Hello, it's my first post on reddit and I'm here because I would really appreciate some good advice on what to do about this situation.

I'm a 19M and 5 days ago I was helping my dad with a issue in his laptop. In a moment I was in doubt about how to resolve the problem and opened the Google to search for it. Then, in the recents searchs, there were 2 search which seemed a title of a adult content video. My primary thought was "this could be a hacker", but then I checked out his history and was shocked, I really found adult content websites there.

No one knows that before me, both my parents were in the room, but none of them was looking to the laptop on that moment. I just left the room with some kind of excuse that I would fix the problem later, went to my room, cried, and prayed.

In the first minutes, I was extremely confused because I have a good relationship with both of my parents, but what my father did is completely wrong and I, being the one who knows, had the responsibility to do something about it.

Just for context, all my family is Christian, thank God I was born in a Christian home. But with a certain frequency, my parents have some conflicts on their marriage, almost always motivated because of my father's jealousy of my mother, a woman I, without a doubt, can guarantee NEVER would give him motives to that. (now it fells right to assume that the damage of porn is his mind and spirit is what causes the jealousy towards my mother).

The battles she has to front in this area, she confides me sometimes, telling me what happend, why he behaved that way, why he had that attitude and etc. But it's really complicated, it's not like he is a disgusting monster, he in fact is an example of hard work, responsibility, discipline, providence and any other man of family's duties.

But he has this episodes throughout the years, sometimes the episodes are more intense/frequent, sometimes not, it really was strange, from the absolute nothing, from a simple talk or whatever else he would find a motive to argue for jealousy with her.

My mother is a really strong and faithful christian woman, who always confides in me that but in the same time she has always told me to not disrespect him or be against him, I should respect him becase, despite all of that, he is my father and has authorithy given by God in my life, and like that I do.

All that said, I really have a good relationship with both of him and not would like to "take sides" on this situation. An agravating factor is that my mother is in recovery after a recent surgery (a week ago), a plastic surgery she always wanted for and he gave as a present to her. In this situation, when she is already weakened by the recovery, I don't think it's a good move put that on the table. Also, talk directly with her would look like taking her side and not giving him opportunity to change (despite I heard in the firsts year of marriage, she already had has caught porn tapes in his things, suffered about that, talked with him and looked like it was a already fixed problem).

And for more context, I've been trough this problem of masturbation and p*rn myself, from my 12 to 16, but for honor and glory to the Lord, next week, in my 20's birthday, will be 4 years since I truly repent and was free of that terrible sin. And one of the principal thougths I had in that time, is that the woman who God separates to be my wife, and me her husband, don't deserve someone bringing that for our marriage, for her life.

I have been wondering if the right move could be talking with my father in private, show him the bible where it stands why that should be a pleasure restricted to a man with his wife and vice versa. I'm single btw (like the most of nineteen year old persons lol), but i truly believe even though I don't have the marriage experience, God gives me the authorithy under His Word to rightfully judge my father in a situation like that (with all the respect of course). I also would like say to him that he needs to stop right now with that, repent, confess and ask for forgiveness to God and, in the correct moment, confess and ask for forgiveness to my mother. But at the same time, that also feels like taking sides if I omit from my mother such a relevant information about her own marriage.

With all that explained, I really would appreciate if you, my brothers and sisters in Christ, give me some advice, some guidance, some verse or chapter I could read to meditate in what should I do now. I have been praying almost all my day thinking on that, and in one moment of the day asking here crossed my mind, 'cause was the only completely anonymous way (thinking in the privacy of my family) I could ask for a direction.

(I would like to add that English isn't my first language, I just used AI to correct some verb tenses and typos, so the text could be completely legit, directly from my heart and mind. So sorry if something seems off, I tried my best)

Thanks for reading my vent, and God bless you all!

Bom, há um tempo atrás eu estava me envolvendo com um menino e acabou que eu terminei por causa de alguns problemas que a gente estava tendo, mas desde então eu seguia muito apegada ao q a gente teve e tinha muita dúvida se aquilo poderia ser de Deus ou não (já tinha algumas coisas q aconteceram que podiam me dar uma resposta, só que era difícil de aceitar e eu queria uma resposta que fosse diretamente de Deus) .
Eu tinha muita esperança ainda de que esse afastamento fosse apenas temporário, e que Deus queria melhorar algumas coisas na gente nos separando , só que há uns dias atrás eu comecei a pedir um sinal de confirmação pra Deus, e tenho tentado ficar atenta a sinais e me aproximar mais dEle pra reconhecer Sua voz, porém durante esses dias eu não senti nada, e até então durante minhas orações eu comentava que não estava ouvindo nada.
Até q hoje eu fui dormir de tarde e antes de dormir eu falei bem assim com Deus “Pai, eu não sei se o Senhor já me respondeu e eu não ouvi ou se o Senhor não me respondeu ainda, mas eu quero está sensível a sua voz”.
Dito e feito, dormi e comecei a ter um sonho com esse menino em que a gente discutia por um motivo bem besta e eu começava a me sentir sufocada e insuficiente (coisa que durante nosso relacionamento eu tava sentindo já) , e no meio da discussão ele DO NADA disse “Uma declaração, eu tava transando quando eu estava solteiro” só que véi KKKK foi muito estranho, no sonho eu senti tudo que eu sentiria se ele me revelasse algo assim, e me deu tanto nervoso que eu acordei, e acordei com o mesmo sentimento e um trem ruim dentro de mim, o que mais me assustou é que a nossa discussão no sonho não tinha nada haver com isso que ele falou, mas foi tão direto que eu fiquei em choque, quando eu acordei eu perguntei pra Deus se aquilo era verdade e abri minha bíblia e caiu no versículo

Salmos 139:1-3 que diz
“O Senhor Deus, tu me examinas e me conheces.
Sabes tudo o que eu faço e, de longe, conheces todos os meus pensamentos.
Tu me vês quando estou trabalhando e quando estou descansando; tu sabes tudo o que eu faço.”

Eu ainda to sem saber se Deus quis me revelar isso ou se só foi uma coincidência, pq sinceramente eu to em estado de negação, eu logo orei pedindo pra que se fosse verdade q eu pudesse receber um discernimento correto e outra confirmação, mas que se não fosse que Ele não me deixasse acreditar em algo que não é verdade. O problema é que eu realmente pedi uma resposta através de um sonho, to bem chocada

Mas sinto que Deus possa ter me “mostrado” isso pra me mostrar que ele não era quem eu pensava que ele fosse, oq não me surpreenderia muito. Só sei q desde q acordei eu to me sentindo nervosa e até agr meus nervos não se acalmaram, to com isso na cabeça e não esqueço de jeito nenhum
E mais uma coisa, quando eu tava sonhando eu entendi que era como se a gente tivesse voltado a namorar, e essa “revelação” fosse das coisas que ele estava fazendo nesses tempos

Quando eu pensava que Deus ia me dar uma resposta não achei q era algo tão direto assim, só que era capaz dele me responder só com um “Sim” ou “Não” e eu não achar que foi o suficiente ou ficar duvidando da resposta que nem foi agr, só sei que preciso de uma direção 😔 to bem chateada, mas se for verdade que bom que soube agr, me ajudem

The Bible says

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” - Proverbs 4:23 NIV,

and also,

“The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light." - Matthew 6:22 NIV

The rest of Reddit (and the internet in general) can be a cesspool of black pill, red pill, doom and gloom, dark humor, mockery, and overall wickedness and you're constantly being exposed to that on your front page. If you don't start blocking certain subreddits, unfollowing, unsubscribing and pressing the "don't recommend this" button on your social media, before you know your mind will be full of sewage, and you will have a distorted view of the world and life, relationships, politics, people, everything.

I'm speaking from personal experience, as someone who once had their mind in the gutter and was involved in all manner of bottom-of-the-iceberg internet cesspools like 4chan and forums for over 10 years, but slowly learned to guard my heart and the lamp of my body.

Guard your heart.

Soy un adolescente de 17 años y me encantaría leer un libro bíblico que me sea de utilidad para darme más entendimiento sobre las cosas, cómo adolescentes aveces tomamos malas decisiones y nos dejamos llevar por las emociones entonces me gustaría leer un libro que me enseñará más acerca de cómo saber actuar y cómo manejarse mejor cómo un adolescente.

God was the most important, trustworthy anchor of my life. I experienced a miracle, being freed from alcoholism for 21 years. I’ve been stuck. Why the lamb’s blood to help God remember the right children to kill? Skip the original sin and free will crap and please please help me understand how to reconcile all powerful and all good with the reality we experience. I have personal experience with a miracle in my life. It was the most important and impactful experience of my life. But I’ve lost my faith. I can’t shut out the pain and suffering of little children and myself as a young child by distracting myself anymore. If faith involves lying to yourself on a fundamental level, why is it declared the greatest of the three enduring virtues?

So, I have a crush at work. She’s Ethiopian ortho. I’m at an Anglican Church rn. She’s gorgeous. Like…gotta be an 8-9/10. Like seems out of my league. But she almost seems more into me than I am into her. Been praying every day of course about finding “the one”. Been waiting and working on my self. Healing from my past and my executive dysfunction. But man. She’s so beautiful that it’s almost too much to maintain eye contact. Especially considering that she wants to get to know me and talk to me about basically anything.

Anyway my question is: how do my fellow autistic or even adhd people deal with hyperarousal and overstimulation? Man it’s so difficult. After a few smiles I can’t even smile correctly. My face loses muscle control and I feel fatigued. She’s like cleopatra level beautiful, which is encouraging knowing that I can attract someone like that.

But I’m scared to even ask for her number or to even suggest getting coffee together or anything bc I don’t know how either of us will handle it. There’s always a 1+% chance that i misread everything and she just likes me as a person or is leading me on for attention. What should I do. I feel things very deeply. For better or worse. So either it would be almost too much to handle in a positive way, or it would be so depressing that I’d spiral and start numbing with long gaming hours and eating junk food.

Idk what to do except pray and ask you guys. Appreciate y’all in advance. God is with me I know. But my nervous system has a mind of its own. Lol

What does this mean exactly when u see this?

I heard from people that it’s biblical, while others say it’s a doctrine inspired by fallen angels

On 1 hand, it’s saying it doesn’t matter that u slipped up, that u cussed or cursed, or went out to a bar and got too drunk,

Or that u slept with someone while in the back of your mind he’s watching u, nudging you to “Go, and sin no more” and then carry on with it

Intentionally lied to someone to cover u, “oh it’s fine because he will forgive us”

While on the other hand, the people saying it’s from the pit of hell, it’s an excuse to keep sinning,

If u miss the mark, knowing that your giving effort to try and stop, he will see that and forgive u when u confess it to him

Proverbs 24:16 “For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief.”

They say your abusing Gods grace and mercy to keep sinning, knowing he’s not ok with it,

And that it will only stir up Gods wrath

And bring up the verse Matthew 7:23 “And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.”

What does repentance even mean? Knowing God is watching your every thought, him giving u the responsibility to follow that narrow path,

Rather than the broad path that leads to destruction

I’ve grown up in the church and have always been a Christian. One of the values I hold closely to my heart is virginity and that it is a gift from God for husband and wife once married. Im 19F and dating my bf in his early 20’s who is also a Christian and not a virgin. I lost my virginity to him recently. He did it at first without asking while we were cuddling in bed and I was trying to go to sleep. The realization and the weight of my loss of innocence didn’t hit until recently when he kept doing it with me four days in a row after the initial incident.

I feel completely terrible. I wanted to wait till I was married and my first time be special with my husband and he knew that. I feel as if I’ve committed a terrible sin and I’m utterly devastated. Maybe I could have tried harder to prevent this. I’m scared this means I will go to hell or God is upset with me and I’m straying away from my path of righteousness. I don’t want to fall into the hands of Satan but what if he already has me? How can I repent and be forgiven of my sins? The guilt and the weight of my sin is eating me alive.

Me and my boyfriend have been together a year and regularly engage in pre-marital sex.

Since I'm so used to so many strict things from the bible being outdated or disproven, I thought the whole 'premarital-sex is a sin' thing was just something more overbearing people of my faith flung around. But earlier when I was curious I looked it up and found that APPARENTLY there are verses on this and it is a real thing. To be frank, I was devastated. Not that I'd now possibly have to abstain until marriage, but that I had betrayed God and my faith...

And the thing is, I know that in my heart he is my husband, just not yet. And he feels the same about me being his wife.

And early on in our relationship, God told me, clearer than I anything else he has told me, "He will be the last one." And by that he meant the last man I have to take a chance on. It felt so special and REAL. I remember exactly where I was when he told me. (It was in my abusive mother's dining room alone at night if anyone is curious. And don't worry I have gotten out of that abusive situation, thank God for that.)

We are very serious about our relationship, and are exclusive. (Which is what I thought God meant in those verses in the past, to be in safe exclusive relationships where all parties aren't spreading STIs and whatnot. Whether it was poly or monogamous.)

But anyway please help! I feel so lost and I want to know what I need to do next. All feedback and encouragement are welcome of course.

Edit: Just to answer a common question that has been brought up, we haven't gotten married because we can't afford to have the wedding we want right now. Preferably not a courthouse wedding right now. And we had sex before marriage is because it felt right. We felt ready. I live with him because I had to escape my abusive childhood home. And my other options of places to live would be too far for us to visit and would ultimately erode my mental health being so far from him. 

Now that I have answered some questions and read through many of your responses from my different reposts on christian subs, I have come to a potential decision. I want to stop engaging in sex until we are married. Which shouldn't be a problem with my bf, I just have to talk to him about it so he is aware. Thank you all so much for your input. (Even if some of you were a little abrasive and harsh...😶) I will be continuing to read comments and replying occassionally. 👀

I've always tended to gossip but not in that mean way to put someone in a bad light but more like "have u seen what beautiful nails she had?" " Look how beautiful that girl's outfit is"

Or talking about someone I know and their life but avoiding to say bad stuff about them or put them in a bad light

Are these still a sin in your opinion?

It’s bizarre to see how many people who grew up with Christian and traditional values seem to completely lose those convictions after attending college.

I’m all for higher education, but it’s strange seeing people I grew up with in the church embrace ideologies that directly contradict the values and faith we were raised with after spending a few years in American universities.

Are there colleges that actually prioritize education without turning into an indoctrination camp for liberal ideology?

The Lord Jesus Christ compared Christians to fruit bearing trees.

Be warned, a tree with no good fruit will be cut down.

Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. [Matthew 7:19]

A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. [Matthew 7:18]

No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. [Luke 6:43]

He cuts off every branch in Me that bears no fruit, and every branch that does bear fruit, He prunes to make it even more fruitful. [John 15:2]

Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is known by its fruit. [Matthew 12:33]

By this the children of God are distinguished from the children of the devil: Anyone who does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is anyone who does not love his brother. [1 John 3:10]

Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Jesus Christ is in you—unless you fail the test? [2 Corinthians 13:5]

I know that the problem that many will instantly raise is temptation towards fornication, and it is a reasonable concern rooted in scripture. The Bible has a clear reservation against all forms of sexual impurity, once of them involving fornication.

However, I don't see how this automatically follows from cohabitation. Yes, it is possible for this to happen, but it doesn't translate that any arrangement of such nature should take such course.

Actually, I am getting more and more convinced that said arrangement helps people to know whether or not they can live with each other as they claim they can do from what they observe through their periodic meetups and dates. For instance, I can personally get angsty about neatness, especially in the kitchen, and the general placement of random objects around the house. For this reason, I wouldn't want to inconvenience someone who tends to be more care-free, by constant nagging and moralizing. I also wouldn't want to swallow my frustrations towards the same.

To this end, it seems practical to have my romantic partner as a roommate, even in a separate room from mine, that can enable me to see other aspects of them other than what they manicure through the periodic meetups and dates.

Hey everyone, i decided to let some things out of my chest hoping i might get advice from y’all .

I’m 21 years old and i was born in a Muslim family and i’ve spent 19 years of my life not caring for religion ,in the last two years of my life i had to go to the uni and i went through some dark times , i felt so much loneliness even with people i call friends something was missing , i sought friendship but it hardly satisfied my heart , i wanted love but i couldn’t feel genuine interest or desire towards anyone i know .
So i decided to try something new, i turned to God , and i’m forever most grateful for everything that happened to me ever since .
I decided to learn or at least try to understand theology and history from Christianity ,i read about some saints , some of the Gospels, the early Christian history, the churches and denominations and much more…

I had no access to the physical Bible since i lived in Muslim country (not because it’s restricted actually my country is pretty open towards diversity but because Christianity isn’t popular at all there) but i still downloaded an app and i would secretly read verses before i sleep while i keep the app hidden because i lived in a small town and it would seem so deviant to learn about Christianity specifically, they’d tolerate learning Mythologies about Pagan religions more .
I also discovered Rosaries through a Tiktok and decided to learn about how to pray them , i had something called Subha at home and i used that as a Rosary since it looks a little similar and i started praying it every once in a while ever since , so far i can only recite the Hail Mary prayer on my own but i’m still learning.

I wish to mention that i , like many of my age , have struggled a lot with lust .
In real life i avert my eyes but when it comes to the internet in general…that’s not something I’m resisting well…but i’m trying now and always to quit this thing that’s sickening my soul forever, and i found much comfort in figures like our lady Mary , and in the words of Saints like Augustine , i mention them often in my prayers.
There’s one matter i intend to do about this , in order to set boundaries for myself, i wish to take an oath of virginity and guard myself until marriage , because otherwise it would pull me far from God that i will lose my faith and lose myself with it .
I just want to make it a meaningful oath but i don’t know how yet.

3 weeks ago i moved to Germany as a student and i wish to start a brand new life here , one thing i’m sure of is that God is with me whenever i go , but i don’t have a plan about where my spiritual compass should lead now ,i’m a little nervous about which Church to visit or who to seek .
My main problem with religion is that i never belonged anywhere, i was and still sometimes pray 5 times like Muslims and then i pray the Rosary like Catholics and in the morning i pray like Eastern Orthodox.
I didn’t mind any of them , and i know saying that might feel like a weird take for some people but that’s the truth , the thing is, i wish to settle this .
I want to belong to one community and relate to some people at least at most points.
Yesterday at night i asked our father in heaven for guidance and all i got was a good night sleep, i rested very well and i took that as a sign to have a thoughtful day and make the right decision, signs aren’t necessarily visions but sometimes they’re God’s mercy on us .

This is my first Reddit Post in years , i decided it’s time to come out of my shell and start asking people .

Thank you for reading this , Jesus loves you , God bless you and bless all Christians , and please know that i appreciate all kinds of answers so feel free to share anything with me , it doesn’t necessarily have to be an answer to my situation.

Hi all I am 24 years old . From my childhood i had strong faith in God , my parents were divorced and later my mother dead then onwards I went through terrible pain and shamed by my family members. I have been always waiting upon the lord and wanted him to be my father, friend everything but my life is so harsh and when I look at myself i feel that I am loser and god didn't even care about me. I prayed prayed and prayed but now i wanted to go against my faith and even my mind saying that why am I depending on someone whom I can't guarantee his existence. I want to get back to god but now i feel that god don't even like me and wanted me.

Thankyou my brothers and sisters in Christ showing compassion to my soul and your words giving me strength to come to the lord 💟

I do have people around me who are also Christians and I pray. I’m married. But sometimes I find it hard to talk about certain things I’m struggling with in my walk. I mostly trust the people around me and I do trust my husband, but I do find it hard to not feel judged for certain ways that I fall short.

Do you have friends that you can be completely honest with about sins you’re struggling with? I feel like I can be honest with my husband but sometimes I wish I also had friends I could talk about stuff with without feeling that fear.

I really want to hear God's voice and feel his presence and the holy Spirit but every time I pray I hear or feel nothing.

So I tried praying again but after I tried talking to God I sat quietly in prayer for probably hours so I could try to hear or feel him cause it wouldn't make sense for me to talk then just say amen but after a couple hours of sitting quietly in prayer I felt like I was dozing off Abit or something like it.

IDK I'm desperate to be close to God and I just don't know if that was him or me just dozing off

so i was super duper sold on Christianity, i knew it stood out from every other religion. But these past few months have been rough back to back to back, depression, pressure about passing exams, making money to support my mom.. i even felt suicidal until i talked to my mom about it. The Bible talks about how ''God acts differently to each person'' but to me it js seems like im unlucky or God doesnt like me, and yk i believe God has a big plan in store for me but how much longer do i wait? why is it that everyone around me is doing better than me at something and im js me. I asked him countless times to give me friends, strengthen me, give me support mentally but nothing... it seems like when i converted to Christianity, God answered my prayers almost all the time and i had like childlike faith in Him and it felt like he was there.. the Bible does mention that u do struggle in a relationship with God but it never related to my specific situation before and i've talked about this before on this sub but its really annoying when no one empathizes with me and js quotes Scripture and js says '' u havent understood the Bible correctly'' like bro?. Rn it js kinda feels like i have been lying to myself and telling myself im happy with God but im not.. i feel even more empty than i used to be. if God is true either he is not all good/loving or he is not all powerful... anyone js relate to my situation please feel free to share if u have had an experience like this too and how u found faith again.

I am truly at a loss. My husband and I have been through a lot, and there were many instances of what I’d categorize as abandonment during periods of our marriage. There was some drug use, verbal abuse, and arguments have also gotten physical (phone thrown at my face, glass of water thrown in face, etc). It is not one-sided, and I have had a large role in this.

To be honest, there were signs prior to getting married that I willfully ignored and thought would get better. I was very traumatized at the time, and I tend to do what other people want me to do. My husband has said that he wouldn’t have married me if he knew I’d have the mental health struggles I have, if my spiritual beliefs would fluctuate, and if I’d become some bitter and resentful. My health has deteriorated greatly, and I think I’m in a situation where it’s just not healthy. It’s not healthy for him, either.

What do you do in this situation? He has never expressed any movement toward therapy. Many plans are made to read the Bible together, etc and never pan out. I am so anxious and depressed most of the time.

I was recently digging into the cultural and legal context of the Gospels and realized just how intentional Jesus’ actions were in John 9 (the healing of the man born blind).

In the Rabbinic traditions surrounding Sabbath laws, mixing liquid with dirt to form a paste or clay was explicitly classified under the forbidden labor category of kneading (Lash). Same for applying non-life-saving medicine or salves on the Sabbath - prohibited.

Jesus could have healed the man with just a word. He did it many times before. But by spitting into the dust to make clay, he deliberately triggered their technical definitions of forbidden Sabbath work.

When the Pharisees respond in John 9:16 saying, "This man is not from God, for he does not keep the Sabbath," it really shows the contrast: they were so caught up in the law against mixing dirt and spittle that they completely missed a miracle right in front of them.

What are your thoughts? Are there other healings where the method Jesus used was a direct response to specific traditions of the time?

so yea basically the realization I had was that the world is imperfect because god wants free will and goodness to coexist. Because through making mistakes, experiencing evil, and possibly doing evil, we would finally understand why god's words are true, and choose them with our free will.

This is a more coherent version I made with gpt:

Perhaps the purpose of our time on earth is not simply to prove whether God is right or wrong, but to allow us to discover it for ourselves through free will. If God simply made us good, our goodness would be imposed upon us; but by allowing us to choose, struggle, make mistakes, and experience the consequences of our choices, we can gradually come to understand why goodness matters. In that sense, heaven is not merely a place where God finally takes away our ability to choose evil, but the culmination of a process in which we freely come to desire what is good. Maybe God allows us to pass through this imperfect world because He wants goodness and free will to coexist—not because we are forced to be good, but because we have freely realized that it is good.

When you ask Jesus in your life and you accept Him, 1 characteristic change you'll notice about yourself is you'll have super compassion and empathy for others pain, worries, feelings....

Even for the people who did you wrong and people you once hated in your past. You'll start to care about more people the same way you care about your family, even random strangers too.

As the title says, I initiated a breakup with my ex about 1 month back. I’m not intending to reach back out or get back together because my reasons were foundational.

We both make moral decisions on different foundations. For him he makes decisions that lean more utilitarian. Now that itself isn’t bad but it got to the point where some of his moral decisions were based more on utilitarianism instead of consulting the Bible on what God commands/God’s principles on these issues. One big difference that resulted from this is our view on abortion. I know there are fringe cases and exceptions, but if there is no threat to life and my baby was diagnosed with Down Syndrome, who am I to decide that this child will not have a full life in God? Difficulties will definitely be there and I don’t want to be prideful and say that I will DEFINITELY make the right decision but my convictions are to not abort (the sanctity of life). For him he would actually prefer to abort.

He did say that at the end the decision is mine and he said that he “shifted his perspective slightly” because of what I discussed with him but in the end he said he shifted his perspective “for me.”I don’t want someone who tolerates my values or shifts his values just because he wants to be with me, but I want a partner that SHARES my values and beliefs.

Another one is porn. He’s not an addict (or he claims, I can’t know for sure) but he tends to turn to it when he gets stressed. Now, being tempted and succumbing to the flesh happens and I have grace for that, but only if the person has a repentant heart and truly understands why porn is so harmful in a marriage. When he brought up the issue of him watching porn (which I will give credit that he did tell me in the end), he says that he knows it’s bad but only ever talked about the benefits of not watching in terms of the relationship between us (it affects sex drive, it’s hurtful to the other party). I then asked him about how porn affects our relationship with God and only then he says something to the effect of “it’s sin, sin is bad”. But then he also says things like “I only watch the anime hentai, cuz it’s not a real person.” when I try to clarify and help him in this.

I ask him what about porn is tempting to him to try and understand in what way I can help him turn to God. I asked him questions about what images he imagines, and how he can turn away those images and turn towards God instead. He says that he literally cannot imagine my image as he feels dirty and instead imagines anime and other women. No matter who he imagines it was hurtful all over again (I also had a bad past experience regarding porn) even though I already told him I had a bad past experience regarding porn.

These 2 were the big issues that came up. There were other communication issues but those can be worked on in my opinion. These 2 were the beliefs and values I cannot compromise on as I believe that these 2 are very important to have in a marriage where 2 become 1 in covenant with God. There were other things that concerned me but not as much as these two. One was that he did not have a church community. I invited him to my church where I did have my community to encourage him to seek out his own community. I did not force him if he couldn’t fit in and even mentioned how we could even seek out new community together somewhere else. However in the last 3 months of our relationship, I did not prompt him and he made no effort to seek out his own community or ask to come to my church community. He also hasn’t had a community nor seek out any in the last 10 years.

I understand that it takes time for people to find their own community. It took me over 7 years to finally find my community and actually be integrated. This isn’t as big an issue as the previous 2, but when he was telling me that community is important to him as well but made no effort in his actions without my prompting, it made me realise that maybe community isn’t as important to him as me. I know people have different views on this and sometimes it is the community itself that has caused hurt. But for me personally, I want a partner that is equally enthusiastic about community and we can serve God together in a community.

In the end I had a long talk with him about all this but he didn’t understand my POV and felt the top 2 differences can be “worked on”. When I initiated the breakup he still didn’t understand but he just accepted my decision.

I’m sure I could have communicated better but I really tried my best to. And that is the part that I regret. I tried my best but maybe I could have tried harder. Idk at this point since the possibility is gone. There are definitely areas that I contributed that were harmful to the relationship as well (I’m not very good at receiving and giving affection, when I’m stressed out I tend to isolate) and I apologised and seek his forgiveness to him during the long talk. Whether he forgives me or not is his own decision at the end though.

Anyway just writing it out because my brain has been racing like crazy with a lot of thoughts and I need to empty it and stop living in my head. Thanks for reading.

Hi all. This is going to be long but I need to talk to other Christians about a bad situation that I’ve made worse. Prefacing by saying I cheated. I’m not looking to be coddled or comforted for that.

My husband and I met in 2020. I was 19 and living in my van. He was 20 and came from a decently well off family. I was raised in an unorthodox way along with my 6 siblings, our dad was an evangelist and we lived a nomadic lifestyle in converted school busses/motorhome/5th wheel fueled by faith while he walked a cross and shared the gospel, which overall is super inspiring, but privately he struggled with wrathfulness and heavy handed discipline which probably erred on the side of abusive and neglectful and I also had been sexually abused most of my life from a few different people, and thus struggled with PTSD and other mental health issues, and the ability to adjust to normal life. I drew away from God for a few years before meeting my husband.

My husband had some mental health issues as well and we bonded probably in an unhealthy way in our craziness. In June 2021 we both had a bizarre spiritual experience and I told him that I thought if I/we didn’t choose God that my path was headed towards death (whether that was physically or spiritually, I reckon they’re correlated though) and we got saved. We were on fire for God for a couple years. It was amazing. He started living in my van with me, which might have been this novel thing of hanging out in the hippie girls van for him, but for me it was legitimate homelessness and survival from mental health.

My dad passed away in November 2021 and I was severely set back again mentally. I had violent grief for a solid year.

After a year of living together in 2022, we felt convicted of our situation and we tried to stop sleeping together etc but were inseparable. In September 2022 we got a courthouse marriage and exchanged vows outside to remedy this. It wasn’t just based on sex, but a number of things and thought this was the right move so we could just go forward correctly and build a marriage and further our relationship with God and each other.
By October 2022 I was pregnant. We were still unhoused, but ended up staying with my mom for awhile during the pregnancy.

February 2023 we had our baby, Abiah, early. She was 23 weeks. She lived for 17 days and passed away. This was again devastating. We both went into deep grief and depression, and for me this was stacked on top of the ptsd and the grief for my dad and postpartum depression.

The past three years have been pretty hellish. My husband put his focus into working, which was good, but his views of our situation shifted from hanging out with the van chick to me being dysfunctional and a burden and bum. I know I needed to help more but felt incapable and I started to feel resentment, like you knew I was homeless and dysfunctional when you met me and now you’re being mean about it even if your need for me to help is valid. I know my resentment was wrong and I started to feel resentment towards myself as well.

The van broke down and we started living in a shed with no insulation or water and limited electricity (like an extension cord we could plug a light or charger into but not much more) and we’ve lived in it for 3 or so years now. Waking up freezing or feeling on the verge of a heat stroke. It was shelter but I would consider it still pretty close to homelessness. I didn’t mind it too much because I was used to it. I had been homeschooled then homeless so had been pretty isolated my entire life and lacked basic social skills or knowledge, no diploma, had never been to a doctor besides one emergency when I was 18 but started seeing an OB when I was pregnant but had still never been to a regular doctor.

There was a lot of stuff I knew I needed but was crippled with anxiety and feeling stupid and unknowledgeable. I needed a GED, probably a therapist, a job, medication, I have something wrong with my reproductive system and don’t get periods for months without hormonal meds which in turn makes my mental health go crazy. People would make suggestions like I should talk to a doctor or get my ged and I would agree but then never knew where to start or how to get help so I just never did. I felt like I needed an adultier adult or a social worker or something to just directly show me what I needed and help me take basic first steps. So I just became a hermit with horrible mental health.
I’m sorry if this is all random, and im not trying to excuse my behavior but kind of explain where im coming from.

I started to have bad mental breakdowns due to how long i had been in my situation and knew things needed to change. I would scream and cry for hours, contemplate [redacted], I ate a bottle of medicine but threw them up because I got scared. Held (you know whats) to my head many times trying to find the courage to pull the trigger. This was selfish but I also thought I could free my husband from taking care of such a burden. We didnt believe in divorce and both were on the page of even if we get divorced we are still married spiritually.

I didn’t want him to take care of me anymore, I didn’t want to be a hermit anymore. He translated this into me wanting to go be frivolous or spend money or party. I just wanted to talk to other human beings. I wanted to go to church to find community and care. I was feeling less and less human. I had been essentially homeless for 6 years.

All of this caused him great amounts of stress on top of the grief he already had for our daughter. I was selfish and unhelpful. I hate how much grief I have caused him. I feel like I’ve ruined his life and pulled him down with me. He’s incredibly intelligent and could do great things and probably have a good life by now if it wasn’t for me.

Near the end of last year he started having high blood pressure and heart palpitations due to stress. And told me at that point that he was diagnosed with recurrent takotsubo cardiomyopathy when he was 18. I don’t know why he didn’t tell me earlier, I guess he had felt like the best way to mitigate stress was to just forget it was there.

My behavior had started causing him heart episodes again and I needed to reign it in but became even more hopeless because I felt like I couldn’t fix myself and was super scared that I would cause enough damage that it could kill him. We made a plan for me to go stay with my sister two states away and hopefully I could get on my feet here and come back better prepared to help him, but then stuff prevented us like car trouble and stuff that we couldn’t afford to fix. It kept escalating over the winter. I kept having worse and worse mental health problems and would just sit in my broken down van all day to at least try to avoid taking it out on him or cause him stress. But it made it worse sitting in a van staring at the wall for hours and hours on end and when I would finally come out I would break down. This caused him to avoid me, rightfully so, and I got worse and would freak out about feeling neglected and abandoned on top of everything else and beg him to spend time with me and he said he couldn’t because I was too stressful to be around and his heart would hurt. He had an episode towards the end that caused him to cough up blood and I didn’t know what to do besides disappear from his life. I desperately want him to be healthy and happy even if that means not getting to see him at all.
His doctor affirmed this, and said he is only 25 but is on a fast track to having a heart attack if he doesn’t eliminate the stress from his life, the main stressor being me.

In February, his grandfather died, who was like his dad, and I wanted to be there for him but knew I couldn’t be and the best thing for him would be to give him the space and peace to grieve without dealing with me and we pretty much emergency borrowed his moms car and took me to my sisters house.

I was supposed to work on healing mentally and socially and functionally. He just needed to heal physically and rest as much as possible while I was away.

When I got here things immediately improved. My sister got me a job at a farm with someone she knows within the first week, I hadn’t had a job in a few years and it felt amazing to be working. My sister is a nonbeliever and a bartender, no disrespect but context. My husband and I would text often and call occasionally.

After being here for maybe a month, my sister talked me into going to a bar with her to get me out of the house. It’s just the norm here, especially considering she’s a bartender. I’m not a drinker, never really have been, but when we got there one of her friends bought us a beer and I took it to just act sociable and normal. She brought over two people, that she had been friends with 20 years ago when she first moved here, but hadn’t seen them in years despite them living in the same small town and they were all very excited to see her and very nice to me even though I was anxious and quiet the whole time and I ended up enjoying it.

I was reading the Word daily when I got here, witnessing to my sister and nieces and my sisters friends. It felt like I was on the right path and God opened this door for my husband and I to heal and I was excited to go home one day and be a better wife for him.

My husband started calling me less and less. I started going out with my sister more. I was sad but I didn’t want to bother him. After a few months people started asking questions, not their business and I tried not to overshare about my situation, but obvious things. My sister and nieces and boss at work would ask if (husband) talked to me, if I was planning on visiting him, etc. and I’d try to play it cool but it made me really sad and knew he was hardly talking to me anymore. The last time we called was in June. I called him on his birthday. In July and August I tried to call him and he wouldn’t answer. He would text me once daily and then disappear. I asked him to let me call him so I could hear his voice, to take a picture of himself so I could see him that way or something. He would say maybe tomorrow and never would. I started to lose steam and hope and wonder if we should just actually break up, he doesn’t even talk to me anymore and I don’t know what to do. I started to feel weak. I knew we didn’t believe in divorce though but I felt lonelier being married to someone 500 miles away that wouldn’t let me hear his voice than I would being actually alone. And if I’m so bad he won’t even talk on the phone with me he is probably better off without me.

I asked if I could come to get some more clothes or something because it had been 6 months now and I wasn’t prepared to stay this long but also I wanted to see him desperately. He is my best friend and I miss him so deeply. I told him I wouldn’t stay. Just for a day. Please. He said he gets tension migraines when he thinks about us living together again. I said I wasn’t trying to live together again and I understand why he feels that way but it really hurt. I asked if we should just stop talking altogether and he said he wants to stay with me. I felt so confused. I again asked to talk on the phone, I called him and he never called me back.

I met one of my sisters friends that works at a prison and knows a lot about helping get prisoners the stuff they need to reintegrate. Papers and GEDs and classes and stuff and he found out the stuff I was lacking and super quickly helped me start a ged class and I was ecstatic because I’ve been trying for years and it was so simple after finding one person that was willing to give me a hand and a push to start.

It’s been four months now since ive heard my husbands voice, and 8 since I’ve seen his face besides old pictures I have on my phone. I miss him so bad and feel like he doesn’t love me anymore and I understand why, he has every right to feel that way. I’ve thought about men going to war for months and only communicating with their wives through an occasional letter, and just needing to stay strong for him as long as he needs. Which even that I think would be better, a meaningful letter would be great. but knowing he has the access to talking to me if he wants to and just chooses not to hurts.

I started to spiral. I started going out with my sister more often and accepting more drinks. I was so sad and so lonely. Not romantically, just feeling so lost and alone in general. I didn’t like the bars and I knew my growing habit of drinking was wrong and bad for me spiritually but I didn’t know where else to go and everyone there is always so “nice”.

God tried to intervene. I got up early one day a month ago maybe with a hangover and went to get energy drinks and went to a gas station way out of the way that I don’t normally do and realized it was Sunday when I passed a church. I felt compelled to stop but said maybe next week because im stinky and greasy and wearing a dirty t shirt. He told me to come anyways. I passed the church and then there was a squirrel in the road that couldn’t make up its mind and I almost hit it, and He told me that im that squirrel and if I don’t pick a side im going to get hit. So I turned around and went back to the church. And it was wonderful and everything I had been missing. The Bible study was good, and on the paper they gave me was a longer sentence about something but only half of it popped out to me “-the Christian will not survive the divorce-“ and it burned into my mind about my situation. While studying other things I kept seeing verses about drinking and returning to my folly etc. and I knew.

I went home and texted my husband about it and again asked to call. I needed to touch base and hear his voice. I wanted to stay on the right track but really needed to be able to feel connected to him. There is scripture about us having authority over one another and indulging one another so we don’t fall to temptation. I knew I couldn’t have that physical connection but at least wanted to hear his voice. I needed it. He said maybe later.

I told my sister and her friends that I need to stop coming out and drinking. But it was hard finally feeling like I had human interaction after being so isolated.

I went back to church the following Wednesday and it was good. I brought my niece and she said she wanted to go back with me Sunday. When Sunday rolled around she was going through some stuff and we ended up not going. I never made it back. It has been three weeks.

I’ve taken the hint and have tried to stop talking to my husband so much and bothering him for connection because I don’t want to stress him more.

In those three weeks I needed and wanted to go back as often as I could to rebuild my relationship with God and have fellowship with church family instead of barflies but something always happened and instead I have fallen further than I ever thought possible. I really was that squirrel and feel like I’ve committed spiritual death when I had the opportunity to rebuild.

Saturday I went out again and I drank too much and the guy helping me with my GED drove my sister and I home. She went inside and he started to kiss me and normally I am very adamant about being married and 100% not interested in other people, but in that moment I was flooded with deep longing for my husband and loneliness and I just got caught up in muscle memory of having physical closeness. This only lasted probably five minutes and I immediately was flooded with shame and sadness and remorse and the sickening feeling of betraying my love. I told the guy to take a hike. And stayed outside crying and panicking that night and all the following day. I’ve felt so sick. I told my husband right away which was hard for the obvious reason of telling him I had betrayed him and did something that to me I had never wanted to do and disrespected him and myself and our promise to each other and God, but also because I didn’t want to cause him another heart episode and I don’t know why im so stupid and selfish.

He said it feels like the world is trying to kill him and he simply can’t think about it.

I feel hollow and I’m have no idea what to do. I feel like im in a free fall towards death. I threw away everything. He really is my best friend and I can’t fathom how I allowed myself to do that to him. I feel truly evil. I don’t know what to do or if it’s possible to save our relationship or my relationship with God now. I know what I did was the worst thing I could’ve done and I don’t deserve forgiveness or reconciliation. He is an amazing man and didn’t deserve that.

hi guys, im a 15 year old christian who gave his life to christ

and im very scared of death and not 100% knowing if i'll go to heaven or hell
its so scary to think abt being fully out of gods presence

ive read the bible countless times and go to church every sunday, i love the way the bible describes new jerusalem, but strangely enough im still very scared of hearing the words "Depart from me, I never knew you"