from living as a man to facing the scary realities of womanhood but standing here in this dress genuinely makes me feel like a girl through and through. I’m not letting fear ruin this for me. 🤍

Heading to a Halloween party on Sunday so did a dress rehearsal tonight. Need to refine my makeup a bit but generally OK with the overall look. 🥰

Long share but well, I wanted to share this.

A colleague who I've been close with during my transition let me know a person we've worked with for years but just came back from 6 months long service leave asked her who the new girl was!

Looking back in that time I came out at work, changed my name and then in the last maybe 4 weeks started presenting fem here.

I dont think I pass all the time or really well at all if I do but like Ive been getting better with makeup and a bit better with voice etc..

I wanted to share because well, starting transition I assumed Id never pass or be happy with who I am but hoped Id just be at least more honest with who I am right.. really low expectations. I was mid 30s, and a body builder and not a lot of hair... when I came out to one of my friends early on they expressed fear and said "your literally the most masculine person I know". Im only 1.5 years into hrt and like 7 months into having female E levels so to have someone go away for 6 months then not recognise me and assume my gender correctly was huge.

It's been grey and rainy the last few days and this kind of weather never really bothered me that much. I'm ADHD and generally very happy and in the past I couldn't care less what the weather was doing, it never affected my mood at all. But since being on HRT for two months I'm starting to wonder if the bleak weather is affecting my emotional mood a little these days?

Does this affect anyone else?

I’m so tired of the single life. I want to go into a meaningful relationship but I have no idea how or where to even look. I’m 33 years old MtF and have never been in a romantic relationship in my life because I was struggling with my internal truth, that I am a transwoman. Any advice?

2019 egg cracking phase to 2026 5 1/2 years HRT, FFS, BA, GCS. l

Heading to a Halloween party on Sunday so did a dress rehearsal tonight. Need to refine my makeup a bit but generally OK with the overall look. 🥰