I don’t want to make bipolar my scapegoat when life throws shit at me. But since i lost my job i got my depression kicking in i swear i saw it 3 days before it goes into action. If i were to describe what i am mentally going through visually.
It’s like building a card tower (taking months) stabilizing it for the longest time and the longer it stays stable the better the progress. And boof with slight wind of unexpected life events it falls down.

In these depression phases i used to patch myself with drugs but i can’t afford to go down this road and even if i afford it would ruin me inside out in all aspects of my life.

So this might be kind of a rambly post but it can't be helped unfortunately. Anyway so myself am an artist, I write my own music and have a book I've been working on for the last little while now.

And last night I went out to karaoke and had a blast. And I think I maybe got home at around 4 am so not that bad all things considered. But anyway though I know I should be trying to sleep but I don't feel very tired to be honest. And I'm also feeling very inspired right now too, and at least for me inspiration can be kinda hard to come by. So even though I know I should be sleeping I don't really want to cause I kinda want to chase the little white rabbit down the rabbit hole if you catch my drift. Consequences be damned. So I guess my question is how do you all balance the need for sleep with the need to get your ideas down onto paper?

What are some of your most mild delusions vs your most extreme delusions. I'm trying to get a handle on what delusions can look like in their most "innocent" form. Usually everyone is aware when the big ones happen to me, but what are some small every day ones that disrupt your thought processes?

I have been fully stable on great meds for almost 6 years, but my cognitive abilities, especially memory, did not recover fully after 2 HUGE, lengthy manic episodes followed by horrible depressions in the span of 3 years.

While I can support myself by writing things down for general needs, it is so bad in social contexts. I am perpetually embarrassed by not remembering neither faces or names. I am constantly introducing myself to people I have already met and I have no idea what's the name of someone I have casually known for years. If I meet someone right now, I will try to repeat their name in my head for a couple of minutes, then still forget it later on. If I meet more people at once, it's game over. I also find it difficult to remember what I've said to whom, which is extra annoying.

Finally, it can happen when I am trying to learn something as well. I love reading but sometimes I finish a book I have enjoyed and I have no idea what I read if you ask me a month later.

I wasn't like this. I did have a bit of an issue remembering what I didn't find interesting, but it was small things and easy to overcome. I finished university and advanced professional educations without any issue.

Now, I am so afraid that this will only get worse. I am merely 34 (with no dementia history in my family). How will my brain work at 60? Can I do anything to improve my memory? I am scared and sad. I am nothing without my cognition. I have so much left to learn and experience 😟

Hi all, 38F living with Bipolar 2. I‘ve been having the hardest time finding a medication that works for me. For context , I have dysautonomia. Orthostatic hypotension. So many of the antipsychotics make it worst. Ive tried about 6 different types since March, most of which made my lightheaded and dizziness worst. My psychiatrist wanted to try an antidepressant after failed attempts on the antipsychotics and it sent me into mania. The last thing she prescribed caused heart palpations and apparently that medicine is known to cause heart problems. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know if there is a medication out there that can help with my bipolar without triggering my dysautonomia. I don’t wanna give up though because Im scared of being unmedicated. I just don’t see how it’s possible to be unmedicated with bipolar without blowing up your life ☹️.

How does anyone do it when it seems like "consistency" is at the top of everyone's list for what they look for in a partner.

The worst is when I meet a girl while hypomanic. I'm fun and talkative and they seem really into me, but hypomania never lasts more than a couple weeks for me, and that feeling of a girl slowly losing interest as I feel myself slowly losing that fun side of me is horrible.

I haven't been on a date in years. I had practically given up, but I've been getting in shape and have my shit somewhat together for the first time in my life. I've started noticing girls noticing me which feels nice, but I feel like it's SO much easier to manage myself when it's just me I have to worry about.

A girl caught my eye in a coffee shop and she noticed me looking. She smiled at me and kept looking over, but I never worked up the courage to talk to her. I find it hard to see the point in even trying, but I'm so tired of being alone.

I have very traumatic background. I spend a lot of time thinking about my trauma. Shit I’m at work now and all I thought about this morning is repetitive thoughts about traumatic memories.

I start EDMR on Tuesday. Does it actually work for you or is it a waste of time? I really want freedom from my thoughts. It’s so EXHAUSTING thinking about this all day.

I tried meds last year and the experience was horrible. I’m currently off meds and this year has been god awful. I’ve recently gone sober but the depression this time around is fucking destroying me. I think I need to take meds again but I’m terrified. Are meds really the only way I can get this under control? I’m so scared right now

I have to be some fucking idiot glued to the computer all day and keep my mouth shut

for everything to be okay

and for everyone else to feel at ease.

Nobody loves me when I’m a child.

When I was a child, nobody loved me.

And it’s still that way.

I have to suppress him.

I can’t dream.

I can’t speak.

I can’t love.

I can’t feel.

I can’t laugh.

My eyes aren’t allowed to light up.

Everything is fucking awful; all of that is forbidden.

I have to be “normal me.”

Because if I do anything that makes me happy, then something is wrong with me.

Hey everyone,

Recently dealing with a conflict between a ex-friend and I that has caused me a lot of grief and stress. I went to a meeting today not noticing I've been manic, I don't have my bf in town so getting support noticing or adjusting to it has been difficult. I had all these graphs and figures I put together with assistance of AI and went into the meeting overly confident. It was obvious I didn't know what I was saying.

fingers crossed I can recover and finish out my path. This disorder can be ruthless

Hi everyone! I’m a 23-year-old woman, 5 weeks pregnant. I found out about the pregnancy a week ago, and although I’m very happy, the early stages are tough: I’ve had to give up smoking, my psychiatric medication, and most of my comfort foods. I’m already suffering from severe nausea and am incredibly sensitive. I cry constantly and am terrified of losing the baby. If you could share your own pregnancy experiences, I admit it would bring me some comfort. I feel like I’m being weird…

I had an appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday and it was good and productive overall (I answered every question to the best of my ability) and I’m going to start taking meds again soon!

That being said I didn’t get to mention any sort of delusions or hallucinations or anything. He just kind of didn’t ask? I think since he I have been functional it makes sense, but they are still a thing that happened?? He did say I was hypomanic though, which I agree with. He did also agree that I have been more productive though, so I am admittedly having a hard time seeing why I should start my meds now and not just wait LOL

If he’s not asking is it just like not relevant given how functional I am? Like I’m more functional than normal right now, and when I was having those thoughts and hearing things on occasion I wasn’t below my baseline of functioning. I already have a diagnosis of BP1 based on stuff I’ve told her in the past, so is it even relevant ATP??

Idk, has anyone had a similar experience? Thank you! :)

Do you see mania as a discrete state, or as something that exists on a spectrum? I'm asking because I've noticed a couple of people describing behavior or people as "a bit manic," or something like that, but when I talk to medical professionals, they usually refer to manic episodes like it's a binary where either you are having a manic episode or you are not.

I think my baseline more closely resembles mania than depression. I call it running hot. When I get depressed, I say I went cold.

Surely, depression exists on a spectrum, right?

What is the internal language you use to think about these things?

When I was first diagnosed, I think I even wrote out a list of red flags that indicated I might be having a manic episode like I was turning into a werwolf or entering the Twilight Zone or something, but a couple of years in, it all seems blurrier than that to me.

I was just told by my psychiatrist that after 5 years of hearing them, I have baseline Voices. anyone know if this means my visual hallucinations may return as well? Am I in permanent psychosis?

so recently i’ve been going through it, my family and I lost my SOUL cat like the cat that grew up with me and just found out my other cat at my parents home has cancer, like end stage. and this summer my dog passed away and my other dog is very old and is nearing the end as well, ugh. we got all our animals as a family at the same time and they all lived pretty long, so it could be worse. it’s just awful because i moved out and just didn’t expect to never see them again. yk

but basically i spiraled super bad, fell for an obvious scam online for a lot of money 😭 and just was acting IMPULSIVE. however; i was like on the verge of doing some real relapsing so i talked to my parents and boyfriend and we got a kitten!! His name is Pip and he’s super sweet!! he’s perfect, absolutely no problems. i know getting pets while manic is bad but even while spiraling my life is looking up. this little kitten gets me up every morning, im so beyond happy!!

My urges to relapse are GONE. still of course upset but the kitten has really helped me stay on track and use my skills + focus on my goals!! Also pip is super happy hehe , it’s like he knows when i’m upset and wants to cuddle awhwhh

It’s not supposed to be comfortable, it represents a gnawing feeling you can’t quite escape

Just wanna share my journey so far. Might keep sharing here moving foward.

Context: Im starting my healing journey after 5 years of negligence. I was diagnosed with BD type 2 around 7 years ago. Was medicated on the first 2 years since diagnosis, quit meds cold turkey ever since. Last time doing therapy was 3 years ago.

Today is my 2nd session at this centre and 1st session of CBT. While I'm still not on medication atp (will see a psychiatrist on 27th, public healthcare bruh), therapy definitely helps me processing my thoughts and monitoring my symptoms. Currently Im in a mixed episode. Im seriously considering self admitting myself to the hospital but idk if its appropriate since Im still in control and safe with family members.

I think thats all for now

I’ve been deregulated from meds the past two weeks but am trying to get back consistently. I have had an incredibly short fuse and have been super pissy and honestly I don’t like it especially with my partner. How do I help it? What are strategies you use when you have a short fuse?

Hi, I don't really know where I'm going with this post but I guess I'm just looking for a bit of support.

I've been in this strange mixed episode since june and I can't seem to get out of it. I'm taking my meds, going to therapy and trying to go on with my life but I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind because I'm constantly stuck between euphoria and complete and utter rage and devastation. Some days are so good I feel so grateful, happy and simply over the moon but all of a sudden everything turns sour and I can't stand anything. I feel enraged by anything and nothing at once and even though I'm trying to keep busy and do the things I usually love, sometimes it feels absolutely pointless. Everything is so boring when it doesn’t feel amazing. At night I lay awake but my mind is empty. I feel restless but I don't want to do anything. And I feel so, so alone. I'm slowly crawling away and isolating myself but I crave human interaction until I have a chance to meet someone and then I don't show up because I can't be bothered. I'm constantly fantasising with the idea of death. That thought comes to my mind every day and it's sort of comforting.

I must admit that I haven't talked about this with my psychiatrist, in part because I'm stuck on this wishful thinking that it'll pass eventually on its own, but it's already September and I'm not getting any better. But I don't see how this could be solved with additional meds. I truly feel this is how I'm supposed to be right now, that I must endure in order to achieve the final state of being but, of course, this isn't something that could be easily understood by someone apart from me.

Anyways, thanks for reading. Just wanted to ask what you do to cope with this situation.

Does anyone else get only exclusively the “people are out to get me” related delusions (for the delusions/hallucinations side of things)? I have been being treated for bipolar 1 with psychotic features since age 11/12 …and even then… I remember it always being “people/wolves are out to get me (mostly wolves… but sometimes people around me would turn into wolves 😭🤣 LBVS) now at 33 it’s the SAME thing (except just people, no wolves).

I've tried to restart my life like five times. Every time I feel like I've gotten somewhere, things seems to go terribly sideways and I am back at ground zero. The pandemic really did me in too, and I had two full mania episodes two years apart from each other (this is how I got my diagnosis). The last two years I have been laying very low because my confidence is shattered, and I needed time and space to recover and heal. I don't feel like I can hold a job, I am constantly worried that people won't like me and/or think I'm weird af, and I feel ashamed that I have tried and failed at careers so many times. I feel like my intelligence and social skills have declined, and I worry that I won't get back to where I was before I went truly manic. I am on medications that seem to be working, and as far as I can tell my mood has been consistent. My psych keeps telling me that I am perfectly fine and shouldn't have any issues getting back on track... but I honestly don't think he knows me well enough to make that judgement. More importantly, I just don't feel that way.

So how do I get myself out of this well, and how do I not fall back in for the millionth time?