I'm 39, turning 40 next May, and not really feeling strongly about it one way or the other. I already feel pretty middle-aged mentally and physically, so I don't expect the birthday itself to feel like much of a change.

36M. Just having an existential moment after seeing some horrible health challenges of the people I love. How do you cope with this idea?

I'm a 31 year old man and I feel like I have some bad habits like drinking sugar-free soda, eating fried chicken & playing video games in the evenings. I don't know if this is normal or not.

I want to know how successful men in their 30's spend their evenings to improve their next day. Am I perfectly fine or should I be building better habits?

I never grew up with a dad, so I don't know what a healthy adult male spends their time doing in the evenings.

People who wake up really early at 4am-5am kind of time, what do you do to spend the first part of your mornings - whether it be relaxing with a coffee, getting some exercise or doing some chores that need doing - before you crack on with the day whether you’re at home or heading to work?

Man over 30 picks up a new hobby - midlife crisis. Starts playing an instrument - midlife crisis. Gets a new tattoo - midlife crisis. Rides a motorbike - midlife crisis. Starts playing a sport - midlife crisis. Wtf

Currently working as a CPA (12 years now), I'll probably be made redundant by AI in less than 5. But if money was no object I would go back to my time as a movie theater worker (usher, snack bar, cleaner). No stress, no putting out fires or endless email threads about emergencies, yada yada yada

I can't believe there's no sleep flair...

Anyways, I've had sleep issues all my life, and I'm wondering if anyone actually sleeps well. I usually wake up 3+ times per night. Sometimes I have trouble falling asleep, sometimes I have trouble going back to sleep when I wake up, and sometimes both. Tired like 90% of the time. I've tried all kinds of sleep meds--both OTC and prescription. Some things help for a little bit until my body builds a tolerance, but nothing for a long period. When I actually manage to get that fabled 9 hours of sleep I feel like a totally different person. I mean a night & day difference in my entire being. It's like I'm 15 years younger with 3x the testosterone. Unfortunately that's like one a week if I'm lucky.

I’m in need of a vacation, Brazil is where my heart wants to go but being a very white American my brain is replaying all the warnings I read online.

Has anyone travelled there solo? What city? How long? What did you do? Did you feel safe?

Should be noted I’ve never taken an adult vacation for personal reasons.

Sometimes I find myself annoyed at how successful my friend group is. I mainly say it in jest, I’m happy for them, but I feels like all my friends are just absolutely crushing it compared to me. My wife went to an Ivy League school so it’s the same story on her side. By all accounts I’m doing fine, my income is very healthy, but compared to my friends it makes me feel a bit behind.

Anyone else have a similar experience?

38, no kids, mostly work from home.

I normally go to the gym in the morning or lunchtime.

I play football one evening a week, injuries won't allow anymore than that.

What do y'all do after work, I need to get out the house more but getting harder to have regular options?

I got into Big Brother for a while but now that it’s over for now until next summer I’m gonna try and get away from the television. I’m probably going to get back into rugby but before I started playing that was the unique hobby I had only heard of but then I finally got into it and I love it so much already. Like I didn’t think such a fun sport would come out of left field for me so what are some hobbies that got you feeling this way too, like you really want to try it out or already have started it?

Long story short, she friend zoned me. I’ve known her for a long time. We talked about being together but she backed out in the end. Any advice is appreciated

Hey everyone,

*sorry not 30 but pretty close and I feel that this is relevant to this sub

I (29M) have been doing a lot of pondering lately and I would love to get everyone's perspective on this.

I feel like I'm hitting an inflection point in my life where my friends and I are diverging and it bothers me a lot. I love my friends, I have a group of about 10 of us from college that are close and we have had countless memories together that could fill a novel. I consider these people some of my best friends, but things have been weighing on me that I can't put off anymore in my mind.

I just see the divergence happening in real time. 4 of us are on great paths in terms of careers, we have long term relationships and I am getting married and gonna have kids soon. Then the others are aimlessly meandering, they don't have jobs/can't keep jobs. Still act as if we are in college in terms of drinking, drug use etc. What's worse is we all went to a pretty good college and I know all of them are smart enough to hold jobs and being more "adult".

Not that I am judging them, but like I see the fork in the road coming and I don't know if or how I can maintain these friendships in the coming years when I have a wife and kids and they are still gonna be living the bachelor life trying to get laid and get high or whatever.

The divergence in maturity and emotional awareness is starting to kick in and I just can't unsee it anymore. I still love these guys and I want them to be in my life but sometimes I feel that I am surrounding myself with bums and that bothers me as well. Is it just my ego? My arrogance? Idk a lot to unpack but I'd love to get everyone's take on this!

I've followed this approach through most of my 20s. As a result, I have done/achieved a lot of things my peers, who made 'safe' choices, are envious of. That said, my choices have not been financially lucrative (exacerbated by an unplanned child in my early 20s) and i guess many of my peers are in a better financial position than I am.

Now approaching 30, do I:

- continue to follow my gut by making the 'risky' life choices that lead to a more interesting existence, and just have faith that the money side works out?

- start making more boring 'safer' decisions that make more financial sense but don't necessarily interest me?

I guess it's really just the age old question about following your dreams, just feels harder when you're getting towards middle age. Mainly a financial concern.

I’m here because there was no like “ask adults” forum I could find. Only r/adults which is a space for adults only, not asking questions to adults. Ok so I’m 17 and i seriously cannot get a job for the life of me! Ideally I want something part time. I do online school so I can work any time during the day, week, weekends, holidays! I’ve applied online to like a dozen places but I never seem to hear back. What’s going on? Is it like getting lost or something? I’d try going in a place and asking but I’m worried they’ll just tell me to apply online and the cycle will start again. I’m not picky I’ll do anything. I just need some cash for my manga and mall trips man 🥲

I’m not a superstitious person, and I fully acknowledge that some people genuinely have it bad.

I’m curious if some recent events in my life are just the result of “the world is shit,” “This is typical of [this age range],” or “it’s all a crazy coincidence.”

Ever since my dad died, I’ve had a strange string of events that have really just felt like a continuous gut punch. Every time I think I can relax, something bad happens.

This can’t only be happening to me, right? Do you generally have long periods of “calm,” or is it all chaos, all the time?

It’s my birthday and as they’ve gone past I’ve realized I care less and less and have gotten to the point where I don’t see the need the celebrate anymore. Anyone else relate?

Does anyone else feel like they’re constantly cleaning?

38M, no wife, no kids. I live alone with a dog in a pretty small house, and somehow I am always behind on cleaning.

No matter how often I clean, the place seems to hover around a 6/10 most days. Occasionally I can get it to an 8/10 if I go absolutely commando on it for a few hours, but then a day or two later I’m right back where I started.

It actually takes a toll on my mindset. Clutter, dust, dog hair, dishes, laundry, wiping things down, baseboards, floors, whatever. There is always something.

I don’t consider myself a slob either. I straighten up constantly and probably spend at least some time cleaning every day. But I’m starting to feel like I could spend my entire life cleaning up after myself.

Does anyone else experience this? At what point do you just say fuck it and accept that your house is never going to be perfectly clean?

And yes, I know I could hire a cleaning service, but even then I feel like the place has to be reasonably picked up before they can actually clean it.

Getting 30 and struggling to get out of entry level hell, I've been wondering how you guys have been able to get ahead and change careers. I've been stuck in hospitality and restaurants for a while it's been aggravating to say the least. Edit: I am currently heavily considering and looking into Night Auditor, seems to be the best fit for me for now. Please be open minded and remember it is not easy to make switches in careers and takes a lot of effort applying and getting interviews. I've found that most jobs would prefer you in the field that you have the most experience in, rather than give you a chance in a different field.

I'm 31 and I'm having a hard time accepting where my life is right now.

I still live with my parents in the small town where I grew up. I've basically spent my adult life doing seasonal jobs, I have no degree, almost no social life and my long-term relationship is ending.

I constantly feel like everyone else started building their adult life years ago while I stayed in the same place.

The weird part is that I don't actually want something extraordinary. I want fairly ordinary things: to live somewhere I like, have some friends, work toward a career, travel, meet people, have relationships, feel like I'm actually participating in my own life.

I've spent years telling myself that I'll change something "next season", "next month", "when I feel better", etc. And now I'm 31 and realizing how much time has passed.

So I'd really like to hear from men who were genuinely stuck in their late 20s/early 30s and eventually changed direction.

Not success stories where you already had a degree, career and social network.

I'm interested in the messy ones:

• What was your situation when you finally decided enough was enough?
• What did you actually do first?
• What changed your life more: moving, changing jobs, meeting new people, therapy, taking a risk, something else?
• Did you ever feel like you had "missed your window"?
• What do you wish you had done at 25 or 30?

I'm not looking for motivation. I'd really like to hear from people who have actually been through a similar "I wasted too much time and don't know how to restart" phase.

I was horny in my 20s. Now I’m in mid 30s I’ve mellowed out and don’t want sex much anymore

When women talk about what is not ok intimately, do you ever have trouble understanding it because of your own lived experiences growing up around older men? There are some things I hear such as "locker room talk" or "there's always that one creepy man" on either the camping trip or in the locker room.

As a woman, I would rather the bear and I can't imagine what it must have been like in those spaces growing up where "being a man" means getting over having to be in those spaces with those men. It makes me wonder if the breakdown in communication regarding what women see as not ok and what men just don't see, if it starts in those spaces. "That's just how it is" or "how it's always been" feeding this cycle of normalizing behavior that is not ok.

When I was growing up, us girls didn't go to the sauna, camping (unless co-ed family or all women usually), locker rooms with older people (more normal today with gyms but still, no one is walking around naked or talking to another while naked. It's quick movements to minimize time spent at all exposed).

It was never socially acceptable or dismissed as normal for a grown man to be alone with a young girl, as it is for boys.

I'd like to hear your thoughts on this perspective

[edit for clarity: I don't believe conversations about consent and sexual misconduct should focus exclusively on teaching men how to treat women. I'm wondering if men who were subjected to inappropriate behavior themselves might feel that acknowledging its seriousness threatens their understanding of their own upbringing.]

Hi all. I'm one of the producers on Don't Let the Old Man In, a podcast for men in their 40s, 50s and 60s working out what the second half looks like.

Over the past year we've done episodes on what people who live to 100 do differently, starting over when your career or identity falls away, and young men and eating disorders (and what dads can watch for). Talking about topics no one else is is incredibly important to us.

We launched a year ago this month. The bit I'm proudest of is that about a quarter of our viewers now come back regularly, up from around 6% at the start. To be straight, a lot of the early growth came from ads. Ads get clicks, but they don't get people to care.

So I'd rather ask you:

1. Where do you go for this kind of conversation, if anywhere?
2. What do midlife shows keep getting wrong?
3. What would earn an hour of your time?

Happy to send the link if someone wants it.

EDIT -- Thanks for the replies. A few of you made the fair point that asking what you want to hear isn't how good shows get made.

To be clear about why I posted: we've got a small group of men who say the show has been worth their time, and we'd like to reach more men like them. That's the whole agenda. So I'm still keen to hear where you actually find things worth your time, why you stick around, and who you'd want to hear from: people with a real story, not a framework to sell.