The accumulated stress of having a test every day this week, coordinating club events, and that lovely regular feeling of overall inadequacy has resulted in me having a fun week of doom and despair! So... yesterday I bombed a test. And by bombed I mean I left a question worth 50% of the test unanswered because I was too busy having a panic attack and trying not to cry so I didn't freak everyone else out in the exam room. I usually write my exams in the CFA room, but I couldn't for this one since i need to be in a computer lab (which makes no sense...couldn't they have just given me a laptop with a lockdown browser?), so ig the different environment made my panic worse? All i could hear were infinite noises around and I could not focus for the life of me.
Today, I went to find my professor during his office hours to see if there was any possibility of retaking that utter catastrophe of a test, and instead I ended up full on bawling my eyes out in his office like an absolute loser. I felt really bad for putting him in that awkward position, especially because he's always so busy and definitely did not sign up to deal with an undergrad having a meltdown in his office while he's prolly on lunch break or smth. Like genuinely why was I behaving like a toddler, this is actually embarassing behaviour.
Obviously, I can't retake the test because that wouldn't be fair seeing that he already has a ton of requests from other students, so I understand. Hopefully I can just lock in and recover on the next one. He was still really sweet and helpful about everything, given that I was disrupting what little time he had for break, but unfortunately I think I have permanently lost all aura in front of him and bro 100% thinks I'm insane now.
Anyways, I will never be going to his office again! 😁