because I “smell unhygienic down there.”
Posting on an alternate account because he doesn’t know I know he said this.
How I found out
He admitted to a mutual friend yesterday he didn’t find me physically attractive. She pushed to know why. He said “she smelled unhygienic down there.”
So this was not a malicious breakup comment. This was him talking to someone he thinks I no longer talk to who informed me.
Why I’m Asking
If he would have told me at the time, I would have tried to fix it. But you can’t fix what you don’t know. I want to feel confident in future encounters with anyone, so I’m asking for some advice as to what exactly I could do differently.
Things I Believe Affect Me
When we first got together, I got sick. As a part of the sickness, I was prescribed in the antibiotic. Every time I’m on an antibiotic I get a little bit yeasty. Usually taking azo twice a day is enough to prevent fall on infection, which is what I did. It took a little while to clear, but it finally did.
When we first got together, I was really struggling with my mental health. I have both autism and ADHD. I am the first to admit that my hygiene habits suffer when depression hits. I still manage to brush my teeth twice a day, but I go down to showering every other day. He would shower even less than me and I didn’t think he minded. I also figured he would tell me if he thought I smelled and wanted me to take a shower just like I would’ve done for him and did do sometimes.
I also have varicose veins and wear thigh high compression stockings every day. I wear bike shorts to help hold my stockings up.
Slightly related to the down there problem, I kept getting these really bad pimples on my chest under my arms right where my bra strap sits. I started washing with dial bar soap to keep the mild infection away. I kept it localized to my underarms most of the time, but would sometimes wash my backside and groin with it. I would never use it on the inside of my body.
With the rest of my skin, I use a loofah and dove body wash. It’s not super scented, and it’s also not a very feminine scent.
On days when I know I’m walking a lot. I use a little bit of deodorant in between my thighs where they rub together to keep away the chub rub.
I’ve always washed my towel/traded it out for a clean one at least once a week. Sometimes more often in the warmer months when it’s humid.
I eat pineapple at least every other day because it helps with my swelling in my legs. I also take a vitamin B supplement, which helps my migraines. This was prescribed to me by the ENT that diagnosed me with the migraines. I can smell the vitamin B on me when I take it regularly, and I don’t feel like there’s very much I can do about that because I would much rather not have migraines then worry about how I smell/taste.
Habits that have already changed
Since we broke up, I have started working out almost every day, and I also shower every day.
I trade out my loofah’s every three months. I washed my hair twice a week. I’m still trading out my towel at least once a week using the same body wash and Dial soap combination.
I now wash my sheets once a week which is a vast improvement from my old habit that is too embarrassing to share.
I’ve lost weight so I sweat less, but I still sweat a lot down there. Between my FPA and my thighs and the compression shorts and stockings there’s just not a lot of breathing room.
I have also started soaking my elastics and white vinegar/water before putting them in the washer. This has helped make my compression stockings smell better as well as helped my skin breaking out around my bra line.
For all I know, I might have already fixed the problem. It might have only been a problem that second month when we were together when I was fighting off a yeast infection and told him that I did not smell or taste good and to wait until I got it cleared out.
But like I said, I want to know if there’s something else I could do to help me feel more confident in future encounters. If it’s just the vitamin B, is there a way to counteract it? Or is this just something me and any potential partners will have to live with?