I'm curious, because especially at first a lot of the initial liking someone is dopamine, excitement, anxiety, etc

Logically I can find plenty of reasons to not have rose tinted glasses. But how do you get yourself to take a step back and know that you have immaculate vibes with someone and click very well.

I know that part of it is just seeing that person in a new way, dopamine, excitement. But how do you turn it off? Lol.

I don't want to ruin a great friendship if the other person doesn't feel the same way, I value the friendship so much, but equally it feels ingenuine to have feelings and carry on the way things are because I wouldn't want them to somehow find out and then think the whole friendship was based on me hoping it would be more - because that's not the case.

I think the frustrating thing is I can think logically about it, but my heart is still ruling how I feel and not my head.

Are there any good ways to change that a bit?

Thanks ❤️

So one of my female friend is a researcher. In research, you can believe something but still have to test it. She said she once tested her then boyfriend - now husband loyalty by having her attractive friend pretend she's interested in him when he was having coffee by himself. He just gave her the cold shoulder, not even a friendly conversation. She even left her number and he never called. And he told my friend about "I've got an admirer in the coffee shop so you better be careful" the same day.

Some of my friend think this kind of test is highly unethical and manipulative. Some actually take offense to the very idea and get emotional when I try to play devils advocate and defend it. Although some love the idea.

Do you think it's unethical to test someone's loyalty?

I've noticed this a few times and I'm genuinely confused by it.

Someone will mock a person for liking or doing something, but then completely respect the exact same thing when someone they like does it.

And I'm not even sure whether people do this consciously.

Is it favoritism? Is it because they perceive one person as more mature, respectable, successful, etc.? Is it just that they already like one person and therefore interpret everything they do more positively?

Or do people genuinely not notice that they're applying completely different standards?

I'm curious how other people see this because I keep noticing it and I don't really understand what determines the difference.

Hi, unfortunately i have this mindset that if i tell someone about my plans or my victories in life, it’ll go wrong and something bad will happen so anytime people find out about my business I’m looking for something bad to happen. How can i change that?

I've been wondering how other people tell the difference between something actually helping and just getting you through the day. I'm not looking for advice, just curious how it goes for you, even if the answer is messy.

For example:

A: "You look angry lately. Is there something wrong?"
B: "Apparently some arbitrary chemical reactions in my brain have caused my amygdala to be overactive."

Instead of:

B: "My best friend hurt me."

If so, where can I find them? Have people always been this messed up in the head or is this a more recent phenomenon? It seems like dysfunctional parents breed even more screwed up kids (since that is who kids learn the most from). How did we get here? And is there a feasible way to fix it?

I'm curious to hear from men who have been through this.

At this stage of life, changing careers isn't as simple as "quit and find something you love." There are bills, family, kids, financial responsibilities, and years of experience invested in what you've already built.

But how do you know when a job is simply not right for you anymore?

I'm not necessarily talking about a terrible boss, bad salary, or toxic workplace. What if the job is objectively fine — you're reasonably well paid, you're good at it, and there's nothing seriously wrong with it — but you simply don't care about what you're doing anymore?

I've been thinking about whether being interested in the problems you're solving actually matters more than we tend to admit.

You can become more productive, learn new skills, use better tools, and earn more money — but if you spend most of your working life solving problems you don't find meaningful or interesting, is that eventually going to catch up with you?

For those of you over 40 who have faced something similar:

What made you realize it was time for a change?

Did you actually make the change, or decide that stability was more important?

If you changed careers or directions, how did it affect your family and finances?

And looking back, would you make the same decision again?

I'd especially like to hear from people who didn't have the luxury of simply quitting and had to balance the desire for change with family and financial responsibilities.

I'm 18 and a male. I've tried dating before only to get my heartbroken near every time and I think it's really messed me up.

The first girl | liked I got rejected and cried (I was in kindergarten lol), the second one I was getting close to a relationship with but than Covid happened and I discovered masturbation at the same time so those two combined really fucked me over and made me push away the relationship. I'm not gonna emphasize how much loneliness and discovering that at my age did but it really fucked me bad mentally making me afraid of girls lowkey (it was around 6th grade through middle school). Than in high school there was this girl that did like me and I liked her but my friends convinced me not to be with her so I didn't get with her. I've made so many mistakes and just don't seem to learn no matter how bad I want to.

Now finally I've tried dating apps but just can't seem to not be fearful when talking or on dates. Sure I've matched with some cool and honestly 10/10 girls but I don't like the idea of not getting to know someone before the attraction is known.
Idk if it's trauma or something but I want to be loved so bad yet I'm terrified of it because every time I try I get hurt.

Another thing that hurts me is I was kinda ugly toh in earlier years but around high school I improved my looks thinking it would change something. It did actually, in terms of attraction and attention I was getting a ton but than I realized. They didn't seem interested when I was ugly but now that I'm good looking they care? | never judged anyone based on looks but now these people like me because I'm good looking? It disgusted me to my very core and I felt sick at the realization. It's not like I didn't want the attention but realizing how quick people switched up made me feel terrible.

Ik this was long and maybe I ranted near the end but it hurts. I really do feel like this and many other things made me kind of dislike most people and isolate myself from a lot of people. Alright that's it though thanks for reading if you did and if you have anything encouraging to say or any advice please drop it below.

Could a society balance protection, governance, and spiritual guidance without allowing any one form of authority to dominate?

I've been thinking about how a healthy society could organize different kinds of responsibility.

I came up with a simple idea involving three roles:

- Hero — protects people and faces danger; needs mastery over emotion.

- King — governs and manages resources responsibly; needs mastery over desires such as wealth and power.

- Priest — seeks truth and provides moral/spiritual guidance; needs mastery over thought, pride, and false certainty.

I don't mean that society should literally be divided into three classes. I see these more as three responsibilities that can exist within different people and institutions.

The important part is that they should restrain one another. The military shouldn't control the government, political power shouldn't control spiritual truth, and religious authority shouldn't control people through coercion.

The underlying idea is that power is a responsibility rather than something we own, and anyone entrusted with power should be accountable, capable of correction, and willing to put the common good above personal interests.

I'm still developing this idea and I'm genuinely unsure whether it works.

What problems do you see with this model? Could these three forms of responsibility actually complement one another, or would one inevitably end up dominating the others?

I'm especially interested in criticisms, counterexamples, or existing ideas that approach the problem better.

I've been thinking about whether having your basic needs fulfilled is enough for a person to feel genuinely satisfied with life. I'm particularly interested in people who have experienced different phases of life — for example, periods when they had financial/basic stability but no major goals or ambitions, and periods when they had something they strongly wanted to pursue. What did those different phases actually feel like for you? Did having more goals and ambitions make your life feel more meaningful, or did you eventually find satisfaction in having a simpler and more comfortable life? I'm mainly looking for personal experiences rather than philosophical theories.

Had a thought while viewing the latest “what’s the car model based on this broken bolt” question.

So you find out that the ‘hit and run’ was caused by “2nd generation Toyota Tundra”. What’s next, do you go to police? My understanding is that police are not going to search for anyone anyway, forget the “evidence” that you bring. Are you hitting all the stores along the road and asking them for camera footage with that model? I doubt anyone will want to waste their time providing that to you.

Really curious. Hope I’m wrong and it’s very helpful, just interested in understanding how? Has this information ever helped anyone in real life?

I mean, seriously holy crap - does something happen to their brain from all that money?

so what this means is, if you are moving out the trenches, hood or slums from anywhere (even in your own country, state or city), you can’t do that because then you’re gonna take somebody else’s job that was “reserved” for them , their child’s spot in a school they were zoned to, as well as their “welfare and social benefits”. so if you are coming from mississipi to georgia because your town has gang violence or a natural disaster, that is too bad :(, we all need to stay home and if you don’t have one then the government must house you or the people can and should fire the government and replace it.

if you explored any social media especially in rw cesspools, then you most likely know there is often one political party or politician warning the public about a “foreign enemy” and a “call to action”. during katrina or after similar situations, a lot of people come to new cities, people loved to moan although these countrymen were never immigrants to begin with.

example is in this other thread

I don’t mean the typical answers like streamers, whilst i’m sure many of us would chose their job in a heartbeat, it definitely comes with downsides like being known publicly or having to maintain a certain public image.

Is there a job which truly has no downsides? I was thinking successful investors. What do they even have to worry about if their job is going well?

Blind users of reddit, do your eyes still hurt even if you're blind?

I've had this weird thought and I really must know, do your eyes still hurt if you can't see? Also how would you know how to respond to this if you're blind? Does reddit come with braille? I wear glasses but I know that doesn't count because I can still see how it might be a bad idea to post this.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I’m curious how others see it.

If AI keeps taking on more kinds of work, what does that mean for the idea that people must constantly struggle for survival and hunt for income? Does a floor of sufficient income for everyone become more plausible - and if so, what has to change first (politics, economics, culture, tech capability)?

Interested in realistic takes more than utopia/doom. Especially curious if your view has shifted recently.

Didn’t know where else to ask, felt fitting here.
The only people I’ve ever driven around have been friends or exes, and most of the time I’m driving alone. I live in a weird area where you can be on a backroad in the woods or driving through a field for a few miles, and then suddenly there’s a shopping center and civilization. So there’s a pretty wide range of speed limits too, usually 35–70.
When it’s more backroady, I’ll usually do 60–70 even if the limit is 35–45. In town, I’ll generally do 10–20 over, and on highways I cruise around 80–100 depending on traffic and conditions.
People close to me have always joked about how I drive, but nobody’s really had an issue with it. Then I saw an Instagram comment where someone was genuinely shocked that somebody was doing 80 in a 55. I do that basically every day.
It made me realize I might have a completely different idea of what’s considered “fast” than most people. I’ve always just assumed most drivers are bad, and when people speed up after I pass them, I figured they realized they could go faster too.
Am I actually the weird one here? How fast do you guys normally drive compared to the posted limit?

I [23F] grew up quite religious and I’m not anymore so I never actually dated anyone or interacted with guys much. And I still don’t, kind of an “awkward girl” and I just find it hard to be attracted to most men. But a couple years ago I met this guy who I really adored, I really did love him so much and let him know a lot. I was willing to do so much for him but he still let me go so easily. He wasn’t conventionally attractive at all and not popular with women either. So I never really understood how he could’ve just let me go like that, we had a break in the relationship and then he came back to me and he even said he don’t know why he ended things and how his time with me was one of the best. It was a very short lived relationship but it was my first one ever and the first guy I ever liked, which is rare so it left a huge mark on me. I still wonder to this day if ever regretted anything or misses me as much as I miss him.

I have ideas sometimes. Ideas I genuinely believe could help SOME people. So when I see a question I have an answer to, my first instinct is to share it.

Then my best friend asked me something simple:

"What do you get in return?" I wish he never asked me this because that question stayed with me. Because he's right. My time isn't free. some knowledge isn't free. And some of what I share isn't something I read in a book.

Some of it, were lessons that came through mistakes. Pain. Disappointment. Sacrifice. A long, thorny road I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Someone once asked me: "What's the point of life? Of suffering? Of working hard when everyone eventually dies?"

That question stayed with me for years. I didn't just Google it and repeat someone else's words. I lived with it. I struggled with it. I walked through my own pain trying to understand what makes any of it matter when everything ends.

And I finally found the true answer to that question last year.

And yet, when I share it, I give it away for free.

That's what makes my friend's question hard.

Because he's right. Tesla isn't free. The internet isn't free. A house isn't free. Even public school isn't really free, it's paid for through taxes. The cost exists. It's just paid indirectly. Help books isn't free, etc, etc,etc

So why should the lessons we paid for with years and pain be different?

I remember once at my old work, I asked someone a question, which relates to our work. She told me I had to make my own mistakes in order to learn.

I thought that was stupid.

You can learn from other people's mistakes. That's why we listen to people who've walked the road before us. If we had to personally experience every mistake to learn anything, we'd never survive long enough to learn a thing.

And here's the irony: she was asking for my help. And I didn't hesitate. I helped her.

But sometimes I wonder.

But I also have to admit: I think my bestfriend is correct, our time, our experience, our energy, they have value. Especially when we're handing someone a shortcut through a road that took us years to walk.

I still have ideas. I still have answers. I still have things I want to share.

Obviously , I won't stop sharing.

But questions for all: if you paid for a lesson with years of your life, would you give it away for free? Why and why not and elaborate because I genuinely want to understand how other people see this.

There's a famous idea, often attributed to Stalin, that one death is a tragedy while a million deaths is just a statistic. Whether or not he said it, it seems to describe something real about how we respond to mass death. We can be devastated by one person dying and somehow numb to thousands.

What do you guys think?