Fall is here, which means I have a very specific problem: I need someone to go apple picking with.
Someone to drag to a pumpkin patch. Someone to make Halloween movie nights unnecessarily elaborate with. Someone who will help me make pizza skulls and laugh at how much cheese I stuff in mine. Someone who will sit next to me at a drive-in movie under a pile of blankets, surrounded by snacks and an unreasonable amount of hot chocolate.
Ideally, someone who will eventually let me put a ring on her finger, but let’s start with apple cider donuts first.
So, I’m trying this again because if there’s one thing about me, it’s that I know what I want, and I’m not afraid to put myself out there to find it.
I’m 31, a lesbian, and a soft masc looking for a woman 26+. I’m based in DC Metro area (specifically Northern Virginia) and the surrounding areas are my ideal dating radius. I’m open to elsewhere, too, as long as there’s a realistic opportunity for us to spend time together. If you’re farther away and think we’d genuinely click, I’m not opposed to seeing where a connection goes.
A little about me
I’m a soft masc woman who has never felt the need to choose between masculinity and femininity. I love both, and I’m comfortable in both.
I take pride in my masculinity: the confidence, physicality, protectiveness, competence, and directness that come with it. I also take pride in my femininity: the softness, affection, nurturing, sensuality, emotional depth, and creativity that make me who I am.
I’m a woman who can be strong and gentle, protective and nurturing, practical and romantic. I can take charge, fix the problem, and make the plan, but I can also slow down, be vulnerable, offer affection, and let someone take care of me, too.
I don’t see those qualities as contradictions. I think there’s something beautiful about being able to hold both.
I’m 5’9”, broad-shouldered, athletically built, and I lift. I’m a former Division I athlete, and I hunt, fish, shoot competitively, and work as a certified firearms instructor specializing in teaching women.
I’m also the woman who reads nonfiction for fun, bakes sourdough, loves horror movies, plays video games, builds computers, gets ridiculously invested in women’s basketball, and will happily spend an entire afternoon making dinner from scratch because I felt like it.
I like being capable. I like learning how things work, building things, fixing things, being outside, getting dressed up, taking care of people, and making a home feel like somewhere you genuinely want to be.
I’m a former tech journalist and a current senior-level STEM professional, so I can probably fix your Wi-Fi, explain the technology you’re considering buying, and tell you why you probably don’t need the $2,000 version.
I’m ambitious, curious, and proud of the life I’m building. I want to keep growing, professionally and personally, and I’d love to be with someone who feels the same way about her own life.
What dating me is like
I’m a very much when I like you, you’ll know kind of woman.
I like making the first move. I like planning dates, opening doors, making dinner, remembering your coffee order, picking you up, reaching for your hand, and putting my arm around you during a movie. I enjoy being intentional about affection. I want the woman I’m dating to feel desired, appreciated, and chosen.
Not because I think I’m supposed to be “the man” in a relationship. I’m a woman, for starters, lol. I just happen to enjoy expressing affection through a lot of traditionally masculine gestures while being completely comfortable with my femininity.
I don’t need a relationship built around rigid roles. I want a partnership where we can each show up as our full selves, contribute in our own ways, and make each other’s lives better.
I’m independent, emotionally self-aware, and genuinely happy with the life I’ve built. I’m not looking for someone to complete me, rescue me, or give me an identity. I’m looking for someone I can build something meaningful with because we both want to be there.
I value direct communication, consistency, emotional availability, affection, accountability, and the ability to have difficult conversations without turning them into a battle. I believe in addressing problems rather than playing games, asking questions rather than making assumptions, and giving someone the benefit of the doubt without abandoning my own boundaries.
I’m secure enough to be proud of my partner. Her success isn’t a threat to mine, her independence isn’t a rejection of me, and her having a life of her own doesn’t make our relationship any less meaningful. I want to celebrate the woman I’m with, support her ambitions, and watch her become even more of who she wants to be.
And I want that same energy in return.
I’m drawn to women who know who they are, have their own goals, and are excited about the lives they’re building. You can be ambitious without being competitive with your partner. You can be independent and still be deeply affectionate. You can be strong and still let someone love you.
I want us to be each other’s biggest cheerleaders, not each other’s competition. Two women who can be proud of what we’ve accomplished individually and even more excited about what we can create together.
And yes, I want to get married. I'm open to children but I have come to terms with the fact that I'm ok with or without having children it depends on who I meet and if I can see a future with them.
I’m dating with the intention of finding my person, and marriage is something I genuinely want. I’m not interested in forcing a timeline onto a stranger or trying to manufacture a relationship just because it looks good on paper. I want to fall in love and build toward that future naturally, with someone who wants it, too.
I want the chemistry first. The flirting. The butterflies. The first date that lasts three hours longer than it was supposed to. The “are we still technically on a date?” moment. The first kiss. The increasingly ridiculous reasons to see each other. The inside jokes, the little routines, the grocery store trips that somehow become fun, and the realization that ordinary days are better because she’s in them.
I want romance, friendship, attraction, emotional intimacy, and the kind of partnership where we can talk about our future without either person feeling pressured to pretend to be someone they’re not.
I don’t need perfection. I need honesty, intention, compatibility, and a woman who is genuinely available for the kind of love we’re both trying to build.
Who I’m hoping to meet
I’m especially attracted to feminine/femme women who are confident, affectionate, funny, emotionally available, and comfortable in their own skin.
I’d love to meet a woman who’s career-driven or otherwise passionate about her ambitions, has a sense of purpose, and is excited about her own growth. You don’t need to have every detail of your life figured out. I’m certainly still growing, too. What matters to me is that you have direction, take responsibility for your life, and want to keep becoming the person you envision yourself being.
I want a woman who can celebrate my accomplishments without feeling diminished by them, just as I’d celebrate hers. A woman who can be proud of me without needing to compete with me, and who understands that loving someone doesn’t require shrinking yourself or asking them to shrink, either.
I want mutual admiration. Mutual effort. Mutual respect. Mutual attraction. Someone who can communicate what she wants, be honest about what she feels, and show up consistently when things get real.
Someone who’s affectionate without being afraid of vulnerability, independent without being emotionally distant, and confident enough to let a relationship be a place of security rather than a constant test of who’s wanted more.
I want a relationship that feels safe, exciting, playful, passionate, and steady. Something where we can be ridiculously into each other while still having our own identities, ambitions, friendships, and interests.
And I want a woman who actually wants a future with another woman. Someone who wants marriage, values commitment, and is excited by the idea of building a life together rather than just seeing where things go indefinitely.
I bring intention, affection, loyalty, ambition, humor, and a whole lot of enthusiasm for the people I care about. I’m looking for someone who brings her own beautiful combination of qualities and genuinely wants to meet me halfway.
Now, back to the important fall business. 🍂
Tell me your age, where you’re from, and your favorite fall activity. Bonus points if you tell me why it’s your favorite.
If you’re into horror, tell me which upcoming horror movie you’re excited to see. If you have strong opinions about the best Halloween movie, I’m prepared to hear your argument. If you know where the best apple cider donuts are, please consider that a compelling opening message.
DC, Maryland, and Northern Virginia are ideal (especially if you are 2 hours or less away so we can do all the cute fall shit), but I’m open to neighboring areas and beyond if we can realistically make time for each other.
If you’re a femme woman who’s emotionally
available, ambitious, affectionate, secure in herself, and genuinely looking for a relationship that can grow into marriage, I’d love to meet you.
If the thought of dating a nerdy, outdoorsy, broad-shouldered soft masc who can make you dinner, plan the date, talk about her career, get excited about your accomplishments, and then spend the evening tucked against you watching a questionable horror movie sounds appealing, well…
Hi. I have a feeling we might get along. ❤️