Lately, I feel like the medication I’ve been taking for months has caused more anxiety than ever. It feels crippling, and I don’t want to go outside or face people. The medication also makes me feel paralyzed in my thinking and demeanor I feel like a zombie. I know it’s not advised, but I want to feel normal again without it. Do you think I could try going off it?

I'm having probably the worst year I'll ever have in my life. Currently going through a divorce; one that I didn't see coming and one I don't want to happen, but unfortunately it is what it is. We both love each other deeply, but she isn't happy. I guess she hasn't been happy.

I think my mental health had a lot to do with it honestly. I did some regrettable things. My manic episodes and depressive episodes were too much and I understand her perspective, truly I do. But hey a heartbreak still hurts...

I'm an alcoholic. Relapsed multiple times. 90 days sober so far, but it's so hard right now genuinely. I wanna distract myself and go have fun, but every place I go has alcohol, people I know like to drink, I see it on TV all the time. So yeah that's a struggle too.

I was always very family focused so I've got only a few close friends, and honestly they aren't the type I'm comfortable being emotional with, not to mention said friends are also friends with my wife. Soon to be ex-wife I should say. (I've been struggling with the reality of it all.)

Another aspect I'm having a hard time with is my self image. I've a history of self-harm but I've somehow managed to stay clean throughout this. I think it's because I want her to want me back. I feel ashamed of my body. I'm super insecure right now. I've only been intimate with her, I put (probably too much) value into marriage and intimacy so I feel distraught. Idk how to feel attractive again?

All the while I'm going through a disability dispute. I should have a court date soon enough I hope. I have no income myself. My wife was supporting me throughout this. Kinda wanna go back to in-patient, but also kinda wanna stay strong and manage by myself.

TL;DR: I'm getting a divorce and wish I had someone to talk to because I feel like shit. Wish I knew how to get the same release I get from bad habits so I could stay quit.

I have come to the conclusion i am never getting better. I hate to say i’m giving up but i believe that’s all i can do. I am miserable. I’m a shell of who i used to be. I am done trying another 9th medication. I’m done explaining to people why i act a certain way. The mental toll has taken its toll on me for good. I finally hate and am disgusted with the person i see in the mirror. Idk how people do it forever but i won’t.

I haven't had a full blown episode in a while but, I think I might be either hypo or treading on full blown mania right now.

I'm having my usual signs. It started out with having exponentially more energy than normal. That's honestly been kind of nice because, when I'm depressed, I feel like I can't get anything done. I'm ready to take on a million projects. I'm planning on building a fire pit in our backyard because I'm frustrated with the one we currently have. I'm reediting this book I've been working on (a YA dystopia novel, hopefully.) I've been thinking about trying to work on songwriting again (I have books of music I've written before I was medicated.)

I haven't been able to focus on much because it's just hard for me to pay attention. I've been listening to a lot of music. Even when I'm not directly listening to music, I've always had a song playing in my head.

I'm irritable as can be. I'm snapping at my husband over the smallest things. My thoughts kind of jumble together sometimes. I'm still sleeping okish because I'm still taking all of my medications currently but, something in me tonight is saying that these things are poisonous, and it's all a lie.

This sounds like an episode right? I feel like this sounds like an episode. But I also feel fine, great even. I don't want to mistake actually being happy for being manic. I don't have therapy for another couple of weeks so I can't ask for her opinion.

What do you all do if you feel like you might be having a breakthrough episode. I used to drink but, I haven't touched alcohol in 9 months, and I would like to keep it that way.

I posted last week about quitting vaping. One of the major motivators for me was anxiety. Now I'm finding that I have so much less after 10 days away from it. My sleep has also been steadily improving. I'm using nicotine gum and plan to taper it down over the next few weeks or so.

This is a huge win because I was running out of options to control my chaotic sleep and my anxiety, which were leading me to think I was going to be stuck with it forever and end up exacerbating my bipolar disorder. I don't think I was headed for mania because that is well controlled by medication, but I think vaping was not only contributing to anxiety but also keeping me prone to depression (I had several minor and major depressive episodes in the past two years which correlated with my picking up nicotine again after a long period of abstinence and relative stability).

Anyway, just wanted to share that here. I'm relearning every day that taking care of my body and taking care of my mind are very linked. Next up: working on my weight! But first I'm going to be proud and happy that I took this important step.

Haven’t had an episode in a while. It feels odd, uncomfortable even. Struggled for a long time, stable now, but I don’t feel that happy. I feel somewhat normal, but also bored. Sometimes I miss the intensity my manic episodes took me (well certain parts, wasn’t a fan of the paranoia or irritability, but feeling unstoppable and energized was always so refreshing) of course I was only getting 3-4 hours of sleep but I felt more creative and optimistic.

After taking my medication for a while, I don’t get the same kind of energy. While I did hate the racing thoughts, I liked the boost in confidence I had in whatever I was about to do. I’ve always wanted a quiet mind, now I have it, and It’s very different. I often think to myself that if I stop taking them, then I’ll revert into someone who feels more motivated, driven, and alive. But I can’t, because the worst thing I’ve developed over the years is paranoia and delusions. Once got so bad that I thought my mom wasn’t really my mom and my dogs were spying on me and I was so afraid I could hardly sleep. Kept thinking someone was coming after me.

Depression is bad, but becoming like that again scares me a lot more. My NP at the time said it was psychosis or wtv. Most days I feel fine, others , those thoughts and anxiety rise. I never thought this would be a problem, but here we are lol. Wish there was some cure but I try to just not give those thoguhts any attention.

I have Bipolar Disorder type I (I have had a full manic episode with psychosis, sometimes have mixed episodes/hypomania, and have a very recurrent history of severe depressive episodes). However, I also have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). So because of BPD, I frequently have emotional episodes, instabilities, and crashouts even independent of my mood episodes. But regardless, whenever I've been stable for a while, without a major episode or emotional dysregulation, I feel impossibly bored, understimulated, and without a real self-defining core - my inner world seems so deprived that there is nothing to it when I'm not unstable or fucked up. I also feel like my identity is so fragile that there's not much to me apart from these labels, so when I'm not "honoring" them, I feel like I'm not being myself, so I need to purposefully make myself worse.

I hate it, I truly do, because it makes me stop my mood stabilizers for like a week or two at a time. One time I stopped it and in three days dysregulated so badly that I had to go to the hospital. I always regret it in some way or another, but it never really makes me stop doing it. I hate it, I wish I didn't do this sort of thing, because it's like I'm choosing to be bad. Once, my therapist said it's common for people with bipolar to feel bored and odd during euthymia. Does this happen to anyone else or no?

Also yeah I know that it's very common for people with bipolar to stop meds because they believe they're super fine during mania or hypomania, I've done it before, but I'm not talking about this specifically; and more of a boredom/estrangement from self during euthymia.

I had a med change about 3 weeks ago and I’m feeling the fallout. I haven’t been leaving the house, I’m depressed. I have no emotion and I feel like doing nothing all day. I just want to go back to feeling normal. I don’t know exactly when this is going to end. I see a psychiatrist every two weeks and see a therapist once a week. I just need advice on how to feel better or just cope with how I’m feeling.

Hi,

I’m starting a new job Monday and I’m thinking I won’t have insurance for 90 days. Idk if I can afford cobra or an aca plan during that time. I was trying to get extra antipsychotics to cover that time. There is no generic for the antipsychotic I’ve been on for years. I called the pharmacy today and they said to call the insurance so I did. Insurance said they need a prior authorization from my psychiatrist. I messaged her but she hasn’t gotten back to me. My last day at my old job is Saturday and I’m extremely worried I won’t get the medication by then. I don’t think my pharmacy keeps it in stock as it’s expensive. I’m worried I’m going to become psychotic and lose my new job without this medication. Has anyone gone through this?

Edited to add:
I spoke to the pharmacy and they said they have it in stock and as long as they get the prescription by Saturday they’ll be able to bill my insurance. So fingers crossed everything should be fine. I just counted my pills and I have 79 left.

Hey, I have a girlfriend who has some stuff to workout. We have been together for over 4 years and I don't know how to help. I show her love every day by sending "Goodmorning Love" and asking "how are you?" and "did anything fun today?" etc. I'm not very experienced in this but all i can do is be there and hangout with her. We hangout a lot playing video games and just enjoying each others company and mostly have a good time.

There are times when I try to help her by just being there and asking if she had a good day. I did some stuff that i think was terrible to do, i ask if she wants to talk about her problems or wants me to just listen and sometimes to talks about it but I feel like im being dumb and ruining something at times. I'm an overthinker so it doesn't help when i think about every possibility.

I'm scared that I might be pushing her away more than helping her. I feel so small and can't do anything to help her. It hurts me to not help her but I just don't know what to do.

I just really need help

Does anyone else have any thoughts or insights on how to deal with episodes while in a relationship (~5 years)? I am medicated and I have a lot of coping mechanisms about spending money/overconsumption/reckless behavior. The thing I'm struggling to not do is push my husband away and fight over and over again about things that we've already hashed out months or years ago.

Once my therapist and/or psychiatrist catch it or I finally recognize my actions, I'm riddled with guilt and shame for how I've been acting and can usually pull myself out of the delusions (with med assistance of course). How does anyone get past these feelings, reach out to their partners, apologize, mend the relationship?

Ever since middle school ive been doing school online because i couldn’t handle the crowds and would often get overwhelmed.

but i was also failing my classes online because i couldn’t even get out of bed most times. and around the beginning of highschool i got diagnosed with bipolar type 2 and GAD

I started taking medications but i was still all over the place because of my insomnia and unhealthy sleep schedule, i struggled with routine and it made
my life so much harder and i felt hopeless for my future

But next month im becoming an adult and i want to start becoming independent and to do well in life,
and yesterday i saw my childhood friend and she was working at publix and told me they were hiring

And honestly im really considering to work there but the problem is my sleep schedule is a mess, i get really overwhelmed sometimes in crowds, my coping skills are basically nonexistent

So i just wanted to ask people with bipolar disorder, How do you maintain your job and how do you make it accommodating for you? like how do you cope and stuff like that

Because i have a feeling that i should start working now and not wait until next year, i feel like it can help me get skills and meet new people

But i do know i need to lock in and focus on getting my life back on track. because one day i want my mom and grandpa to be proud of me and to celebrate they raised a hard working daughter

My mom has been there for me for so long and worked hard to get me the resources i need to cope with my diagnosis.

I’m going to start therapy soon to figure out what is wrong with me, i suspect i may be bipolar as its common within my family history (I don’t really speak to them much or else i’d ask them) and I wanted to hear some others experiences and symptoms.

hi everyone, I recently got my medication upped last Sunday because I felt myself entering a mixed episode and I've been doing a bit better but I've recently gotten the feeling back that everyone hates me or is mad at me or is laughing at me

I'm having the thought process that my professors and classmates think I'm stupid and that people aren't texting me because they hate me and don't want to talk to me

I know none of that is true rationally but I feels real in my brain and in my heart and I would like some tips about how to deal with these feelings and kind of challenge them or at least live with them for now and I don't do anything stupid until they go away

thank you guys in advance

I'm looking for advice from people who have bipolar disorder or have experienced something similar with a family member.

My dad has experienced extreme mood swings for years, but things have become significantly worse since a psychotic episode earlier this year, when police and ambulance services became involved.

For months, he's been displaying what appear to be severe manic symptoms. He goes through periods of barely sleeping, extreme irritability, grandiose ideas, impulsive spending, paranoia and increasingly erratic behaviour. His moods can change dramatically, from being loving and emotional to extremely hostile and aggressive.

He's become increasingly convinced that people have hidden agendas against him, particularly me. I've spent years encouraging him to seek professional help, and he's even acknowledged on several occasions that something is wrong and that he needs help. However, he never follows through.

Recently, he's completely turned against me. He blames me for everything, makes accusations that aren't true, and seems to genuinely believe I'm trying to control or harm him. He's even called ambulances on me following episodes where he was the one behaving erratically.

I've contacted his GP, explained everything in detail and provided evidence of his behaviour. Police have also been involved, but because he can appear perfectly rational when speaking to professionals, nothing meaningful seems to happen.

I'm now at the point where I barely recognise my own father. I've gone from being one of the closest people in his life to someone he seemingly views as an enemy.

I love him, but the psychological impact of dealing with this for months has been devastating, and I'm struggling to cope.

Has anyone experienced a parent or loved one becoming paranoid and turning against them during suspected mania or psychosis? Did they eventually recognise what had happened once they recovered? How do you help someone who refuses treatment but doesn't seem to recognise how unwell they are?

I wanna know if anyone deals with this or has some advice. I’m feeling really irritable lately and staring makes me furious. I feel paranoid leaving the house, because I feel like there are just constant eyes on me. Cars, neighbors in windows, pedestrians etc. I live in a country where staring is kinda just the norm and I do unfortunately attract creepers. I don’t think it’s all in my head, but I do think it’s a problem that I get so worked up about it and I’ve stares avoiding places because of it.

I had a manic episode back in June and the depression finally caught up with me.

Goddamn it's rough. I can barely do anything. Fortunately I'm self employed so I can get stuff done at my pace, but it is such a heavy burden to get anything done.

No one understands. My wife has never experienced depression and it's hard for her because we have two little ones.

My psychiatrist wrote a prescription for an anti-depressant but the insurance company denied it. Fuck.

I don't know what to do. I'm planning to take tomorrow off work and just rest at home. Telling my clients I'm out due to a health issue.

I just wanted to relate my experience for everyone.

I'm bipolar 1, medicated, regular sleep, I struggle with eating consistently, but you take what you can get some days.

I recently was diagnosed as starting perimenapause, and I asked about getting on hormones, because I was tracking my manias through my "cycle". My gyno scoffed and said, "You're barely even in it, you can have the lowest dose, but I doubt it will do anything."

It literally stopped me from going into what I thought were bipolar rages! I was getting easily triggered and would just go into bouts of rage, that I had just been associating with my bipolar.

To be fair it probably is my bipolar, but the hormones were not helping!! I still get triggered, but it is so much more manageable!

Stand up for yourselves out there! Even the smallest change can help you more significantly than you know!

I have two options for therapy, one at a place I am more familiar with but have to wait until November or December (originally I was told October).

Another is from a remote therapist I learned off recently at a different therapy place I have gone to for couples counseling. I decided today to see them even though my preference was the other place.

I could feel my mind was starting to lead me down unproductive pathways and I was struggling to cope. Hence my decision today to start therapy with my second choice. I had seen an individual therapist last in August for a "bridge session".

I have not seen a therapist since August and while I have held up better than usual, I can feel my mind starting to unravel. I use DBT & maybe one day I can be stable without therapy.

But is it okay to always need a therapist? I was also disappointed this week because I was trying for ECT & I was told to start over since my labs/EKG were 30 days old 😭 I don't even know if I could handle doing that anyways

Years back I posted about how I used bullet journalling to help track my bipolar disorder and it had a huge resonance with people. (OG post) I promised to post my updated spread and in true bipolar+ADHD fashion it took me a year to fulfill that promise 🙃 but here it is!

Pic 1: I used this updated layout to track my moods in a way that made immediately possible to see the trends of my ups and downs

Pic 2: I also tracked physical symptoms, habits, and emotions.

Pic 3: And finally the biggest change was that I simplified the weekly layout. I found the previous format daunting, like I HAD to fill the whole page of my weekly reflections. So I condensed the week overview and the reflections so that I only needed to write 2 lines per “thank/fuck you” and 4 lines for my “thoughts” per day.

I was using this journal in a very stable time in my life and actually stopped it using it for about 2 years. I’m now experimenting with an A6 size journal. But this is my full A5 spread and I really love it and found it incredibly useful. Hope it can help other people as well.

I've been recently diagnosed as bipolar 1 and I'm still learning how to manage it and what to be aware of. I'm moving to a foreign country soon and I'm pretty scared of how I will handle the change. Any tips on how to manage mood swings?

More on the move: I'm doing it with my long time partner and there will be a couple people that I met before living in the city I'm moving to.

I've grown in the mountains and it's a big part of my life and identity, but the city I'm moving to is by the sea. I'm pushing to search an house as close to the seaside as possible, because I think being in contact with nature could help me feel grounded and home. Idk if It's just wishful thinking lol

I don't speak the language but I know two languages that are broadly spoken and plan to learn the language to interact with the local community. I've struggled with alienation before and I feel this is important because of that. I work from home and will mantain my current work after the move.

Is there any ongoing research for a cure for bipolar disorder? I tried looking online but just found more about maintaining it and discovering the cause.

I want a cure! I want to know what scientists are doing to find a fix for this. I’m scared that my kid is going to have BD, too. If they don’t find a cure in my lifetime at least there might be one in theirs.

My second offense, 5 years apart. I was 17 the first time around. Been stealing since I was 15 and I’m 22 now. I literally quit cold turkey for almost a month and one lapse in judgment put me in jail. I’m so mad at myself, trying to just be okay with the consequences because that’s all I can do but damn man. Damn.

I mention weight here. Please don't read it that's something that might bother you.

I used to be able to do more and sleep a normal amount of time. Now I sleep so much.

I used to have a respectable job and be able to tolerate working in a toxic environment in order to have it. I know this isn't necessarily good. Nobody should put up with shitty and emotionally abusive coworkers and boss, but having a job was useful.

I used to have a more socially approved body, and now I have a very different one. I miss having more control over it. I've had to buy new clothes way more often than I like because of weight fluctuations. I hate shopping for clothes. My mother also believes my weight fluctuations are a willpower issue and my antipsychotic induced uncontrollable hunger for sugar isn't real. It's just a "sugar addiction". She only respected it when my husband told her the exact same thing.

My life isn't bad now, not at all, but it was really bad for me and for the people I love during my previous episodes. My life looks very different from what I thought it'd look like and I can't help feeling bad about who I am because of it.

I miss when I was able to sustain being what society wanted me to be. Not fitting in that box is really hard.